Ooops. My bad

So, is it rude to forgo the social niceties expected of one if you really and truly do not think to express them? In this instance, it's about the presence of children in the life of someone with whom you are having a conversation. (Ha. I wonder what kind of mooing would occur if I asked this on the Ehell forum )

We've been in our new house about 3 months. I haven't spoken to the neighbors much; the chance for a casual hello as we spy one another in our yards has been hampered by the cold. I did go next door on a brief visit when a herd of Angus cows had escaped and was milling around in my backyard, leaving large pies and scaring my dogs. I think my neighbor lady was busy, she didn't do much more than tell me she knew who they belonged to and would notify the owner. I've had more interaction with the neighbor's Big Dawg, talking to him through the fence, giving him scritches and furtively tossing a biskie in an effort to befriend him. We've also noticed that two young girls live there. We don't see them often, they wave and say "hi" when out in the yard; I suspect they are home schooled, considering the time I see them out playing. To our relief, they have been very quiet.

So, this past weekend I was on the way home from doing errands when I decided to stop at a fast food place. As I pause to pay at the drive up, the young woman smiles and say's "hey! I think we're neighbors!" FIRST words out of my mouth "you have the big dog?" Nodding, she says "and you have a bunch of little ones." Since it was mid-afternoon, no one was behind me. We chatted for about ten minutes. When I got home, I told Dh about meeting our neighbor; that she was affable and we would likely have good relations with them.
Dh: "so, did you find out if she home schools those kids?"
Me: (blank look) "Kids?" (!!!!!!) "Ohmygawd - kids! I didn't even think to ask about those kids. We mostly talked about her big dawg. Shiiit. She must have thought me rude not to ask. I just never thought about it!" :goggle

Dh gives me an ::eyeroll:: for my usual denseness on that subject. Seriously, kids just don't register with me. Unless they are very unusual - something along the line of recently returned from an alien abduction or possessing an extra limb - I just don't think about people having kids. I keep up well enough with my siblings' kids and grandkids, but those on Dh's side of the family?pffft
He recently passed on to me some information he heard from his mom about one of the kids belonging to his oldest nephew.
Me: Mike has more than one kid? When did that happen?
Dh: Dear ..... he has three. The youngest one - the one Mom was talking about - started high school this year.
Me: "Really? You sure about that? I thought he had only one ... and what are you talking about --- high school? Is Mike that old? Damn, I need to keep track of these things."

I suppose it might be considered rude to not think about people having kids so that one can at least follow the social convention of asking politely about them, even if you aren't interested, but the buggers just don't even register an existence with me.

I am the exact same way. I always forget that people have kids and/or want to talk about them. (I'm the same way when it comes to sex, being asexual and all)

I don't think it's rude not to ask about kids. In fact, I think many PNBs would prefer to talk about other things (hobbies, for example) than about their kids. The woman you talked to sounds like a PNB, so she probably didn't think anything of your lack of questioning.

You have dogs in common, not kids. It would only be natural to talk about your common interests. No, I don't think it was rude not to mention kids.

You can be a parent and feel this way.

When my dad and mom would go to someone's house, he would remind her to pay attention to the kids, not just the cats and dogs. I think it's fair to say she didn't like to be around other people's small children, for many of the same reasons I can't stand them, and she barely tolerated us when we were that age.

She much preferred older kids, which is probably a sign of being a PNB, not like some stupid Duggar who is ready to farm the kid out to an older kid to raise after he/she stops being a cyooote widdle baybee.

In general, I don't think what you did was a faux pas.

I never think to ask about kids either, so I vote that you were not rude.

One of my best friends is a PNB with three kids ranging from 5 to 19. We talk about everything under the sun except kids; she seldom brings them up and mostly, I think, is relieved to have someone who doesn't see her just as a mawm.

Discuss what you have in common and you will be fine.

I think you should feel fortunate that she was not rude enough to attention-whore about her kids in your conversation!

Gracias for the different viewpoints. By the indications, she's a woman who doesn't kid stalk. *whew* We've spent the last 13 years sort of isolated on five acres surrounded by woods, here most of our neighbors are on an acre and it's more of a neighborhood.

I've already had one breeder encounter with a guy down the road and hoped it didn't make for a trend. He has a young pitbull - probably about a year old - that he keeps chained up. It got loose one day and started snooping in my yard. It's a friendly dog that seems to only want some attention from people, but considering my dogs I chased it off in the direction of its home only to see it start jumping and play-mauling the 6-7 year old that lives there. Turns out the little boy is a latch key kid and deathly afraid of the family dog. He was trying to run down to his grandparents house, about a quarter mile away, but the dog kept knocking him down. I pushed the dog off, hauled the kid into my car and took him to his grandparents. Grandpa had been standing on the porch, watching the encounter, and only chuckled when I helped the crying, scratched up kid to the door. "That dog shore is gettin' big. I tol' my son it was gonna be trouble," he drawled. He then told his grandson to "go insi' and let yer gramma fix yu up." I was pissed on both the kid's and the dog's behalf. Keeping my voice even, I told Granpa that a pitbull was not the kind of dog people wanted to see running loose. I was sure that would be the end of the dog, but it went from being chained to confinement in one of those 8x10 chain link pens that the owner built shortly afterward.

If the way people in this neighborhood treat their dogs is any indication of their character, I suppose the neighbor lady and the people across the street will be decent neighborhood associates. Both sets of neighbors treat their animals well. The pitbull owner and several other people in this area either chain their dogs or confine them to small pens.

As others have said, I also never think to ask about kids. There's nothing rude about it, especially (in my opinion at least) if you were really getting into discussing something else with your neighbor; just one of those times when the you get so into the current topic that you forget to ask about other things. If she even thought about it, she seems enough like a PNB to realize that could happen. Nothing to worry about!

Nothing to feel bad about and you should be psyched, it seems like your neighbor has retained a personality despite having kids.