Moo ruins thirty-five year friendship between me and once cool CF guy

I am so pissed right now....

For 35 years, I was good friends with a cool CF guy friend. We met when we were kids, tried dating, but wound up being friends over the years.

He met this gross moo online through a dating site. Since then, he has basically treated me like my friendship doesn't matter to him anymore.

I hadn't spoken to him since I got married, and it turned out that he lives just ten minutes away from me. I got my husband to put a note on his door with our new phone number and he did. Sure enough, CF guy calls me and acts like his life is awesome. Moo GF is still in the picture, but he's now living with her.

We went over to see them, and planned everything out. When husband and I showed up, CF guy was in his pajamas and doing his laundry. He was acting as if he wasn't expecting anyone.

I tried inviting him over to my house for a special dinner party three times, and each time he's cancelled, telling me that Moo GF is too busy (cue crappy excuse here) to come out. Evidently, they live ten minutes away and can't be bothered to see me even on my birthday weekend. I've decided never to invite them again, and never to call CF guy again.

Ever since he's started dating this woman, he's turned into a depressed asshole. Her kids are all grown and moved away, but she has a controlling personality and doesn't allow him to have any friends.

I feel bad that I can't be friends with him anymore, but after the number of disappointments I've had with him, I've decided not to put myself out for them anymore. Three times in a row he's cancelled invitations to our house for a dinner party. Three times in a row my weekends have been fucked.

For my birthday, my husband has decided to take me out both on Saturday and Sunday night, and he insists that I am not going to cook. He bought me a beautiful diamond wedding set too, because I lost my original ring.

As an aside for Xmess disappointments, my CL aunt asked if I could look after my disabled uncle while she goes on a small trip with her friends in January. It turns out that I have a possibly terminal lung disease. I've been coughing and sick a lot, but I have to wait until March to get my tests at the hospital. I told her today that I won't be able to look after my uncle because I've been having terrible nights with coughing, and all she could say to me is, "Well this is really bad for me. I have to think about what to do now." Then she hung up on me.

I've decided to spend Xmess with my husband, get pissed and open presents at home. I'm sick and tired of people disappointing me with their behavior. It's now time to set boundaries with people. First thing in order is cutting off CL aunt because she's obviously a selfish, bitter, mean person, and letting go of cool CF guy friend. Both of these people have disappointed me for the last time.

First, Fuck your fake friend. If he were any kind of friend, he would still be around. I would write a note in a card telling him exactly this and for him to kiss my ass.

Second, Fuck your selfish bitch aunt. You don't have kids so obviously you are not busy and can look after your uncle in spite of being sick. Bitch can go get fucked with a fish.

Third, fingers crossed that all tests come back negative. You don't need the stress of assholes in your life at the best of times and now even more so. Sit back, relax for the holidays, enjoy your hubby and feather babies.



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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

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addiea raine

Third, fingers crossed that all tests come back negative. You don't need the stress of assholes in your life at the best of times and now even more so. Sit back, relax for the holidays, enjoy your hubby and feather babies.

This goes for me too!

I've had friends ditch me for a partner. Usually it means the end, because even if that relationship ends they have turned out to be the kind of person who will always put their romantic partners first, to the exclusion of all other relationships.

However, in one situation it was mended. We stopped talking because of so much flaking out and the partner not approving of me. But after the relationship ended my friend got back in touch, apologized for letting her dictate what he did, and promised never to do it again. I accepted the apology, because I know how these emotionally abusive relationships can start so gradually that you don't always realize where you are until you're there. Since then, he's used "doesn't approve of my friends" as a red flag, and his current partner is the nicest woman he's ever been involved with.

So I'd cut contact with the guy since he's not worth the disappointment, but don't necessarily be opposed to him reconnecting if it ends with his GF. If he can articulate what he did wrong and why it was wrong and what he's going to do to avoid it, I'd give him one more chance. Friendships of such a long duration are rare and it isn't unheard of for someone to fuck up big - once.

Your aunt sounds totally narcissistic.

I hope you have a good outcome for the lung troubles.

I'm really glad that your friendship survived. Last time he told me that he couldn't make it for this Saturday, I just told him "Oh well, maybe in the New Year." He then told me that the springtime is much better. In other words, he has NO interest in coming over and having a visit with us.

I do think that their relationship is destined for an end, even though they've been together for several years. She is NOT a nice person, and even though I tried to be friends with her, she was always very rude and dismissive towards me.

I think I could only be friends with him again if he got rid of her. I won't be calling him again, but if he calls me I'll talk to him and be nice. Something in the back of my mind is telling me not to hold my breath.

As for my aunt, she has been extremely cruel to me my whole life, and I've finally decided to cut it off with her. This reaction to my health problem is the final straw, really. Her reaction to my health situation was so preposterous, I don't even think she's mentally well. I called both of my sisters to tell them, and they both said the same thing. "Doesn't surprise me."

Thanks guys, for the well wishes. I've just dealt with being told that I don't need psychiatric medication, but now I have to deal with a lung problem. I'm confident that once my test results come in and I'm put on the right medication, things will be much better.

For now, I'm looking after my health, my husband, my pets and home. They are most important to me, and everyone can get fucked with a fish! ( Thanks for that, addiea raine! )

That is awful you have to wait until MARCH to find out about the lung thing. Here is hoping that it is something that will be easily cured.

Also I think a lot of women get weird when "their men" are friends with a woman. I lost a 20 year friendship with a guy because his wife thought we were "secretly interested" in each other, but the guy and I were more like Elaine and Jerry come Seinfeld, no interest at all and hoping each other would find someone.

Don't call him anymore. I noticed when I finally stopped calling my childed friends after they were always flaking out, telling me weekends were better when I called them during the week, and "How about Mon or Wed?" when I called them on the weekends, cancelling 80% of the time, I didn't get many calls per year at all, but they did call. With any plans made, I make sure it fits in my schedule and don't make many adjustments for their schedules (becuz in my mind they are likely gonna cancel anyway even if I put my schedule in a pretzel for them, they probably think I'm being the jerk, but so be it). So if he wants the friendship on any level, he'll call. Your relationship(if youre still interested) likely won't be the same though if youre used to seeing him more often.

Even w/ approval/disapproval of friends, many friendships fall away when people get involved in a long term relationship. It has happened to my GFs' husbands. My hubs original friends drifted off after me, but I was a 17 yr old girl, I didn't say much back then, so it wasn't me. The only friend he still sees from the old days on a regular basis is the one he told, "Why are you always cutting down my GF?" that person stopped and he remains.

I believe you that you're Jerry/Elaine. I have male friends, but many ppl think, and they are not entirely wrong, male/female friendships have an element of one person being interested if they had a chance. This could be what the GF is scared of. I recently had the same prob w/ a male friend, even tho the crazy GF lived w/ him and spent the entire weekend w/ him. She was so sure I was blowing him even tho she was w/ him every minute after work. I can't tell her, I wouldnt blow him no matter what, even if I wasn't married.

Did your guy friend ever verbalize what his GF said about you or anything?

Sounds like you're doing yourself a favor by finally writing off your aunt. No one would blame you one iota in this situation.

Take care of yourself in the meantime. Your health is the most important thing now to focus on anyway.

Mum of 6, Sorry, I just realized you didnt say you were Jerry/Elaine, but someone else made that reference. But you know what I mean, and I know what you mean.

The second time he cancelled, he must've felt bad because he said something to the effect of, "It's got nothing to do with you. GF really likes you and she wants a friendship with you and everything." But her actions speak louder than his words. I don't believe them at all.

He's told me that he's going to drop by my house on Monday or Tuesday night with a gift for me. I told him that he didn't have to do that, but I think his guilt about this is eating him up. Once again, I'm not going to hold my breath. If they do show up, I would be totally surprised. He also promised to call me on Sunday, but he's promised to call me several times in the past and he never does. More empty promises.

I'm not going to call him. He needs to work out his issues in his relationship before we can truly be friends again. If there is a turnaround in the guy's behavior, I will gladly open the door to him and welcome him back. However, if he chooses to lie to me and placate me, our friendship will be over.

As for my aunt, I have way too much on my plate to help her. She is extremely narcissistic, and I've been subjected to her nastiness long enough. I'm still grappling with the possibility of having to sleep with an oxygen tank at night. She couldn't care less about what I'm going through or how I'm feeling. She has alienated the entire family, and none of us want much to do with her anymore. I actually kind of feel sorry for her. She doesn't see how her actions have pushed us all away, and how we really think about her. Us girls only tolerate her, but we don't like her.

m06b, I'm sorry to hear about your health issues. I hope that things work out for the best. Sux that you have to wait until March for the tests, etc that you need! Until then, I will be thinking oxygenating thoughts for you. Damn.

Re: aunt...I can see why you only tolerate her, and frankly being able to even do that should fast-track you for canonization. I've always believed that family should not get a pass on behavior that would be intolerable from a friend, co-worker, or even total stranger. You've put up with enough and can now drop her from your life, no fucks given.

Re: CF friend...dang, hard to see one bite the dust. I can understand wanting to hang on if he was a cool, caring friend in the past. Giving up hope on people can be painful. And yeah, the GF's actions speak volumes. Plus if he wasn't like this before, it's likely her influence. She may be one of those possessive types who hates all female friends and really doesn't like the male friends, either, and just wants her man to herself. Because she might be that type of abusive shit, it might be worth it to give him a parting note/email that says something to the effect of "Mr. mo6b and I miss you, but you know where to find us". Just in case shit gets real with the GF and he needs a way out. And then, take whatever level of distance you need, given his track record lately.

Keep us updated on the friend and your health.

Thanks so much for your well wishes guys! I know that once I get the proper diagnosis and onto the right treatment I'll be fine.

Husband cooked me a pasta dinner tonight and now he's washing the dishes. He promised me that I won't have to do anything on my birthday weekend. I can't believe how lucky I am to have such a great guy. He treats me like a Goddess.

We live a simple, frugal life and he's believed in me all this time, unlike my aunt who told me that I have nothing, I am a felon
(because I suffered with a gambling addiction for awhile) even though she talked me into online gambling, and has told me that I am fat and my hair color is wrong. I am a size 8. I'm at a loss for words about her abuse towards me. She can leave me alone now and never speak to me again. I certainly won't be calling her ever again.

As for friend, I will keep you guys updated. I really do miss him and want him to have a good life. I'm sure one day we'll reunite and things will be great again. For now, I'll just leave him and his moo GF alone and let him figure it out.

I forgot to ask, if he was CF, why did he date moos online???

I think he was looking for another Mommy.

Okay. I give up. CF Guy didn't call me on my birthday. I think it's really over.

It's sad that he has to drop hints instead of just being a little more straightforward. But he did say he might drop by Mon or Tues, right? So, he technically still has time. If not, you're gonna have to write him off. It's an unfortunate truth.

sorry about end of friendship. I would not even try any attempt at contact. your aunt is a nasty piece of work. I am not sure if she's a true narc. Narcs wear masks that the world sees so they think that narcs are the cats meow. but to their targets? they are horrible, nasty, vicious reprobates who only care about themselves. and if what you do reflects on them? lord help you. my own moo cow was a narc, not the worst type out there, but she was one. aunt is just plain nasty which is why all your family is avoiding her. good luck to you

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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skyeyes

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addiea raine

Third, fingers crossed that all tests come back negative. You don't need the stress of assholes in your life at the best of times and now even more so. Sit back, relax for the holidays, enjoy your hubby and feather babies.

This goes for me too!

Me too and I hope your husband and you have a great holiday together!

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cfuter
It's sad that he has to drop hints instead of just being a little more straightforward. But he did say he might drop by Mon or Tues, right? So, he technically still has time. If not, you're gonna have to write him off. It's an unfortunate truth.

He didn't show up last night. If I ever hear from him again, I will be totally shocked.

I had to go to the hospital on my birthday anyways, with a lung infection. I'm on antibiotics and I'm feeling a lot better today. They suspect I have a mix of asthma and lung disease, but I won't know until March.

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twocents
Narcs wear masks that the world sees so they think that narcs are the cats meow. but to their targets? they are horrible, nasty, vicious reprobates who only care about themselves. and if what you do reflects on them? lord help you. my own moo cow was a narc, not the worst type out there, but she was one. aunt is just plain nasty which is why all your family is avoiding her. good luck to you

This is my MIL, people would likely rave about how nice she is about this and that, but she is somehow threatened by me even after 35 yrs. She will find a way to disagree with me even tho it might be a topic I have no opinion about or actually agreed w/ her about. My MIL is nice, so people will SAY she's nice or think she's nice, not becuz she wants to be actually nice. She is nice to her g-kids becuz she wants to be remembered, not simply becuz she's a nice person. She does all the kids stuff (like goes to every school play/game etc, not becuz she' s so involved, but becuz she has no adult interests and can't discuss any adult subjects, just lil Brittany's getting so tall, and she's so good at dance class, bullshit like that.) She definitely is a breeder and has breeder mentality. I don't fit in that world. I have several degrees etc, but somehow she is an authority on everything and I don't know anything about anything.

So glad I didn't breed becuz I would have to spend a hellvua lot more time w/ her becuz of the kids visiting grandma, her not abiding by my wishes about raising the kids and stuff like that.

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mumofsixbirds

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cfuter
It's sad that he has to drop hints instead of just being a little more straightforward. But he did say he might drop by Mon or Tues, right? So, he technically still has time. If not, you're gonna have to write him off. It's an unfortunate truth.

He didn't show up last night. If I ever hear from him again, I will be totally shocked.

I had to go to the hospital on my birthday anyways, with a lung infection. I'm on antibiotics and I'm feeling a lot better today. They suspect I have a mix of asthma and lung disease, but I won't know until March.

Hope you get better soon.

He has one more day. But it looks like you're gonna have to write him off. He'll call you a year from now and invite you to a random BBQ or something.

At this point, he can take his crappy present and shove it up his rear. I'm a bit resentful that he would wait til the last second if he DOES come, and if he doesn't, then, that shows he has no interest in having a friendship with me anymore.

Even if I do get a call from him in the distant future, I may not be able to answer the phone. I understand that people go through things in their lives, people change, etc, etc, but this is ridiculous. He's made empty promise after empty promise, and now I'm ready to tell him to go and find himself some new friends.

It sucks to lose a friend, but at least now I know where I stand.

Yeah, it's over. I don't blame you. It sucks. I understand how you feel. I've been there for different reasons, not some moo, but been there the same. As you know, you have other stuff to focus on now anyway, and altho it is a sucky thing to focus on, it can keep your mind off of him for right now. It's aggravating. But he's gonna have it the way he wants it I guess.

You dodged a bullet. You know where you stand now and now you won't be taken in by some bullshit. People like this will eventually just want to be around you for what you can give/do for them. I only hear from people when they want some artwork for their kids or for me to make jewelry for them. I've pretty much started cutting these people out because I'm sick of being used. Your ex-friend is setting off those same alarms. It sucks and it hurts that he would rather think with his dick than with his head, but again it would be only a matter of time before he would start using if he is this inconsiderate.

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"It is better not to look like what you are; it is better to look like a bourgeois woman because then all the doors are open for you and then you can just go and make hell." - Marjane Satrapi

You're absolutely right, addiea, and I've already decided not to bother anymore. It really does hurt, because it took me a long time to find him, only to find that he lives ten minutes away. Now he's acting like an ass. He's no longer worth my time and effort.

I've been on the antibiotics for a couple of days and feel a lot better. Seems like the infection is clearing up, but I still have a cough. My aunt called me on my birthday and I told her that I had to go to the hospital because I could hardly breathe, I had a fever and my lips had turned blue. Fuck that was scary. My husband wound up taking me to Emergency, and I was there for five hours. I was given a much stronger inhaler, and two types of antibiotics to fight the infection.

She is more sympathetic now, but I just don't know how long that will last, either.

As for the former friend, last night was his last chance and there was no phone call, no show up with this gift that he made such a big deal about. Husband is disappointed too, but he also told me not to be too upset about it. It's just not worth my time or energy right now. I need to get better so I can complete my course and get a job.

ETA: There is only one strange thing that seems to bother me. The last time I saw him was when Husband and I went to see him. After I left for bed, Husband and friend stayed up and talked for awhile longer. Husband told me the next day that friend was asking about our marital status. Things like, "Did you guys really get married, with a ring? A preacher? A license?" Husband told him that of course we did, and showed him his wedding band.

I didn't think much of it at the moment, but now I'm starting to wonder if he thought he might have had some sort of chance at a romantic relationship with me again after all these years? If he has been thinking that way, he's barking up the wrong woman. Maybe GF sensed something and told him to stay away from me or something? I am starting to think there's more to it than just what meets the eye.

Either way, he's gone out of my life for good. If he's just being a bad friend, I sure as hell don't need him around. If he's starting to wish things were different between us, then I really don't need the drama.