"Why Everyone {Except Me} Should Have at Least Four Kids"

From the same woman that talks about her "vasshole":

http://mylifeandkids.com/why-everyone-except-me-should-have-at-least-four-kids/

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If you have just one child, then he has no one to play with. How sad – an only child growing up without a playmate.

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If you have two kids, then you’re just like everyone else. And no one feels sorry for you.

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If you have three kids, then you have a middle child. And you never want to have a middle child. (Think of the therapy bills!)

But if you have four kids, then you have a free pass for everything.

You look like hell? Of course you do – you have four kids!

You weigh 800 pounds? Hell yes you do – you have four children!

Your house is a mess? Yes, it is – and we have some volunteers scheduled to come help you clean it and do some laundry too.

Your kids are running around like terrorists at the grocery store? Honey, you have your hands full. You take your kids right on out to the car, and I’ll pay for your groceries and deliver them to you. Poor thing.

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As for me – I felt like two kids was a lot. And three kids feels like a lot too.

And every time I think that maybe a fourth wouldn’t be so bad, I snag my varicose vein on the coffee table and remember why I’m never going to be pregnant again. Ever.

From scanning through the comments, they look like they're worth reading for the trainwreck factor. Here's a little taste:

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I hate to break it to you, Jen, but there IS no magic number to get a free pass! I have 11 children ages 22, 21, 19, 17, 15, 13, 11, 9, 6, 4, and 8 months. I also have two grandchildren ages 3 and 4 months that live with us. Like Jen, I get the “you must be so organized” and the “I could never do that”. And like Amy Lynn, I get the rude stares and comments like “don’t you know what causes that?”, plus assumptions that I am irresponsible, that my kids all have different dads and that we’re on welfare (they’re all from the same dad and we’re not on welfare). We do get the occasional nice comment though. And, like Amy Lynn, we did not choose to have a large family for the approval or disapproval of others. We felt like we were and are doing what we are supposed to do..led by God’s hand. Anyway, I enjoyed the article and got a good chuckle out of it! I just wish someone would pay MY grocery bill!!

Since she has two grandchildren and her oldest is 22, looks like "God's hand" also led to one of them becoming a teen mother.

There's also bingoes, like this one when a woman says she only wants one child:

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Shantelle, if you want to give everything for your only kid, then you should seriously consider giving him or her siblings! The gift that keeps on giving. After all, who else is going to help shoulder the load when mom needs round-the-clock nursing care in her old age?

larious That's the one I was going to post UNTIL I saw the VASSHOLE blog. God, I realize the Moo is trying to be funny, but there's an obvious amount of truth to what she says which makes it entertaining, in a laughing at moos sort of way.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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we did not choose to have a large family for the approval or disapproval of others. We felt like we were and are doing what we are supposed to do..led by God’s hand.

Breed like locusts is what you're supposed to do? eyes2 And it's not God's hand, bitch, it's your duh's pencil dick.

Who else complains like this?

I was going to say - I have alot of education, around 10 years, you ever hear me bitch about that? Ooooeeee tehs maths an siency thingys was soooo hards! An you gotta be there at 7, 8, in the morning? And you might wind up working on it til 8, 10, 12, All Night? And you have a job, too, which you need to keep to survive?

Oooooeeee! It was so much *torture*! Why no one care? Bawwwww ~

But forget that. How about people who are seriously ill. Who have serious hardships - not of their own doing.

This is why I try not to complain. Others have it worse. FAR worse. And they didn't ask for it, either.

Complaining Cows DID ask for it!

And they bitch and whinge so incessantly ~

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some retard
I hate to break it to you, Jen, but there IS no magic number to get a free pass!

Actually, Fundmoomie, there IS a magic number of children that you can have to get a free and easy ride through life. That number is...ZERO!!! :yeah

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"Yes, fellow readers, nothing says 'devoted father of a special needs kid' quite like drinking, snorting cocaine, and then taking the boat out for a spin."
- Tiquer

But if you have four kids, then you have a free pass for everything.I wonder if they really believe this? Many Moos certainly do seem to believe after they sluice they deserve a "free pass" and fucking key to the city, judging by the way they inflict their kids onto the general populace without any apparent remorse at all.

You look like hell? Of course you do – you have four kids! Now THAT'S Moo-logic, without a doubt! It's also at the root of their intense jealously of other women who manage to sluice AND look great! Now, I can't vouch for the condition of her cooter, but one of my mother's friends had TEN kids(they were Catholic and on God's famblee plan), she was a full time nurse and worked the 11am-7am shift so she could also be an "at home" Mom, her house always looked great, she had those kids trained to cook and clean so everything was always in order and they had Walton-style dinners together each night, AND she was very attractive, slim, and ALWAYS looked great. I once saw her in a two piece bathing suit and everything was where it was supposed to be too. I'd imagine among her crowd of church lady friends she was looked upon with great envy. Women like her are rare indeed and Moos openly hate their guts

You weigh 800 pounds? Hell yes you do – you have four children! That's just pitiful they think, and most moos do appear to think this, that having several kids is a valid excuse to have to be weighed on a fucking meat scale.down

Your house is a mess? Yes, it is – and we have some volunteers scheduled to come help you clean it and do some laundry too. That's not only a bullshit excuse for living in filth and squalor, but WHO "volunteers" to come and clean anyone's house or do their laundry just because they have kids? No, I am not buying any of that. IN their dreams.:BS

Your kids are running around like terrorists at the grocery store? Honey, you have your hands full. You take your kids right on out to the car, and I’ll pay for your groceries and deliver them to you. Poor thing. I fucking think NOT. Even other breeders complain when kids run wild in the grocery store.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Guys, it's a JOKE! Her point is that there IS no right number in the public view. Other people will ALWAYS say that the number, be it zero or twenty is always wrong, somehow.

Since she has two grandchildren and her oldest is 22, looks like "God's hand" also led to one of them becoming a teen mother.”

And how much you wanna bet both of teen moomie’s kids don’t share the same father?

“Shantelle, if you want to give everything for your only kid, then you should seriously consider giving him or her siblings! The gift that keeps on giving. After all, who else is going to help shoulder the load when mom needs round-the-clock nursing care in her old age?”

If this bint thinks her kids are going to care for her in her old age, she’s delusional. Oh well, she’ll find out the hard way when Twatford and Bitchney toss her wrinkled ass into a nursing home and don’t visit until she’s about to croak, but only to make sure she changes her will so they get everything.
Or maybe the siblings will just kill each other before that happens.

Yeah, I can pick up that some of this stuff is *trying* to be a joke -

But so much of their sincere whinging comes through.

They start out with a bit of jokiness about them, sometimes they even put *disclaimers* that whatever they're about to write *is supposed to be a joke*. Gee, I wonder why? Could it be that their weak attempts at satire (which they probably cannot define) often quickly devolve into generalized rants and / or swipes at people they dislike.

Breeder bingoes are bad enough, but I'll never understand the pressure to promote breeding past one child. Only children are so often seen as freaks, as spoiled, as not pulling their weight, etc.

I'm an only child because my parents were both educated enough to know that they couldn't comfortably afford two children. Easy peasy. It's all about math.

I grew up super educated, super smart and mature, able to handle myself with adults and see them as my peers without being an obnoxious little shit -- truly terrible, terrible qualities to find in a child.

One place where they will not get a free pass: Disneyland/world. A sibling = gift? :BS My little brother was a thorn in my underwear until he reached his teens. Wanna give your child the best? Spend quality time with him/her. Speak like adults. Teach proper behavior. Encourage their better traits. Love them wisely without worshipping.