When you read the gentle discipline section over on Smothering enough, you begin to see a pattern. There are a LOT of Moos (and it's always the Moos, whereas the Duhs are glad to wail the kids' asses) who want to be their kids' BFFs rather than their parents. The reason for this is because these Moos are still hanging onto childhood baggage where they feel that their own parents physically abused them as well as emotionally and mentally damaged them by spanking them. I don't mean genuine abuse - I mean widdle Princess got spanked when she was being a rotten little shit, and rather than move the fuck on, these Moos secretly hold these unhealthy grudges against their parents for using real discipline. Now that the Moos are grown and have their own brats, they desire to prove to their parents that you
can raise a child without "violence" (read: spanking). Then they proceed to tell themselves that their kids are perfect, "high-spirited" little angels because they refuse to admit that their parents were right and that physical discipline really works. You can tell they're all just itching to beat their kids to a pulp, but they don't because they'd rather live their lives trying to prove their own "abusive" parents wrong than raise a kid properly.
But I fully agree; by Moos just letting their kids treat them like shit and not teaching them any boundaries or right from wrong, the kids grow up thinking that it's perfectly fine to treat everyone else like garbage. Then, when they find out that everyone else won't take their shit, they lash out in anger because they were never taught how to deal with it when someone doesn't just bend over for them like Mommy did/does. Brats don't need respect, they need
discipline. They can have respect when they grow up, act like civilized human beings and earn it like everyone else.
However, I think gentle discipline/redirection/etc. reinforces the belief that abuse is okay from an angle different than the one you described. I don't think it's so much they learn that "it's okay to accept abuse from others" as it is "it's okay to hit, kick, scream at and spit on people who don't let you have your own way." I think that by not smacking their brats around a little when the kids act like assholes, Moos are breeding a generation of entitled, snowflake bullies who will punch and kick and act violent until they get their way. If Junior thinks it's A-OK to slap Mommy in the face and all that happens is his Moo hugs him for it, he's going to slap his relatives, strangers, his classmates and his teachers. Then, if the teacher dares try to use verbal discipline on the little monster, the kid's rabid cow mother will storm into the school and say or do doG knows what to the poor teacher (like the one who put the teacher in a choke hold that we discussed already).
Moos are causing so much damage to their kids by failing to teach the fuckers appropriate boundaries. Their kids can be their friends when they're grown up, but until then, they need a parent to keep them in line and show them that they don't get to do whatever they want, whenever they want. If these Moos are still this scarred by being spanked as kids... well, for one, they're fuckin' pussies. Secondly, they should never have bred if they are genuinely this fucked in the head from an occasional smack on the ass twenty years ago. Fuck, I think I remember one Moo trying to say she had PTSD because her parents spanked her.
And it's ALWAYS the women who do this. Duhs don't stand for this shit because no man will sit there and let his kid hit him in the face. Even if it is his precious dickwerkz trophy, the average Duh will not hesitate to yell at or smack a kid that tries to hit him. Again, after reading Smothering for so long, another pattern emerged: the gently-disciplined kids never listen to Moo, but they listen to Duh or were "afraid" of him because he wasn't afraid to spank, do time-outs or yell at the brats. Lots of bullshit over there along the lines of
"I want to do GD and my husband doesn't, what should I do?" and lots of suggestions of divorce from other non-discipline Moos.
Traditional discipline is not abuse just because the kid doesn't like it. Slapping and grounding a kid when he's a shit might piss him off now, but he'll grow into a more well-rounded, sane adult if he understands boundaries. You cannot expect a child to know how to behave if they aren't shown how to do so, and since kids are fuckin' stupid, you have to teach them what's right and what's wrong with simple methods. A spanking is meant to hurt a little bit, but mostly is a firm, quick reminder to the kid that says
"Hey, knock that shit off!"I kind of think of kyd discipline like planting a bush in the backyard. You have to keep it "tamed" with trimming and proper care; otherwise, it's going to grow out of control. That occasional maintenance keeps it under control and, therefore, results in something nice and worthwhile. When it grows enormous from lack of care, it's not only not very pleasing to be around, but it's going to take a LOT more work to get it back down to a manageable level. When its condition gets too bad, you might just go,
"Oh, fuck it" and not bother with it, meaning it grows more and more out of control, getting worse and worse. Eventually, it will extend too far and start being a bother to someone
else, and that someone else might just be the one to deal with it for you. And it'll probably be in a way you really do not like.
That's kind of a long-winded comparison, but I think kid discipline is in the same vein. Nip the shit in the bud from the get-go and raise a kid with rules and the understanding that they can't always get what they want, and he or she might grow up into a decent person. But just letting them do whatever the hell they want without consequence means they'll turn into assholes, and a judge isn't going to smooch Junior's snowflake ass when he's 19 and punches a cashier in the face for not letting him shoplift.