Help urgently needed

a friend of mine has just come down with a slight case of baby rabies, and she asked us " WHY I shouldn't sucuumb", any more answers

i said you will have no money, you will smell of puke and crap, you wont be able to speak to anyone without talking baby talk.

you will become so enamoured of ickles first word, that you will spend days going on and on and on and on.. about it, not caring that you are boring the crap out of the rest of the non parent world..

you wont be able to put makeup on, you wont be able to go out, have a drink, relax even.

you will get ulcers from worrying, your hair will lose its body, you will age 10 years for every one a cf does..

Does she like people? Including teenagers? Can she see herself going through ALL the phases or is she just in love with the idea of having a baby?

If it is just the idea of having a baby, that is THE WORST reason to have children. If she is truly up to the challenge of raising a decent human being and has a realistic view of all that it entails then why even try to change her mind? I don't mind people having kids if they do so with their eye wide open. So many times when people have the rabies though, it is narrowly focused on all the halmark/kodak moments. Sad for them, sad for the kid. Tell her to make a pros and cons list. Sure, it will be filled with bingoes, but maybe if she looks at the whole list including the cons she will be more realistic about it. If she still wants to have a go at it, then there really isn't anything you can do or say that will change her mind.

There have been times when I have had the rabies (but not for babies or toddlers, I REALLY like older children) but taking a really hard look at it and being completely honest with myself, I talk myself out of it. Even though I know I would make an excellent parent, (and I really would) I just don't want to.

Nooner gives good advice.

Like Nooner, I don't mind older children. I loathe babies and toddlers. They are just a boring mountain of ick to me. It's ironic that some of the woooorst parents I've seen yammer on about how they luuuuv widdle babies. Er, no, what they love is the attention they get from having a baby and the thought of being needed by a cute, never-changing little doll, and having that doll do what they say. Let that little doll start talking (back) or asking questions, and it's non-stop bitching and complaining after that. I've had more than a few PNB friends admit that babies can be boring.

I would also ask what's going on with this woman's life. My few moments of baby rabies have had one thing in common: I was at odds with things in my life, such as I hated what I did for a living, I was in a job where I was basically ignored, or I was depressed and asking myself, is this all there is?

I was rational enough to realize that's the WORST reason to have a kid, but I've known plenty of people who did it. I know plenty of people who hate their jobs or they are at a crossroads, but they have a kid to make their lives exciting. (ha ha) Then they are truly stuck because after the birth they need that job like never before.

I'm glad I stuck it out and changed careers, and I could do this why? instead of grabbing the life script when I hit a rough spot.

I'd ask your friend if she had the perfect job for her, gobs of money, a super-great relationship, would she be willing to sacrifice any of these for kids***?

If the answer is no, then she is just suffering from ennui (sp?) and maybe she needs to make changes. If the answer is yes, then maybe she really wants to have kids.

I would also ask her to tell you, in very concrete terms, exactly how having a child will make her life better.

***Because sane people realize that having kids requires you to GIVE UP some things.