Quiverful 101 Reasons to Have Children

Quiverful Horseshit

So, these are the reasons one quivermoo compiled into a religious list of shite I'm pretty sure God is looking at with his head tilted sideways and his eyebrows squinched.

It's your hell; you rot in it!

That site crashed my browser. Maybe "God" is telling me something? eyes2

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

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KABA
That site crashed my browser. Maybe "God" is telling me something? eyes2

Perhaps. Gargoyles can help with that.

It's your hell; you rot in it!

101 Reasons For Having Children!
I receive constant complaints from mothers telling me how hurt they are from the negative comments which they receive from family and friends when they share the news that they are going to have another baby. "God gave you a brain, didn't He?" or "Oh No, not another one!" and so on. One Above Rubies reader wrote to me, "....I can't understand why people think children are such burdens that they'd only want one or two, and then suggest to me that I stop at that number also....I've sometimes joked with my husband that I could write a book of all the one liners people say and title it, "101 Reasons Why Not to Have Any More Children."

This gave me a wonderful idea. But I decided to dwell on the positive rather than the negative. I asked our readers of Above Rubies to share why they love having children. I received so many answers and so here are "101 Reasons Why Mothers Love Having Children." Many of these reasons were reiterated over and over again by different mothers.

We love receiving gifts and blessings from God.Keep kidding yourselves. While waking up from a coma, deadly cancer suddenly going into remission, and surviving a mall shooting might be considered "blessings from God", fucking without birth control and getting knocked up happens all on it's on with no need for divine intervention:sx
Why would I ever want to turn down one of God's blessings? Again, it isn't a "blessing", but rather the logical outcome of irresponsible fucking
We not only want to receive gifts from God for ourselves, but we want to give more gifts to the world. Every child God gives us is a gift to the world. Tell that to the victims of rapists, murderers, and child molesters
It's so exciting to see who God will send to bless us each time.Is it exciting when God blesses you with a Tri-Tard or Spider baby?
It's an honor for the Lord to use my womb again. The "Lord" isn't the one using your hole, rather it's your husband's dick getting serviced without birth control that causes this problem
I love being "with child." That's because you're a selfish cunt who is trying to get out of work, wants an excuse to be as big as the side of a barn during inpigness and as large as a cow afterwards, and you enjoy the attention, special accommodations, and festivities that hatching a loaf entails
I love to see what God thinks of next. I believe each child is a precious and unique thought, with vast possibilities, straight from our Heavenly Father. It's the most exciting thing in my entire life to give birth and see the new little person. There is nothing that moves me as much as seeing the birth of a baby. Even when it's born dead or without a brain?
I love to behold the handiwork of the Lord as a new little miracle comes forth. Babies aren't miracles, they are the natural consequence of fucking without birth control. If they were "miracles" you'd get one without bumping uglies
The birth of a baby is the ultimate fulfillment of love between a husband and wife. Each child is an unbreakable bond between a father and mother. Tell that to all the single moos who can't locate their baby daddys with radar, to all the divorced people, and women whose husbands cheat WHILE they are inpig
It is amazing to think that each child is a part of me and my beloved husband. There's nothing amazing about that, it's just basic biology and can be accomplished by any animal be she reptile, insect, or mammal
God said to Jeremiah, "BEFORE I formed you in the womb I knew you..." God is the One who will form my future children. If He knew Jeremiah before conception, then He knows all my children before conception, yes, even the children who haven't yet been formed. I don't want to refuse children God has chosen. Even God can't foretell the future very well or he wouldn't have made so many mistakes during creation and then spent an eternity to correct them like with floods, famine, and disease. Therefore, if he can't even predict his own temper or outcome of his creation, how in hell can he "know" any unborn loaves?
I'd love another baby because to choose not to is like saying NO to God. I want to say YES to God and His will for my life. Maybe God is really choosing you NOT shit any more loaves, but you are defying him by fucking like rabbits anyway. Does God give your husband the hard on to make you inpig, or is it your sexy flannel nighties?
I'll have more people to love.Isn't 7 billion enough? Why can't you love one of the millions of kids God created who don't have parents?
I'll have more hands to help.What a LAZY cunt! First, she creates more work and then foists it onto her loaves.
I'll have more babies to nurse and therefore less risk of breast cancer. Tell that to the women who get boobs lobbed off WHILE inpig or nursing sucklings. If giving birth made cunts like yourself immune to breast cancer, there'd NEVER be any cases of it found in women are are actively suckling
I feel so blessed that God wants to reward us again. AGAIN, this isn't God, it's YOU and your horny toad husband causing this to happen and it's a sickening thought too, I might add, to imagine two pasty faced fundies going at it in the famblee bed while loaves and toddlers are scattered among you, wedged behind your back, stuffed under hubby's balls, and dangling off your udders
I look upon each child as an incredibly beautiful jewel. Each one takes on a different loveliness and I can't wait to see the next jewel arrive. Babies aren't jewels, they are human beings and MANY of them are heinously FUGLY as their fugly parents
Another baby in the family makes my other children so happy. Riiiight. Keep telling yourself that! WHY would kids want ANOTHER loaf in the picture when you have so many already the existing kids don't even get adequate attention?
I love to see the faces of my children as they see a new brother or sister for the first time.You are only seeing what you WANT to see, which is typical selfish Moo behavior
Babies teach the older children so much about caring for little ones, being kind, protective, and unselfish. They have no choice because their Moo is ALWAYS in the whelping box and too busy to care for her OWN kids.
Children brighten up the home. They make life interesting. If you consider wiping shit off the walls, constant wailing, and stinky diaper pails, "interesting"
I become a better mother with each child I have. That's probably true since you couldn't possibly be any worse a moo than you currently are
Children teach me patience. You shouldn't have to be taught patience by your kids, shouldn't they be learning from YOU?
My children think I'm beautiful no matter how I look. God that's pathetic. You KNOW you look like shit, need to bathe, lose weight, exercise, etc....but you'd rather fish for compliments from your kids who depend on you for their survival. What do you EXPECT they'd say besides what you wanted to hear? YOU determine whether they eat! Cage me without food or water and I'll tell you how you look like Raquel Welch
The more children we have, the more they entertain one another.That's a necessity since YOU are always creating another one of those "gifts from God" that YOU have no time left to entertain your existing kids! SOMEBODY has to entertain your litter while you fuck, rub your belly for 7 months, and then sluice the next addition to the quiver
There's always someone around to visit with, play with, pray with, or read to.I though that's what church was for?
It's just as easy to cook for ten as it is for one! Yeah, ten servings of tatertot-mushroom soup slop probably is as easy to make as one.
More children give us the opportunity to have our faith increased as we see God meet our daily needs."God" doesn't meet your daily needs, that's "the village" doing that in the form of public assistance and/or tax breaks
You have your own cheering squad in whatever you do.Until they become teens and despise your very existence, which is of course why you keep a baby bump on the back burner at all times
The more children we have, the more impact we have upon the world. In the form of overpopulation, crime, and consumption, no doubt
We want to establish a godly dynasty that will continue down the generations to come. Good luck with that, considering all of the quiverful nutcases who are going on shooting sprees, molesting kids, and going to prison for rape, kidnapping, and murder of their "own", when they aren't killing innocent bystanders who they consider, "collateral damage" with their clinic bombings. How PROUD their fundie parents must be, although no one can find them as they typically slither away when that shit happens
We want to raise another soul for Jesus.I thought the unborn were already IN Heaven with Jesus? So, WY do you force them to come down to Earth, live among sinners, and be miserable and suffer when they already WERE alongside Jesus and minding their own fucking business?
We desire to raise up a standard for God in this evil day. I fail to see how you are "raising" anything besides world population
More children releases more of Christ in our home. I don't see how, but I am certain you have a fantasy reason like with all your other delusional fairy tales
Because babies are the most irresistible things on earth. As opposed to what? "Irresistible" how and to whom? Certainly not their fathers or they'd be spending some time with them and certainly not to YOU or you wouldn't keep cranking out NEW ones when you got bored with the ones you already had
There is nothing like a new baby in the house.I'd imagine not! More wailing, more messes, more rank odors........
There is no occupation more rewarding than motherhood. If you aren't paid for it, then it isn't an "occupation", any more than collecting butterflies or doing crossword puzzles is an "occupation".
Because I am fulfilling the only career that is eternal! Every other career will be left behind when we leave this earth, but I can take my children with me into glory. My children are eternal souls who will live for ever. Moohood is NOT a career and the only way you are "taking" your kids to Heaven with you is to pull an Andrea Yates, but don't forget the suicide part. Even then, you are going to hell for that, so that's a no go too.
Parenthood is investing in eternity. PURE nonsense and a ridiculous statement made by an obviously self proclaimed "important" all mighty moo
Children are like arrows which we send to places where we will never be able to go. At least she's admitting they live vicariously through their kids rather than even attempting to accomplish anything of value on their own
We want to fill our quiver. GOOD reason to create self replicants, to fill that empty quiver
Because of the people who might be reached for Christ through this child. or the ones who might be led to Satan
I want to increase the 'salt' and 'light' proportion in the world! Then buy some fucking light bulbs when the retarded people call begging or buy a box of salt for 50 cents
We're forming our own orchestra to make music to the Lord. Oh please. Some of you cunts and your hellspawn were hiding behind the door when God gave out musical talent. Most of you are tone deaf and an abomination and horror to music teachers across the globe
Having and raising children aids in sanctification of us parents."sanctification"? More self indulgent martyr-Moo bullshit
Having children helps to develop in us the godly character of servanthood. "servanthood"? HOW is fucking without birth control "serving" anyone but yourselves? God has ENOUGH servants, only they aren't the right color so they don't "count".
My children help me surrender the selfish desires of my flesh. That doesn't even make any fucking sense.
Parenthood allows us to experience the kind of love our Heavenly Father has for us. and all kinds of hatred too like when Moo's "FORGET" their kids are in hot cars, toddlers are in the bathtub, or babies are alone in the famblee room with the fambee Doberman
In an era when so many individuals condone the denial, or taking of life - we want to give life - for life is sacred. So why not adopt a starving child or one who is surely doing to die from disease then?
We don't want to deprive our parents of their "crowning glory" (Proverbs 17:6). We want to bless them with grandchildren. SUCH bullshit! You just want them to baby sit, that's all
Our children are my teachers. I learn sweet things from them every day. and shitty things too like greed, anger, and resentment
I'm replenishing the earth with godly seed. OH PALEASE. Your "seed" is no more "Godly" than the next stupid cunts
I want to be obedient to God's Word to "Be fruitful and multiply." He meant back when there weren't many people,NOT NOW when kids are starving to death and dying on a daily basis because there are so damned many of them! STOP closing your eyes to the pain and suffering of EXISTING children simply because YOU want to self replicate.
My children are my friends and my brothers and sisters in the Lord. Now who can have too many of these? There are PLENTY already, you just choose to ignore them and their pleas as they lie starving to death
I have a passionate love for babies. HERE comes the truth! Your urge to shit loaves has NOTHING to do with this load of sanctimonious bullshit you have been spewing and everything to do with your OWN SELFISH desires
I just love being a mother. I love being pregnant. I love giving birth and I love breastfeeding. Blah blah blah and ME ME ME, so typical of a moo cunt
I love the sweet smiles, the delightful giggle, the soft baby to cuddle.while you choose to ignore the shitty diapers, incessant wailing, and drudgery that accompanies babies. We all know how you choose to leave THAT part out
Jesus said that when we welcome a little child into our home and family we are actually welcoming Him. I don't want to spurn Jesus.Then ADOPT some kids! Jesus WANTS you to adopt, but you'd rather fuck and sluice.
We want our children to have the riches of many relationships with brothers and sisters. When we are no longer living, our children will have each other for encouragement, fellowship and a sense of family. That is SUCH Horseshit
The more children we have, the more our love is multiplied.No, the more your love is watered down
We still have an empty seat in our van, and we'd like to fill it! Perhaps THE most asinine reason for spawning listed as of yet!
Our children are all so wonderful, who could resist another one? Riiighht, Chances are they are all little bastards
God says that children are a reward and we believe Him! I don't recall anywhere in The Bible where children are called "rewards". "Rewards" for what? AGAIN, you are fucking without birth control and fresh loaves are the biological consequence of your selfish and careless actions
Children are the most precious gift of marriage. MORE bullshit because we all know children ruin more marriages than they "save"
We get lots of experience in sharing and communicating.Your kids shouldn't be had for "experiences" you should be having with adults!
Children help me see my daily dependence on God for His wisdom and strength. No, they see your daily dependence on your husband because you have no skills what so ever besides sluicing, which has NO VALUE
I love to feel a precious life within my womb.Gross
Large families are FUN! And we love having fun. I seriously doubt that because you are too busy being inpig and sluicing to "enjoy" much of anything else!
In a large family, the children and teenagers don't want to go out to find entertainment because they are lonely and bored - there is already fun and entertainment at home A new baby reminds me of how Jesus came into the world.COMPLETE BULLSHIT
To be open to more children shows our present children that we love them. How can our children understand the love of God if we have the attitude that a certain number of children is too many? You can show your "present" children you love them by stopping trying to create MORE and spend some time with THEM
More children help to grow the church.
I want to rear strong soldiers for the Lord. Assuming they will even want to be in that "army"
I'll be able to spend eternity with my children. And if you never knew them you wouldn't miss them
My body was created for this purpose. Oh for the love of Christ!
Family celebrations - birthdays, holidays and Christmas are even more wonderful with a new baby in the house.and even less money for decent food and presents too
Hope for mankind is expressed in the miracle of a baby's birth. Wherever there is life, there is Hope.NOT necessarily, as the over crowded prisons will illustrate
Babies are sweet, cuddly, adorable and have so much potential. It's like planting seeds in a flower garden - a beautiful bouquet for the future. RIIIIGHHGT. MORE bullshit. Babies aren't "seeds" to be planted in a garden, they are HUMAN BEINGS.
There will be more people to pay for the aged's social security benefits. Not if they're girls and like their moo don't ever work a day in their lives?
I want to yield my womb as a living sacrifice to God."Living sacrifice" It's your HOLE woman, not a fucking alter for God
To prevent menses and enjoy the nursing hormones of prolactin and oxytocin. My most enjoyable and peaceful times are during the absence of menses during pregnancy To give a sweet testimony to a lost world. GEEEEE. Staying inpig to avoid having a period? NOW I have heard it all!
Babies remind us of how wonderful and how creative our God is.and how cruel and spiteful when it's a Tri-Tard or born with a horrific disfigurement
We are training a godly generation that will cover the earth with the Gospel and prepare the way for Jesus' return.I wouldn't count on it!
Younger children teach the older children how to be helpers. By the time the are old enough to be married and have children of their own, they'll be prepared for raising them. Now THAT makes sense! Keep shitting loaves so you can teach the new loaves how to shit more loaves
I want another arrow for God's army. I thought she already covered this
I love to feel a precious new life moving within me.She already covered this one too in the "womb" comment.Now, she's grasping and reaching
I would hate to stand before God on Judgment Day and have to answer why I rejected the children He had ordained for our family.God hasn't "ordered" anything! WHY can''t they get that through their heads? THEY want to sluice, NOT God.
Our children have taught me the value of relationships and the shallowness of the world's value system.:headbrick
I trust God in all other areas of my life and I want to trust Him in the area of having children too. God created the men who created the various birth control methods, let's not forget that. THEY TOO, were once loaves
It sure is nice to kiss and smell a little one again. Their scent is so sweet. if you think vomit smells sweet
Babies are also a blessing to other people. They sure love to hold and cuddle mine. Since my siblings have stopped at two children per family, I want to supply them for my parents and everyone else's pleasure.PLEASE don't keep sluicing for the rest of us! Your brothers and sisters don't WANT to cuddle and hold all your loaves because if they did they would have sluiced their own!
Our horizon and interests are constantly widened. Each child is born with a different destiny upon his/her life. Each child has different gifts. As we encourage our children in their varied gifts we constantly learn new things ourselves. Our children will often take on ventures and interests that we would never have dreamed of. Parenthood is not confining, but enlarging. More on vicarious living
Babies are future dish washers! Oh for GOD'S SAKE!:smn
Babies are a lot more entertaining than TV.:headbrick
We're helping to build the kingdom of God.Pete and Repeat were sitting on a fence.........
So I can buy cute baby and children's clothes, even if it's at a yard sale.
I'll be able to spend eternity with my children. MORE repitition
Children teach me to become a servant, and that's what Jesus wants us to be. Jesus Himself said He came to serve rather than to be served. More slave talk
To be convicted of sin and the need for repentance as I observe my sinful nature in my children's sinful natures. That sounds like Stephen King's "Carrie" Moo
The more children we have, the more we will be blessed when we are older. Instead of being lonely, we will have many children and grandchildren around to entertain us, bless us and care for us. A variation of the BINGO, "Who will take care of us in our old age?"
Raising up a godly seed is laying up treasure in heaven.MORE about the "seed". God how I loathe fundie "seed" talk
Having children causes us to depend upon God moment by moment! AND the federal government
After reading all these wonderful reasons, wouldn't you like another baby? Oh absolutely all of these reasons makes ME want to drop a loaf!

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

One thing that puzzles me, is that wouldn't this Quiverfull woman still accomplish much of the same goals by simply adopting? The only thing she wouldn't get out of it would be pregnancy and birth, but in the end, would that even matter in light of eternity? She would still be showing love, and it would illustrate God's adopting and mercy to sinners far better then having a million kids. Especially since many of the kids waiting for adoption often feel unwanted and unloved.

I just don't get these women.

You know, making fun of these people is about as sporting as shooting cows with a high-powered rifle. They would probably think that cancer is a "gift and blessing" from God. After all, it's a type of life...

More children releases more of Christ in our home.

This made me picture one of those air fresheners that spray at various intervals. New! Glade "Christ" spray! Freshen up your home with the lovely scent of a barnyard manger today!

We still have an empty seat in our van, and we'd like to fill it!

And when that's full - we'll get a clam shell for the top! After that - Granny's going to ride on top in her rocking chair, jes like on The Beverly Hillbillies.

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Zzelda
More children releases more of Christ in our home.

This made me picture one of those air fresheners that spray at various intervals. New! Glade "Christ" spray! Freshen up your home with the lovely scent of a barnyard manger today!

We still have an empty seat in our van, and we'd like to fill it!

And when that's full - we'll get a clam shell for the top! After that - Granny's going to ride on top in her rocking chair, jes like on The Beverly Hillbillies.

In my small town at the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Kentucky it's common for entire extended famblee clans to load up "on the truck" at the first of the month and "come to town". They come in groups with meemaw, peepaw, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc..... to cash in on their first of the month welfare and "disability" check freebies. There are several hillbilly famblees who apparently can't afford a van with a wheel chair lift, so they literally strap meemaw in with one of those bungee cord looking things onto the back of the pick up truck bed and use hunks of woods as "stops" in front of the wheels on her wheel chair.

Once they get to Walmart, since they don't have a handicap parking sticker, they pull up to the merchandise load-unload zone in front of the garden center, drop the back of the pick up truck bed, and lay out some plywood to roll granny down onto the pavement. Then, they dump her into a electric store scooter and go on their merry ways.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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The birth of a baby is the ultimate fulfillment of love between a husband and wife. Each child is an unbreakable bond between a father and mother.

Biblicaly incorrect:

John 15:13 Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

Ye Gods Kim!

I'm not sure if I should laugh or what ~

Sounds dangerous. Poor Granny.

I love you, Kim!

It's your hell; you rot in it!

Reaperess and Kim:

You beat me to it! I was going to post a Quiverful essay I found -- 10 Reason to Have More Children -- but I couldn't overcome the anger I felt watching these morons cherry pick the Bible.

Glad I waited. What y'all did here was out of the park!

Awesome responses KK!!

What a bunch of horse shit. Fundies are FREAKS.

Has anyone else noticed that is obsessed only with inpigness, calving and the baybee stage?

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blackpearl
Has anyone else noticed that is obsessed only with inpigness, calving and the baybee stage?

I noticed that too. This moo isn't saying how great it is to deal with a five year old just starting school or how much of a blessing it is to parent a teenager.

"I love birthing new souls for Christ...until they lose that new baby smell, grow sentient and turn athiest."

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

I watched an excellent documentary on Netflix the other day that mixed humor and factual information regarding a lot about modern Christian fundamentalism called, "Selling God". While it covers a lot of ground, a few things that stood out to me regarding this topic were the comments made from Christians who were also well read and well educated in religion and The Holy Bible itself, including historical facts about it. Among the commentary one guy said how you'll NEVER hear a fundamentalist touting things that God allegedly is "for" that they themselves don't happen to be "for" either, Oddly, "God" always seems to want the same things they do. Of course with over 1500 different Christian denominations, "God" has a variety of wishes and wants.

Although I have been aware of the translation differences for quite some time, one was brought up I hadn't heard before. That is the virgin birth. Apparently, "virgin" back when the bible was compiled was actually translated as "young woman", with NO mention of her also having had to be a virgin, but that was later added in because it was popular among others in the past who had claimed to be messiahs or the son of God as well and they had all pretty much claimed to have been born of a virgin. The one most logical sounding and convincing of the educated Christians interviewed, whose beliefs were based on many years of biblical studies with The Holy Bible itself in it's English version, books in it's original languages, and also of his study of the many "missing" books that were purposely left out, was the most interesting.

Among other things he said that much of the bible was NOT true, not literally "God's word", but that he believed it INCLUDED the truth of God's word and CONTAINED God's word on how we should live,but was largely rewritten, added onto, revised, and later mistranslated by MEN, which is what I think, pretty much, if ANY of it is to be believed. There was also talk about those who close their minds to any logic whatsoever and clutch onto "faith", who are by far the most unbelievably annoying of the bunch. He said, "God said it, I believe it, and that's it!..." These types simply can't be reasoned with at all because they are blindly putting "faith" in something or an a premise they don't even understand or TRY to understand. Most maddening perhaps, and I heard this shit my entire life is, "It's not for us to understand, just have faith".

Another interesting thing brought up was how fundies blame everything bad on "the devil" and give credit to God for everything good that happens. Also, the point was made if everything is already, "God's will", then why even pray about it? Also, why do they think that group prayers are more likely to get a positive response than a single prayer? Why is it (and this is from me) that good people die seemingly before their time because God wants to "cal them home", but bad people die early as a punishment, BUT if they become Christians before they die, even a minute before, they have that same opportunity to enter Heaven and live an eternally peaceful life as the good person they tortured and murdered? Like I said, a good documentary and very thought provoking.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

cool, reaperess! above rubies is my favorite fundie site :biggrin2

honestly when I read that site for the first time, I seriously thought it's a badly made parody.

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Miss_Hannigan
"I love birthing new souls for Christ...until they lose that new baby smell, grow sentient and turn athiest."

larious

Agreed

They don't care about child or teens. They care about baybieeees because, well, children are cared by teens, and teens... marry and have baybieeees ASAP! (*shudders shudders*)

Also. Full your quiver?In biblical time it might had sense. Now? Well... Better a quiverfull of arrows or a Magnum?
You could say that a parents with only 1 child who are growing him/her well are making an atomic bomb, to stay in the (horrendous) comparison

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“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.”


― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove


lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.

http://www.refugees.bratfree.com/read.php?2,72091,page=1

I knew this sounded familiar and found this one from a DIFFERENT fundie moo from two years ago. While they're all preposterous, i have bolded some of the worst:


100+ Reasons to Have Children
1.Have a happier marriage.
2.Pay less income taxes.
3.Learn to share, and like it.
4.The ultimate diet plan: morning sickness and breastfeeding.
5.Enjoy snuggles on demand, around the clock.
6.Cuteness abounds.
7.Disposable diapers. There. I said it.
8.Receive preferential treatment in grocery lines.
9.Be seated first (or last, if you prefer) on planes.
10.Park in the "stork" space at grocery stores.
11.Have an excuse to buy cool toys and cute little outfits.
12.Children will love you on your worst day, and...
13.they think you're beautiful, even on bad hair days,
14.or when you're not wearing makeup.
15.Free entertainment: kids are hilarious.
16.Laughter is good for your health. See above.
17.Have family still living when you're old.
18.Have someone to help you when you're old.
19.Grandkids!
20.Have someone to help care for your pets.
21.But who needs pets? Kids are way cuter, and they last longer.
22.Unlike pets, kids eventually learn to take care of their own poop.
23.Get a lollipop every time you go to the bank, along with your children.
24.Tone your arms the old-fashioned way: tote a toddler.
25.Kids eat free at many restaurants.
26.Have an excuse to buy junk food.
27.Sharing your junk food means less stays on your own hips.
28.Children will eat and appreciate your failed cooking experiments.
29.Embarrass your kids. You won't believe how fun it is. Displays of affection with your spouse work well for this.
30.Be better able to encourage other parents during rough times with their children because you've been-there-done-that.
31.Blow bubbles.
32.Give your friends somewhere to send their kids' hand-me-downs.
33.Burn calories: play with your kids.
34.Kids will help hone your reactions with obstacle courses on the stairs.
35.Save money by not buying birth control.
36.Have s*x without worrying about pregnancy. It's fun.
37.Ask anyone who has given birth: the pains of labor are worth it.
38.Pregnancy reduces menstrual cramps in subsequent periods.
39.Pregnancy lowers your risk of ovarian cancer.
40.Breastfeeding lowers your risk of breast cancer,
41.and uterine cancer,
42.and osteoporosis.
43.Not using birth control lowers your risk of ectopic pregnancy.
44.Think pregnancy dooms you to getting fat? Take a look at my mom with her 14 kids. Can you even tell which one she is?
45.Pregnancy requires you to eat more. I can appreciate that.
46.Be motivated to be a better person. Little eyes are watching.
47.Help raise the languishing birth rate.
48.Learn alongside your children.
49.Read books you never would have discovered on your own.
50.Reread your childhood favorites with and to a new generation.
51.See the world through new, unjaded eyes.
52.See yourself through your baby's eyes. It's amazing.
53.See yourself through your children's eyes. You'll never be the same again.
54.See your flaws reflected in your children. It's enlightening and humbling.
55.Kids will make you proud and keep you humble.
56.If you make a mess while eating, everyone will assume the kids did it.
57.Kid will say what you wish you could say, but can't.
58.Strengthen your relationship with your own parents by becoming a parent yourself.
59.Stay physically active. It's much harder to be lazy when little ones depend on you.
60.Improved immune system. It's a law of nature: Moms never get sick.
61.If you do get sick, you have someone to take care of you without your spouse taking time off work.
62.Baby smiles.
63.Carrying a baby? Strangers will smile at you.
64.Babies are also a great conversation starter.
65.Learn to delight in everyday occurrences.
66.Translate toddler gibberish with ease for puzzled onlookers.
67.Your own love for your child gives you a small taste of how much God loves His children.
68.Live vicariously: remember that toy you never got as a child, but you're too old to want it now? Let your kids try it out.
69.Relive your childhood: remember the toy you did get as a child? Let your kids try it out.
70.Rediscover the joy of crayons.
71.Job security: moms have it.
72.Learn and believe that happiness really doesn't come from material wealth...
73....yet be amazed at how much joy you can buy your child with a quarter.
74.Kids are cheap.
75.Marvel that 2 people can produce children that are better-looking than either parent. Heredity is a strange and wonderful thing.
76.Be welcomed home like a returning war hero every time you go grocery shopping or to the post office.
77.Be looked at like this:
78.Soft little fingers and toes. They're cute on other people's children, but utterly priceless on your own children.
79.The unbearable cuteness of newborn-size diapers. (credit: Deanna)
80.Discover your super powers: make milk, and heal mortal wounds with a kiss.
81.Ask any parent you know if they regret having kids.
82.Learn to appreciate simple pleasures: ice cream cones, a single M&M, homemade cookies.
83.Do you love your spouse? Experience a miracle: a new person who looks like both of you.
84.After 10 years of children, washing dishes becomes optional. (credit: Deanna)
85.Get special treatment on Mother's Day.
86.Breakfast in bed is fun, even when it's cheerios and multi vitamins. (credit: Becca)
87.Experience the triumph of potty training.
88.Have the advantage of a youthful memory again: have your kids remind you about important things. (credit: Megan)
89.Expand your wardrobe: share clothes with your teens.
90.Gather candy from the piñata without getting funny looks.
91.Have help cooking.
92.Be a safer driver,
93.In a safer vehicle.
94.Free or cheap manicures and pedicures. I pay a dollar.
95.Ditto for back/shoulder rubs.
96.Perpetually late? You don't even have to blame it on the kids. People will assume.
97.Vanity? You'll look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself.
98.Paint your kids' nails in a color you like but could never wear yourself.
99.Have your bed made for $.25/day. Maid service has never been so cheap or cheerful, and there's no need to report payments to the IRS.
100.If you've never had a baby fall asleep on your chest, you just don't know what you're missing.
101.Homemade friends. My children are some of my favorite companions.
102.Kids with money ROCK! They buy their own clothes, treat you to Starbucks, and buy you unbelievable birthday/Christmas gifts.
103.World domination through militant fecundity! [maniacal laughter]
104.Children are part of God's purpose for creating marriage:But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring. Malachi 2:15



:BS

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Huh. I had to annotate a few of these for the fun of it. Can't figure out how to use the red letter feature -- not enough coffee yet. My annotations are in bold and italics.

Quote
kidlesskim

I knew this sounded familiar and found this one from a DIFFERENT fundie moo from two years ago.

100+ Reasons to Have Children
1.Have a happier marriage. I can't imagine a happier marriage than the one I have with CF DW!
2.Pay less income taxes. Charitable donations work just fine, thank you!
5.Enjoy snuggles on demand, around the clock. I have a wife for that.
6.Cuteness abounds. Ever seen my cats?
10.Park in the "stork" space at grocery stores. According to the state of Arizona, life begins two weeks before conception. So every woman in America (at least Arizona) can park in these spots without being actually pregnant.
11.Have an excuse to buy cool toys and cute little outfits. I collect comic book action figures! I don't need an excuse!
12.Children will love you on your worst day, and... So do my cats! So does my wife!
16.Laughter is good for your health. See above. That's why they make DVDs of Laurel and Hardy and the Marx Brothers. And unlike children, I can take the DVDs back to the library.
17.Have family still living when you're old. Oh, God! I don't like being around those people now as it is!
18.Have someone to help you when you're old. I'll be able to afford to bribe some young chick to take care of me, and leave everything to her.
20.Have someone to help care for your pets. I wouldn't let a kid near my cats for all the money in the world! Have you seen what those little bastards do to cat tails and whiskers?
22.Unlike pets, kids eventually learn to take care of their own poop. Kittens are born knowing how to use a litter pan. I've never seen a kid who knows how to use a toilet except for drowning expensive watches.
33.Burn calories: play with your kids. Sex burns 750 calories per session. Being CF means I get to burn around 1,500 per day. So there!
35.Save money by not buying birth control. Save money on birth control by being surgically babyproofed!
36.Have s*x without worrying about pregnancy. It's fun. See number 35! And unlike you, I'm not afraid to spell sex with the vowel. I'll do it again. SEX!
38.Pregnancy reduces menstrual cramps in subsequent periods. So does evening primrose oil, and it's a lot cheaper.
44.Think pregnancy dooms you to getting fat? Take a look at my mom with her 14 kids. Can you even tell which one she is? The one that looks brain dead!
45.Pregnancy requires you to eat more. I can appreciate that. What was it you said about losing weight?
47.Help raise the languishing birth rate. WHERE? On Mars?
48.Learn alongside your children. I'm going to college to learn. Somehow, See Spot Run doesn't sound very educational to me.
49.Read books you never would have discovered on your own. If you can't discover books on your own then you are beyond stupid!
51.See the world through new, unjaded eyes. I just get new glasses for that.
52.See yourself through your baby's eyes. It's amazing. A big stupid biped who exists just as a feedbag?
54.See your flaws reflected in your children. It's enlightening and humbling. That's what mirrors are for.
55.Kids will make you proud and keep you humble. Proud and humble in the same sentence? Paradox here?
57.Kid will say what you wish you could say, but can't. My wife does that just fine, thank you!
58.Strengthen your relationship with your own parents by becoming a parent yourself. What part of THEY'RE DEAD don't you get?
70.Rediscover the joy of crayons. I never lost it.
75.Marvel that 2 people can produce children that are better-looking than either parent. Heredity is a strange and wonderful thing. You're that ugly?
83.Do you love your spouse? Experience a miracle: a new person who looks like both of you. Make up your mind! You just said they looked better.
84.After 10 years of children, washing dishes becomes optional. NEVER ask me to eat at your house, you unhygienic slob!!
89.Expand your wardrobe: share clothes with your teens. A teen who dresses like Mom? You're trying to kill your teenager with angst and embarrassment!
92.Be a safer driver,
93.In a safer vehicle. One accident that was my fault in 32 years of driving is a pretty safe record. And my truck is like a tank! Can't say that in your minivan, can you? I've seen how you people drive!
98.Paint your kids' nails in a color you like but could never wear yourself. Okay, stop right here! PAINT A BABY'S NAILS? Are you stupid or what? You're what!
100.If you've never had a baby fall asleep on your chest, you just don't know what you're missing. I had a 17 pound Maine Coon fall asleep on my chest. Thought I was having a heart attack!
103.World domination through militant fecundity! [maniacal laughter] AH! The truth is out!
104.Children are part of God's purpose for creating marriage:But did He not make them one,
Having a remnant of the Spirit?
And why one?
He seeks godly offspring. Malachi 2:15 Isn't that why he sent Jesus? If all it took was kids, then one of the most profound teachers on how to treat other people wouldn't have had to be so horribly murdered! Get your nose out of the Old Testament, Fundie!



:BS