The "I got bin go-ed" thread

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bell_flower

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"You're such a good looking woman, I can't believe you're single." And - "What do you want to be in this shitty biz for? Why don't you get married and have a few kids?"

What a sexist, Alpha male jerk. This is just the type of flack and noise that women have to put up with all their working lives. I work for money. Money = not living outside and not being beholden to someone else. I'm with my husband because I want to be and not because I have to be and I have the money to back up that statement. Oh and I might be pretty, but I'm there to do a job, not be someone's visual eye candy.

That your co-irker doesn't have a clue that this is out of line in 2016 is also disturbing.

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Some people were discussing "Feminism" (NOT in a positive light, trust) - and some guy said he didn't want his wife working because it was bad enough that he had to go out and 'do battle' amongst the shifty biz types and he didn't want her 'exposed to that'. And then he carried on with saying how ~ I forget the particulars but along the lines of how 'she was innocent' and how great it was (for him) to have 'pure love like that'.

Oh yes, these Og types love it when women are "innocent" and "sheltered" because they can't run away. People who have the means to run away if necessary don't have to put up with shit. They can make statements like, that is not acceptable. These Og types want to go back to the 'good old days" when a woman couldn't own property in her own name, have her own credit or money. It's not a good deal for the woman when Og decides he wants to trade up to a worldly, better looking woman down the line.

Agreed.

I was meditating on these issues the other day and it came to me - (Some / Many) Men suggest The Traditional Brood Sow role for you, and are bewildered why you wouldn't jump at that - because that's a life style they want. Sure - it looks good - to them.

To me - it = WORK.

Men, they can be work or not, that's debatable, it depends on the person. And / or - as with anything else - watch your step and choose wisely. Kids? ARE work. There is no debate about that. ARE work.

So yeah, an intelligent person is going to consider their WORK options carefully - and plenty of people with half a brain are going to take a pass on UNPAID work.

On the above housing thoughts in general -

Yeah, how about also that some people might buy RE as an investment? I know, shocker. Who'da thunk it? Don't tell these people about REITs - that'd absolutely blow their minds.

We all have to have a *place to live* also. The obvious seems to escape them on this, same with many other concepts / ideas / simple logic.

So some of you may remember several years ago me posting for some advice on how to deal with it is my FIL started bingo'ing us hardcore. Well, fortunately he really didn't end up doing so. We were never overt with him about being intentionally CF. He asked DH about it a couple of times and then backed off. Our thinking is that he got the vibe that there must have been reasons and stuff (maybe infertility) and rather than be pushy about it he just stopped asking my DH about kids, and that was the end of it.

Fast forward to now. Unfortunately FIL was ill and ended up passing away recently after living with the illness for a few years. He really was a nice guy, just very old school, but I respected and loved him and he did raise my DH to be a good person. He was instrumental in me and DH being able to finally be together since we are an international couple. His support was largely the reason we were able to close the distance ultimately. We chose not to be hardcore, unapologetically CF with the guy for reasons and stuff, because we didn't think he could handle that. Thankfully he ended up NOT being invasive about it and it never was an issue.

One of DH's childhood family friends and her family have been amazingly helpful in looking after my FIL because of the distance (just FYI: FIL insisted that we stay put here in the states with our good jobs/lifestyle - he didn't want us moving back abroad just for him and was extremely adamant about that - a visit was planned but he died before my husband had a chance to get there). She helped find a good hospice care arrangement for FIL, her and her family visited him a lot, etc. She kept in touch with my husband every day keeping him updated as things developed. When he was back in his hometown for the funeral, etc., that's when DH got bingoed about kids, and bingoed HARD. Like, we're not getting any younger, old age is so much better with kyyyds around, your dad would have wanted grandkyds, and all the other classic, tired bingoes we've heard so many times before.

I'm not looking for advice or anything. I'm more just venting and also knowing that I'll be accompanying him in several months to a visit back home where I'll have to meet these people. DH is from a country that still has a lot of traditional gender norms. My saving grace will be that I really am not fluent enough in his native language to engage in a conversation much more complicated than, "how much does this cost?" etc. So it will be more of them henpecking him about me within earshot of me. Awwwwkward. Emotionally conflicted because these people have been more of a family than any of his blood relatives whom he's mostly estranged from (and none of the blood relatives showed at the funeral, but these friends and a bunch of his dad's other friends came). So I appreciate all they've done and their outpouring of support and generosity. But I'm gritting my teeth in anticipation of the inevitable bingoes they're going to hurl at my husband in his native language while I'm just sitting there. Again, awwwwwkard!

Well, got my second "bingo" from my little sisters. She means well, just sees things through the lifescript. I was talking with her about the Fisher-Price Western Town I have in our attic. It's pretty cool-bendy jail bars, "breaking window", a bank you can break into, plus a really cool stagecoach. I told her that even though I wasn't having kids, I still wanted to keep it as an adult, just because of how neat it was. She responds with, "I know you don't want kids now, but that's the way it kinda goes." Well, that pissed me off. Again, she's not being malicious, so I didn't wanna nuke her, but I had to deal with this. I told her that most people have kids because "Durr, he's doing it, I should do it, too." Hell, she even mentioned that insipid State Farm commercial. I responded by saying that he was a moron who let things happen to him, and let his wife "oopsie" him into parenthood. In short, she still thinks people have kids because it's a "part of life", not because they're morons who are too stupid to plan for or avoid a massive responsibility like childrearing. I let it go, but it still frustrates the hell out of me. I told her I saw parenthood as nothing but thankless drudge work, and that I prized my freedom more.

I'm sorry you can't get through to your sister, but that Western Town sounds FABOO!

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golden commando
Well, got my second "bingo" from my little sisters. She means well, just sees things through the lifescript. I was talking with her about the Fisher-Price Western Town I have in our attic. It's pretty cool-bendy jail bars, "breaking window", a bank you can break into, plus a really cool stagecoach. I told her that even though I wasn't having kids, I still wanted to keep it as an adult, just because of how neat it was. She responds with, "I know you don't want kids now, but that's the way it kinda goes." Well, that pissed me off. Again, she's not being malicious, so I didn't wanna nuke her, but I had to deal with this. I told her that most people have kids because "Durr, he's doing it, I should do it, too." Hell, she even mentioned that insipid State Farm commercial. I responded by saying that he was a moron who let things happen to him, and let his wife "oopsie" him into parenthood. In short, she still thinks people have kids because it's a "part of life", not because they're morons who are too stupid to plan for or avoid a massive responsibility like childrearing. I let it go, but it still frustrates the hell out of me. I told her I saw parenthood as nothing but thankless drudge work, and that I prized my freedom more.

That sounds like something I would not want around brats. Depending on the age and if you have the box might be worth money down the line.

@ mistress rotwang and onlyanimalsnohumans:

Yes, it's pretty awesome I also have a bunch of Rescue Heroes and a Fisher-Price Castle. The rest is a mix of books, magazines, diecasts, and drawing pads.

I was in Spain last month for a few days, doing the AirBnB thing (for those who don't know, you rent a room in someone's house). There was another guest who was from Germany and his family was from Turkey. He was a couple of years younger than me.

As we talked about ourselves, I told him I was getting a divorce; he asked if I had any kids and I said no, and then he asked how long I'd been married (11 years). He was shocked to hear I not only had no sprogs, but that I didn't want any. The bingoes began flying:

"I've never heard anyone say they don't want kids"

"I didn't know Real Love until I had kids"

"My wife didn't want kids either but then she got pregnant and now she's so happy she had them"

Etc. and so on, then he pulled out the sprog pictures on his phone and would not just Let It Go. Funny thing is, the next day he started telling me about his plans after grad school, which included taking a year sabbatical to travel (obviously, sans sprogs). People really just don't think before they breed, do they?

I just do not understand that "never knowing real love" bingo. Serioiusly! That has GOT to be the worst by insinuating that the CF are just drifting around in the world lonely and unloved (or not knowing how to love) What a bunch of

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Zzelda

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bell_flower

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"You're such a good looking woman, I can't believe you're single." And - "What do you want to be in this shitty biz for? Why don't you get married and have a few kids?"

What a sexist, Alpha male jerk. This is just the type of flack and noise that women have to put up with all their working lives. I work for money. Money = not living outside and not being beholden to someone else. I'm with my husband because I want to be and not because I have to be and I have the money to back up that statement. Oh and I might be pretty, but I'm there to do a job, not be someone's visual eye candy.

That your co-irker doesn't have a clue that this is out of line in 2016 is also disturbing.

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Some people were discussing "Feminism" (NOT in a positive light, trust) - and some guy said he didn't want his wife working because it was bad enough that he had to go out and 'do battle' amongst the shifty biz types and he didn't want her 'exposed to that'. And then he carried on with saying how ~ I forget the particulars but along the lines of how 'she was innocent' and how great it was (for him) to have 'pure love like that'.

Oh yes, these Og types love it when women are "innocent" and "sheltered" because they can't run away. People who have the means to run away if necessary don't have to put up with shit. They can make statements like, that is not acceptable. These Og types want to go back to the 'good old days" when a woman couldn't own property in her own name, have her own credit or money. It's not a good deal for the woman when Og decides he wants to trade up to a worldly, better looking woman down the line.

Men, they can be work or not, that's debatable, it depends on the person. And / or - as with anything else - watch your step and choose wisely. Kids? ARE work. There is no debate about that. ARE work.

So yeah, an intelligent person is going to consider their WORK options carefully - and plenty of people with half a brain are going to take a pass on UNPAID work.

Where i live women get lots of money and tax breaks from the state when they have kids. More kids=more money. If they are divorced, they get even more. If you have a low-paid job, it's not even worth the effort - just calve and get more money at the expense of the taxpayer. What really scares me is that these kind of welfare laws kind of push women back at home.

I got bingo'd by my mom and dumped by my gf of 12 years in the span of a week. My gf later informed my mother--not me--that she wants to have a baby and that's part of why she dumped me.

My mom is usually pretty cool about me not wanting kids, but she recently made one "last ditch effort" to convince me, saying I would end up alone when everyone else had died, etc. (Valid-ish concern since I have Asperger's and am not great at making friends). I said 'Hell no' and she dropped it.

Fast forward to Valentine's Day and my gf walks in from work and dumps me. No explanation given beyond "Our relationship is unhealthy and I want to break up. You cried for 5 hours the other night." Okay. I do have depression that gets worse this time of year. Can't we talk? No? She packed a bag and went to stay at a friend's house. I've been here alone for a week now.

She always said she was fine with never having kids and just enjoying our freedom and traveling the world when we get older, so for her to now tell my MOTHER she wants a baby after dumping me is just...vomit-inducing. Oh, and she has PCOS and is in peri-menopause at 34, so that should work out well. (She wants to have the kid when she's like 40).

I hope the little cretin has an IQ of 60 and rips her from stem to stern.

Wow! That really sucks! Hang in there.

Unrelated to the girlfriend issue, but there are now tablet-sized light therapy units which might help if your depression has a seasonal component and you cannot afford traditional light therapy.

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yurble
Unrelated to the girlfriend issue, but there are now tablet-sized light therapy units which might help if your depression has a seasonal component and you cannot afford traditional light therapy.

Seasonal Affective Disorder is one multiple illnesses that affect my life.
I have found that blue light therapy (ie tablet-sized light device) to work reasonably well in conjunction with other life-style changes.
I managed to pick my LED light therapy, used online for cheap and is still going ten years (or so) later.

It is best if you can:
- do the light therapy consistently (ie daily in morning)
- better if you can start early in the autumn
- understand that it takes multiple weeks to get an effect
- get outside in direct sunshine (no sunglasses) for at least 20-45 minutes and move a little bit (ie pick up sticks, clean litter, etc)
- do other related self- maintenance (ie good diet, mild exercise, vitamins, etc)

I suffered from SAD for decades until I started getting my vitamin D tested.

I'm one of those people who has to take a shitload of Vitamin D to get it up to normal. I took 10,000 units a day for a month, and now I take take 4,000 units a day. I am monitored every six months.

And the range of "normal" was something like 32-100. Even after it got in the normal range, around 38, I noticed no difference. My current MD told me to take enough to get around 50 and that made all the difference. She said there is a difference between "normal" and "optimal."

I can really tell the difference in my muscles too. My fibromyalgia is lessened when I take enough vitamin D.

so, I guess this is kind of a bingo. I'm standing in line at (sorry--it's true) Panda Express on Saturday evening--pretty long line. Two people ahead is a slatternly woman with her obese toadler. Actually, the kid looked sort of impaired. The pudgy being kept looking flirtatiously at me and others in line. Of course, I ignored her. Eventually I said to the woman ahead of me "boy, those workers back there cooking have to work fast tonight". It WAS noisy there, but the (unrelated) woman smiled bigly and said something like "yeah, she sure is cute, isn't she?!" Um...no--I didn't say or even THINK that at all!! I guess it's all about the keeyuds regardless, huh?

Getting bingoed was pretty much nothing new in my life before, I got shit from my family all the time, including all of the classics: "Who'll take care of you, when you're old?" "But you were a kyd yourself" (Duuh + I never liked kydz even while young myself!) "You'll change your mind" "But its God's will, read the bible" (ya, whatever, that book contains lots of other graphic creepiness, so no thanks!), then my dad's racist bullshit "Europeans are not having enough kyyydzz and will be outbred"...and so on.
Funniest (or most hypocritical) were my mums bingos. She would always snarl at me like a dragon: "In a house, that never contained children's laughter, nightmares will move in!!!" LOL. Either she watched too many creepy-kid-containing horror movies, but even if she did, she got it all wrong. It's the other way round. Nightmares come with kydz -.-
What my mum also threw at me, was, that "Kydzz are the only true happiness! The time with you as a kydd was so pweshusss! But now you're so horrrrible!!". Yeah, right. She is the bitter, never satisfied, always complaining, quarrelling person. And how horrible can I be: finished studies in due time, having a job, paying my bills, not doing drugs, not interfering with anyone, never asking for anything from my parents... Hypocrites.

But today was the day of a bingo I didn't expect in the slightest.
There was a safety instruction in my lab, so far so good. I was the only one there, with an older female engineer instructor (curiously enough, even after what seems like a long time at the institute, she still had no PhD...I wonder why...). The first thing I noticed, were kid photos and scribbles pasted all over her truly messy office.
She took her sweet time talking about boring obvious stuff, and then..she came to the part about chemicals that were "potentially fertility-harming". She started talking stuff along the lines of "me being in the best age for having kyyydzzzz" and that I should be "extra careful" there, "when" (not IF, that would still be tolerable) I am having kyyydzzz.
It continued and continued, I tried not saying anything, but the kydzzz-droning just didn't stop.Well, that moment I forgot all about being "polite to superiors". I told her, that no way in freaking hell I'll be sluicing loaves. She looked all shoked and continued babbling about how "cool" (yep, she used that word) pignancy is. I tried calming down and quietly told her, that my definition of "cool" is far more different and that kydz is the LAST thing I would ever want in my life, second-last being death.
She, still all baffled, kept on babbling repetitively about "But you don't know what you're missing! I'm sure you'll change your mind!!"
Obviously I got pretty much angry. In the lab, luckily, there was a conveniently placed barrel with a toxic powder in it. So, I simply replied: "Look at that barrel over there. I don't need to stick my head into that toxic substance to know what I'm missing if I don't stick it in. It won't be good for me if I do, and it will destroy me, just as much as breeding brats would. So no experimentation needed. The conclusion of my personal life is not a theorem, its a fact. And not to be questioned. By anyone."
Weidly enough, that made her stop.
Strange how the whole kydz thing which is supposed to stay a private matter, makes people lose their professionality in a jiffy.

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik

Wow how completely unprofessional of her. It just goes to show you can be highly educated and still be a talking uterus.

Yay! Another set of tired old bingoes!
Last night, I was called by a local musician, asking me to record a bass line for one of his songs. So far, so normal.
But, the phone call turned into smalltalk after that, and soon the annoying subject of kyyydzz was touched. It all began with him telling me that he was asked to do the sound engineering for a “kid’s stage” during a local town festival. I unfortunately carelessly-jokingly said that I don’t envy him, and he immediately asked the big WHY. I said I didn’t like children… aaaaand here goes the “you’ll change your mind”. I of course said, that at 26 years old I damn well know what I want from life, and a (mostly metaphorically) bloodsucking, filth-coated banshee-potato wasn’t one of em.
Plus, for me being a studio musician he has known for roughly 1 hour, he was quite a wizard for telling me what my fucking future will be like, LOL. But the asshat didn’t even think of backing off. “What if you have an ‘accident’??” “Well, every ‘accident’ is fixable. And I sure as shit would fix it asap”. Silence. Then him again “But you are PROGRAMMED to love it, once its born”. I just told him to close the goddamn topic, after saying to him that I won’t “LOVE” some dumbass clump of meat, just (or especially) because it wrecked my body (and future) and has some similarity in the DNA. Its fucking dumb to say so to a stranger. Some dumbass hormones won’t change that fact, that I will hate the guts of some shitty kid that I was hypothetically forced to have. It’s not like I suddenly looooove children, if I smoke some weed. Hormones are nothing but drugs too, jackass! Because if they were some magical people-changer, then why the hell are there cases of murder of unwanted baybees out there?!
I also told him that I ain’t no weak-ass spineless shit to change my basic life principles for a mayyyyn. Told him, that I immediately and non-regrettingly kicked a bunch of guys to the curb because they had lied about being childfree before and showed the true colors only after the relation had progressed. And these guys were pretty hot musicians, totally my type and all, but that’s not a price I am willing to pay. No way in heck. So out they go. And I cancelled my participation in the band of a pretty prestigious christian musical project, because I would have been forced to look after kyyydzzz there. So yeah. No spinelessness to be seen here! Move along!
After another short period of silence, he dragged along the “evolution” argument. LOL. At least he was an atheist, so the religious bullshit was spared. How I was supposed to be programmed for procreation. Laughable. I just told him, that firstly, humans are supposed to have the “gift” of reason, and are therefore not bound to give in to every goddamn instinct out there. And secondly! 7 billion fucking people!!! Didn’t he think we should dial it down a bit with the mindless shitting out of miserable lives?! Besides, the loathing of children is an evolutionary mechanism as well. It’s the mechanism of individual self-preservation, protecting the person from being too close to germ factories and an undesirable life. And who knows, maybe the child-free are evolution’s answer to the fucking mindless breeders of the species, who are hopelessly overcrowding the living space, turning it into an inhospitable shithole for everyone.
That sorta made him shut up, but I sure as shit will charge him more for the recording session. Gotta recuperate my annoyed nerves somehow…
THX to everyone for reading my lil rant,
Yours sincerely, the BassCat. Have a nice weekend ahead.

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik

I love the "what if you have an accident" argument. Accidents happen way more often than people like to admit, they just don't talk about it! It is as if he doesn't understand this.

And the "programmed to love it" old saw. Tell that to all the abandoned/murdered/abused kids. Has every kid he has ever met had loving parents? No abandoned kids he has met?

Ah yes, the "programmed for procreation" bingo. We're also programmed to eat, sleep, and go to the bathroom. But that doesn't mean we do those things as soon as the urge hits. Love your comment about the gift of reason as to whether or not we procreate. I doubt he got it though. He is on auto-pilot with his lifescripting ways.

Guessing this man is either a breeder or a die-hard wanna breed.

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freya
Guessing this man is either a breeder or a die-hard wanna breed.

You're ever so right! Wanna-breed though. No chick stayed long enough for that trainwreck to actually happen.
I was unfortunate enough to meet the bastard after all, and he was both incredibly uneducated and physically disgusting - stinky like shit (like dirt-sweat-whatever stink), smoker, and his teeth yellow like a toilet that hasnt been cleaned in years

I recorded, took the price in cash, and high-tailed my way outta there. Ick.

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik

Thought of one. This happened to me about 5 years ago. A friend who knew me for years and also knew I didn't want kids told me I had to have kids because it is a rite of passage. He said this very authoritatively, as if it was the law. It was also very random, as I don't bring up children in any conversations (other than here).

And this is despite the fact I'd just gone through a divorce (marriage is also considered a "rite of passage") and also had experienced the "rights of passage" of birth and puberty. It was kind of strange because he knows I'm not a fan of kids and won't date men with kids. I haven't been shy about it stating this when I have to and he has known me for 12 years now.

I didn't argue with him or explain how stupid his rationalization was. Used to do that in my twenties but if it is a long-time friend who pulls the bingo? Not even worth the bother, I changed the subject. Luckily, he has learned to move on to better topics of conversation.

I sure wouldn't insist anyone else experience marriage or having a kid just because it is a rite of passage. That is the kind of mentality that makes desperate people do things they will regret for a long time.