Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf
Posted by Dorisan
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 07, 2011 |
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juliewashere88
Oh, I am so watching this. I just love the ultimatum the entitled SIL tried to give, that she would give the OP X amount of time before just penciling her in for a shift.larious
I would be like "just let me know when"-then run off to concerts, record conventions and other places during that time. Afterward, I'll brag about it on Facebook...
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf (UPDATED) October 11, 2011 |
Man, that thread is getting long 
I thought it might be helpful to just copy/post the original poster's text. That message board is set up with such huge avatars, posters insist on quoting quotes of quoted text, and most of the responses are basically just back slaps, which makes the most pertinent parts (the OP's words) widely spaced and hard to track. I'll try to remember to edit this post each time WNM3 updates her thread.
SIL sent me an email:
WNM3, I noticed that, at W's birthday party, you didn't sign up for any shifts to help out after the baby comes. You really need to help me out with this. The shifts that are left are in the attachment I sent. Please fill it out and send it back by next Friday.
Okay. First, she lives two hours away. The baby is due in dead of winter (C-Section). Second, she wants help AROUND THE CLOCK for at LEAST six weeks. I understand the fact that her DH has seizures and he needs to sleep. But really? Even after my C-Section, I was up with all my kids the second week after delivery.
My response: SIL, I cannot in good faith dedicate myself to this at this time. I clicked send and I am waiting for the nuclear fall-out.
ETA: If I would do this and I would get stuck there due to weather, I cannot stay with them after my "shift" would be over.
RacerWife, this is her second kid. She has it in her head that if she does anything outside of her normal pattern, she will hurt herself. She used to walk for exercise, but now that's too much work (she said this, not her doctor).
Mukta, nope. I got no help with any of them. I was told that it was my mother's responsibility. But guess what. I am a grown up and I can take care of things on my own. I have a life and a family and a job. DH took a week off (his boss made him!) and Mom took a day off to drive me to the doctor. That was it.
They also don't want to hire someone because they don't want to have to pay them.
ETA: She doesn't want to have to get out of bed so often, so she wants the baby brought to her. And she wants help with her other kid, because if he wakes up at night, what is she supposed to do then?
The last time, she made her DH's GRANDMOTHER take the overnight shift for a few days in a row. I tried to help for one day and it drove me nuts. I have three kids, I'm a nurse, I know how to hold a baby!
She also wants help with laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.
ETA: Wonder what she will say if she finds out I am going out with friends during her "time of need." We scheduled the days off already and even if we can't go, we figured we can talk on the phone and be lazy.
I could see some help for a few days, but six weeks? She isn't ill, she has one other kid, and won't be going back to work for 12 weeks.
ETA: I am not very close with her anymore. She is one of them that does not approve of my profession, lifestyle, or personality. She is also the one that told me that I need to wear makeup to work so I look more professional. After all, looks are more important than skills in nursing, you know.
Pebs, she was extremely whiny when her first one was born. Everything hurts, things are SO HARD to do with a baby, things are SO MUCH WORK. Now she says she wants more time to focus entirely on the new baby, since they are only little for a short time, and "you all can help me do that."
ETA: Anju, not the kind I do. I work with the elderly (its kind of my specialty) and cross from hospital to long-term care. So its demanding, stressful, and difficult. And I also work weekends, holidays, and all shifts. I've come home with my scrubs torn, I've had to call time of death more than I care to admit. I have held families while they cry, been that person who they depend on. But its a noble profession, and I couldn't see myself doing anything else.
Ooooh . . . my cell phone is buzzing . . . new email.
UPDATE: SIL replied, "You need to grow up and learn to play nice. Maybe you didn't understand me. Reread my first email."
My response: Maybe YOU did not understand ME. Please read my response to you. This is no longer open to discussion.
You should have seen her when she was in Bridezilla mode . . .
ETA: SIL has one sister. She was going to be MOH, but SIL thought she wasn't helping enough, so she "demoted" her and made me MOH. She didn't tell me this, I learned it from SIL2. SIL2 was rightfully upset and I told SIL1 and SIL2 that if SIL2 was made to step down, I would join her, as I am not a pawn in a game.
Ah, yes, it would be fun to take a jab at her. But, someone has to be the adult. Since it isn't her, its going to be me. If I take the high road, she will continue to look like an entitled witch. And what can she say then? I was mean if I wasn't?
And I am QUITE sure I will be hearing from her Mommy . . .
I am pretty sure DH will be drug into this by the time he gets home. He and I have already discussed it and we agree that its insane. So I have my ally and they have to deal with it.
I should tell her the stress of harassing me is hard on the baby.
SIL is MIL's clone.
Another poster asks:
Wikkiit, they were on the sign-up sheet that was passed around at her firstborn's birthday party.
The sign-up sheet is a bunch of dates with three lines per date.
Wonder if I could tell her I need to be paid my hourly wage I currently make, plus that would have to include my road time. And I want it paid in advance.
ETA: The sign-up sheet from the party wasn't scanned in! She just made one with the dates she needs help yet.
I will post what I can remember from the original paper:
*One was that she needed help at night, to bring her the baby so she could feed him/her, change the diaper, and return him/her to the crib. She also doesn't want TV/radio on or it will wake the older one.
*Another one was that she needed help cooking, and would send people to the store to get her groceries she needed. They would also have to drive to doctor's appointments. (I am guessing this is even after her driving restriction is cleared).
*Help shoveling snow, cleaning the house, daycare for her older one.
*That's about all I can remember off hand.
I would estimate there are majority of the slots open yet.
DH has told me it is a jealousy issue. I have a busy life. I am happy overall. I have few friends, but they love me dearly. I love what I do. And I can make desserts and NEVER share them with my in-laws. FIL will get any dessert he wants, because he and DH usually have lunch here (but I am perfectly fine with him having dessert here). I made a homemade peach pie just for the guys once. MIL about freaked.
ETA: FIL and I get along great. I sometimes wonder what the heck he was thinking, though.
Ophelia, her DH can miss a few hours of sleep, but if it happens too often, he seizes. He is a great dad and a fun uncle. Really easy-going and a terrific person.
MIL was upset that DH and FIL got the pie and no one else in the family did (meaning her family, not mine). That's what she gets if she's going to destroy my desserts.
ETA: Taz, the more one fights, the worse it gets. She wants ammunition, and when I fight back, she gets it. If I ignore her and do my own thing, she doesn't have as much to say, so she makes stuff up, like me having an affair with DH's good friend. Of course, people who know me know better, so she has lost a lot of credibility and respect from a lot of people.
OH, goody . . .
MIL called me and informed me she is "really hurt" that I would "snub" SIL like this, especially where she is going to need a lot of help. I simply responded that DH and I had talked and it was not feasible. She kept trying to guilt trip me and kept getting madder, so I told her that I had already told SIL the conversation was closed to further discussion and I wanted MIL to know this, too. So yeah, DH's phone is going to be ringing off the hook now!
Cascadian, he just stays out of her way. He does a great job with their oldest one, and I bet he will take over the lion's share of raising that one. But its awesome, because how MIL treats me is similiar to how his mom treats SIL . . . and she swears there's no way it could be possibe, since her mom is an angel . . .
her DH has not been cleared to drive, and he is okay with it. He has told us more than once that we are not obligated to do anything for them, especially with the distance we travel to get there.
I have also brought up the fact that she needs to slowly resume normal activity. I was back and going at 6 weeks, but not released to work for another 6 due to the nature of my profession. She said that she just wants to "take it easy and enjoy the time she has." Bleh.
Shannon, DH and FIL have always been good to me. I help out in the butcher room and FIL makes sure I get extra jerky meat to work with. He will make sure there is Pepsi in the house if he knows I am coming over. The one day he bought me stuff to make my brownies with topping because he wanted it (I had agreed to make it, and he offered to provide the ingredients). Its the little things that count.
UPDATE: DH went on a rescue call (he's a volunteer EMT) and left his phone behind. It has rang 8 times since he has been gone (he's been gone about 20 minutes) and all calls are from MIL. I'm sure he'll be overjoyed to see that when he gets back! There have been a few intermittent texting beeps, too, and all texts are from her. I didn't read them, but I think this may be a fun night.
Just got a text from SIL: I will wait until tomorrow at noon and I will pencil you in for whatever days I need.
My response: I am not playing any games. I will see what happens when the time comes.
I am not opposed to doing what I want to do on my own time. I am opposed to doing whatever she demands. I may stop over, or may not, but what I will do there is not going to be governed by her attitude.
ETA: She did give DH a book about how to be a good father when DD#1 was born . . .
You just wait til MIL finds out I am spending the evening with one of my guy friends, working on a car! She's going to have a FIT!!! DH is glad I am going, especially after the drama. And guess what. He is going to answer his phone . . .
HOLY COW!!!
DH answered the phone, all right. And he let MIL HAVE IT. He informed her that he was attempting to have dinner with HIS family and talk about OUR lives. There was silence and he replied, "It does not matter who cooks the damn meal, okay? We have enough to eat and we are happy." More silence, a longer period, and then his face turned red. "WNM3 has no reason to help. None of you even called to see if she needed help after any of ours. You told her to call her mom because it 'wasn't your problem', and we both agree that this situation isn't ours." More silence. "What the f*** is her problem? WNM3 has enough to deal with right now. She doesn't need you bitching about everything she is, everything she does, and everything she loves. All of that is what I love her for." (That made me smile) More silence. Then a comment that he didn't care how she felt, she has no consideration for me and he said it could be seen as how she feels about him. More silence. Then my favorite comment: "We said no, we have made our decision. Do not discuss this again." And he hung up.
As he was talking with DH, my phone beeped with a text. It was FIL, who said, "I am so glad I work tonight."
UPDATE: DH's poor phone has to be sick of ringing . . .
While I was out, SIL called and nagged at DH. I guess he said the same thing he told MIL and that he thought it was sick that we were supposed to rearrange our lives. Then, he brought up a point I had thought of--I work in a hospital/long term care setting, I have three kids in school. This means GERMS. Does she REALLY want me accidently getting their family sick? (He told me later that he figured they had thought of it and figured they could hold it over my head for years to come) I guess that didn't faze her, because that wasn't a good enough reason. So DH told her that the matter was closed to discussion, we had talked about it and refused to commit to anything. I'm sure I'll get a phone call today . . .
SIL's DH's family is very close to where they live, and I know some of them signed up for a "shift" or two.
So this morning, I am a calloused uncaring bitch because I won't jump when they say so. Meh, no skin off my back.
UPDATE: Okay, yes, I was at work. Got called in yesterday and was scheduled for today.
My phone has been buzzing furiously all the while I was at work the past two days. Most of the messages are the same, "You need to help me," or "You need to help your SIL in her condition." I have not replied--work is busy, and I like my break times to be relaxing and laid back. So I did text DH, and his phone has been going crazy, too. But now I must not be much fun--DH is getting the "Help your sister" lecture. DH told me he replied: "I have wife, 3 girls, two dogs, a cat, and a turtle. I busy." Naturally, this is not what they want to hear, so now they are blaming me for once again "brainwashing" DH.
DH has been keeping FIL informed of what is going on from our perspective. FIL is doing his best to stay out of it, but he wants to know what our side of the story is. He has read the numerous texts and heard all the voicemails on DH's phone.
And horror of horrors, I have received a threat--I am not allowed to help plan or participate in SIL's second baby shower.
Glasscttr, I got no help with my kids after they were born--everyone is "too busy with their own lives" was the reason given. My shower was thrown by the two female cousins I am closest to, and most of the in-laws didn't show up to that because, once again, too busy.
Buffy, she wants one. She wants new stuff. After all, she has another kid, and some of the stuff is stained or ruined, so she wants another shower. She wants a new stroller, a new crib, a new swing, and I think you get the idea. Plus, she changed the nursery theme from the last one, so she needs the new decor to "meet her needs".
She also has to constantly be with people. She is insistent about being the center of attention, so this is a perfect way to do it.
ANOTHER UPDATE: SIL called me today and I answered. I decided to use Terelyn's response, after all. And the following hilarity ensued:
SIL: You don't understand how difficult this is for me. I trust your judgement with kids and I know you'd do a good job. So I need you to fill in the following days . . .
Me: You know, SIL, I have given this a lot of thought and I will help you as much as you helped me after my kids were born.
SIL: (silence) But . . . but . . . I was working full time, I had a life, I was too busy to help you with your kids!
Me: Exactly. I've got to get to the store, I'll talk to you later! (I hang up).
Ah, now to sit back and see what happens next . . .
I can give them the same BS excuse they gave me--not blood relatives. Lol
In his defense, her DH gets PISSED when she uses his disability as an "excuse". He calls it his "little friend" that follows him around and causes him grief. Its not a disability to him, its a fact of life. He does not approve of her using this as a bargaining tool, but she does so she can play the sympathy card. What she tells him is not what she tells us.
Oddly, the phones have been pretty quiet today. DH had to once again inform his family that we will not be pressured into helping with childcare/maid service, and his sister FREAKED OUT. She even told him that they had helped after our kids were born, and he replied that he knew they hadn't. He also told her that continuing to text and call would only make matters worse.
But I don't think this is close to the end yet. This was way too easy . . .
Well, I don't know if this qualifies as an update, but I went on Facebook and posted that I was excited to be hosting a birthday party for Nephew (brother's baby) today. And I did get a snarky response of, "What, you're too good to host W's party?" I just laughed and shook my head . . .
Actually SIL's first child is W. She was making a jab that I did not offer to host that one for her. I am hosting the one today because I never get to see my brother or his baby, and I really want to host it. Got the cake baked and everything. Plus, I get the baby all day tomorrow! I'm all sorts of excited!!!
And my response on facebook was, "The party was great! He's getting SO BIG and SO ADORABLE!! Plus, got to spend time with my bro and family. The best day in a long time!"
I will be joining the mean corner, bringing brownies with topping.
I did send her the care.com website, and also explained that she should check with the doctor she has, as well as the hospital she will deliver at, for their recommendations. I told her about home health and some of the agencies out there (several only take doctor-referrals, like if the baby has lots of medical issues). I finished it off by adding, "I know it can be tough, but it can be done. You don't know how strong you are until you do what you thought was impossible."
A text returned. "But I don't want to have to PAY somebody! That's what family is for!"
I never responded . . . I have a nephew to play with today! Currently, he's sitting in his booster seat, eating Cheerios and talking to the fish. lol
SERIOUSLY???
Yep, SIL . . . you have just amazed me . . .
I just received a text: "Your schedule is in the mail."
Good heavens . . . My schedule comes from work, the school calendar, and extracirricular stuff my kids do, plus DH's call schedule, not from her.
But since I didn't agree to any "shifts", her schedule should not apply to me.
I have no reason to respond. I found out that they have called DH to get my WORK NUMBER so they can "discuss" this with me. DH didn't give them the number. And how did they get ahold of him? CALLED HIM AT WORK, TOO! We are done. The envelope will not be opened and will get burned in the stove when it gets colder.
Okay, I will not respond, but I will continue to post her responses to my lack of responses.
BIL's wife has also received that text. She and I both have the same feelings on the subject. We have lives and jobs. She has no kids, but that isn't the point. And I learned I was the one that said it was "okay" to sign her up! I told BIL's wife that I had certainly not changed my mind, and that I had not given anyone permission. She told me that she didn't think so, as that wasn't my usual pattern. So now, BIL and DH are peeved at their sister. This should be interesting.
And she must have been upset. She's working today, called on her break, and her voice was shaking.
Glass, SIL is supposed to deliver C-Section. She has it in her head that because she is having major surgery that the world needs to stop. My first two were not C-section, so I did not need help. My youngest was emergency C-Section, but since DH was home the first week (which also included the time when I was in the hospital), that was enough and no one else needed to help out. BIL's GF (now his wife) was my helper, she would bring me groceries I needed if DH was on the road and stuff like that. My house was on her way home from work. I never asked, she would offer.
But as I said, she also thinks that she will not heal unless she does NOTHING. I don't know about you, but I don't want just anyone pawing through my laundry. I don't want just anyone trying to clean my house or cook for me. Her mom has told her that the reason mom has abdominal problems is because she did too much after her C-Section, so she tells everyone that their doctors are wrong.
I am thinking when DH and BIL talk, they will just skip her DH and go straight to the source and let her have it.
ETA: BIL's wife and I have dealt with this behavior before. We know to consult the other person first and then can present a united front when the behavior gets crazy.
I can see her trying to pull the "abandoment" factor--basically, not showing up for a scheduled shift. But I am not employed under her . . . so wonder what she'd say to that . . .
Another poster suggests this response to the SIL:
Orchid, I can tell you that the note you wrote sounds a lot like my writing style. I think, if you don't mind, I may copy it, make a few changes, and send it as an email to SIL, MIL, and bcc it to DH, BIL, BIL's wife, and FIL.
10/12 update
I keep getting texts, which I ignore. The phone will buzz and buzz, but I know the numbers . . . and I won't answer.
Trust me, insulting me, my family, upbringing, etc . . . that isn't going to win my heart.
I can say, though, that the texts go from demanding, to begging, to whining. Stuff like, "You have to help me", to "I am so scared, I need help, would you PLEASE?" to, "But I NEED you there!" So, which is it? None of them are having an effect, anyway.
The best one came from MIL: "How you can be so insensitive to my little girl?" Uck. Gag me
I can tell you that I have noticed that there are less calls and texts. DH is getting quite a few, but he fires back. He has a short temper with them, especially since he learned about the mailed schedule.
Kangaroo, I know he isn't happy, but he is trying to stay civil. I don't know how much longer that will last, though.
I don't know if its a stupid level, or one of sheer entitlement. SIL is one that will get what she wants, no matter what. She will fuss and whine until someone gives in.
It does bring some frustration, but at the same time, I find it oddly funny. They are so obsessed with what they want, they can't see what they are doing to get it. Revenge will be done on its own . . . and in its own time. I may not see it, but it will be there.
The schedule arrived in the mail today. SIL sent a text that said, "Write the days on your calendar!" I was penciled in for 14 SHIFTS. IN A ROW. 12 HOURS. No way! I work a maximum of four 12s, and that's for my boss, then I get two or three days off. I did send a reply, a simple: "No."
What does she want done on the shifts? Well . . . since her DH hasn't been cleared to drive, I would have to take him to work, in my vehicle, burning my fuel. Then I would have to come back, help take care of her oldest kid, help her with the baby, maybe do some laundry, cook, etc. Run her errands, and so on.
I should take this to work, run it through our paper shredder, and return it to her in an envelope.
ETA: BIL's wife is also a nurse, but has a more "worthwhile" job, so she shouldn't have to miss work. I have already posted what they think of my job.
I work either 36 hours a week or 48 (I trade off). I think its time for DH to handle it and just walk away.
I think its about attention. That, and its a control game with her and MIL. Since I am the one who does my own thing and doesn't worry about what they think . . . they want the control, and they don't get it.
Scooby, she has six or seven other people helping out, but they are doing like one day a week. They don't have a set amount of hours, just whenever they can get there.
FIL will be seeing a copy of this schedule. No question there.
So, if I figure in mileage, my current hourly rate (with differential), and so on, I should be paid . . . $3,988.37. In advance, of course, and in cash.
I think it may be over . . .
DH and FIL usually stop by for lunch. DH always gets here first, FIL gets here about 15 minutes later. I had left the schedule on the dining room table with the other mail for DH to see, and I went downstairs to work on cleaning the basement. FIL has NEVER beat DH here, but today he did.
I was just coming up from the basement when I heard FIL sputter, "What in the HELL is this?!" I went into the dining room, and he had seen the schedule, written in SIL's handwriting, lying on the envelope on the table. I didn't have much to say, except that she had indeed sent me a paper copy of the schedule and the hours she "needed" to have me there. Then, he read what her expectations were . . . and he went outside, cell phone in hand. I have the windows open, since its still pretty nice out, so I still got to hear part of the conversation. SIL must have been doing some pretty extensive backpedaling, because FIL kept saying, "That's not what the paper says," over and over. Finally, he informed her that "You wonder why you don't get phone calls or emails. You treat them like sh!t and expect them to worship you?" More backpedaling ensued, because he informed them that we would not be helping, unless we initiated it. We would do things to our own schedules, and what fit into our lives. He then told her to "Get her sh!t straight" and hung up. Then he called MIL to inform her that SIL's demands of us were not what she had told everyone she was asking and that we were not to be harassed any longer, by either of them.
I guess SIL told people she wanted us to help with meals, child care, and errands one time a month . . . Yeah. She had given us a list of "options" . . .
After that, he came back in and we had lunch. He was reminiscing about what I had done a few weeks after delivery--hosting a hunting breakfast for DH and his friends, helping my Grandma air out her quilt collection, taking my Dad to the doctor, etc. The week after, I was getting DD#1 to pre-school, DD#2 to playdates, DD#3 in for weight checks, every day. He told me he knew no one would help me with my kids because of the "no blood relative" comment. He told me he thought that was very poor of them, and he had been told that I told them I refused any help from them. I wasn't comfortable with this recounting of my activities, so I switched the subject to hunting and started asking when various seasons open, if he had seen any deer, etc.
My phone has been strangely silent . . . and I like it.
Taz, he had already been sent forwards of the texts . . . but SIL was doing her best to explain them all away. But she couldn't explain her schedule and letter away.
I thought it might be helpful to just copy/post the original poster's text. That message board is set up with such huge avatars, posters insist on quoting quotes of quoted text, and most of the responses are basically just back slaps, which makes the most pertinent parts (the OP's words) widely spaced and hard to track. I'll try to remember to edit this post each time WNM3 updates her thread.
SIL sent me an email:
WNM3, I noticed that, at W's birthday party, you didn't sign up for any shifts to help out after the baby comes. You really need to help me out with this. The shifts that are left are in the attachment I sent. Please fill it out and send it back by next Friday.
Okay. First, she lives two hours away. The baby is due in dead of winter (C-Section). Second, she wants help AROUND THE CLOCK for at LEAST six weeks. I understand the fact that her DH has seizures and he needs to sleep. But really? Even after my C-Section, I was up with all my kids the second week after delivery.
My response: SIL, I cannot in good faith dedicate myself to this at this time. I clicked send and I am waiting for the nuclear fall-out.
ETA: If I would do this and I would get stuck there due to weather, I cannot stay with them after my "shift" would be over.
RacerWife, this is her second kid. She has it in her head that if she does anything outside of her normal pattern, she will hurt herself. She used to walk for exercise, but now that's too much work (she said this, not her doctor).
Mukta, nope. I got no help with any of them. I was told that it was my mother's responsibility. But guess what. I am a grown up and I can take care of things on my own. I have a life and a family and a job. DH took a week off (his boss made him!) and Mom took a day off to drive me to the doctor. That was it.
They also don't want to hire someone because they don't want to have to pay them.
ETA: She doesn't want to have to get out of bed so often, so she wants the baby brought to her. And she wants help with her other kid, because if he wakes up at night, what is she supposed to do then?
The last time, she made her DH's GRANDMOTHER take the overnight shift for a few days in a row. I tried to help for one day and it drove me nuts. I have three kids, I'm a nurse, I know how to hold a baby!
She also wants help with laundry, cleaning, cooking, etc.
ETA: Wonder what she will say if she finds out I am going out with friends during her "time of need." We scheduled the days off already and even if we can't go, we figured we can talk on the phone and be lazy.
I could see some help for a few days, but six weeks? She isn't ill, she has one other kid, and won't be going back to work for 12 weeks.
ETA: I am not very close with her anymore. She is one of them that does not approve of my profession, lifestyle, or personality. She is also the one that told me that I need to wear makeup to work so I look more professional. After all, looks are more important than skills in nursing, you know.
Pebs, she was extremely whiny when her first one was born. Everything hurts, things are SO HARD to do with a baby, things are SO MUCH WORK. Now she says she wants more time to focus entirely on the new baby, since they are only little for a short time, and "you all can help me do that."
ETA: Anju, not the kind I do. I work with the elderly (its kind of my specialty) and cross from hospital to long-term care. So its demanding, stressful, and difficult. And I also work weekends, holidays, and all shifts. I've come home with my scrubs torn, I've had to call time of death more than I care to admit. I have held families while they cry, been that person who they depend on. But its a noble profession, and I couldn't see myself doing anything else.
Ooooh . . . my cell phone is buzzing . . . new email.
UPDATE: SIL replied, "You need to grow up and learn to play nice. Maybe you didn't understand me. Reread my first email."
My response: Maybe YOU did not understand ME. Please read my response to you. This is no longer open to discussion.
You should have seen her when she was in Bridezilla mode . . .
ETA: SIL has one sister. She was going to be MOH, but SIL thought she wasn't helping enough, so she "demoted" her and made me MOH. She didn't tell me this, I learned it from SIL2. SIL2 was rightfully upset and I told SIL1 and SIL2 that if SIL2 was made to step down, I would join her, as I am not a pawn in a game.
Ah, yes, it would be fun to take a jab at her. But, someone has to be the adult. Since it isn't her, its going to be me. If I take the high road, she will continue to look like an entitled witch. And what can she say then? I was mean if I wasn't?
And I am QUITE sure I will be hearing from her Mommy . . .
I am pretty sure DH will be drug into this by the time he gets home. He and I have already discussed it and we agree that its insane. So I have my ally and they have to deal with it.
I should tell her the stress of harassing me is hard on the baby.
SIL is MIL's clone.
Another poster asks:
Quote
I think I need to know more about this sign up sheet. You mentioned a couple of rules, like you have to serve her the baby in bed and you can't sleep in her house even if the weather is preventing you from leaving. Was she giving all these rules verbally or were they written somewhere? Is Grandma going to be punished if she takes a cat nap on her night shift? Will she at least give you a blanket so you can go sleep in your car during the blizzard?
Wikkiit, they were on the sign-up sheet that was passed around at her firstborn's birthday party.
The sign-up sheet is a bunch of dates with three lines per date.
Wonder if I could tell her I need to be paid my hourly wage I currently make, plus that would have to include my road time. And I want it paid in advance.
ETA: The sign-up sheet from the party wasn't scanned in! She just made one with the dates she needs help yet.
I will post what I can remember from the original paper:
*One was that she needed help at night, to bring her the baby so she could feed him/her, change the diaper, and return him/her to the crib. She also doesn't want TV/radio on or it will wake the older one.
*Another one was that she needed help cooking, and would send people to the store to get her groceries she needed. They would also have to drive to doctor's appointments. (I am guessing this is even after her driving restriction is cleared).
*Help shoveling snow, cleaning the house, daycare for her older one.
*That's about all I can remember off hand.
I would estimate there are majority of the slots open yet.
DH has told me it is a jealousy issue. I have a busy life. I am happy overall. I have few friends, but they love me dearly. I love what I do. And I can make desserts and NEVER share them with my in-laws. FIL will get any dessert he wants, because he and DH usually have lunch here (but I am perfectly fine with him having dessert here). I made a homemade peach pie just for the guys once. MIL about freaked.
ETA: FIL and I get along great. I sometimes wonder what the heck he was thinking, though.
Ophelia, her DH can miss a few hours of sleep, but if it happens too often, he seizes. He is a great dad and a fun uncle. Really easy-going and a terrific person.
MIL was upset that DH and FIL got the pie and no one else in the family did (meaning her family, not mine). That's what she gets if she's going to destroy my desserts.
ETA: Taz, the more one fights, the worse it gets. She wants ammunition, and when I fight back, she gets it. If I ignore her and do my own thing, she doesn't have as much to say, so she makes stuff up, like me having an affair with DH's good friend. Of course, people who know me know better, so she has lost a lot of credibility and respect from a lot of people.
OH, goody . . .
MIL called me and informed me she is "really hurt" that I would "snub" SIL like this, especially where she is going to need a lot of help. I simply responded that DH and I had talked and it was not feasible. She kept trying to guilt trip me and kept getting madder, so I told her that I had already told SIL the conversation was closed to further discussion and I wanted MIL to know this, too. So yeah, DH's phone is going to be ringing off the hook now!
Cascadian, he just stays out of her way. He does a great job with their oldest one, and I bet he will take over the lion's share of raising that one. But its awesome, because how MIL treats me is similiar to how his mom treats SIL . . . and she swears there's no way it could be possibe, since her mom is an angel . . .
her DH has not been cleared to drive, and he is okay with it. He has told us more than once that we are not obligated to do anything for them, especially with the distance we travel to get there.
I have also brought up the fact that she needs to slowly resume normal activity. I was back and going at 6 weeks, but not released to work for another 6 due to the nature of my profession. She said that she just wants to "take it easy and enjoy the time she has." Bleh.
Shannon, DH and FIL have always been good to me. I help out in the butcher room and FIL makes sure I get extra jerky meat to work with. He will make sure there is Pepsi in the house if he knows I am coming over. The one day he bought me stuff to make my brownies with topping because he wanted it (I had agreed to make it, and he offered to provide the ingredients). Its the little things that count.
UPDATE: DH went on a rescue call (he's a volunteer EMT) and left his phone behind. It has rang 8 times since he has been gone (he's been gone about 20 minutes) and all calls are from MIL. I'm sure he'll be overjoyed to see that when he gets back! There have been a few intermittent texting beeps, too, and all texts are from her. I didn't read them, but I think this may be a fun night.
Just got a text from SIL: I will wait until tomorrow at noon and I will pencil you in for whatever days I need.
My response: I am not playing any games. I will see what happens when the time comes.
I am not opposed to doing what I want to do on my own time. I am opposed to doing whatever she demands. I may stop over, or may not, but what I will do there is not going to be governed by her attitude.
ETA: She did give DH a book about how to be a good father when DD#1 was born . . .
You just wait til MIL finds out I am spending the evening with one of my guy friends, working on a car! She's going to have a FIT!!! DH is glad I am going, especially after the drama. And guess what. He is going to answer his phone . . .
HOLY COW!!!
DH answered the phone, all right. And he let MIL HAVE IT. He informed her that he was attempting to have dinner with HIS family and talk about OUR lives. There was silence and he replied, "It does not matter who cooks the damn meal, okay? We have enough to eat and we are happy." More silence, a longer period, and then his face turned red. "WNM3 has no reason to help. None of you even called to see if she needed help after any of ours. You told her to call her mom because it 'wasn't your problem', and we both agree that this situation isn't ours." More silence. "What the f*** is her problem? WNM3 has enough to deal with right now. She doesn't need you bitching about everything she is, everything she does, and everything she loves. All of that is what I love her for." (That made me smile) More silence. Then a comment that he didn't care how she felt, she has no consideration for me and he said it could be seen as how she feels about him. More silence. Then my favorite comment: "We said no, we have made our decision. Do not discuss this again." And he hung up.
As he was talking with DH, my phone beeped with a text. It was FIL, who said, "I am so glad I work tonight."
UPDATE: DH's poor phone has to be sick of ringing . . .
While I was out, SIL called and nagged at DH. I guess he said the same thing he told MIL and that he thought it was sick that we were supposed to rearrange our lives. Then, he brought up a point I had thought of--I work in a hospital/long term care setting, I have three kids in school. This means GERMS. Does she REALLY want me accidently getting their family sick? (He told me later that he figured they had thought of it and figured they could hold it over my head for years to come) I guess that didn't faze her, because that wasn't a good enough reason. So DH told her that the matter was closed to discussion, we had talked about it and refused to commit to anything. I'm sure I'll get a phone call today . . .
SIL's DH's family is very close to where they live, and I know some of them signed up for a "shift" or two.
So this morning, I am a calloused uncaring bitch because I won't jump when they say so. Meh, no skin off my back.
UPDATE: Okay, yes, I was at work. Got called in yesterday and was scheduled for today.
My phone has been buzzing furiously all the while I was at work the past two days. Most of the messages are the same, "You need to help me," or "You need to help your SIL in her condition." I have not replied--work is busy, and I like my break times to be relaxing and laid back. So I did text DH, and his phone has been going crazy, too. But now I must not be much fun--DH is getting the "Help your sister" lecture. DH told me he replied: "I have wife, 3 girls, two dogs, a cat, and a turtle. I busy." Naturally, this is not what they want to hear, so now they are blaming me for once again "brainwashing" DH.
DH has been keeping FIL informed of what is going on from our perspective. FIL is doing his best to stay out of it, but he wants to know what our side of the story is. He has read the numerous texts and heard all the voicemails on DH's phone.
And horror of horrors, I have received a threat--I am not allowed to help plan or participate in SIL's second baby shower.
Glasscttr, I got no help with my kids after they were born--everyone is "too busy with their own lives" was the reason given. My shower was thrown by the two female cousins I am closest to, and most of the in-laws didn't show up to that because, once again, too busy.
Buffy, she wants one. She wants new stuff. After all, she has another kid, and some of the stuff is stained or ruined, so she wants another shower. She wants a new stroller, a new crib, a new swing, and I think you get the idea. Plus, she changed the nursery theme from the last one, so she needs the new decor to "meet her needs".
She also has to constantly be with people. She is insistent about being the center of attention, so this is a perfect way to do it.
ANOTHER UPDATE: SIL called me today and I answered. I decided to use Terelyn's response, after all. And the following hilarity ensued:
SIL: You don't understand how difficult this is for me. I trust your judgement with kids and I know you'd do a good job. So I need you to fill in the following days . . .
Me: You know, SIL, I have given this a lot of thought and I will help you as much as you helped me after my kids were born.
SIL: (silence) But . . . but . . . I was working full time, I had a life, I was too busy to help you with your kids!
Me: Exactly. I've got to get to the store, I'll talk to you later! (I hang up).
Ah, now to sit back and see what happens next . . .
I can give them the same BS excuse they gave me--not blood relatives. Lol
In his defense, her DH gets PISSED when she uses his disability as an "excuse". He calls it his "little friend" that follows him around and causes him grief. Its not a disability to him, its a fact of life. He does not approve of her using this as a bargaining tool, but she does so she can play the sympathy card. What she tells him is not what she tells us.
Oddly, the phones have been pretty quiet today. DH had to once again inform his family that we will not be pressured into helping with childcare/maid service, and his sister FREAKED OUT. She even told him that they had helped after our kids were born, and he replied that he knew they hadn't. He also told her that continuing to text and call would only make matters worse.
But I don't think this is close to the end yet. This was way too easy . . .
Well, I don't know if this qualifies as an update, but I went on Facebook and posted that I was excited to be hosting a birthday party for Nephew (brother's baby) today. And I did get a snarky response of, "What, you're too good to host W's party?" I just laughed and shook my head . . .
Actually SIL's first child is W. She was making a jab that I did not offer to host that one for her. I am hosting the one today because I never get to see my brother or his baby, and I really want to host it. Got the cake baked and everything. Plus, I get the baby all day tomorrow! I'm all sorts of excited!!!
And my response on facebook was, "The party was great! He's getting SO BIG and SO ADORABLE!! Plus, got to spend time with my bro and family. The best day in a long time!"
I will be joining the mean corner, bringing brownies with topping.
I did send her the care.com website, and also explained that she should check with the doctor she has, as well as the hospital she will deliver at, for their recommendations. I told her about home health and some of the agencies out there (several only take doctor-referrals, like if the baby has lots of medical issues). I finished it off by adding, "I know it can be tough, but it can be done. You don't know how strong you are until you do what you thought was impossible."
A text returned. "But I don't want to have to PAY somebody! That's what family is for!"
I never responded . . . I have a nephew to play with today! Currently, he's sitting in his booster seat, eating Cheerios and talking to the fish. lol
SERIOUSLY???
Yep, SIL . . . you have just amazed me . . .
I just received a text: "Your schedule is in the mail."
Good heavens . . . My schedule comes from work, the school calendar, and extracirricular stuff my kids do, plus DH's call schedule, not from her.
But since I didn't agree to any "shifts", her schedule should not apply to me.
I have no reason to respond. I found out that they have called DH to get my WORK NUMBER so they can "discuss" this with me. DH didn't give them the number. And how did they get ahold of him? CALLED HIM AT WORK, TOO! We are done. The envelope will not be opened and will get burned in the stove when it gets colder.
Okay, I will not respond, but I will continue to post her responses to my lack of responses.
BIL's wife has also received that text. She and I both have the same feelings on the subject. We have lives and jobs. She has no kids, but that isn't the point. And I learned I was the one that said it was "okay" to sign her up! I told BIL's wife that I had certainly not changed my mind, and that I had not given anyone permission. She told me that she didn't think so, as that wasn't my usual pattern. So now, BIL and DH are peeved at their sister. This should be interesting.
And she must have been upset. She's working today, called on her break, and her voice was shaking.
Glass, SIL is supposed to deliver C-Section. She has it in her head that because she is having major surgery that the world needs to stop. My first two were not C-section, so I did not need help. My youngest was emergency C-Section, but since DH was home the first week (which also included the time when I was in the hospital), that was enough and no one else needed to help out. BIL's GF (now his wife) was my helper, she would bring me groceries I needed if DH was on the road and stuff like that. My house was on her way home from work. I never asked, she would offer.
But as I said, she also thinks that she will not heal unless she does NOTHING. I don't know about you, but I don't want just anyone pawing through my laundry. I don't want just anyone trying to clean my house or cook for me. Her mom has told her that the reason mom has abdominal problems is because she did too much after her C-Section, so she tells everyone that their doctors are wrong.
I am thinking when DH and BIL talk, they will just skip her DH and go straight to the source and let her have it.
ETA: BIL's wife and I have dealt with this behavior before. We know to consult the other person first and then can present a united front when the behavior gets crazy.
I can see her trying to pull the "abandoment" factor--basically, not showing up for a scheduled shift. But I am not employed under her . . . so wonder what she'd say to that . . .
Another poster suggests this response to the SIL:
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I think you should respond to her. I think you should also up the ante. It is possible that other people in this group are not excited about helping her. Spark the revolution. Send a copy of this letter to all of the people involved--all the relatives and all of her friends. You could even consider sending a copy to her doctor.
"Dear Sis-in-law:
I am in receipt of your schedule for your postpartum period. I told you previously that I would not be helping you out this time.
First, I am familiar with the recovery after a cesarian section from both a nursing and personal perspective. I had one with my third child, so I had two little ones that needed care in addition to the newborn. I do not believe that the amount of help you are requesting, 24 hours a day for 6 weeks, is necessary. Indeed, that amount of inactivity will lead to deconditioning and an increased risk of DVT. You should discuss this with your physician.
You made some comments about a baby shower. I would hope that the very expensive item I gave you at your shower 2 years ago is still serviceable for this baby. I put extra thought and money into an item that would really last. We will not be buying you another expensive baby item because you've redecorated or now wish to have said item in a different color. I noticed your hints about another baby shower and am not in a position to do this for you. While baby showers for subsequent pregnancies are not necessarily appropriate, I'm sure your friends would consider this if they felt so moved. I look forward to your meet-the-baby event.
I have previously explained that I would do for you exactly what you did for me after my pregnancies--nothing. I did help you after your last pregnancy, which is more help than you gave me after any of my 3 deliveries. You specifically said that it was my family's job to help me. Apparently I am only family when you want something. I have provided a list of resources for you if you need help after your delivery. You can purchase as much or as little help as you desire. This is also more help than you gave me with any of my pregnancies. Perhaps we should discuss repaying this help with some babysitting so that Husband and I could enjoy a night out.
There has been some confusion about making demands on my time and also misquoting me on my recommendations for others. I will not be available for any "shifts" after your cesarian section. I do not condone demanding this of your friends or family. I have not, nor will I ever, recommend committing someone to this without their expressed desire and permission.
Best wishes for a speedy delivery and an uneventful and quick recovery."
Orchid, I can tell you that the note you wrote sounds a lot like my writing style. I think, if you don't mind, I may copy it, make a few changes, and send it as an email to SIL, MIL, and bcc it to DH, BIL, BIL's wife, and FIL.
10/12 update
I keep getting texts, which I ignore. The phone will buzz and buzz, but I know the numbers . . . and I won't answer.
Trust me, insulting me, my family, upbringing, etc . . . that isn't going to win my heart.
I can say, though, that the texts go from demanding, to begging, to whining. Stuff like, "You have to help me", to "I am so scared, I need help, would you PLEASE?" to, "But I NEED you there!" So, which is it? None of them are having an effect, anyway.
The best one came from MIL: "How you can be so insensitive to my little girl?" Uck. Gag me
I can tell you that I have noticed that there are less calls and texts. DH is getting quite a few, but he fires back. He has a short temper with them, especially since he learned about the mailed schedule.
Kangaroo, I know he isn't happy, but he is trying to stay civil. I don't know how much longer that will last, though.
I don't know if its a stupid level, or one of sheer entitlement. SIL is one that will get what she wants, no matter what. She will fuss and whine until someone gives in.
It does bring some frustration, but at the same time, I find it oddly funny. They are so obsessed with what they want, they can't see what they are doing to get it. Revenge will be done on its own . . . and in its own time. I may not see it, but it will be there.
The schedule arrived in the mail today. SIL sent a text that said, "Write the days on your calendar!" I was penciled in for 14 SHIFTS. IN A ROW. 12 HOURS. No way! I work a maximum of four 12s, and that's for my boss, then I get two or three days off. I did send a reply, a simple: "No."
What does she want done on the shifts? Well . . . since her DH hasn't been cleared to drive, I would have to take him to work, in my vehicle, burning my fuel. Then I would have to come back, help take care of her oldest kid, help her with the baby, maybe do some laundry, cook, etc. Run her errands, and so on.
I should take this to work, run it through our paper shredder, and return it to her in an envelope.
ETA: BIL's wife is also a nurse, but has a more "worthwhile" job, so she shouldn't have to miss work. I have already posted what they think of my job.
I work either 36 hours a week or 48 (I trade off). I think its time for DH to handle it and just walk away.
I think its about attention. That, and its a control game with her and MIL. Since I am the one who does my own thing and doesn't worry about what they think . . . they want the control, and they don't get it.
Scooby, she has six or seven other people helping out, but they are doing like one day a week. They don't have a set amount of hours, just whenever they can get there.
FIL will be seeing a copy of this schedule. No question there.
So, if I figure in mileage, my current hourly rate (with differential), and so on, I should be paid . . . $3,988.37. In advance, of course, and in cash.
I think it may be over . . .
DH and FIL usually stop by for lunch. DH always gets here first, FIL gets here about 15 minutes later. I had left the schedule on the dining room table with the other mail for DH to see, and I went downstairs to work on cleaning the basement. FIL has NEVER beat DH here, but today he did.
I was just coming up from the basement when I heard FIL sputter, "What in the HELL is this?!" I went into the dining room, and he had seen the schedule, written in SIL's handwriting, lying on the envelope on the table. I didn't have much to say, except that she had indeed sent me a paper copy of the schedule and the hours she "needed" to have me there. Then, he read what her expectations were . . . and he went outside, cell phone in hand. I have the windows open, since its still pretty nice out, so I still got to hear part of the conversation. SIL must have been doing some pretty extensive backpedaling, because FIL kept saying, "That's not what the paper says," over and over. Finally, he informed her that "You wonder why you don't get phone calls or emails. You treat them like sh!t and expect them to worship you?" More backpedaling ensued, because he informed them that we would not be helping, unless we initiated it. We would do things to our own schedules, and what fit into our lives. He then told her to "Get her sh!t straight" and hung up. Then he called MIL to inform her that SIL's demands of us were not what she had told everyone she was asking and that we were not to be harassed any longer, by either of them.
I guess SIL told people she wanted us to help with meals, child care, and errands one time a month . . . Yeah. She had given us a list of "options" . . .
After that, he came back in and we had lunch. He was reminiscing about what I had done a few weeks after delivery--hosting a hunting breakfast for DH and his friends, helping my Grandma air out her quilt collection, taking my Dad to the doctor, etc. The week after, I was getting DD#1 to pre-school, DD#2 to playdates, DD#3 in for weight checks, every day. He told me he knew no one would help me with my kids because of the "no blood relative" comment. He told me he thought that was very poor of them, and he had been told that I told them I refused any help from them. I wasn't comfortable with this recounting of my activities, so I switched the subject to hunting and started asking when various seasons open, if he had seen any deer, etc.
My phone has been strangely silent . . . and I like it.
Taz, he had already been sent forwards of the texts . . . but SIL was doing her best to explain them all away. But she couldn't explain her schedule and letter away.
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
I'm enjoying this - thanks Dorisan for picking the bones out and making it more easily readable. 
I must say she's being much more decorous about it than I would be in the same situation - that moo would have had suggestions about where she can stick the schedule from me.
I bet the other SIL (the one without children) is getting bingo'd left, right and centre about having plenty of time and money to help out because she doesn't have a family of her own to take care of.
I must say she's being much more decorous about it than I would be in the same situation - that moo would have had suggestions about where she can stick the schedule from me.
I bet the other SIL (the one without children) is getting bingo'd left, right and centre about having plenty of time and money to help out because she doesn't have a family of her own to take care of.
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
This is one of the most absurd moo-entitlement pieces of shit ever to have graced the globe. Mandatory "shifts"?:smn It never ceases to amaze me how these moo-cunts literally ignore the needs of everyone in their family or circle of friends for years and even decades while they recover from surgeries, strokes, heart attacks, or bury their spouses or own children in some cases. They overlook birthdays, anniversaries, and other days that are important to friends and family, yet they DEMAND these same people cater to them, their inpignesses and ALL the festivities including giving gifts, as well as attend and or acknowledge with presents their brats' birthdays and "milestone" occasions. THAT I have seen with great and predictable regularity.
However, this demanding of helping out in "shifts" with a fucking sign up sheet and then harassing those who declined to agree to help and ESPECIALLY from a moo with 3 and a job who lives 2 hours away, is the most appalling case of moo-entitlement I have ever heard about. I seriously doubt she was anywhere to be found when her SIL sluiced HER three, yet here she is demanding her help. I am glad she is refusing her help and did like I finally did several years ago after completely getting fed up with these leeches. My new pat answer for this type of expected "help" from family and friends who were NON existent when I really needed them is basically, "I am sorry, but I am no longer in a position where I am able to help anyone but myself".
If the fuckers push me for an explanation, they will get it and generally seem sorry they asked.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
However, this demanding of helping out in "shifts" with a fucking sign up sheet and then harassing those who declined to agree to help and ESPECIALLY from a moo with 3 and a job who lives 2 hours away, is the most appalling case of moo-entitlement I have ever heard about. I seriously doubt she was anywhere to be found when her SIL sluiced HER three, yet here she is demanding her help. I am glad she is refusing her help and did like I finally did several years ago after completely getting fed up with these leeches. My new pat answer for this type of expected "help" from family and friends who were NON existent when I really needed them is basically, "I am sorry, but I am no longer in a position where I am able to help anyone but myself".
If the fuckers push me for an explanation, they will get it and generally seem sorry they asked.
------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
Wow, the husband is an on-call EMT who is prone to exhaustion-induced seizures? Boy, that's comforting. In any case, I'm glad to hear this lady isn't giving in to her bitchy SIL's demands. And oh noes, she's not allowed to help plan SIL's gift-grab baby shower? Oh woe is her! I'm sure her heart is breaking. 
eyes2
The husband's whole family sounds fucked up - if I were this lady, I'd sever all contact with the women on his side.
eyes2The husband's whole family sounds fucked up - if I were this lady, I'd sever all contact with the women on his side.
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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happysammy
I'm enjoying this - thanks Dorisan for picking the bones out and making it more easily readable.
:1welcome
Apparently there are some back stories to this relationship that make the MIL and SIL look like even greater masterpieces than is related in the scheduling post. This tale is becoming mildly viral and other folks are filling in what they've heard on other boards.
WNM3 mentions ruined desserts? Well, she makes an excellent brownie with topping. When it was served to her in-laws, MIL would finger off the topping and eat that part herself before serving the brownie (sans topping) to the family. When it happened more than once, with MIL refusing to acknowledge how rude, tacky and just plain gross her behavior was, WNM3 quit making the dessert. Pissy MIL fit ensued.
Tell you what - the dysfunction is epic in that unit.
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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Dorisan
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happysammy
I'm enjoying this - thanks Dorisan for picking the bones out and making it more easily readable.
:1welcome
Apparently there are some back stories to this relationship that make the MIL and SIL look like even greater masterpieces than is related in the scheduling post. This tale is becoming mildly viral and other folks are filling in what they've heard on other boards.
I have got to hear more. It's a magnificent trainwreck!
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Dorisan
WNM3 mentions ruined desserts? Well, she makes an excellent brownie with topping. When it was served to her in-laws, MIL would finger off the topping and eat that part herself before serving the brownie (sans topping) to the family. When it happened more than once, with MIL refusing to acknowledge how rude, tacky and just plain gross her behavior was, WNM3 quit making the dessert. Pissy MIL fit ensued.
Ew, what the fuck? I'd stop making them desserts, too! What degenerate raised this pig?
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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Cambion
Wow, the husband is an on-call EMT who is prone to exhaustion-induced seizures? Boy, that's comforting. In any case, I'm glad to hear this lady isn't giving in to her bitchy SIL's demands. And oh noes, she's not allowed to help plan SIL'sgift-grabbaby shower? Oh woe is her! I'm sure her heart is breaking.
The husband's whole family sounds fucked up - if I were this lady, I'd sever all contact with the women on his side.
I think the husband of entitle-moo has seizures and the husband of the writer is an EMT. It also sounds like the sil and mil are a pair and everybody else is normal.
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
I have been thinking about this one throughout the day because it's so incredibly rude it boggles my mind. I have NEVER heard of anyone I have known throughout my life demanding people sign up for "shifts", or even ASKING people to come over at certain times or for specific things, for that matter, after any personal medical crisis. The ones that came to my mind included chemo-therapy, surgery for amputations, heart bypass, tumor-cancer removals, and a heart transplant, among many other MUCH more serious and debilitating conditions all of which weren't elective either like loaving. The NERVE of this moo-cunt is undeniably the worst of all I have ever heard about.
I have always been very grateful for the smallest of thoughtful things people have done of their own volition over the years whether it was for me or a family member including dropping off a casserole to offering to stay with my mom while she was recovering for a few hours here and there to a ride to a doctor's appointment. NEVER in my wildest imagination can I even fathom the thought of posting a fucking sign up sheet and then following up via email when someone declined to volunteer. This bitch needs an awakening and I hope her SIL can fulfill that need in the same manner in which she has been treated which is as brazen and rude as possible.
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
I have always been very grateful for the smallest of thoughtful things people have done of their own volition over the years whether it was for me or a family member including dropping off a casserole to offering to stay with my mom while she was recovering for a few hours here and there to a ride to a doctor's appointment. NEVER in my wildest imagination can I even fathom the thought of posting a fucking sign up sheet and then following up via email when someone declined to volunteer. This bitch needs an awakening and I hope her SIL can fulfill that need in the same manner in which she has been treated which is as brazen and rude as possible.
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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kidlesskim
I have been thinking about this one throughout the day because it's so incredibly rude it boggles my mind. I have NEVER heard of anyone I have known throughout my life demanding people sign up for "shifts", or even ASKING people to come over at certain times or for specific things, for that matter, after any personal medical crisis. The ones that came to my mind included chemo-therapy, surgery for amputations, heart bypass, tumor-cancer removals, and a heart transplant, among many other MUCH more serious and debilitating conditions all of which weren't elective either like loaving. The NERVE of this moo-cunt is undeniably the worst of all I have ever heard about.
I have always been very grateful for the smallest of thoughtful things people have done of their own volition over the years whether it was for me or a family member including dropping off a casserole to offering to stay with my mom while she was recovering for a few hours here and there to a ride to a doctor's appointment. NEVER in my wildest imagination can I even fathom the thought of posting a fucking sign up sheet and then following up via email when someone declined to volunteer. This bitch needs an awakening and I hope her SIL can fulfill that need in the same manner in which she has been treated which is as brazen and rude as possible.
This Moo is demanding personal in-house service? What nerve. That reminds me of a similar experience.
A decade ago I had to have a minor surgical procedure done--nothing life threatening. I really got myself ready for it, mentally, physically, and logistically. I purchased foods that I knew would be easy on my stomach and I'd be able to eat within my diet specifications of the surgery. I cleaned EVERYTHING in my home. I made sure that all of my bills were paid, even paying the newspaper guy in advance so I wouldn't have to be bothered with weekly collections. I had plenty of clean towels, laundry, etc.
The ONLY thing I couldn't get was the medication I needed--for pain and post-surgical antibiotics, as these were prescribed on the day of the surgery based on severity. Do you think any of my breeder colleagues at the time offered to do a goddamn thing to help me? Thankfully one of my relatives was kind enough to go to the drug store and pick it up, as well as drive me home from the operation. (I was unable to drive for one week.) After years of participating in "money trees" for weddings, baby showers, birthdays, I received ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in return. Not even a card. And I participated in EVERYTHING when it came to giving to these folks.
The breeder crowd is the FIRST in line when it comes to gift grabs of any kind... yet they'll be completely ABSENT when your hour of need arrives. Young workers please understand this: These people don't give a shit about you.
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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Snark Shark
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mistress rotwang
No, I would sign up for a shift, bring a couple of strippers and maybe a dominatrix or two, and blare loud music the entire time (and maybe cum on the dinning room table a few times). When that is done me and my new friends would help ourselves to all of the food and booze in the place, invite a bunch of college kids over (with a few kegs) and have a good old party and wreck the house. I don't care if I have to spend a night in jail or some shit like that...Quote
i would sign up for bunch of shifts...
...and not show up or call. heh heh.
"you wanted me to COME over. What's the problem??"
"And I said you spend the night with us at the BDSM chateau and lick my feet for me."
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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StudioFiftyFour
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kidlesskim
I have been thinking about this one throughout the day because it's so incredibly rude it boggles my mind. I have NEVER heard of anyone I have known throughout my life demanding people sign up for "shifts", or even ASKING people to come over at certain times or for specific things, for that matter, after any personal medical crisis. The ones that came to my mind included chemo-therapy, surgery for amputations, heart bypass, tumor-cancer removals, and a heart transplant, among many other MUCH more serious and debilitating conditions all of which weren't elective either like loaving. The NERVE of this moo-cunt is undeniably the worst of all I have ever heard about.
I have always been very grateful for the smallest of thoughtful things people have done of their own volition over the years whether it was for me or a family member including dropping off a casserole to offering to stay with my mom while she was recovering for a few hours here and there to a ride to a doctor's appointment. NEVER in my wildest imagination can I even fathom the thought of posting a fucking sign up sheet and then following up via email when someone declined to volunteer. This bitch needs an awakening and I hope her SIL can fulfill that need in the same manner in which she has been treated which is as brazen and rude as possible.
This Moo is demanding personal in-house service? What nerve. That reminds me of a similar experience.
A decade ago I had to have a minor surgical procedure done--nothing life threatening. I really got myself ready for it, mentally, physically, and logistically. I purchased foods that I knew would be easy on my stomach and I'd be able to eat within my diet specifications of the surgery. I cleaned EVERYTHING in my home. I made sure that all of my bills were paid, even paying the newspaper guy in advance so I wouldn't have to be bothered with weekly collections. I had plenty of clean towels, laundry, etc.
The ONLY thing I couldn't get was the medication I needed--for pain and post-surgical antibiotics, as these were prescribed on the day of the surgery based on severity. Do you think any of my breeder colleagues at the time offered to do a goddamn thing to help me? Thankfully one of my relatives was kind enough to go to the drug store and pick it up, as well as drive me home from the operation. (I was unable to drive for one week.) After years of participating in "money trees" for weddings, baby showers, birthdays, I received ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in return. Not even a card. And I participated in EVERYTHING when it came to giving to these folks.
The breeder crowd is the FIRST in line when it comes to gift grabs of any kind... yet they'll be completely ABSENT when your hour of need arrives. Young workers please understand this: These people don't give a shit about you.
I feel your pain StudioFiftyFour. I too used to do all of those things and honestly, it never crossed my mind that I would in any way ever "need" anything from anyone and I didn't expect anything in return. However, like your experience, when something happened I DID need a little help or perhaps a kind word, ride, medication picked up, etc...... NONE of those bastards so much as offered to do anything. I couldn't help but notice that and afterwards, I wasn't medically cleared to drive for SIX FUCKING MONTHS, ON THE DAY I got my license back, one of the asshole co-workers who had always received the most from me via showers-gifts, etc........ had the audacity to ask me for a ride home because her husband was working late and she didn't want to wait.
She was the first one I got to try out my new pat answer on which I have since used on selfish leeches like herself and that is, "I am sorry. I am no longer in a position to help anyone but myself". Then, like she had done to me for the prior 4 months, I left her ass there to wait on a ride as I walked on by and said, "Have a good weekend!". :1wvThat was about 7 years ago and I still get a rush just thinking about the stunned look on her face.
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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
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Re: Sooo, do you want the 1st, 2nd or 3rd shift schedule for helping me out with the baby :wtf October 11, 2011 |
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SlumSlut
No one except my husband helped while I was recovering from my hysterectomy. Several people offered to, but i didn't need to take them up on it.
That reminds me - I also hate it when people offer to help you when they don't really mean it. Only, they don't EXPECT you to take them up on it. I found out who my real friends were - or rather, who my mother's "real" friends were - when my mother died. People said to me, "If you need anything - ANYTHING at all - let us know." Well, I guess "let us know" just IMPLIES an "offer" to help... but anyway.
I TOO hate that shit! In fact, I created a little pamphlet for a support group one time that dealt with this very issue entitled, "If There's ANYTHING I can Do!........A guide for those who truly want to help during times of crisis". Of course I was nice about how I worded it such as I mentioned things like, "Most people want to help, but simply don't know what to do", which I honestly don't believe, but anyway. Instead of saying that bullshit, I suggested they just actually DO something and then, with the help of some other people, we made a list. I can't find the damned thing right this minute, but I'll use what you said as an example. For the, "If there's ANYTHING I can do" bunch: (btw, this is specifically for deaths, hospitalizations, and those recovering from injury-illness at home)
1)Take it upon yourself to simply go to their house and cut their grass, clean their pool, trim their shrubbery, shovel snow, etc..... Don't knock, don't call, just go over there and do it and leave.
2)Load up a bag with toiletries, paper towels, paper plates, etc......."dry goods" and leave it at the door where they usually enter or leave.
3)Pay a delivery place, including the tip, to deliver a meal. Just make sure to do it before they would normally start cooking and make sure they will be there if you don't already know.
4)Walk their dogs, feed their cats, empty the litter box while you're there dropping off a casserole. No one needs to be asked if the litter box needs emptying or if a food-water bowl needs filling. If you ask, they will likely say no, Just DO it
5)Find out when their next doctor's appointment is and mention you are going to be in that area anyway and offer a ride
6)Make a brief visit, after having called first, and drop off a "care" package. Good things to include in it are of course based on what the person likes. For some it could be a Good House Keeping magazine, some fresh fruit, a block of hoop cheese, and some bubble bath. For others, it might be a six pack of beer, a pack of cigarettes, and perhaps a copy of PLayBoy.
Use your imagination.There's a lot more, but those were off the top of my head as it's been a few years since I wrote it. Basically, it's telling people to dispense with the empty, "Call if you need anything!" and stop asking about each and every little thing(although I suspect they do that because they want "credit") and take a little initiative and just DO it. For instance, WHAT recently widowed woman will actually CALL and say, "YES, I need you to come and cut my grass!" or what man with a wife in the hospital for a lengthy stay will respond to that with, "Millie always did the cooking and all I have eaten for the past month is frozen dinners! Would you PLEASE make me a meatloaf?" What co-worker who lives alone will actually ASK anyone to bring them some food or pick up some medicine on their way home? A simple call from a co-worker who says, "Hey, I am picking up some KFC after work, do you want a two or three piece"? or maybe, "Hey, you know I pass by Walgreens, do you have any prescriptions waiting there or do you need some aspirin?" ANYTHING is better than that cliche' empty claim to want to help.:headbrick
WHY most people can't figure this out is beyond me, but I suspect it's because they never had any intention of helping out and saying, "If there's ANYTHING AT ALL, just call!" absolves them of feeling guilty, I suppose.
I'd rather they completely ignore me and say NOTHING than to say, "If there's ANYTHING I can do, just call me!".:sbx------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- -------
If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
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