Gross Potty Training "confessions" from Cafe-Moo

http://thestir.cafemom.com/toddlers_preschoolers/181491/potty_training_stories_gross_disgusting




1-'Look at the pretty picture, Ma!'
"During a nap one day right around when we were potty training, my son decided to become a fecal artist and 'painted' a mural on the wall. There was crap everywhere, including on his face, even blocking one of his nostrils. I starting heaving when I walked in his bedroom to wake him up -- clearly he hadn't gotten much sleep!" Um, this isn't a "potty story", it's an early warning sign she has an arm flapping, shit smearing, awtard on her hands..

2-Something stinks ...
"The worst potty training event we had was probably my son pooping on a towel and hiding it behind the door of his room. That whole side of the house reeked, and we ended up tearing apart both the kids' rooms to try and find where the smell was coming from!" Again, NOT a "potty training story'. It's a fucked up kid who shits in a towel and hides it

3-Lock it in
"My son took his diaper off one morning and started using the potty. One day he decided to go in the bathroom without me. He shut and locked the door! There were no locksmiths available right away, so I called the fire department. Six firemen showed up to unlock the door. My son was inside happily playing with his pants down, the sink going, and the shower running. He had used the potty though!" God, another NOT potty training story, rather a common example of unsafe parenting skills. WHO has a bathroom door that locks from the inside when a toddler is around? It's a wonder the kid didn't drown in the toilet or something.

4-Nice neighbors!
"Early on during potty training, my son stopped and dropped a load on the neighbor's front lawn as we were walking from the car to my house. Luckily I did not really like those neighbors anyway." There's something BAD wrong with a kid who stops, drops. and shits in the yard

5-Chop chop
"During potty training my 2-year-old son would hide and go number two in unusual places. One time, I found him underneath the dining room table, naked, cutting up his poop into little pieces with a butter knife." HOW revolting.

6-Close but no cigar ...
"We are potty training my 2-year-old daughter right now, and I was outside doing laundry when she came to the door and said, 'Mama I poopoo!' and had no diaper on. So I came in the house and saw a pile of baby poop on the floor by my couch! Then, another two times, I found a pile of poop in the bathroom right next to the toilet. She had the right idea to take her diaper off and sit on the potty, but she didn't stay on the potty long enough." Jeez. squatting and shitting on the fucking floor like an untrained puppy or a monkey at the zoo.

7-The dog ate what?!
"When [I was] helping my child wash their hands, our dog snuck in the bathroom and ate the poop out of the little potty. I was so disturbed." Poor dog.


8-Catch!
"My son once fished a poop ball out of his diaper to toss to my sister-in-law. She just thought it was a bouncy ball and tossed it back. I caught whiff of it and was horrified when I realized what he had done. I think my SIL was more horrified though. I know you aren't supposed to force potty training, but I did after that. I was afraid where he was going to take it. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law is still childless, and I suspect my kids are the reason." Eeewwwww and if the sister was a fence sitter perhaps this incident will knock her off.

9-If the shoe fits ...
"My son didn't like to poop on his little potty chair. So he once hid in the coat closet and pooped in one of my snow boots. It was a runny and horrible mess!" I had a puppy shit in a shoe once during potty training, but when a grown kid does it the charm is somehow lost.

10-Who's the boss?
"My husband had his boss coming over for a cookout. This was the first time he had been to our house. My son was napping and I walked by his room and smelled poop. I went in to find poop all over his wall, bed, carpet, and himself. Then the door bell rang." Up until the past 20 years I had NEVER heard of kids smearing shit on walls.Now, it's a fucking rite of passage.

11-Not-so-fruity pebbles
"When my oldest two were babies -- about 1 1/2 and 2 1/2 -- the younger one was a little constipated and was pooping pebbles. In the middle of the night, I heard her laughing hilariously in their room. I walked in and the little one was hanging over the edge of her crib tossing her 'pebbles' at the sleeping older one's face. And yes, a few made it into her mouth." More gross shit TOTALLY unrelated to potty training


12-Wipe-out
"My daughter basically trained herself, just came up to me one day and said, 'Mum, I think I'm ready for underwear now.' So I got rid of diapers, and it has been underwear since then. We've had very few accidents. Except the first time she decided to poop on the potty, she didn't tell me, she just came out and stuck her hand in my face and one of her fingers went up my nose and she said, 'Smell that, I got poop on my hand when I was wiping.' And yes, she had ... I was smelling it all day after that." Jesus Wept.

13-Bathtime
"My son -- who is 3 -- was in his first week of potty training, doing very well all by himself, going when he was supposed to. Well, one day he says, 'Momma, I gotta go pee,' so I take him to the bathroom. I suddenly realize I forgot the wipes, so I run into our room to get them and I come back to find him pooping in the bathtub! I'm like 'Oh my God no!' This can't be happening. He looks up, jumps when he realizes I was in the room with a horrified face, falls back, and sits on his poop. I help him up and a big piece of poop is stuck to his butt and the rest is sliding down his legs. He's freaking out screaming, 'Get this off of me please, Mom'; I am freaking out because I am not sure where or how I'm supposed to clean this. I grab a towel and wet it and clean my toddler up. I then have to dig out chunks out of the bathroom. I bleach the hell out of the tub like there was no tomorrow."What an idiot. WHY didn't she just turn on the shower and hose the little bastard off? Cows always make unnecessary work for themselves which is why they are usually whining about how "bizzy" they are

14-Chew on this ...
"I have identical twin boys. When they were 1 1/2, we told them about pooping and how we do it in the toilet and the usual. Well, one day I was in my room on the phone and left them alone for about a minute. I come out and notice one is chewing on something. I open up his mouth to find that he had reached into his brother's pull-up and took the poop out of it and ate it. I had to scoop it out of his mouth while trying not to throw up. I am going to be an ER nurse and nothing really bothers me. I've had throw up in my mouth, been peed on many times, but this took the cake." I never heard of kids eating shit until the past two decades either. 'Idiocracy" is literally unfolding before my eyes.

15-Down boy!
"I'm actually finishing up potty training my 2-year-old boy. He just went pee in the potty and was reciting what I tell him to do: 'Push it down, aim in the potty.' Well, when he went to aim down, he pushed his boy parts up instead and peed all over his tummy and chest. He gasped and then yelled, 'Down! DOWN!'" This one doesn't know up from down, so it's only a matter of time before he drowns in a retaining pond or chokes on a grape

16-Need a lift?
"When our daughter was potty training at 17 months, she walked up to my husband, lifted her leg, and peed on him, then walked away. No idea why!" What kind of kid hikes her leg and pisses and sprays like an animal and ON someone too? Society is in for a rude awakening once these new watered down kids make it to adulthood,assuming they don't Darwinize themselves in the process by tumbling to death in an appliance, choking on a beanie weanie, getting strangled on the living room blinds, suffocating on packing foam, or napping under the tire of a garbage truck or something.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

That's the grossest goddamn thing I've ever read. I remember my mother potty-training Kid Brother, and he never did anything like that.

Off now to clean the cats' litter boxes with absolutely no complaints.

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kidlesskim
5-Chop chop
"During potty training my 2-year-old son would hide and go number two in unusual places. One time, I found him underneath the dining room table, naked, cutting up his poop into little pieces with a butter knife." HOW revolting.

I really hope this didn't actually happen. It sounds like a scene in a horror movie.

Gads, that's nasty!

I had to scroll down to the end after the first couple of examples. Could we put a warning label on this thread, please?

There has to be something wrong with kyds who play with or (shudder) EAT their feces. There's a reason normal humans avoid shit—it makes us SICK. Something must be wired wrong in these kyds...I don't know why else they wouldn't be repulsed by it.

But look what we're missing out on, right?!? eyes2

That's all the proof needed to tell that the world is in a downward spin. Can you imagine what these "special" children are going to be like as adults if they make it? I think I'm going to start stockpiling food and other essentials.

I've missed you, Kidless Kim! wink

God, these potty training stories. I get it that kids will have accidents from time to time, but when did feces become the new Play-Doh or quick snack?? Are the end of days approaching?

Obligatory:

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rudeawakening
There has to be something wrong with kyds who play with or (shudder) EAT their feces. There's a reason normal humans avoid shit—it makes us SICK. Something must be wired wrong in these kyds...I don't know why else they wouldn't be repulsed by it.

But look what we're missing out on, right?!? eyes2

I'm pretty sure that potty training back in the day was not this difficult. There is definitely something wrong with these kids - do they not notice the smell?!

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addiea raine
That's all the proof needed to tell that the world is in a downward spin. Can you imagine what these "special" children are going to be like as adults if they make it? I think I'm going to start stockpiling food and other essentials.

It has already happened in our neighborhood about 2 years ago. I don't know if I told the story of Louie. He was about 65 years old, had mental illness, was a paratrooper in Vietnam and he had PTSD and was exposed to Agent Orange. He was doing fine as long as he went to his VA appointments, took his meds, and was married to his wife but when she left (I don't know why, maybe Louie was mean to her?), he "decompensated." One thing that happened was that there was a path between our neighborhood and a dog park and someone put up a sign telling people to clean up after their dogs but the sign didn't work. Turns out it was because the turds weren't being left by a dog, they were from Louie. Louie was making drinking, making threats, picking fights with other guys, being taken to jail (but always out soon) and police were frequent visitors with their paddy wagon but a lot of times they could not commit Louie. Finally, he did do something and Louie went to jail and finally, is now at a long term VA facility where he hope he will be the rest of his life.

Finally, his house went into foreclosure and Sherriff sale, it turns out that Louie smeared shit all over the walls of his house. All the drywall had to be replaced to sell the house. I thought it should be wrecked, but the contractor was able to save it but all the walls had to be replaced. Took a long time to sell too, though it finally did.

So it looks like the future will have a lot more Louies. Or should I say Pooies?

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4-Nice neighbors!
"Early on during potty training, my son stopped and dropped a load on the neighbor's front lawn as we were walking from the car to my house. Luckily I did not really like those neighbors anyway."

Of course she doesn't mention cleaning it up. She'd be a shitty dog owner and she's a shitty parent. How can someone possibly think it's acceptable to leave shit in someone's yard and write it off because of not liking the neighbors?

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kidlesskim

3-Lock it in
"My son took his diaper off one morning and started using the potty. One day he decided to go in the bathroom without me. He shut and locked the door! There were no locksmiths available right away, so I called the fire department. Six firemen showed up to unlock the door. My son was inside happily playing with his pants down, the sink going, and the shower running. He had used the potty though!" God, another NOT potty training story, rather a common example of unsafe parenting skills. WHO has a bathroom door that locks from the inside when a toddler is around? It's a wonder the kid didn't drown in the toilet or something.

Probably a lock like hotels have where you just insert something into a hole to release the lock.

Not only a disgusting kyd, but a stupid parunt too. Hope the fire department billed her.

These are revolting. It is just not normal to eat shit, smear shit on your walls, and willingly get it on your hands, in your mouth, and in your nose. Defectos for sure.

I had to chime in about #3, the Lock It In story, about the kyd locking himself in the bathroom...even I know that there are things you can get for the doorknobs to prevent kyds from being able to lock the bathroom door on themselves, and if I was going to chyuld-proof a house, I'd get those, along with locks for the toilet lids, locks for the cabinets, outlet plugs, baybee gates, etc. (Toilet locks and cabinet locks come in handy for Curious George types of pets, too).

When I was a kid, I don't remember even the most fucked-up tards eating their own shit. This is behavior I just genuinely cannot fathom, especially since it seems to be happening on a large scale, to the point where it's fairly commonplace now. Two big questions come to mind: first, how can a kid eat shit and not immediately spit it out? One of these rotten little bastards will heave up half-chewed bananas for some bullshit tard reason like sensory issues, but they'll happily chew and swallow shit? How does it not taste bad? The scat porn market is going to be flooded in about two decades.

Second, how do these filthy little monsters not get deathly sick from consuming shit? Even an adult with a good or normal immune system can fall severely ill from getting a shit particle in the mouth, either from their own hands or someone else's. Meanwhile, kids shovel shit into their face holes by the handful and don't get so much as a cramp.

How's that work? Kids have awful immune systems, especially with the combined factors of premature birth and being bathed in hand sanitizer all the time. How is it that today's kids - who are sicker than ever before - somehow don't get sick from eating excrement? Even when they aren't chowing down on it intentionally, there will be shit residue on hands and clothes and under fingernails that will inevitably wind up in the brats' mouths because they constantly have their grimy mitts in their pieholes.

These are not potty training stories - they're disgusting shit fetish stories. What in the fuck is wrong with kids now that shit smearing, shit eating and general playing with shit has become so normal? I never did any of this crap (no pun intended) as a child, even when I was being potty-trained. I never remember playing with my own turds as a kid, and if I got anything on my hands after using the toilet, I wanted to wash it off because it was gross and it smelled bad. Are kids just born without a sense of smell or taste now? This is a frightening behavioral trend because, in another 15 or so years, these same turd-munchers are going to be bagging our groceries and making our burgers with the same shit-encrusted hands. I don't know if any of them will outgrow their scat habits.

All these stories are nasty and three is entirely too late to start potty training.
The only one that didn't make me hurl, although I was mad about the waste of resources, was the locked bathroom door.
Every person I know with a kid had this happen and all they did was pop it open with a credit card, hairpin or installed a lock with a key.

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saturnian catalina

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kidlesskim
5-Chop chop
"During potty training my 2-year-old son would hide and go number two in unusual places. One time, I found him underneath the dining room table, naked, cutting up his poop into little pieces with a butter knife." HOW revolting.

I really hope this didn't actually happen. It sounds like a scene in a horror movie.

I hope they didn't reuse the butter knife and why would a kid that young have access to adult utensils.

How did the kid even get ahold of the knife?

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segaface
How did the kid even get ahold of the knife?

Maybe he training for later on, after all, Louie had a Machete!

When I was young, I wasn't even allowed to touch any food that had fallen off the plate onto the table. Now the next generation is freely frolicking around in feces. Such is progress...

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Cambion
When I was a kid, I don't remember even the most fucked-up tards eating their own shit. This is behavior I just genuinely cannot fathom, especially since it seems to be happening on a large scale, to the point where it's fairly commonplace now. Two big questions come to mind: first, how can a kid eat shit and not immediately spit it out? One of these rotten little bastards will heave up half-chewed bananas for some bullshit tard reason like sensory issues, but they'll happily chew and swallow shit? How does it not taste bad? The scat porn market is going to be flooded in about two decades.

Second, how do these filthy little monsters not get deathly sick from consuming shit? Even an adult with a good or normal immune system can fall severely ill from getting a shit particle in the mouth, either from their own hands or someone elses. Meanwhile, kids shovel shit into their face holes by the handful and don't get so much as a cramp.

How's that work? Kids have awful immune systems, especially with the combined factors of premature birth and being bathed in hand sanitizer all the time. How is it that today's kids - who are sicker than ever before - somehow don't get sick from eating excrement? Even when they aren't chowing down on it intentionally, there will be shit residue on hands and clothes and under fingernails that will inevitably wind up in the brats' mouths because they constantly have their grimy mitts in their pieholes.

These are not potty training stories - they're disgusting shit fetish stories. What in the fuck is wrong with kids now that shit smearing, shit eating and general playing with shit has become so normal? I never did any of this crap (no pun intended) as a child, even when I was being potty-trained. I never remember playing with my own turds as a kid, and if I got anything on my hands after using the toilet, I wanted to wash it off because it was gross and it smelled bad. Are kids just born without a sense of smell or taste now? This is a frightening behavioral trend because, in another 15 or so years, these same turd-munchers are going to be bagging our groceries and making our burgers with the same shit-encrusted hands. I don't know if any of them will outgrow their scat habits.

Corpophilia is more common than you think in the tard community, and shit smearing is a national past time for them. For them, it's more of a sensory fuckup, general tardism and screwed body chemistry that makes them do it. It's vile and deadly to us, but remember they're tards - their bodies are curiosities to medical science, and are capable of withstanding stuff that would generally kill normal people. Plus they also probably built an immunity to it, like those people in shit-world countries that are surrounded by raw sewerage - and why we get deathly sick just by being there and breathing their air.