Babystalk, babystalk, it's a wonder you can walk

Yesterday I was buying movie tickets and I was in line behind a doughy duh and a gaggle of brats. He had each kid ask for a ticket to the same damn show - "Give the nice lady the money!" "All of you say thank you!" "Faaaaaank yooooo"

One of the smaller kids (maybe not even 2 years of age) was a bit slow and very small. I didn't see him over my chest and I ended up tripping on him, tearing my big toenail on his hard, rubbery little shoes. "Fuck!" I hiss, because it goddamn hurt. Kid just looks at me like "Whuh? Huh? I don't get it, what's going on?" Ticket lady asked if I wanted to donate to children's cancer research. I said no. I know, I'm such a badass. Fuck it, what about adult cancer? What about the fact that children themselves are akin to unwanted malignant growths? So yeah, it is a wonder you can walk.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

Seems that every where I go lately they are asking for contributions (a dollar off your card, buy a baloon and put your name on it or somethin) for a childruns charity. I get sick of it.

I only say yes to the animal ones. Which are only ever at pet stores.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

I lost my babystalking virginity on Monday of this week.

I went to my favourit thrift store, where they hold a 50% off everything day every few months. I went in the early afternoon, figuring that the more rabid shoppers would have been knocking on the door at 7 A.M. when it first opened, and that it would be fairly quiet. Having gone early in the past, I was fairly certain that it couldn't be any worse as the day wore on.

Well, colour me wrong. The place was a zoo (though nothing, nothing at all like the Black Friday type zoos that we hear about here in Canada). I had my heart set on a couple of items because I abhor paying much for clothing, or anything for that matter, and they typically have very nice things. So I made like a bullet to the skirt section, dodging and weaving around carts and people, loaded up my tiny basket, and tried on my selections.

I decided to be brave and check out another couple of rows, running into the inevitable moo with a shopping cart full of items blocking the entire lane, and ignoring the idiotic babbling of their brats. However, I found myself sandwiched between two rows of clothing, with me on one side and a moo with her brat-cart on the other. I figured that we would pass each other like cars going in opposite directions, but the damn moo decided to move along with me with surprising synchronicity.

In fact, the moment I got even remotely close to the pair of them--intending to sort through the garments and quickly move on--the moo started talking to her crapsack. More and more loudly as we got nearer to each other. And this encouraged Tardley to produce even more insipid babble, which moo then praised, quite loudly, as "What a great song! Oh, you're so funny. Aw, I love it when you do that. Aw, giving mom a hug, you're so sweet! Now sweetie, don't squeeze my finger so hard, haha..." and so on. I ignored them completely, never once so much as glancing their way, gauging the uncomfortably narrow breathing space between them and myself solely by the intensity of the little turd's Pay Attention To Me lazer, which was firmly implanted in my back.

As I moved along, clearly uninterested in feeding the woman's ego, the chatter mysteriously ceased.

Ah, the things I do for a good deal.

Ashari? That wouldn't have been Value Village would it? When I go to Nova Scotia I like to go there. I've been to their 50% off days and.. yes.. it's a freekin' zoo of moos. Ofcourse the brats think that the racks are their playground. Ran across a moo and her crotchling in there once. Moo was going through racks and little Bratina was under the rack walking along that metal part near the floor. You know.. that piece that runs lenghwise along the entire rack. Well, I overheard moo say to Bratina in that high voice. "Oh, you are an acrobat. Are you walking a tightrope? You're very good." and she looks up and smiles if someone is overhearing her.

OMG... dont' applaud the damn brat.. get her thefuck out of there... I don't give a flyin' fig if your kid is an acrobat. The racks at a store is no place to demonatrate her talent.

starlady, you've got it! I really love shopping there, and on non-50% days, as you know, you usually don't have to deal with many brats or stupid lane-blocking moos. I just make sure to avoid the kid section, although the dressing rooms are right near it... so I often get to hear prime examples of why It's All Worth It™. Trying to wrangle a feral monkey into trying on clothes or wasting your breath telling it to stay beside you and stop throwing a fit over a toy for an hour while just trying to buy a pair of jeans? Sign me up!

Yes, please put the little "acrobat" on a real tightrope and see what happens! Sheesh. And then the bugger knocks hangers off the rack, and of course moo leaves them all on the floor. I've picked up more than my share.

When I was a very young child, I accidentally knocked over one of those big old mannequins in Sears. I was so terrified of what my mother would do that I hid in a clothes rack, crying. She apparently couldn't help but laugh at my reaction, but if she'd seen me hovering near the thing in the first place I would have been told not to do so for that precise reason. Today's moo would have sued the store, claiming that their pweshous tard could have been hurt and that mannequins should be better secured.

Went to Michael's to buy some pretty beads to make a bracelet and to buy plain keyrings - no, I don't make lanyards, but they're great for fixing broken bra straps on the go. So I'm picking through beads when I hear, "No, [kreatively named, I forget exactly what], we don't open those." "OPENOPENOPENSKREEEEEAAAAARGH" "No, uh-uh, we don't do that." She started doing this when she saw me in the aisle. I could hear moooo's singsong voice clearly from several aisles.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

I was babystalked by the kid itself today in JcPenney. He saw me browsing through clothes and did that annoying "HI! HI! HI! HI! HI!" I just kept staring straight at the clothes. He also looked way too old to be still in a stroller, maybe about 4. At least his moo told (in Spanish) him to shut up and stop bothering people.

I got baby-stalked yesterday but in a most delightful way...
because I was puppy-stalked! The most ADORABLE little black lab puppy...oh I was melting all over the damn place. The little squee was so damn cute I hardly noticed the guy (who wasn't too hard on the eyes but too young for me). I got lots of puppy kisses (SO much better then baby drool!) and seriously considered stuffing the little bundle of cute in my purse and making a run for it

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jezebel_daisy
I got baby-stalked yesterday but in a most delightful way...
because I was puppy-stalked! The most ADORABLE little black lab puppy...oh I was melting all over the damn place. The little squee was so damn cute I hardly noticed the guy (who wasn't too hard on the eyes but too young for me). I got lots of puppy kisses (SO much better then baby drool!) and seriously considered stuffing the little bundle of cute in my purse and making a run for it

I love being puppy stalked, Its' the best part of going to Petsmart!

I'll take any kind of animal stalking Hell, I welcome it!

It's been a few months but the puppy stalking reminded me of it. I went to a bookstore with my dog a while ago and it's hard to not hear the poor girl coughing. Athena is 11 years old and has heart disease which is why she's coughing. She also coughs when she's excited.

Anyway, an employee comes up and says hi to us. She also has a bowl and bottle of water. While I'm talking to the employee some moo gets between us and shoves her loaf in the employee's face. This moo simply stands between us staring at the employee with an empty smile on it's bovine face. The employee says nothing, pointedly ignores the moo and turns back to pouring Athena a bowl of water. Not only did someone feel my dog was worth bottled water they also ignored a loaf for her. After moo went away, the employee whispers to Athena "You're cuter than any old baby but don't let it's mother know that. Those mommies get really offended for some reason."

I thought it was really cool to see a loaf ignored for my dog.

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satansbitch
It's been a few months but the puppy stalking reminded me of it. I went to a bookstore with my dog a while ago and it's hard to not hear the poor girl coughing. Athena is 11 years old and has heart disease which is why she's coughing. She also coughs when she's excited.

Anyway, an employee comes up and says hi to us. She also has a bowl and bottle of water. While I'm talking to the employee some moo gets between us and shoves her loaf in the employee's face. This moo simply stands between us staring at the employee with an empty smile on it's bovine face. The employee says nothing, pointedly ignores the moo and turns back to pouring Athena a bowl of water. Not only did someone feel my dog was worth bottled water they also ignored a loaf for her. After moo went away, the employee whispers to Athena "You're cuter than any old baby but don't let it's mother know that. Those mommies get really offended for some reason."

I thought it was really cool to see a loaf ignored for my dog.

Awesome!

My parents just got a corgi puppy and whenever I visit them I always puppy stalk people. I am so terrible!

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mistress rotwang
My parents just got a corgi puppy and whenever I visit them I always puppy stalk people. I am so terrible!

PICLEASE!!!!!!!!!

My mom is awesome about my CF-ness now. We were in Squall-mart the other day and some Moo brought a "fussing" baby nearby. She proceded to park her junk-laden cart right in front of us and coo at the loaf. Mom gave her an evil glare, which did nothing to help the scene. We turned and high-tailed it out of the aisle.

Mom: "What the hell was her problem?!"
Me: "Congratulations, Mom. You've just been baby-stalked!"

I explained the concept to her, and she found it hilarious. Also a bit comforting that there are other people who find those actions obscene.

The next time I was alone in the local thrift store. In comes a glassy-eyed Moo smiling like she was on something (probably was). She had a toddler by the hand, a baby in a sling, and a bun in the oven! She wandered by me rubbing her belly like it was a damn lamp with a genie in it. I gave her the most disgusted look I could manage. The store is a bit cluttered and there isn't much room to begin with. After the third fly-by, I decided to pay and get the heck out of Dodge. (It was probably a good thing, they had a book sale )

She bought a ton of kinder crap and had the elderly store volunteer haul it out to her moo-van!!

-Kittriana

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mistress rotwang
My parents just got a corgi puppy and whenever I visit them I always puppy stalk people. I am so terrible!

I don't mind being puppy stalked!

I was actually dog-stalked twice in one week not too long ago. One guy was holding a cute small dog and smiling at me. Had it been a loaf I would just have looked the other way.

Fuck off Moo cunt before you get roasted and exposed. YOu are NOT welcome here...you've been warned.

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UrallDicks2468


Are you all witches, bitches, or Fucking Nazi's? I don't have kids but I would never treat a child that way. They're just curious and learning about what's around them. They don't know any better and sure don't deserve to be called it. You all were children once and acted the same way. Probably worse from sound of it. You're terrible, evil, disgusting humans. Get a life. All if you. How pathetic that you spend your time writing about Shit like this. Losers.

Oh. THAT tired line.

Just get the fuck out of here.

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UrallDicks2468
Snip breeder pleasing crap

Try this site http://www.thechildfreelife.com/forum/index.php
It's pasteurized to just about the right % of milk for you

Nazi here!

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also I am not looking for a women with kids or diseases herpes or any other sexual deceases

Witch? Check.

Bitch? Check!

Fucking Nazi? Um . . . well that depends. If it is Ralph Fiennes in a Nazi costume, then hells to the yes on that one, too. I'd fuck that Nazi in a heartbeat. I mean, have you SEEN Schindler's List? It's such a serious movie, I feel really guilty about being hot for the asshole villain and all.

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UrallDicks2468


Are you all witches, bitches, or Fucking Nazi's? I don't have kids but I would never treat a child that way. They're just curious and learning about what's around them. They don't know any better and sure don't deserve to be called it. You all were children once and acted the same way. Probably worse from sound of it. You're terrible, evil, disgusting humans. Get a life. All if you. How pathetic that you spend your time writing about Shit like this. Losers.

You would never treat a child what way, exactly? Surely, you must have a specific example of someone here treating children in the most horrifically cruel ways imaginable as to warrant a comparison to Nazis. You wouldn't compare the very real suffering of millions of innocent people brutally murdered in Nazi death camps to anything as simple as ignoring someone else's child (what sort of inhuman monster would?) Because to trivialize what victims of the Holicaust went through in such a way would be pretty disgusting behavior (not to mention something the Nazis themselves did.) And as you proudly marched in here with your holier than thou attitude, then you must be a morally superior being in every way. I bow at your feat, oh wise one, and beg you to please enlighten us poor mortals. Tell us now as if you had a Holicaust survivor reading over your shoulder, what, SPECIFICALLY, any of us here does that makes us like the genocidal Nazis.

I'll wait.

I can agree with being a witch and a bitch, but a Nazi? Nope, doesn't compute here.

I seem to recall reading somewhere that the Nazis did medical experiments on children, and I can guarantee you that none of us has ever done that sort of thing. Unless one of is running some sort of experimental lab, but I doubt it. I also highly doubt there is anyone on this board who has executed millions of people in a gas chamber, or by gunshot, or any of the other horrific methods the Nazis used to exterminate anyone who dared be different from them. It's insulting to compare anyone to the subhumans that called themselves Nazis. Not that I really care if I am insulted by a stupid moo cunt such as yourself, but you really should educate yourself about the Holocaust and what kind of horrors the Nazis inflicted on millions of people before you start comparing anyone to them. Read Julie's post ( the one above mine) several times until it sinks in. Then read it again and again.

I'm with you on Ralph Fiennes, Shiny. He is HOT.