wahhhhhh my wealthy childfree brother isnt buying our kids xmas presents!

http://m.seattlepi.com/lifestyle/advice/article/Advice-I-think-my-rich-childless-brother-should-5044651.php


The entitlement fucking burns!!!!!

Oh yeah, I remember this one.

"How dare they not spend all their money on MY kyds when they're spending so much money on their goddaughter and toys for peasant chyldren that they don't even know???"

I get that Xmas can be really fucking expensive if you buy something for everyone, but there is such a thing as Secret Santa - we do it at work and our team is more like family than just coworkers - is it so hard for them to pull one adult name out of a hat and get that someone something nice, while still spoiling the little Cznaeuxflaikes?

Apparently it is, and I appreciate this advice columnist for taking Ted and Lisa's side in this, even if there is an element of "but they want to be parents too and it's so haaaaard watching your kyds have fun when they are childless" in there.

Also, trust a breeder to ASSume that because a couple has no children that they are 'childless' instead of 'childfree'.

There's a great way to have the greedy Moo/Duh's entitlement backfire: Ted and Lisa buy the expensive iPhones/iPads/Macbooks, big TVs, and new video game consoles for the kids. Meanwhile, the breeder siblings cheap out in comparison. Guess who ends up being the favorite every year? After a couple of years of seeing their presents tossed aside and ignored, the breeder siblings and grandparents will long for the days when Ted and Lisa took themselves out of the gift-giving game.

Also, it's kind of shitty that the childfree/childless couple is to participate in a child-only Christmas. Maybe T&L would have been more receptive if an exception was made and the family pitched in for a couple of gifts for them. Because I bet that Christmas isn't the only time the breeders tap into the CF/CL couple's financial resources. The couple probably had enough of expecting to give and give and give and receive nothing in return because they don't have kids.

------------------------------------------------------------
"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

If I were Ted and read that, I'd be like "Bitchy sister dear, you don't want Lisa and I there because you want our company. You just want us there to provide gifts for the kids. You'd like nothing more than us dropping off gifts and going the hell away because we're not parents and won't center the whole day around the children. Lisa and I provide gifts to her goddaughter to bond with her so if something should happen to her parents and we have to take her in our care, she's happy to go with us. We provide gifts for the "giving tree" because the children who receive them will appreciate them far more than our nieces and nephews, who have basic needs met with any amount of luxuries, would. Lisa and I saw no point attending the family gift exchange with the gifts only going to the children so we decided to come to the dinner when the focus would be on spending time with everyone over a good meal."

That is a letter without shame. Instead of being glad the T&L actually think of kids outside of the family, it's all about the sibling's pwechious sprogs. They plainly stated that they were well to do, how about they start giving to the gift tree? I actually enjoyed doing that last year. My job adopted the women's shelter and all that the kids that I got wanted were warm clothes. How can any breeder justify wanting more for their sprog that the buy for any way when there are kids these two are helping? The selfishness is epic with that letter. Almost as selfish as the one where the sister snobs the other sister because that sister is a working single mom.

That letter echos much of the greed and lack of moral substance that I realized was inherent in most gift grabs.
At the very least, a fair gift grab would be a drawing of ALL names with a single gift to each participant.
A reasonable small dollar range (ie $10-$20) would be fair and modest to all family members.

Another option would be gifts to charity or in my case (as of about 20 years ago)- no compulsory gift giving at all.

I do not do any compulsory gift grabs.
I give to people when I feel that I can and it would be delightful pleasure for the recipient.
When I see a situation where a person / charity / cause /neighbourhood could use help, I do so to lighten their burden or to delight them when they are not expecting it.

Recent Givings: (spring/summer)

- about 40 hrs to cleaning up 2 abandoned public gardens
- about 120 hrs (not finished) to making a custom quilt for an acquaintance for a milestone birthday
- about 25 hrs to clearing debris from abandoned neighbourhood properties
- about 5 hrs making signs for a village garden and free mulch pile
- about 3 hrs clearing a garden for a neighbour
- about 10 hrs raking leaves from public road storm drains and gutters
- about 35 hours clearing branches and debris from public green space / parkland
- about 2 hours doing 100 % of the clear-up after an event
- about 35 hours filling and establishing a new raised bed garden for newbie neighbourhood gardeners
- about 10-15 hrs trying to create a village garden club (making posters, distributing flyers, etc)
- distributing free garden seeds to villagers
- about 4-5 hours salvaging heat treated wood for about 10-15 raised garden beds
- about 10 hours weeding for a senior couple who can no longer care for their property
- about 40 hrs making sundresses from pillowcases for a charity for poor overseas girsl (I committed to making 365 dresses this year)
- about 5 hours promoting a local participation in a regional garden competition (I won "most unique garden display " this week)
- about ten hours each time making and giving away garden creations (grapevine wreaths and flower bouquets) to 20 neighbours (total) anonymously from "Garden Elf"
- about 4 hours salvaging about 50-60 perennial garden plants that were going to be destroyed
- committed to help another sewing charity to make fabric reusable menstrual products for girls overseas.
- committed to doing about 20 hours of moving mulch (this week) for a public vegetable garden
- committed to doing about 50-80 hours of leaf gathering/ chopping / spreading (this autumn) for public vegetable gardens
- about 4 hours doing a complete lawn cutting / landscaping for a new friend on his birthday ( and discovered that his lawnmower and broken down that same day- ie perfect timing)
- gathering items to give kids each a very generous activity package ($10 (retail) /$1 (my cost) of items ) at Halloween (this week bought 30 new reusable lunch fabric bags from Habitat for Humanity, and 20 pkg crayons/ 10 pkgs pencil crayons, as portions of the eventual whole package)
- about 3 hours cleaning and fixing up the exterior of a home for a newly separated woman ( stranger) who was fleeing an abusive marriage

Cassia, I get the feeling that anyone who receives a gift from you would have to appreciate it, unless they were a complete ass. You sound extremely generous.

Like you, I don't like to give gifts on demand. I prefer to give friends gifts when I know of something they'd appreciate but don't expect. With my parents I get them something when I have a great idea. Other years, if I have the money, I make donations to charity for them. When I don't have money I don't give them anything.

I've found that since I started earning my own money thoughtfulness and time matter so much more than things I could purchase for myself. Last year the best gift I got was a homemade card.

Buy a village a goat in their name.

Present bought. Good done in their name. No plastic crap to get broken.

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yurble
Cassia, I get the feeling that anyone who receives a gift from you would have to appreciate it, unless they were a complete ass. You sound extremely generous.

Like you, I don't like to give gifts on demand. I prefer to give friends gifts when I know of something they'd appreciate but don't expect. With my parents I get them something when I have a great idea. Other years, if I have the money, I make donations to charity for them. When I don't have money I don't give them anything.

I've found that since I started earning my own money thoughtfulness and time matter so much more than things I could purchase for myself. Last year the best gift I got was a homemade card.

Thanks!
I prefer to give time or effort over goods most of the time.
People seems to get more delight when something is unexpected.

A few minutes ago, I re-gifted the unwanted rodeo pass that I got on Saturday night as part of my collection of prizes for a gardening competition award, to a neighbour who used to work for a rodeo.
He loves that stuff and has done me some solid favours on an regular basis.
His face lit up like the sun in the morning when I passed it into his hand.

This article is just another proof of how selfish breeders have really become. To expect someone to just give to their kids, that is about as self centered as it gets, but, breeders lost all decency and keep expecting stuff to be handed to them.

Of course, a small breeder comment did have to make its way in there:

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SeattlePi
If Ted and Lisa have long been the non-parents at child-centric family events, then their choice might be a coping mechanism for them, not a slap to your kids -- especially if they want to be parents but keep hitting obstacles.

Of course it has to be assumed that everyone wants to be a parent. How could it be any other way?

@ Techie: "Of course it has to be assumed that everyone wants to be a parent." --> THIS. It's so incredibly annoying and narrow-minded.

Funny story: I attended a course at Landm*rk Education. The mantra was "open you mind, create the life YOU want"
and people kept asking me how it is possible that I have no chyldren :-))) yeah, open your mind :-))))))


@ Cassia: you really do a lot for other people. I must admit, I am not like that. I only occassionaly buy stuff for an animal
shelter. In terms of money, I have a different point of view: I need money for me and my DH. I save, invest in shares etc.
I don't mind donating money to a good charity but only after I die because in that case I won't need it anymore.

Childfree Brother isn't going to escape the nagging when the kids grow up. From experience I can say the nagging will switch to "You aren't leaving your money to MY kids???? But you haven't got ANYONE to leave it to !!!!" (Of course, there are no charitable, political, or arts organizations in the world.)

Guaranteed bingo to older CFs: "Charity begins at home!" Every breeder in the world is sure s/he's invented that piece of brilliance.

@ learnernotlurker: That's the CF people's future!
I've never understood why related people think they are
somehow entitled to your assets only "because you are family".

The entitlement dose burn on this article.

I like that the response sides with Ben and Lisa, if my family decided to only give gifts to the kids, I'd maybe only rock up for dinner, or I'd go to my partners family since they don't celebrate with gifts. Let's assume those two are infact childless, they don't get to experiance "the joys" of seeing their kids face light up at the gift auntie or uncle gave them, so I'd imagine that would MAKE them feel left out.

If they are cf I can understand not wanting to spend money on a relitaves kid, and being taken for granted just because I'm an adult with a good paying job, they might also think the relitaves kids are well enough off with the half a dozen gifts they already get.

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learnernotlurker
Guaranteed bingo to older CFs: "Charity begins at home!" Every breeder in the world is sure s/he's invented that piece of brilliance.

I deal with this bullshit in my very own circles.

Here's the harsh truth: No matter how much you give to a breeder, it's never enough. They are very adept at putting on a show for the holidays, birthdays, religious occasions, etc. etc. etc. But they will never invite you to their home for a lunch, dinner, or ANY simplistic gathering in which you would not be expected to bring a gift.

These people don't give a fuck about you, and they never did. It's all about them, their kydz, and the material goods or cash you can provide to them. On top of that, their acting skills could win them an Oscar. "We haven't seen you in so long... but we'd love for you to fork over some money attend Sneauxphlayques birthday party!"

For me I don't want a huge family blow-up. I don't need that kind of drama. My strategy has been to incrementally attend fewer and fewer of these events, year after year.

I'm tired of falling into the "Not good enough for a phone call... but good enough to bring Bratleigh a gift!" demographic. Sorry breeders, I'm moving on.

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mrs. chinaski

I've never understood why related people think they are
somehow entitled to your assets only "because you are family".

The only explanation I can come up with, is that they're assholes with a huge mentality of entitlement.

Also, please keep in mind, that your kindness and gift giving will never be reciprocated. Ever.

What I've noticed about breeders is that they often don't even attend each other's events. They expect and DEPEND on CF people to attend and fork over money or gifts. They're not too strict on whether other breeders are also forking over cash. And that's another reason why I'm slowly opting out of these events. The gifts are expected, not appreciated, and they will never be reciprocated anyway.

Breeders view you as a human ATM, filled with not only oodles of money, but unlimited time too. They view each other as comrades, of sorts. Like they're on the same team.

Sorry folks, I'm done with it. These events are wealth-extraction schemes and I've drawn my line in the sand. I know in time everyone here will as well.

@ Studio54:
"Here's the harsh truth: No matter how much you give to a breeder, it's never enough. They are very adept at putting on a show for the holidays, birthdays, religious occasions, etc. etc. etc. But they will never invite you to their home for a lunch, dinner, or ANY simplistic gathering in which you would not be expected to bring a gift."

--> You are sooo right!
I deal with it in my own circle (DH's relatives) too.
Religious occasion - we get an invitation because a $$$ gift is a must.
Grill party - we don't get any invitation because we would only
bring like two bottles of wine and that's it so it's not worth to
invite us.

@ Studio54:
"The gifts are expected, not appreciated, and they will never be reciprocated anyway."

--> That's true too. As you are a guy you probably don't know the series Sex and the City
as well as I do :-) There is one episode "Women's right to shoes". Carrie's expensive shoes
(Manolos) get stolen at the baby shower and the host Kyra doesn't want to pay compensation for it.
Then Carrie starts counting how much money she already spent to celebrate Kyra's life choices
- gifts for engagement, wedding, 1st baby shower, 2nd baby shower...
In the end, Carrie sends an invitation to Kyra that she is going to marry herself and that the registry
is with Manol* B*ahnik :-)))

Wenn it comes to breeders, I think about this SATC episode a lot.

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StudioFiftyFour

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mrs. chinaski

I've never understood why related people think they are
somehow entitled to your assets only "because you are family".

The only explanation I can come up with, is that they're assholes with a huge mentality of entitlement.

Also, please keep in mind, that your kindness and gift giving will never be reciprocated. Ever.

What I've noticed about breeders is that they often don't even attend each other's events. They expect and DEPEND on CF people to attend and fork over money or gifts. They're not too strict on whether other breeders are also forking over cash. And that's another reason why I'm slowly opting out of these events. The gifts are expected, not appreciated, and they will never be reciprocated anyway.

Breeders view you as a human ATM, filled with not only oodles of money, but unlimited time too. They view each other as comrades, of sorts. Like they're on the same team.

Sorry folks, I'm done with it. These events are wealth-extraction schemes and I've drawn my line in the sand. I know in time everyone here will as well.

This pretty much sums up breeders. My famblee treated me like a meat based ATM and free on call bratsitter the moment the Golden Parasite was conceived. The relative I speak to is my grandmother. The only time I receive invitations from breeders is for give giving occasions for their sprogs. Then they moo and low that I'm being selfish for declining and not inviting their demon spawn to a cocktail party I'm hosting. Pretty much socialize with older people with offspring my age so far none have become grandbreeders.

Post surgery I keep getting the you can't take it with you bingo, so I talked with an attorney and have my estate settled. I explicitly cut off the Golden Cow and her cunt dropping, they get nothing from me if Takeo dies first. Stuff gets donated to different organizations, and money goes to Planned Parenthood and the no kill animal shelter.

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mrs. chinaski
@ Studio54:
"The gifts are expected, not appreciated, and they will never be reciprocated anyway."

--> That's true too. As you are a guy you probably don't know the series Sex and the City
as well as I do :-) There is one episode "Women's right to shoes". Carrie's expensive shoes
(Manolos) get stolen at the baby shower and the host Kyra doesn't want to pay compensation for it.
Then Carrie starts counting how much money she already spent to celebrate Kyra's life choices
- gifts for engagement, wedding, 1st baby shower, 2nd baby shower...
In the end, Carrie sends an invitation to Kyra that she is going to marry herself and that the registry
is with Manol* B*ahnik :-)))

Wenn it comes to breeders, I think about this SATC episode a lot.

Oh, I know the basic premise of "Sex and the City," though I can't say I ever watched it.

What I can tell you is that my significant other and I are growing sick of the LifeScript (TM) routine which involves gifts and/or exorbitant spending on...

-The Engagement Party
-The Bridal Shower
-The Bachelorette Party
-The Bachelor Party
-The Baby Shower
-The Rehearsal Dinner
-The Wedding

... and not necessarily in this order. And then comes the first birthday party, second birthday party... birthday parties for the parents... Christmas year-after-year-after-year... on and on and on.

The gift-giving is really a one-way street, as I've mentioned, with absolute minimal reciprocation, if any.

And when a breeder says, "Oh you gave too much! You shouldn't have...!," do not be fooled. They don't feel one speck of guilt in this gift-bonanza being a one-way proposition. The gifts... the spending... the time... the attention... this is all owed to them.

I'm not a total cheapskate. If someone gets married, I think a gift is warranted. But the other ancillary LifeScript activities do not warrant such adulation, and it's time that we abandon expectation that the CF are human ATMs and can be asked for cash/gifts a multitude of times in what amounts to roughly a 36 month period in a LifeScripter's existence.

@ hana: Well done :-)

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hana
This pretty much sums up breeders. My famblee treated me like a meat based ATM and free on call bratsitter the moment the Golden Parasite was conceived. The relative I speak to is my grandmother. The only time I receive invitations from breeders is for give giving occasions for their sprogs. Then they moo and low that I'm being selfish for declining and not inviting their demon spawn to a cocktail party I'm hosting. Pretty much socialize with older people with offspring my age so far none have become grandbreeders.

Post surgery I keep getting the you can't take it with you bingo, so I talked with an attorney and have my estate settled. I explicitly cut off the Golden Cow and her cunt dropping, they get nothing from me if Takeo dies first. Stuff gets donated to different organizations, and money goes to Planned Parenthood and the no kill animal shelter.

Good, I'm glad to hear that you've drawn your line in the sand, too.

Social norms take a long time to establish but I believe it will be CF folks like you who will slowly re-write the etiquette "book," so to speak.

I applaud you for planning ahead and getting your will in place. An ironclad will prevents the usual breeder bonanza following a death in the family. Nice job!

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StudioFiftyFour


Here's the harsh truth: No matter how much you give to a breeder, it's never enough. They are very adept at putting on a show for the holidays, birthdays, religious occasions, etc. etc. etc. But they will never invite you to their home for a lunch, dinner, or ANY simplistic gathering in which you would not be expected to bring a gift.

Exactly this! It even extends to their every day lives. I know kids who expect a present every time they have to go to the supermarket with mum because they've been 'good'. I couldn't imagine that happening in my childhood, and funilly enough I haven't grown up to be an entitled little dick bag. Waddaya know.....

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StudioFiftyFour

Good, I'm glad to hear that you've drawn your line in the sand, too.

Social norms take a long time to establish but I believe it will be CF folks like you who will slowly re-write the etiquette "book," so to speak.

I applaud you for planning ahead and getting your will in place. An ironclad will prevents the usual breeder bonanza following a death in the family. Nice job!

Took a long time to draw the line, but I'm happier and healthier for doing it. Downside of being dead is not being able to see the look on the Golden Cow's and/or Golden Parasite's face when they learn they're not getting shit from me.

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hana
Took a long time to draw the line, but I'm happier and healthier for doing it. Downside of being dead is not being able to see the look on the Golden Cow's and/or Golden Parasite's face when they learn they're not getting shit from me.

That's wonderful that you are feeling good about things. As I've withdrawn over the past few years, little by little I've felt better about the holiday season.

We'll never get down to "zero" family events, but we are moving in the right direction. And as our presence becomes more scarce, the demand/expectation of gifts is declining, as it should.