What not to ask a pregnant woman

It seems it is offensive to ask if the pregnancy was planned or not. I actually agree that it's rude, because the answer to "are you happy about it?" already provides enough information to know if you should offer congratulations or commiserations (if so inclined) without asking indirectly about someone's sex life--although that question no doubt would offend some desperate wanna-breed who can't envision that women could have different views on pregnancy.

(Naturally, several people making comments came up with a lot of other potential questions which were far more offensive than this one. Really, if someone is trying to be rude, they can do a lot better.)

What I found amusing about this piece was that she seems to think that strangers being fixated with a woman's uterus only happens to pregnant women as opposed to being part of the wider focus society seems to have one women's reproduction:

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article author
So here's a tip for those who find themselves eager for details in the face of baby news: Imagine how you'd feel if someone asked you how often you have sex, or how your own family planning is working out.

I'm sure no childfree woman has ever been asked questions like that...

Of course, one difference is that childfree women rarely invite discussion on the topic, whereas, as one poster pointed out, breeders never shut up:

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So someone asks a poorly worded question and you flip out? Get over yourself.

Meanwhile I'm sure you blab non-stop ABOUT your pregnancy without being prompted, or changing diapers or the 10 million other things related to motherhood and meanwhile your co-workers are forced to listen to this whether they like it or not.

...

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So, you tell me you're pregnant. I'm trying to think of something to say. Cuz the truth is I could care less....I'm just maki8bng conversartion.

There's also this completely random bit of hatred thrown out, in response to the question "are you trying to have more?"

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Even though it's a painful topic, these are normal people who want and like kids who are simply making conversation by asking the question which only has one correct answer: of course we're trying, of course we want to have [more] kids.

I've told people who don't want kids to their face that they're fucking weird.

I think that the best rule of thumb upon an inpig announcement is either say nothing at all OR a simple, "Congratulations". There's no need to expound on it further or ask any questions. If they are making it public that they are inpig, then it's a valid assumption that they plan on shitting the loaf regardless of their initial reaction to call an abortion clinic. Like with any other type of personal announcement coming from strangers, co-workers, or acquaintances, I don't really care anyway and the less said, the better.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Think that will work in high school for the 16 and preggo crowd? Me thinks not.

I will never congratulate someone for getting knocked up.

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I've told people who don't want kids to their face that they're fucking weird.

STAY CLASSY, PIGS.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

Honestly, I think the best thing to do is avoid an inpig woman at all costs, because no matter what is being discussed with them, they'll undoubtedly try to turn the subject over to their parasite.

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cassia
I will never congratulate someone for getting knocked up.

Oh, I don't. I am saying "congratulations" for their being happy about it, however short lived. It's like when someone buys a house that is WAY beyond their means, yet they are bragging about their WONDERFUL new home, I might say,"Congratulations!" for that too, but it's actually a congratulatory best wish for their short term and gullible giddiness. In my mind I am thinking, "MMMmmm. I wonder how long before you can't make the payments and end up out on the street where you belong, you stupid cunt" I may be socially polite for my own selfish reasons, but on the inside I am just a hateful bitch who is full of disgust for most of the people with whom I come into contact .

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I just keep hearing the refrain of, "Pregnant women are smuuug!" playing in the back of my head...

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"They will say that you are on the wrong road, if it is your own." ~Antonio Porchia

Best response ever: "I see. Well, good luck with that!"

Works whether the person wants the pregnancy or not, whether they'll have the baby or get an abortion, and whether they'll raise it themselves or give it up for adoption.

AND you don't have to congratulate them if you don't want to.

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JayJay
Best response ever: "I see. Well, good luck with that!"

Works whether the person wants the pregnancy or not, whether they'll have the baby or get an abortion, and whether they'll raise it themselves or give it up for adoption.

AND you don't have to congratulate them if you don't want to.

I like this a LOT!

It's your hell; you rot in it!

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reaperess

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JayJay
Best response ever: "I see. Well, good luck with that!"

Works whether the person wants the pregnancy or not, whether they'll have the baby or get an abortion, and whether they'll raise it themselves or give it up for adoption.

AND you don't have to congratulate them if you don't want to.

I like this a LOT!

I third that notion. wink

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lab mom

honestly, i don't care if they are happy or not. not my life...

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JayJay
Best response ever: "I see. Well, good luck with that!"

My version: "I hope everything turns out well."

That line I adopted after having to do a mental dance with a co-worker whom I had supported in her "I don't want another kid" conversations. For months after announcing an engagement she kept yammering that her fiance was pressuring her to have a baby. She had reached the point in her only child's life where the kid was getting ready to graduate from high school and head off to college. Her fiance was already a baby daddy to two other kids (w/o being married to the mothers) and seemed to be the type that wanted each woman he had a long relationship with to also bear his child.

Last year, her daughter ends up pregnant. The fiance was generous in offering to help support the girl. A few months later, co-worker turns up pregnant. She told me this while giving me a "what do you think of that?" kind of look. I schooled my expression and merely said "I hope everything turns out well." For some time, I suspected that the fiance might expect some sort of quid pro quo from helping out with his step-daughter-to-be so I wasn't altogether surprised.

I also do the tap-dance around 'congratulations.' Ultimately, I think it's a bad idea, for the environment if not for the individual. But I'm not going to try to piss on someone's parade if I like that person. If I don't like the person, it's a lot easier.

What not to ask a preggo moo???
ANYTHING!!! EVER!!!
Seriously, why bother? So they can say you're a freak for not wanting to swell like a tick with your very own screaming little shit machine??? No fuckin thanks. I just avoid eye contact, and give them a wide girth...which they obviously need!larious

Not saying congratulations is not necessarily "pissing on someone's parade".

When I have been confronted with that social situation, I would rather behave honestly and decently than lie for the sake of social nicety.

I tend to say relatively neutral things like, " Are you prepared?" "Any plans?" etc.
That allows the person the option to express regret or other than the usual path of pregnancy to birth.

I would gladly help someone with the steps to not continuing with the pregnancy if that is her own wish.

For dozens of reasons, I feel that pregnancy is not to be congratulated.

The best one I ever came up with was when DH's brother and his gold-digging, scheming (now ex) wife announced their second mystake. We all had very strong suspicions that this was an oops situation. BIL was pretty passive about the whole thing. Upon seeing him for the first time after the news was out, I said simply "so you're going to be a dad again." I could not bring myself to utter the word "congratulations" after hearing his "She was on the pill, so we weren't expecting this one" naivete.

:BS

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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cassia
Not saying congratulations is not necessarily "pissing on someone's parade".

I wasn't clear--I didn't want to suggest that you're compelled to say congratulations. I meant that voicing my real opinions would be "pissing on someone's parade." I try to walk the fine line between blurting out my views and faking happiness and extending congratulations. Usually it comes out as something like JayJay's suggestion.

To quote a line from Patch Adams: "Let's visit the maternity ward, you know those women put out". By announcing to the all those in ear shot that there's a "bun in the oven" then that woman has already said she has a sex life. So why feel the question "where you trying?" is rude? If you don't want to be asked what you think are dumb ass questions then keep your dumb ass mouth shut.

Besides, I have to wonder if this is one of those females on a publicly accessible forum talking about her BFNs and how often and in what positions her and the sperm donor are doing the reproductive deed.

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

What not to ask a pregnant woman:

"Have you considered the impact your child will have on your carbon footprint? Would you consider an abortion to save the planet?"

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kman
What not to ask a pregnant woman:

"Have you considered the impact your child will have on your carbon footprint? Would you consider an abortion to save the planet?"

The most obvious of all! wink

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Shauna's like a gluten-free Jim Jones for dumb, lifeless middle-aged women. I swear, this bitch could set fire to a orphanage and they would applaud her for bringing them light. ~ Miss Hannigan

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KABA
To quote a line from Patch Adams: "Let's visit the maternity ward, you know those women put out". By announcing to the all those in ear shot that there's a "bun in the oven" then that woman has already said she has a sex life. So why feel the question "where you trying?" is rude? If you don't want to be asked what you think are dumb ass questions then keep your dumb ass mouth shut.

Besides, I have to wonder if this is one of those females on a publicly accessible forum talking about her BFNs and how often and in what positions her and the sperm donor are doing the reproductive deed.

larious

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lab mom

"Did the baby batter come from the Pecker InjectorTM or the Turkey Baster?

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

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kman
What not to ask a pregnant woman:

"Have you considered the impact your child will have on your carbon footprint? Would you consider an abortion to save the planet?"

Seriously! I always want to ask "Ever heard of overpopulation, bitch?"

Perhaps an appropriate, yet socially unacceptable, question(s) might be, "You DO realize that there are nearly a million kids waiting to be adopted in the United States alone, don't you? You DO realize that you can't EVER be considered "green" anymore, right? You DO realize that there won't be enough cans to recycle in your lifetime to make up for shitting a loaf, right? You DO realize that you will passing on your mutant genes for your illnesses that you complain about all of the time, right? You DO realize that it's unlikely that your kid will be anything beyond average don't you? You DO know that having that kid won't make you immortal don't you? You DO understand that your kid could turn out to be a serial killer or drug addict instead of the messiah for cancer curing or space travel genius don't you?

The possibilities are endless and the reverse bingos infinite.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!