Take care of the grandchildren or else

Oh, Mariella, we haven't missed you and your breederisms one bit. In this letter, a grandfather says that it's too much work to care for the grandchildren one day a week and asks what they can do. Mariella's advice? Suck it up, because if you don't, who is going to take care of you when you're old?

I wonder: if they didn't exhaust themselves caring for children now, would they require care when they're elderly? Also, I had no idea it was a binding contract: what's to stop the middle generation from sending the grandparents to the glue factory in their old age? I also note that being a breeder seems to mean a never-ending obligation that persists long after the child becomes an adult. And if you don't toe the line, you're definitely being judged.

Why does Mariella assume both grandparents are able-bodied? And how does she know the grandparents are the ones that will need help in the future - does she possess a crystal ball? The son is clearly taking advantage of his parents: 1. there is no excuse for son showing up with a brat for free daycare without the basic necessities in tow. 2: if one day of reprieve a week is enough to make or break the finances of the son then perhaps he needs to alter the budget because their double income household is living way too close to the edge. I sense bullshit and so do the grandparents.

Best bet for the grandparents is to move at least 3 hours away to a place with no spare bedrooms, offer to visit when there is mutual agreement and leave when they please.

I was very lucky (I'm the only living member of my generation in the family) to have a niece and nephew who are both as Child Free as Bratfree.

My sister did have some breeder tendencies, such as expecting free daycare from her family.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Sooo if they can't mind their grandturd because of their work schedules, why did they agree to do it?

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I also feel resentful over silly things, such as the inability of the parents to provide a change of clothes or food, etc. To an extent we feel taken for granted.

That's because they are taking you for granted. The parents probably figure the grandparents have nothing better to do and they're obligated to watch the grandsprog, and even if they're not, all they have to do is dump the kid on the porch because the grandparents aren't going to report their own grandchild as abandoned.

Though I do wonder how the grandparents expect to play a large role in their grandchild's life when seeing the child one day a week is too much and that one day a week is too frustrating for them? That's like saying you want to lose a hundred pounds by dieting one day a week and eating like a pig the other six.

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Your indignation does seem particularly raw. Is the issue less about caring for your grandchild and more about the absence of gratitude? I’m sensing the latter and wondering if you need to lay down some guidelines.

That is a good point. Are the grandparents pissed and resentful because they don't like the kid, or because the parents are ungrateful assholes? I wonder what would happen if they just refused to watch the kid anymore? Or if they told the parents that any money they spend on the kid's needs that the parents don't provide is coming out of the parents' inheritance? Bet that would get their attention.

You know it's gonna be a breeder-pleasing hogwash answer when the first four paragraphs proceed to lather worship, praise and emotional blowjobs on ALL grandparents who babysit - not just the one who has written in - while simultaneously getting the guilt trip started early.

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In that not-distant future, you’ll hopefully be rewarded for today’s efforts by a rich bond with your maturing granddaughter and be integral to her life

Apparently the bingo of "who will take care of you when you're old?" isn't just for childfree people; it can also be used to browbeat reluctant grandparents into giving a shit about their squirming, loud, annoying, smelly grandkids, while the parents of said kids take advantage of their offer to babysit.

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I also feel resentful over silly things, such as the inability of the parents to provide a change of clothes or food, etc.

This isn't a silly thing to be resentful about at all. What kind of neglectful breeder-brain drops their young kid off anywhere without a change of clothes? Even when kids are a bit older they still can't stay clean for more than an hour; toddlers will get dirty pretty much as soon as you put clean clothes on them! Given that this is such a bone of contention, we can safely assume that these now-grandparents were likely themselves decent parents who, when they left their own now-adult kids with a babysitter, always brought along the additional metric-fuckton of shit that kids needed when someone else was looking after them.

These grandparents need to grow a pair and tell their ungrateful adult spawn that they need to make adjustments, including them actually providing food and clothes for the kids they unceremoniously dump on them. So what if they threaten to withhold access to the grandkid? A few months of having to pay through their eyeballs for extra childcare will soon have them coming back with their tails between their legs and the grandkid in their hands, ready to give a half-assed apology in exchange for more free childcare.

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Being taken for granted is never pleasant, but neither is it worth going to war over.

Bullshit. If you act like a doormat, you'll get walked on like one. People can't respect your boundaries if they don't know where they are.

Breeders who dump their kids on grandparents annoy me, but the grandparents annoy me just as much, because a lot more of them need to learn that "No" is a complete sentence. These ones offered, sure, but if it's not working for them, it's not working for them, and they can withdraw that offer whenever they like. Not their monkey, not their circus. The parents would have to pay for childcare? Boo-hoo.

Sounds like some kind of threat. Look after your grandbrats or you'll die alone. Niiiiccceee….

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mumofsixbirds
Sounds like some kind of threat. Look after your grandbrats or you'll die alone. Niiiiccceee….

Definitely.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!