curious...

I have a question for all you cf ranters out there...
My decision was mostly made by observation, what people with kids say and what they actually do...
Here's another observation that tranmutes into the question.
You have a family of 2, 3, 4 kids (or more).
The kids (all, except for 1) are actually decent, well behaved (save for the usual kid stuff which we don't find alluring).
The 1 bad sheep is a real bastard; always in trouble, and as it gets older, the trouble increases in severity until they are doing drugs, crime, etc.
Now, how many times and how often will you see the parents destroy all the other children on the alter of this one prodigal child...
They ignore the good child and blatt after the rotter. When the good ones are grown and out of the house, the parents will try and force them to help out with the rotter, either monetarily or taking the rotter in to their own homes (putting their own families in jeapardy).
You bring a drug user into your house... these people get shot on occasion, and the shooter may not stop at the rotter...
Ok, let's hear it..

I grew up with this sort of thing. I was the good kid, and my younger brother was the rotter. I got good grades, didn't stay out all night, get drunk or stoned, etc. But my brother was the Almighty Goldensprog, because he was a boy. My father always hated me for being the firstborn and NOT a boy.

My brother got away with murder all of his life...started out with little kid mischief, and turned into drugs, alcohol, and finally dropping out of high school at 16. He used to go into my room and steal money out of my purse. I used to lock the door, but my father retaliated by removing the entire doorknob. Then, my pervo brother would peek in through the hole while I was getting dressed or undressed. I'd tape something over the hole and try to block the door closed, but he always pushed it...and got away with it.

My father also used to severely punish me for very minor infractions. Once, I came home five minutes late from a student council school event, and he made me sleep on the kitchen floor. He used to also take away my eyeglasses on a regular basis, so I could not even read. There was also the time that he beat the shit out of me for having a dirty sock under my bed. It went on and on.

I have no idea how any of them are doing now...I imagine my brother is in jail someplace now. I left 25 years ago, and haven't looked back. I took all I could take, and when I turned 18, I went bye-bye forever. No doubt that if I had hung around, I'd be getting hit up for bail money and legal fees for the asshole brother. I also wanted nothing further to do with the father who abused me for 18 years, and the mother who sat back and allowed it to happen.

Wow, catmommmy, that's awful. I'm so sorry you had to go through this. It's amazing you survived to tell about it.

My father and mother sound extremely similar to yours. I also estranged myself from my father because of it. I think it's perfectly within our right to do such a thing. Parents need to earn their children's respect and devotion. Children don't "owe" parents who abused them, or were just crappy parents.

Unlike you, I didn't have a bad sibling (I actually had a really good one). I'm sure that made my situation nowhere near as horrific as yours.

I have a feeling this is going to strike a raw nerve in a loooot of folk. I wasn't totally expecting first hand recollections...but, go for it.
Technically, it might be fun to be a fly on the wall, catmommy, at a court house where dear old brother is being sent away to prison for some infraction while loving moo and duh whine that their 'goldensprogg (as you put it)' is being picked on and railroaded.
Be grateful as well that you didn't have any younger sisters left for you putzhead duh to destroy.
Also, that you had the sense to remain child free. ...
Nothing like doing things right and still having a sprog turn out that way.

p.s.: it amazes me how many stupid people are out there..
p.p.s.: from your name, catmommy, I presume you have kitties?

Catmommy & Guiltfree, I'm so glad you were able to get out from under that awful abuse. Some people never can, for one reason or another.

My husband has one of these families. His father blames us whenever his brother gets in trouble. The last time bro got busted (for smoking crack in front of his kids), his dad tried to drug test DH, to attempt to cover it all up for his little favorite son. He even went so far as to tell some people that bro got the crap from us. We had to move 100mi. away to have any peace. Daddy's little pet is currently on probation for beating up his wife, and calls us constantly to see if we'll "spot him some cash" for his latest drug endeavor. Daddy even bought him a house after he got out of jail a few years ago. He tried to put DH's name on the deed to protect Bro's interests. Of course he refused to allow his dad to do that. We've cut all contact with his dad. The man is an asshole. Nobody needs this kind of trouble.

You are lucky you have a man who is able to shuck his family. Too many long for the parent-child relationship so much they will put up with all sorts of crap.
p.s.: 100 miles isn't far enough....

No, not far enough... But it's a start!

Family dynamics are interesting, aren't they? I remember this type of scenario being discussed in my college psych class. Usually one child will play the role of the "bad kid" in order to unite the family. This person unconsciously acts as a lightning rod for the family to focus their energy and emotions on so as to detract from any other family problems. Hope I explained that right.

being bad to unite a family?
no wonder so many families rally around evil members...
up to and including pedophiles who abused another family member
sheesh
spare me from famblee

Well, as an old friend told me, "it's always possible to take a vacation from your family", and I'd take that farther in certian instances and say that while you may not be able to choose your family, you can choose to leave them behind.

true, but too many people don't...

and that's the choice they must live with.

i take a vacation in my room, i sit and read with music on, a couple of hours there away from bro and mum works wonders, i have started "going to the shops" to get away from him.

bro is a i know more than you kinda guy, so.. and we are alike, but he winds me up.. so i tke a vaction from the house just to cope..