Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

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crazycatlady
My hubby and I were at a meeting for our religion yesterday. The kid in the row in front of us was coughing and not covering his mouth. He was turning around in his chair staring at us, then he was getting out of his row and rocking side to side in the aisle while holding onto a booger encrusted tissue. Then he started touching the latch on hubby's briefcase. Hubby swatted his hand with his papers. The turd reached for the buckle again, and I took the bag over to my seat so he couldn't reach. Then the kid leaned his hand on my hubby's knee, and my hubby swatted his hand again. I leaned over and nudged the kid back towards his row and whispered to him to go sit down. Hubby whispered to me not to touch him, because he is a germ infested petri dish. I almost snorted with laughter loudly.

By the way, all this time, the mom is completely ignoring that her bratling is annoying the people behind her, and smiling at her stupid kid on the rare moments she chooses to acknowledge him. The mom was also coughing a lot, not covering her mouth either. We finally just got up and left. It was so distracting that it was impossible to even get anything out of the meeting. We knew it wasn't going to stop so we just went home to work on the house. Lo and behold, later on that night, I got a sore throat, and now I am sick. Hubby feels sick too.

I just don't understand why parents feel the need to bring their sick selves and their sick children to places where large amounts of people gather. What is even more irritating is that they don't even have to miss the meeting! Our congregation has a telephone tie in so anyone can listen from anywhere. So if you're sick, stay home, don't come in and cough all over everyone! And I know this stupid mom was letting her little brat harrass us because "it's so cuuuuute!" No way! Keep that infested thing away from us!

She wanted the free Village Babysitting Service^TM to pick up some of the slack, since she was feeling under the weather. What a lazy bitch.

LOL, i used to get fetus-stalked in class. A girl not a year older than I bragging about how she got knocked up out of wedlock and all the drama that comes with being a slutty inpig in college. bitch. Anyway, I started bringing really odorous stuff to eat in class and applying nail polish right before going into class so that she'd have to leave and puke. roflmao!!! I'm such a bitch and I love it.

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togspled
LOL, i used to get fetus-stalked in class. A girl not a year older than I bragging about how she got knocked up out of wedlock and all the drama that comes with being a slutty inpig in college. bitch. Anyway, I started bringing really odorous stuff to eat in class and applying nail polish right before going into class so that she'd have to leave and puke. roflmao!!! I'm such a bitch and I love it.

larious
i suggest you this exotic tropical fruit called durian. she'll puke her intestines out after smelling it.


by the way is this girl your best friend or what? i find it disturbing that someone would share the dignity of out of wedlock inpigness with someone she randomly meets in class.

spread meme, not genes

to my uterus: Y U NO GET THE FUCK OUT FROM MY BODY?

Oh fuck no. I don't even remember the cunts name, Or if I ever knew it. I just know she sat two seats to my right in class. I went to an all-girls college, and TMI was nonexistent there. I know more about those 800 complete strangers than I ever cared to. All I know is the bitch could not shut up about being inpig. Although, even as it was an extremely liberal and feministic school, there was some hypocrisy. If I commented on how much I'd love to, say, cook a meal for a husband and clean house, they would FLIP SHIT, but it was some great accomplishment for them to get slutted up and made into a cum dumpster for the entire Virginia Tech football team and not know who the duhduh of their parasite was.

because you should cook a meal and clean house only for the sake of the children...then you are a TRUE woman. if you cook for a man, you're his slave and backward progressing the girls movement.

I was babystalked at a Thanksgiving Dinner that my social group had on Sunday. Ok, so the moo didn't walk straight up to me and shove her toadler in my face.. but she may as well have.

I was co chairman of the event so I had lots to do. I was MC and auctioneer at the brown bag auction we had after the dinner. So I had to make a few trips from my seat to the stage to make announcements and things. There was a table near the steps to the stage and moo and her two toadlers were sitting there. Both toadlers were walking up and down the steps over and over and over. I almost tripped on one of them on my way to the stage. So I told the older chyld that it was not a good idea for them to be playing there because they may get hurt. The older toadler (about 4) did stop once I said something to him... but the 2 year old continued going up and down and up and down... and the moo was smiling at me while the kid did it like it was the cutest thing ever.
I gave both toadler and moo that 'look of death' that we shoot out from time to time. Had to do it more than once... and FINALLY... moo moved to the back of the room with both toadlers before the auction started. I think she did get the message... but just letting your kid go up and down and up and down when there were clearly things the kid could get hurt on. (one was a metal decoration) Kid fell and hit her head on a chair once... but got up and continued going up and down and up and down.......... gak!

I'm not sure if I was baby "stalked" so much as baby assaulted.

Thanks to my procrastination I was in the commissary today getting a last minute turkey for thanksgiving. As you can imagine it is insane in there. People freaking everywhere. My panic mode is already at a high peak because I feel trapped in crowds and start to wig out.

Now most people seemed to have enough brain cells to rub together to figure out an orderly way of going up and down the aisles without blocking each other and were actually being very courteous and some tall old dude even grabbed something off a high shelf for me after seeing me jump for it. (I'm short as hell okay?)

Then as I'm two items away from heading to the checkout I run into the vapid moo-cow. Who had parked her cart in the MIDDLE of the aisle. With her litter of demons. I have no real idea of how many there were since they never stopped moving but there were at least three. This woman completely ignored the people ahead of me trying to get by (even ignored the "excuse me could you move your cart" from a very kind looking older soldier) and we were all pinned in from behind. I was actually doing really well with my temper about all this until one of her bratlings ran by me and slapped my thigh with an outstretched hand. I growled but kept my cool. Until the little shit did it again...and again. The kid looked about 6 which is plenty old enough to know not to touch; meanwhile hit; strangers.

So on his fourth run by.....I tripped him. Very discretely. (the fact I wear super long skirts aided in this) The little butterball went splat. Pretty sure his fat little gut took the impact but of course he burst into tears. Vapid Moo-cow finally notices her hellbrat.....well she picks him up and indifferently plonks him in the cart and FINALLY moves on so close enough.

And I so don't care if tripping the little shit was "wrong" because I regret NOTHING.

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Snark Shark

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quills
being very courteous and some tall old dude even grabbed something off a high shelf for me after seeing me jump for it. (I'm short as hell okay?)

.

Us tall folks are used to helping you short folks!

Which reminds me of a dialogue that happened between me and a walmoo employee once. Ok, I am shortish...5'2" and I will carry one of those 'reachers' with me when I go to grocery or 'big box' stores. May not have to use it all the time but there will be one time in 10 that I'll need it to reach for something on an upper shelf.
So I went through a check out once and the checker saw the 'reacher' in my cart .. kind of wondering if I was buying it.. and I told her what I used it for. She said "Oh just ask and we'd be happy to help you with things like that"
My response "Yeah, right, by the time I find someone, get them paged, and get them over to where I am... I probably won't need the item anymore... or I could go and find a ladder and get it myself."
Checker was a quiet. Maybe she agreed...but is not allowed to talk against her fellow employees. True though... Have you ever had to have help getting something off a shelf in a store and had to wait for someone to get there to help? I don't have that kind of time.
Thanks Shark.. for helping us 'height challenged' folks.

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Snark Shark

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quills
being very courteous and some tall old dude even grabbed something off a high shelf for me after seeing me jump for it. (I'm short as hell okay?)

.

Us tall folks are used to helping you short folks!

Every time a tall person grabs something for me that I've been struggling to reach for that moment in time they're my freaking hero.

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quills

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Snark Shark

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quills
being very courteous and some tall old dude even grabbed something off a high shelf for me after seeing me jump for it. (I'm short as hell okay?)

.

Us tall folks are used to helping you short folks!

Every time a tall person grabs something for me that I've been struggling to reach for that moment in time they're my freaking hero.

I'm 4'11, my BF is 6'3. I don't know why I even bothered buying a step-stool for my kitchen. He likes being needed.

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juliewashere88

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quills

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Snark Shark

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quills
being very courteous and some tall old dude even grabbed something off a high shelf for me after seeing me jump for it. (I'm short as hell okay?)

.

Us tall folks are used to helping you short folks!

Every time a tall person grabs something for me that I've been struggling to reach for that moment in time they're my freaking hero.

I'm 4'11, my BF is 6'3. I don't know why I even bothered buying a step-stool for my kitchen. He likes being needed.

wow that's an even height gap than the one between my husband and I. 5'2 and 6'0.

I think thanks to the fact I am usually surrounded by hugely tall women when I see someone shorter than me but fully adult I just want to hug them.

I'm fairly short, and live in a country full of tall people that I frequently have to ask to fetch stuff for me. So why do little old ladies always ask me to get things for them, instead of approaching a taller person? It's one of life's mysteries...

A kid self-stalked me the other day. He was maybe about four. I was trying to enter a store, and he was playing in the open doorway while his mother was completely oblivious to him and much more intent on trying on every necklace in the shop. I said "Excuse me," but he didn't move, so I pushed him to the side and entered. For a moment he looked like he was considering crying, but after a quick glance at his mother I guess he figured it wasn't worth it since she had no interest in him whatsoever. Since I just pushed him to the side with my hands on his shoulders instead of hip-checking him into the doorframe, it was clear that any crying was going to be purely for attention.

I went up to the counter and talked to another clerk, and the little shit followed me. While the clerk went to get something for me, the kid started trying to climb the tall chair that was near the counter (bar-stool height). He ended up kicking me a few times (not painfully, it was more annoying than anything) in his struggle to get to the top, and then proceeded to lean toward me, smearing the glass display case with his disgusting fingers.

Sadly, this is pretty typical for me. Unrestrained babies and toadlers are fascinated by me, despite the fact that I clearly loathe them.

The other day at work, a Duh and his shitling came through my line. Shitling babbled and pointed at me a couple of times, and Duh said to the brat (in that "Look at what a great duhddy I am" tone), "Hey, say hi to (my name). Hi, (name)." I didn't look at the kid or even acknowledge what he said. Duh seemed a bit put-off that I didn't want to gush over Sneauxflayke. And I freaking hate when customers who don't know me from Adam think that since my name's on a tag, they can act like we're best friends or something.

I guess this was the opposite of babystalk and it made me chuckle to myself. Hubby and I went to a small family-run buffet place earlier this week. We used to go there once a week but finances got a little tight so it had been a few months since we had been in there last. One of the employees was in there bringing her new baby over to the other tables and showing him off to everybody and literally handing him over to some of the customers. It wasn't that busy in there that night and I believe we were the only table that didn't have the baby shoved in our faces. I'm pretty sure she remembered that we didn't like to sit near kids and famblees during our other trips there, haha. My husband and I were muttering to each other "She better keep that baby away from me" and "I hope she's not bringing that brat over here" and "Why doesn't she just put the baby down and let him sleep, I bet you it's going to start crying any minute now from being passed around".

I certainly don't want any baby thrust into my face or on my lap while I'm eating, let alone a stranger's kid.

Gah! One of my coworkers who is usually not into showcasing her kids had started showing people videos on her iphone of her kids doing mundane things like turning somersaults, riding a tricycle and singing popular songs (badly, as all kids do) from the radio. It's nauseating. I am sure to suddenly have things to do when she starts coming around. It's too bad, because I really like her, but if this keeps up....

Got nearly babystalked at my university. Some hipster dad was playing with his mir-uh-cull, in the science building, near stairs and open labs. (I think this guy is an older student or teaching assistant or whatever.) It was early, like 7:30 a.m., I had my headphones on, and I was not quite through with my coffee. I could hear the little shit's high-pitched laughter over my music as she pranced around, much to my disdain. The kid dances in front of me, mouth open, ready to start babbling. Duhd grins with pleasure. Before she can start, I spit, "Get out of my way." Not completely at her, sort of aimed at both duhd and sprog. He whisks her away, shooting me stink eye. Honestly, though, it would have been worse of me to stand and give her my attention - I really didn't want to watch her show, and it would have been against my principles to give in to her. Have to stay honest to myself.

Seriously, small kids DO NOT BELONG on a college campus! More and more, I think the big ones don't, either.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

gah, another coworker shoving his i phone in my face with pictures of their kyd! Said kid was ugly, too! I just mumbled "that's nice" and went on to say that I would have lost my marbles with so many kids at a party (he was showing me pics from a holiday party he attended)

Me, I JUST SAY NO to babystalking.

In the club lounge waiting to fly back to the UK from the States after Xmas, it was only 4pm and I was the first passenger of the evening in the 4-room lounge. Each room was in different configurations of seating, lighting, low tables, higher tables, desks, bar/dining, etc -- depending on whether one wants to work, snooze, read, write, dine, catch the news headlines on the screen with the low volume, etc.

It was so quiet you could hear a pin drop in there -- I sat along the back wall of room one, in a cozy chair next to an end table, reading The Economist. No one else turned up for 15 mins. When the next passenger/s did turn up, it was Single Dad and his two twisty-dancing, tripping, yammering, gobby shitlings aged about 5 and 6.

Single Dad scopes out the whole lounge -- north, south, east, west -- and realises that no one else is in the entire place aside from me. So, true to Babystalking script, he makes a beeline for me.

"Here's a good spot. Sit here. Sit here. No, here. Take off your backpack and sit here. It's a good spot."

He plonks his kids down right next to me. Not near me, not in the next bank of seating, not a bit further along the back wall. No, I mean literally one chair away from me, despite having seen about 160 empty seats and 4 different rooms to choose from.

Chapter Two of the Official Babystalking Handbook says that, once a solo female has been targeted, Single Parent has to create some childcare slack for that solo female to pick up. True to form, five minutes after settling down in their "good spot", Single Dad announces loudly that he's going to go to the bathroom. Entreaties from both kids that they wanted/needed to go with him were refused. "No, you stay right here. Stay here." He walks away. On the way to the bathroom, he gets distracted by the magazine rack. He checks out all the titles, peruses a few covers, starts thumbing through one. Because, obviously, my two X chromosomes means I'm qualified, eager, and overwhelmed with gratitude for an opportunity to look after the small children of random strangers. And travelling on my own means I clearly have nothing better to do and am not actually entitled anyway to relax, walk around freely and enjoy myself the way Single Dads think they themselves are entitled to do.

What they don't seem to understand is that I don't care if there are children in the room. I sincerely do not care, and I wish they weren't there at all. Least of all, I don't care about their parently plight -- that they haven't had a moment to themselves for seven years, that they can't have more than one bottle of beer for the rest of their lives, that grownup things like reading magazines or conversation or listening to grownup music are distant memories to them, or that they haven't had enough alone time to sit down and take a shit for three days. That's not my problem. Having a friendly face is NOT an offer for free babysitting duty to relieve them of their problem baggage. No, not even for ten minutes. Fuck that.

Note, they never target solo males for free babysitting duty.

I picked up my bag and my drink and legged it. I wound my way through to room 3 and settled down in another cozy corner.

Half an hour later, when there were perhaps 20 more passengers populating the lounge, Single Dad turns up at the entrance -- he's scoping out rooms 3 and 4 (without his kids, obv). We make eye contact and he flashes a "waitaminute, what? So you are still here?!" expression on his face. Yes, I walked away from your children, who you tossed in my lap because you thought I'd keep an eye on them for you while you took a leisurely dump, had a drink, walked around freely, chatted with staff, read some articles and had quite a nice time waiting for your flight.

Fuck you, daddy. What do I look like, the Help?

- - - - - - - -
"The death of creativity is a pram in the hallway"
- Cyril Connolly

... :yr With all the other seats in that room he HAD to plop the brats right next to you? I would have made it a point to move the moment he plopped them there... in a huff I might add. Then he went and took his good sweet time at the mag counter, bathroom, talking, looking around? And they wonder why people just pick up stray kids and walk off with them. (not that I'd have any interest in doing THAT...sheesh) Maybe he was trying to make them dissappear. :lips

I would have seriously considered waiting about 5 minutes, then going to the desk or the Customer Service counter and reporting abandoned children.

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LadyLuck
I would have seriously considered waiting about 5 minutes, then going to the desk or the Customer Service counter and reporting abandoned children.

That's a better idea. It would have caused more of a scene then you just moving to another seat.

Reporting the kids as abandonded? That is deliciously evil. I approve!

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stay free
Reporting the kids as abandonded? That is deliciously evil. I approve!

What do you mean "evil"? As a concerned citizen, it's your duty to report unattended children, for their own safety.

For all she knew.... they WERE abandoned. I mean... maybe the guy was secretly WANTING someone to run off with them. People are weird.

I guess this is a reverse babystalk-turned-photostalk (?):

Sunday I went out to lunch with my sisters my older sister's husband, couple of their friends, and their loaf (who was more quiet than noisy, but still annoyed me). My sister had taken Loaf out of her carrier to feed her when some complete stranger comes over to ogle the baby. "Oh what a beautiful baby. She's just like a doll! Is this your first one?" My sister answered the questions trying to get the lady to leave but this woman doesn't take the hint. She pulls out her cell phone, starts showing us pictures of her grandson, and then starts telling us how fat he is. At 5 months old he weighs 25 lbs. Ever seen a loaf with a beer belly? Well this kid had one. He has cellulite too; the pediatrician had to tell the mother what it was because she thought those big dimples on his thighs were normal.

Then grandmoo tells my sister not to titfeed her loaf every time it cries because that's what her daughter did any now her grandson is fat and dimply. I thought she was going to keep yammering forever but her party was being seated by the host so she finallly went away.