Smothering, now in travel-size

It's about that time again to see what the Smothers are up to. Since my last list got really really long-winded, I tried to only include the most epic of failures.

Moo laments about how gentle discipline is not working. Her kid sounds like a real cancer curer too - he does everything in his power to stick his grubby little fingers into electrical sockets and the resulting shocks only deter him temporarily. You've got a fucked up home when the only two house rules are, "No electrocuting yourself" and, "Don't kick the babysitter."
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1326166/gd-is-failing-anyone-with-any-insight

:mrd Duh is sick of dealing with his brat's "behavior issues" and fighting with Moo, so he decides he's going to move out. A separation and not a divorce because then he won't have to pay Moo child support and alimony and all that (I don't think he does anyway). Moo's angry because she sees him escaping to his own place as him going on vacation from their pweshuses and he can just come and go as he pleases. I wonder why more Duhs don't do this, honestly.
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1327561/dh-wants-to-move-out-and-separate-not-divorce-what-do-i-do

:crz Perv teenage stepson molests this Moo's daughter - he was 15 at the time and the girl was 6. Perv showed absolutely no regret over what he did and happily admitted to it. Fast forward to now - the guy is engaged to a woman with two little girls he intends to adopt once the marriage is sealed. Moo has told this idiot woman about Perv being a sex offender, but I guess when you're in wuv, nothing else matters. It'll only be a matter of time before he's diddling these kids too.
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1326191/what-to-do-when-you-know-a-mother-is-marrying-a-molester

God fucking damn shit. Two people who decided to not have kids and the husband got snipped have changed their minds...or rather, Moo has undergone therapy to deal with her abusive childhood and now she decided she needs baybees and that wanna-Duh should get his vasectomy reversed. And according to Mrs. BabyRabies, a £2500 will cripple them financially. A child, which costs a hell of a lot more than that, apparently will not (wanna-Moo even says she feels a baby won't cost much). Fucking dumbshits; this will just fan the "You'll change your mind" flames. According to an update, they are "devastated" because while the reattachment of the tubes was a success, the husband has no sperm count. Poor widdle babies.
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1293486/has-anyone-else-regretted-a-vasectomy

Moos who support illegally-operating "underground" midwives because those midwives are willing to risk everything to help home-birfin' Moos. Yeah, until shit goes wrong and Moo needs someone to sue. Many of the responses say, "I support anyone who wants to be a midwife, even if they do so illegally."
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1326255/poll-do-you-support-underground-midwives

:baybie1 Lot of Moos who do unassisted home-birfin' (I guess with no midwife or anything) are concerned about having CPS called on them. One whore is being investigated because she shat a severely deformed loaf that died. Also a little arguing over whether or not CPS should be allowed in your house if they show up at your door - some Moos say don't let them in ever and others say to comply or they'll "steal" your kids. I wonder if any of these swine are on Fight CPS.com.
http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1325097/cps-because-of-up-uc

You know, this is a crime.

Mothering magazine actually used to be a cool magazine. It was for people like me - the nutty, hippie OB nurses, CERTIFIED midwives and parents who wanted a more natural lifestyle. This was a really underground concept - cloth diapers, midwives, freestanding midwifery centers, breastfeeding, using a doula at your birth, childbirth education other than Lamaze and believe it or not, actual green living for families.

I have no idea what happened, but suddenly this underground movement became very trendy, and mixed in with fringe movements like the anti-vax, unassisted birth and anti-circ crowds. Now it's just a joke.

At one time, midwifery and the midwifery movement was very powerful and woman-centered. It had a real sense of community. Now it's just a draw for women with $1500 strollers and a little extra cash in their pockets.

The first one just had me rolling my eyes. Why don't they.. ya know.. smack the kid every time he goes to touch an outlet and tell him "No." That'll fix it.

The second one - My advice to her would be to stop breastfeeding the three-year-old, get a day care/babysitter lined up, try to get a job, and tell hubby to GTFO and not come back. Then I'd file for divorce. He's clearly got a woman on the side. Otherwise, why is he so desperate to get an apartment for himself? One where the kids can't come to? Also, they fight a lot. well, yeah - he's looking to get out! I went through this with my now-ex. There were no kids, but he decided to move into the spare room, and he was going to come and go as he pleased. I knew something was up - then I found out about the girlfriend. So I moved out- and filed for divorce. Suddenly, he was devastated! He wanted me back - sure, me and my paycheck! Well, me and my paycheck are now much happier without him.

Child molesters don't change. Most readily admit that. And I don't think there is a juvie sex offender status that is expunged at 18....I think SOs carry it forever.

This woman is another desperate soul who would marry a doorknob if it were legal. He knows this, and has two ready made sex toys at his disposal.

Call CPS, mom. You know damn well he has only changed tactics.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

I feel bad for the kids who will have the perv step-dad too. You just know the Moo will keep her husband's sexual abuse of her kids a secret and probably will teach them not to say anything about it so she can keep her may-unn.

And I find it so interesting that Moos who want baybees so fucking badly will not only shit them on their living room floors, but will do so either with no assistance at all or have a midwife who might not even know what they're doing. If they don't want to be in a hospital to give birth, would they not at least want a midwife who was trained to properly do their job and recognize signs of complications before shit gets bad? Some underground things are okay, but I think these women forfeit any right to complain about botched home births and/or dead loaves when they hire someone to catch the loaf that has minimal or no experience or training.

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http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1293486/has-anyone-else-regretted-a-vasectomy

Jeeze lady, details?

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My husband was too sore to start trying after 2 weeks, so it was 2 and a half weeks before we started trying. Even then, he still cannot bear the missionary position or any other position that he is not supported. He's has had a rough time poor love.

I guess everyone was supposed to mark their calendars and send fertile f*cking vibes to the couple on a certain day at a certain time. And I almost feel some sympathy for the husband (not much. he doesn't have to do this). I can imagine his wife working him over, his feeble complaints about pain, and her response "OK, let's try it this way then. We can't stop - I GOTTA HAVE A BABY!"

And love how she figured out a route to bypass the expenses of having a kid

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The baby won't cost much as my sister has all of the baby stuff we'll need thankfully, and a few of my friends are pregnant now so I'll have their cast offs too. ... My husband's family are also very supportive and I know our littlin will always have everything he or she needs.

This is a UK poster - do they have a version of Craigslist over there? I'm sure the moo (if her husband's stoppage clears and she gets inpig) will be looking for freebies.

The UK version of Freecycle. eyes2

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Dorisan

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http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1293486/has-anyone-else-regretted-a-vasectomy

Jeeze lady, details?

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My husband was too sore to start trying after 2 weeks, so it was 2 and a half weeks before we started trying. Even then, he still cannot bear the missionary position or any other position that he is not supported. He's has had a rough time poor love.

I guess everyone was supposed to mark their calendars and send fertile f*cking vibes to the couple on a certain day at a certain time. And I almost feel some sympathy for the husband (not much. he doesn't have to do this). I can imagine his wife working him over, his feeble complaints about pain, and her response "OK, let's try it this way then. We can't stop - I GOTTA HAVE A BABY!"

And love how she figured out a route to bypass the expenses of having a kid

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The baby won't cost much as my sister has all of the baby stuff we'll need thankfully, and a few of my friends are pregnant now so I'll have their cast offs too. ... My husband's family are also very supportive and I know our littlin will always have everything he or she needs.

This is a UK poster - do they have a version of Craigslist over there? I'm sure the moo (if her husband's stoppage clears and she gets inpig) will be looking for freebies.

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lab mom

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surfinbird
You know, this is a crime.

Mothering magazine actually used to be a cool magazine. It was for people like me - the nutty, hippie OB nurses, CERTIFIED midwives and parents who wanted a more natural lifestyle. This was a really underground concept - cloth diapers, midwives, freestanding midwifery centers, breastfeeding, using a doula at your birth, childbirth education other than Lamaze and believe it or not, actual green living for families.

I have no idea what happened, but suddenly this underground movement became very trendy, and mixed in with fringe movements like the anti-vax, unassisted birth and anti-circ crowds. Now it's just a joke.

At one time, midwifery and the midwifery movement was very powerful and woman-centered. It had a real sense of community. Now it's just a draw for women with $1500 strollers and a little extra cash in their pockets.

This, I used to love it for their natural recipes. But, I believe in spanking and vaccinating your brats. I was fully vaccinated and turned out just fine. Probably because my parents whipped my ass when I deserved it. No "behavioral issues" for me, had I been born in the last 5 years, I'm sure I'd be diagnosed as autistic, having ODD or ADD/ADHD. I was "diagnosed" with having ADD, but I was bored in class. No one listened to me when I repeatedly said that. My fiance is the same way as me, if the class is boring, I'll tune out. It's not that it was too easy, the subject was boring.

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What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance. ~George Balanchine

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"

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CF_Amy
But, I believe in spanking and vaccinating your brats. I was fully vaccinated and turned out just fine.

Tell ya what, I better not encounter any anti-vax crap right now, verbal or written I'm dealing with a bout of shingles and am feeling quite murderous

Moos might airily toss off a concern about chicken pox, figuring that a few days out of school, and a cranky kid, are worth "getting it over with" and not having to worry about "the dangers!" of vaccinations, but try having the virus flare up in middle age as shingles. Talk about effing misery.

Dorisan - I've had shingles, fortunately my case was extremely minor but so so freaky! Basically it flares up because you had chicken pox as a kyd, not because of any current exposure (they say the flareup can be the result of anything from stress to genetics). If I recall correctly, the Varicella vaccine isn't universal because it can cause WORSE shingles as an adult. It also may have a relatively high failure rate.

If you have shingles, head to your doc for antiviral medication - the earlier you start taking it, the less likelihood you'll have to deal with postherpetic neuralgia, which is the worst part of shingles. Some people don't have any pain, but others have a LOT, and the Zovirax or Valtrex can help prevent it. Don't mess with the sores. I know shingles is HELLA itchy. Aveeno pink lotion was a godsend for my butt cheek when I had shingles. Stopped the itching cold.

I hope you feel better.

Went through a bout of eczema at 14 (I was starving myself and I think that's what triggered it), and FUCK did my skin crawl! I don't know what the fuck cream the doc prescribed (I really wasn't functioning well at that point) but the crawlies/itchies/burning stopped. Get well soon.

Hope you get well soon, Dorisan.

I live with atopic dermatitis, and it's hell. Aveeno is the best stuff on this planet.

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lab mom

Thanks for the shingles vibes

I'm on famciclovir (comment from the doctor "errrrr, don't be alarmed when you read the script description, it's also prescribed for genital herpes." Me - :hs ) Also, pills for the pain - which is really worse than the itchiness - using the Aveeno for that. Good stuff

I was being Miss Ruff 'n Tuff about it, *pshawing* the malady to Dh, until he said "OK, that's 'nuff. You're hollering at the dogs, meaning you really are feeling bad. Go.to.the.doctor. "

Dealing with this really puts me out at the inconsequential attitude moos have about chicken pox. Sure, send 'em to the pox parties so they can catch it from another kid, skip the vaccine because you don't believe in it. I guess you (moo) won't be around in 40-50 years when your kid (now an older or old person) develops shingles and is feeling miserable and possibly facing the rest of their life spent in chronic pain.

My favorite is the one where the duh wants to move out. If moo did a couple of really stupid things like put down the damn udder, get off her ass, and finally spank the damn tard, her dh wouldn't want to leave.

There was a news story about a young girl who had lost her hands as a small child due to septicemia from chickenpox. Complications can be *nasty.*

Complications from chickenpox, I think, are rare...but doesn't mean they don't exist. Some kids can die from the virus. I personally caught it by accident twice within two years - once when I was four and once when I was six. Apparently I needed two bouts of it because I'm special or something. I don't get why Moos would rather have their kids get sick than just have them get vaccinated - a little needle poke for two seconds versus being sick/itchy/etc. for a week or two. I wonder if Moos will hold other virus parties one day - better make sure Junior gets polio out of the way now. eyes2

Sorry to hear about the shingles, Dorisan. Hope you'll feel better soon. And doesn't surprise me that the stuff you're taking is for genital herpes - I think chickenpox is a form of herpes too.