"Do you have kids?" "Nope, I have parrots instead."

This is kind of a funny thing that happened to me. Husband has been going to a physiotherapist for awhile now to help him with some physical problems. On the first day, I went with him to offer my moral support. Physiotherapist is a young guy. He seems very nice and capable of helping my husband with his issue.

During a brief conversation, the physio asked us if we had any kids. I replied, "Nope, we have parrots instead." Cue the hilarious, confused look on the guy's face! He gave me the impression that it was the most foreign answer to that question he's ever heard in his life. On the way back to the car that night, we had a good, hearty laugh at the guy's response. He said nothing else to me, but his look told me everything I needed to know.

I know it's a pretty common question, but I always get so irritated when it comes up. I try to keep my answer short and sometimes add some humor to it, because it makes me feel awkward and uncomfortable. I think I feel that way because I've had such a mixed bag of replies from individuals over my lifetime when I've told them.

I can tolerate the "do you have kids" question when it's in a social situation as part of the conversation process, kind of like asking people what they do for a living and whether they have hobbies. I can be a social person and when it's a topic of conversation like other topics, I get it.

But the problem is when people cannot MOVE ON or flow with the conversation. I don't have kids, so drop it already. Lurking Breeders, these responses are rude:

Why not?
Whut, you don't? How is that possible that you don't have kids?
Shocked or accusatory conversation

#1 is really fucking rude. I have had all these things happen to me before I shut it down.

As I get older, I am somewhat amused by the people who are utterly shocked and can't seem to process that someone used birth control and didn't end up in the same (miserable) boat as they did.

Bonus: Sex and the City Two, one of my favorite scenes. Start watching at around 1:50, for a minute.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ab8MlBIvho

Haha, I remembered that part of the movie. SATC2 had its flaws, but I do like how it portrays moohood as being this thankless burden that it really is. SATC and Seinfeld were decently good at portraying an alternate view on breeding, even if a lot of it is mired in fantasy (esp SATC).

I found those two shows to not exactly portray me perfectly as a CF person (maybe I'm a little closer to Elaine before the show jumped the shark, lol) but at least they put it out there and tried their best.

I wish there were more programs available that had CF characters. I know there have been a few, but a lot of them will turn the CF into breeders. I think Mad About You was a good example of that, and the ratings tanked afterwards.

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mumofsixbirds
I wish there were more programs available that had CF characters. I know there have been a few, but a lot of them will turn the CF into breeders. I think Mad About You was a good example of that, and the ratings tanked afterwards.

Funny though, isn't it, that TV shows often tank after one of the (often "CF") characters has a kid. They don't always get cancelled though, sometimes they drag out as many more seasons as possible before they have to cancel because their main star wants to leave the series *cough cough*Big Bang Theory*cough cough*

Yeah, that's the issue I've noticed too is once someone hears you don't have kids, they need to delve into it more and will not drop it. Then, of course, bingoes ensue. Why don't you have kids? Did you have a bad childhood? Are you infertile? You're running out of time! What's wrong with you? You aren't a real woman (if you're a woman, that is) until you've had kids, and so on. Meanwhile, if someone says they have kids, the interrogation may not go far past asking about names and genders.

I can always tell when I'm talking to a PNB because when I say I don't want kids, they'll smile and say, "Good choice!" Because while they may love their kids, they know what a shitshow it is to raise them. None of this bullshit sugar-coated preaching about how it's all wooooooorth it.

I think humor is a good way to approach it because it will lessen the chance of causing offense and possibly enraging the mama bears. Not that I give a fuck what they think, but if you can avoid a headache trying to defend yourself against a flurry of bingoes, go for it. Though it could also cause them to not take you seriously and pester you further.

I'm approaching the age where I'm probably going to start getting the "running out of time" bingoes in a few years. Can't wait for those.

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Cambion
I'm approaching the age where I'm probably going to start getting the "running out of time" bingoes in a few years. Can't wait for those.

Don't bet on it. With IVF, you can hear "Are you thinking of having children" into probably your 50s.

yeah, I have a pretty (otherwise) good friend who LIVED to become a breeder. She only managed one kid, partly because her hubby unfortunately died when their son was only 5. She once ..finally..said "it" when she asked me fairly politely if the reason I didn't want kids was because I must have been molested as a kid! I mean, that could be the only reason, right? It's a not-very-happy "told you so" at this point that her golden son has become a 23 year old useless asshole who even she usually doesn't even LIKE.So many times when she was raising the little shit I could have said something (like "is it really a good idea to let him drink and smoke grass at home at the age of 12?" and etc. Because, you KNOW what her answer would have been--"You can't tell me that. You aren't a parruunnt"!
And a semi-related ignorant invasive question is what I used to get: "But are you two really MARRIED? His last name is different from yours!". I would laugh and say "yes, I let him keep his last name when we got married!"

These questions enrage me too.
It happened some years ago, while I was playing an open air concert which was a part of a free-to-enter folk festival, and after I packed up after the gig I went out to walk around a bit and check the place out.
And as soon as I went a bit away from the stage, some old lady came to me and innocently enough started some smalltalk, like "played well" and "are you a full time musician" and stuff like that.
But after all the nice stuff, THAT question came. "Do you have chiiildruuun" (bad enough, she even used the german word Kindchen, which is to me really icky, since its like the "cute" version of the normal word Kind for kid).
I of course went "Hell naw" and "Over my cold dead body". She also "looked like I told her that there was no Santa Claus", and babbled the usual shit about how great it is to breed... I just halted her in the midst of her parade and said:
"If I'd be thinking like this, I wouldnt have been playing this, as you said "nice" gig. I would be stuck in a smelly ruined flat, with no time, no cash, no life force, with my eardrums raped to death by the endless squeaknoise and with a coating of puke, shit and piss all over me. So no, its not "great", and I'd rather shoot myself in the head with a sawed-off shotgun. Music is my child, and I'm willing to do anything for music. I bid you a good day."
Weirdest part was...when I was already turned to walk away I heard her say "Well, I guess you're right on that one." LOL.

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Freedom & Art & Music >>>>>>>>>> human spawn

"Music is immortal. People are not."
-William Anger, "King's Story" - Thief2 FM by Zontik

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reeniebessagain
yeah, I have a pretty (otherwise) good friend who LIVED to become a breeder. She only managed one kid, partly because her hubby unfortunately died when their son was only 5. She once ..finally..said "it" when she asked me fairly politely if the reason I didn't want kids was because I must have been molested as a kid! I mean, that could be the only reason, right?

That's a friendship-ending question if you ask me.

Yeah, I had to end a nearly life-long friendship with a girl when she called me once. We hadn't spoken in years, and she asked if I had kids. I know she had several, some with disabilities. I told her that I didn't, and she replied with, "Well, why not?" I told her I had to go, and I changed my phone number. It seems like a rash thing to do, but it really pissed me off that much. I've never spoken to her again.

Then again, this person wasn't a great friend. She always went after my boyfriends and stuff so it's no big loss. She is saddled with multiple brats.

I've never gotten the "you aren't a real woman" bingo (watch, it'll happen now that I've said that), or "were you molested"; the latter is...interesting. That is a terrible thing to ask anyone out of the blue, considering the incredibly high percentage of people who do suffer abuse as children, and if having children is none of their fucking business, whether a person was sexually assaulted as a child has to rank even higher on the "you can fuck right off" list. Wow.

As for you aren't a real woman...I almost feel sorry for anyone who tells me that. Almost.

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kittehpeoples
I've never gotten the "you aren't a real woman" bingo (watch, it'll happen now that I've said that), or "were you molested"; the latter is...interesting. That is a terrible thing to ask anyone out of the blue, considering the incredibly high percentage of people who do suffer abuse as children, and if having children is none of their fucking business, whether a person was sexually assaulted as a child has to rank even higher on the "you can fuck right off" list. Wow.

As for you aren't a real woman...I almost feel sorry for anyone who tells me that. Almost.

It's so sad that so many women believe that the only use they have is to procreate. I guess that's the argument they use, because they don't know any better, or they don't value themselves enough as intelligent, thinking beings who are capable of doing so much more.

A real woman is not defined by her uterus OR what comes out of it. Never has been, never will be.