TNTC - Not Pregnant

Trying Not To Conceive

So, I thought I'd try to start a "spoof" thread that is kind of like the TTC crap wannabe moos do.

I propose that all who are not pregnant or men who have not impregnated anyone reply to this thread with true and/or hilarious made-up Trying Not To Conceive evidence and anecdotes. We'll see if it takes off.

I'll start off here:

I was making a wooden box today with my Dad, and I got all weepy, thinking about how we would sometimes do stuff like this when I was a kid. I looked at the calendar and realized that I am emotionally right on schedule! Since I am TNTC, I am ecstatic! My monthly goal has been realized, due to proper precautions and vigilance on my part. Yay! Hugs all around! (I don't know why I wrote that. It seems like a moo cheerleader thing to say.)


It's your hell; you rot in it!

I am ALWAYS delighted when physical evidence reinforces the fact that I have successfully dodged the stray bullet that could have made me knocked up, although it would be a remote possibility. It means to me that I can keep the $500 in my pocket, avoid a long drive, and not have to suffer through any pain or be inconvenienced by any fucking picketers. It's a happy day to NOT be inpig and when things get tough sometimes, I tend to think, "At least I am not inpig!" because that is certainly a good measuring stick when it comes to MASSIVE depression, or lack thereof in my case.m (no thanks!)

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

TNTC is such a spiritually uplifting experience! Life before TNTC seems so meaningless now!

btw, can nyone tell me where I can get one o' those cyooot lil' day/month/year calender counters showing the age of my copper coil and how far along I am to my due date for meopause?

My family consists of me, my SO, and about 288 angel eggs. I hope to add one more to the count in a few weeks.

Quote
yurble
My family consists of me, my SO, and about 288 angel eggs. I hope to add one more to the count in a few weeks.

angel_egg.png

larious


Awwww, and it probably already has the hairs on it's head counted and whatnot too!

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Well, I guess I am TNTC as well. It is impossible for me to get inpig. I do not have to put any effort into it at all. Since the tubal, IUD, and vasectomy, life has been so easy. No more taking my temperatures, checking my vag for goo, and abstaining when fertile. Now I can just fuck till I drop without a care in the world.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Vagina - it is NOT a clown car!!!

kidlesskim, brave warrior on the TNTC path. Thank you for sharing. Your eloquence moved me to tears. I think we must be kindred spirits, because I feel the same way you do. It's so wonderful, isn't it, being TNTC?

Amy, darling! I am sooooo excited for you! I saw some of those calenders at the book store! I thought of you when I did. I know I don't know you, but I think that since we're both TNTC, it kind of makes us TNTC sisters, don't you?

Yurble, sweetie! Thanks for sharing about your significant other and 288 angel eggs. That is so inspiring. I only have about 252 angel eggs, and I am striving toward 288. It just seems like so long to wait before I get there. Any advice?

kbc, I don't mean to offend, but you obviously don't know how we feel. You can do whatever you want wherever you want, and you have no possibility of conceiving. I think you are quite insensitive for posting on a TNTC thread about your abundantly successful blocks to C'ing.
(I was just playing ttc moowannabe, kbc. I'm actually THRILLED for you!)

It's your hell; you rot in it!

Last night I noticed my drawings were even better than usual, which only happens just before my period. So I checked my pill case, and I was down to the last 7 inert pills. Yaay, no babies this month!

I hope I'm not being insensitive, bragging about my abundance, but I feel like the goddess of infertility As a non-parent, I feel very lucky, that my journey on the TNTC road is so easy. God has seen fit to bless me with being gay *teehee*
I thank the Lord every day for his generousity!!!!!!!!!!

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
" ... what's one more once you've already got two shedding on the couch?"

I thank God every day for endometriosis and condoms. Two weeks of pms sucks, the unpredictability of my cycles and flow, oh and the pain! But it's still a hell a lot better than the alternative! I love tntc!

---

lab mom

My joint don't seem to be jumpin' - but I still used protection.

396 angel eggs, give or take 5 for the times I was really irregular. I think my angel eggs are watching over whatever is left!

WHo knows how many angel eggs I have ejected in 2010 since I was all over the radar. Blasted hormonal flux...I think I sent 3 angel eggs to the great beyond in one month. Thanks to Seasonique, I am not all over the radar and definitely one more hurdle toward TNTC.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

I have been TNTC for 17 years. I used to think that periods were the universe's way of tormenting women, but now I see IT WAS ALL WORTH IT for the beautiful knowledge that I have been successful at TNTC! The cramps, raging hormones and ruined panties were ALL WORTH IT! Every month when that annoying visitor comes around, I welcome it with open legs for once again, my dream has come true!

I feel left out . Guess I'll just say I'm TNTF (Trying Not To Fertilize).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

Quote
KABA
I feel left out . Guess I'll just say I'm TNTF (Trying Not To Fertilize).

larious


This past month when I passed an Angel Egg, I noticed that it had my husband's eyes! As I lovingly fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a TicTac dispenser, he did his part and spooned out a hole in the wet coffee grounds filter in order to give it a proper burial.:bayybee:bawl

------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

We CF women need men like you, KABA, to fulfill our dreams of sex without reproduction!

Quote
amy
....how far along I am to my due date for meopause?

Judging by my increasingly wonky cycles, and because I'm now 50, I guess I've just about rung that bell.
......................................................PARTY!!!!!..............................................................................................



Still, I guess I should mourn all those coulda-beens - the possible Huntyr-Gatherer, Dilyn Brawnwyn or Fortescue; my offspring who would have cured cancer, brought about world peace and achieved the Highest Goal of All: been a future butt wiper to a CF person ..... mmmm ... nyah.

Wow, you all are so inspiring and so noble!

I think next year I'm going to get a Christmas tree and hang an ornament on it for each of my hundreds of bygone Angel Eggs. And perhaps this spring in the garden I'll tenderly plant 300 or so daffodil bulbs in honor of little Scarlette, Rhiannon Victoria, Cooper-Evan-Micah, Topher and their legions of other little non-siblings that never were.

(btw Kim -- TicTac Dispenser! lmao!)

Quote
reaperess
Yurble, sweetie! Thanks for sharing about your significant other and 288 angel eggs. That is so inspiring. I only have about 252 angel eggs, and I am striving toward 288. It just seems like so long to wait before I get there. Any advice?

Honey, there are ways to up your count besides simply waiting for God to do His work, but they are painful, and not for the faint of heart.

First, you could try taking fertility drugs to increase the number of mature eggs released and then not have sex. Or, if you are blessed with homosexuality, you can still have sex. But I'm sure you can appreciate just how painfully hard it is for many of us TNTC people to go without sex for a month, unless we have been blessed with asexuality. You might need to co-sleep with one of your pets in order to ward off your partner, but of course the biggest concern are your own cravings. You will have to master them in order to take this route--as I said, it's not for the faint of heart.

Another option is to have your ovaries surgically removed and put into the hospital's incinerator. This will instantly give you a bonus of angel eggs. However, it may cause hot flashes, and it can be damned difficult to get the doctors to agree to this procedure, even if you have a medical reason for requiring it. It's truly sad that unreproductive science has accomplished very little in the last 30 years, because of all the focus on IVF and other baby-related bullshit.

Quote
yurble
It's truly sad that unreproductive science has accomplished very little in the last 30 years, because of all the focus on IVF and other baby-related bullshit.

Excellent point

I was talking to Dh a few weeks back after grimly looking at the calendar and noting that the Cardinal was paying his second visit in less than four weeks. Told him that it makes me remember the women of my mother's and grandmother's generation. Once they started having crazy cycles, the doctor would just yank out the uterus; sometimes the ovaries for good measure. After all, they weren't of any use and it was the easiest solution to deal with "female problems". Of course, the women then went on hormone replacement therapy - now found to be very dangerous.

My current doctor, hearing me vent, has noted the progress, but it still doesn't sound very comfortable. There's uterine ablation, going on the Pill .. the last resort is the old standby: a hysterectomy. I groused that the solution sounds about as bad as the symptoms, one would think that a researcher could come up with something better. After all, if the ability to start a kid in a petri dish is over two decades old, why hasn't someone come up with a better way to just put an instant stop to post-reproductive years nonsense without it involving cutting, cauterizing or chemicals :mad2

I have a confession to make, and I know that you brave ladies,my TNTC sisters, will understand and be supportive .
My DBF of 4 years recently told me that he has decided to be childfull, and he said it is not up for negotiation.

At first, I was devistated, but then I realized he is just immature and doesn't know what he wants, and, if I play along, eventually he will come to his senses and realize what he'd be missing out on. So, I have been secretly replacing my fert drugs with BC pills, which he sees me take.

I know it is sneaky, but don't I deserve happiness? Besides, everyone nows there is no greater love than the love that can happen any time any place with no snotminer-induced interruptions.

I only want what every other normal woman wants-a great lifestyle. He'll love it once it's here, right?

I am so glad to be around like minded women - even if my TNTC journey is a bit easier. I still bury my beloved Angel eggs each month. I make sure to pour all contents from my Diva Cup into a small Tupperware dish and bury it in the back yard.

Today I had to shed a tear as I flushed my DHs seed down the toilet after baby dancing. One of them begged me not to kill it and waved.

Quote
Sneaky McBitcherson
I have a confession to make, and I know that you brave ladies,my TNTC sisters, will understand and be supportive .
My DBF of 4 years recently told me that he has decided to be childfull, and he said it is not up for negotiation.

At first, I was devistated, but then I realized he is just immature and doesn't know what he wants, and, if I play along, eventually he will come to his senses and realize what he'd be missing out on. So, I have been secretly replacing my fert drugs with BC pills, which he sees me take.

I know it is sneaky, but don't I deserve happiness? Besides, everyone nows there is no greater love than the love that can happen any time any place with no snotminer-induced interruptions.

I only want what every other normal woman wants-a great lifestyle. He'll love it once it's here, right?

Are you kidding? I'm getting a whiff of Eau de Trolle. Next, someone will be posting the story about the guy who got a vasectomy without telling his girlfriend. When she cheated, got pregnant, and tried to pin the oops on his donkey tail, he took great pleasure in revealing his infertility to her.

What you're talking about is a reverse oops. If you aren't trollish, I hope the guy has a mild temper. I know I'd be in a murderous rage if I found a guy was tampering with my BC, ending up in a pregnancy. I'd terminate toot sweet and try to obtain the scrapings, handing them to the scoundrel in a beribboned box and saying "congratulations you bastard, here's your kid."

Quote
Dorisan

Quote
Sneaky McBitcherson
I have a confession to make, and I know that you brave ladies,my TNTC sisters, will understand and be supportive .
My DBF of 4 years recently told me that he has decided to be childfull, and he said it is not up for negotiation.

At first, I was devistated, but then I realized he is just immature and doesn't know what he wants, and, if I play along, eventually he will come to his senses and realize what he'd be missing out on. So, I have been secretly replacing my fert drugs with BC pills, which he sees me take.

I know it is sneaky, but don't I deserve happiness? Besides, everyone nows there is no greater love than the love that can happen any time any place with no snotminer-induced interruptions.

I only want what every other normal woman wants-a great lifestyle. He'll love it once it's here, right?

Are you kidding? I'm getting a whiff of Eau de Trolle. Next, someone will be posting the story about the guy who got a vasectomy without telling his girlfriend. When she cheated, got pregnant, and tried to pin the oops on his donkey tail, he took great pleasure in revealing his infertility to her.

What you're talking about is a reverse oops. If you aren't trollish, I hope the guy has a mild temper. I know I'd be in a murderous rage if I found a guy was tampering with my BC, ending up in a pregnancy. I'd terminate toot sweet and try to obtain the scrapings, handing them to the scoundrel in a beribboned box and saying "congratulations you bastard, here's your kid."

I think it's just fine parody.

My girlfriend held the stick between her thumb and index finger as I twitched with an anxiousness that gripped me like a twining vine. The rate of my breathing increased as her eyes scanned the reading on the stick. I searched her face for clues the instant that the reality sank into her mind. A tear streamed down her cheek, alerting me to the situation that we now faced. She nodded slowly before wiping the solitary trail from her face.

"Are you serious?" I asked with profound disbelief.

"Positive," she emotionally replied, her arms dropping to her sides.

I leaned toward her and kissed her gently on the cheek. As a couple, we now had some decisions to make.

"Who'da thought it?" I posed in a hushed tone, the shock still fresh.

She looked at me, a smile slowly forming on her face.

"I just can't believe it," I stammered. "Of all the Popsicles in the country, you get the one with the stick that has the $50,000 grand prize stamped on it!"

"Yes!" my dearest love exclaimed as she hugged me firmly and kissed me on the lips. She held up the winning Popsicle stick in full view. "I told you I was positive didn't I?"

"Yes you did, baby." I instantly replied. "Thank goodness that wasn't a pregnancy test!"

We both laughed, knowing the notion of us ever procreating was just plain absurd.

Well, that's my TNTC story. Fictional of course.