They HAVE to adopt nephew..

not breaking mom but entitled idiots

“If you weren’t so selfish, you’d adopt him.”
RANT
So my fiancé and I are both in our early 30’s. Both of us very childfree. I’ve never wanted kids and just generally don’t like them. I’ve never changed a diaper, I don’t hold babies, and I don’t have friends who have kids.

We bought a house a couple years ago, are saving for getting married, and are putting over $2k a month towards our student loans. We have good jobs and like to travel and spoil our two dogs rotten.

My brother (5 years younger) knocked up his girlfriend and the baby was born a few months ago. Baby was taken by CPS and basically everyone in the immediate family got notices that someone needs to step up and take the kid in, or the kid would be put into foster system and adopted.

My mother, father, grandparents all decide to call me up today and tell me they had a family meeting and all decided my fiancé and I are the most logical choice for the child because “you are educated, own a home, and are the perfect age to be parents!”

I responded, “Uhm, no way. I don’t want kids. I’ve never wanted kids. I like my life and traveling and backpacking and going on week long vacations climbing 14ers in the wilderness. I like my house clean and kid free. You all know I don’t want kids and this is no exception. Also, even if i wanted a kid (which I don’t) I can’t afford childcare because I’m paying my student loans and I would never take on that financial responsibility for something that I can’t pay for!”

They proceeded to get so mad, call me selfish, say “your nephew will be adopted out of this family and it will be all your fault!”

Uh no, it’s my brothers fault for knocking up his gf and all of you peoples fault for enabling him!

So, anyway, I’m now apparently the hugest asshole in the world and they all hate me because I won’t adopt my brothers kid.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

I read this over at reddit/cf I guess the family had a meeting about this couple and how they should adopt the kid after CPS took him away

Did a double-take because I thought that was happening to TwoCents.

Can someone give the link? Gotta read this one and the responses. Thanks.

Oh, I saw that one, too! I love that they had a family meeting without the CF couple and decided this...and then had the audacity to say if the kid "left the family" it would be their fault. Not the kid's parents', or that ROOMFUL OF PEOPLE WHO DECIDED THIS, but the only two people in the family who don't want kids. Wtf. They should have another meeting without the CF couple and fight among themselves over who has to take the brat nobody wants but is still somehow so important.

I saw that on reddit.

If moo and her family was such garbage that CPS had to take the infant, then it's the sperm donor's responsibility to step up and take care of the child he made. It's not the responsibility of the CF family members to provide for a fuck up not of their making.

This begs the question why moo didn't abort when she had the chance, considering she was so unfit for an infant. But we all know the reason why she didn't abort, because babbyyyy....

The CF couple should go to CPS and inform them that their immediate family is trying to force them to adopt this child, and they're not amenable to this at all. CPS can make sure the child is adopted out far, far away into a good home and away from all these moos, grandmoos and other garbage relatives who preach about The Holy Bayybeee yet won't lift a finger to practice what they preach.

The OP's replies to the comments are pure gold. Her post heads the page: https://www.reddit.com/user/legally_blonde23/comments/

k-man: https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/comments/ie8mfq/if_you_werent_so_selfish_youd_adopt_him/

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twocents
So my fiancé and I are both in our early 30’s. Both of us very childfree. I’ve never wanted kids and just generally don’t like them. I’ve never changed a diaper, I don’t hold babies, and I don’t have friends who have kids.

We bought a house a couple years ago, are saving for getting married, and are putting over $2k a month towards our student loans. We have good jobs and like to travel and spoil our two dogs rotten.

My brother (5 years younger) knocked up his girlfriend and the baby was born a few months ago. Baby was taken by CPS and basically everyone in the immediate family got notices that someone needs to step up and take the kid in, or the kid would be put into foster system and adopted.

My mother, father, grandparents all decide to call me up today and tell me they had a family meeting and all decided my fiancé and I are the most logical choice for the child because “you are educated, own a home, and are the perfect age to be parents!”

They proceeded to get so mad, call me selfish, say “your nephew will be adopted out of this family and it will be all your fault!”

Uh no, it’s my brothers fault for knocking up his gf and all of you peoples fault for enabling him!

So, anyway, I’m now apparently the hugest asshole in the world and they all hate me because I won’t adopt my brothers kid.

First off, I like that CPS had the courtesy to give the entire family notices about the nephew as this would prompt a family member who is INTERESTED if one exists. It is is no way a demand.

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twocents
My mother, father, grandparents all decide to call me up today and tell me they had a family meeting and all decided my fiancé and I are the most logical choice for the child because “you are educated, own a home, and are the perfect age to be parents!” we asked you to adopt the nephew and you didn't say yes! How dare you refuse our wishes! Why did you buy a house with more than one bedroom unless you plan to have kids? You have your act together, we are all jealous and want to derail your lives so you can be as miserable as we are. You can sense how miserable we are based on the fact that we decided to have a meeting and dictate your entire future even though you are both adults and call you selfish if you wouldn't cave to our bullying!

They proceeded to get so mad, call me selfish, say “your nephew will be adopted out of this family and it will be all your fault!”

"Selfish" is the last ditch effort to bully a family member to do something via shame, often utilized when someone is unwilling to follow the Lifescript. And often the same family has used "selfish" any time this person does something that doesn't follow their personal dictate on behavior. Because all members of the family must all think 100% alike or the shame fest will ensue.

These people should move far away from their family and go either LC or NC. This isn't going to die off. And it won't matter if another family member adopts the nephew, these two will continue to be harassed and berated about not making the right choice for the next 18+ years. They will be poked and prodded and shame will be attempted at every function where family gathers. At the very best they can expect to be treated like second class citizens by their family permanently.

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Peace
If moo and her family was such garbage that CPS had to take the infant, then it's the sperm donor's responsibility to step up and take care of the child he made. It's not the responsibility of the CF family members to provide for a fuck up not of their making.

In fucked up famblees it is never the fucked up person's fault. They will always blame the responsible ones who aren't willing to help out the fucked up person(s).

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freya

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Peace
If moo and her family was such garbage that CPS had to take the infant, then it's the sperm donor's responsibility to step up and take care of the child he made. It's not the responsibility of the CF family members to provide for a fuck up not of their making.

In fucked up famblees it is never the fucked up person's fault. They will always blame the responsible ones who aren't willing to help out the fucked up person(s).

Quite true. Seen that play out before with my friends.

The ones responsible for that baby are the ones who made it. If they can't/won't take care of it, there are SO MANY people who'd love to adopt an infant and would actually take good care of it. I hate it when people assume that the kid should stay "in the family" like they're so much better than people who actually have their shit together. God.

And, you know the family wouldn't leave them alone if they did take the kid in. They wouldn't get to raise it how they should. Plus, the bio mom and dad would be involved somehow behind the scenes. Just think of the constant drama, becuz you know they would come in and out of the kid's life, and try to get him back, now that they "sobered up" or some such shite. It would be better to be disowned and just live your life w/o family than to be w/ this family, who has meetings behind your back...that end up affecting the rest of your life. Geez

I've heard dr laura (I know) comment on this that many times a family member who takes in anothers bastard will have problems from the moo and duh (and famblee) who critique everything they do with the baby. Interfere, undermine... so makes one wonder what's the point.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

A former CPS worker has replied to the poster and stated if the baby was taken by CPS that quickly it would be because of evidence of drugs in the baby's system. So, this is likely an 80 year adoption. I sure hope the poster sticks to her response.

The family must not care too much about the loaf if they want the only people in the family who DON'T want kids to take care of it.

I wonder why it is that the potential new parents of the child in question weren't invited to this family meeting during which a huge life decision was made for them without their permission. Sounds a bit like they knew the CF couple would refuse, so they just left them out of the decision-making process.

Also, why aren't any of these loving, devoted relatives stepping up to raise this kid if it's so important that he remain with his family? Surely if it was that important for the child to remain with its family, they would be trying harder to give it a home? Sounds a whole lot like these fuckers want to pass the buck.

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They proceeded to get so mad, call me selfish, say “your nephew will be adopted out of this family and it will be all your fault!”

Well judging by what I've heard of this family so far, that sounds like the ideal solution. CPS doesn't just snatch kids away because parents make a little boo-boo either - they have to either fuck up really bad or have a long history of fucking up to make CPS even pretend to care. So the fact the kid was removed speaks volumes.

Sounds like we got ourselves a hot mess.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Peace, thanks for posting the link. The thread just would not come up in a quick search.

I didn't go through all the 600+ comments, but the ones I did read all supported the OP. 100% agreement is unusual. Several comments there raised the question, where's the brother who made the baby? Why isn't the family holding him responsible for his loaf? The girlfriend's family is all into drugs and have had other children removed, the OP said, but she was silent about those questions surrounding her brother.

Two answers look obvious. One is that CPS evidently does not want him to have custody, probably because he's into drugs too. Also, the family probably believes it's "a woman's job" to deal with babies and children, which is why they tried to draft the OP into adoption.

What do the rest of you think?

The entire family reminds me of asshole pro-liars. If they are so Concerned^TM about the loaf, let them raise it.

Later in the thread it reads the mom is a convicted felon and CPS has essentially told Sonny Boy if he doesn't live separately from her, he cannot have the kid. So Sonny Boy is choosing to be with the worthless Moo.

It sounds like the OP is standing firm, and I hope she continues to do so. Losing the love of this family wouldn't be a big loss.

I'm pretty sure OP isn't gonna budge. If anything, they may go even lower contact. I just wonder what would happen if they showed up on the doorstep with the loaf or just left it. I would call the cops and they could handle it but I just wonder how manytimes this scenario is repeated.
Also, I sometimes think this is how neighborhoods start going downhill. Someone from one of these 'fambless' breaks away and finds a place but the garbage moves in with them, mainly because they haven't learned to set boundaries. The garbage tears everything up, the original person moves on and the garbage just attracts more garbage.
I

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

Quote
kman
Several comments there raised the question, where's the brother who made the baby? Why isn't the family holding him responsible for his loaf? The girlfriend's family is all into drugs and have had other children removed, the OP said, but she was silent about those questions surrounding her brother.

The OP said in the comments that CPS wouldn't give him the baby to raise unless he left his drug addict girlfriend, which he refused to do.

Yep, family can be good at pawning off responsibility for spawned brats.

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Why is the family so eager to keep this loaf when it's painfully obvious the child's parents don't even want it? It's been brought up already, but if these people want this kid to stay with his family that badly, why is nobody volunteering to take him in? They must not want him to stay that badly.

I'm sure the two lovebirds will make another kid soon enough anyway, so if CPS keeps this kid after all, I'm sure there will be another fresh loaf up for grabs within the next year because the parents likely won't be allowed to keep any future children.

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Cambion
It's been brought up already, but if these people want this kid to stay with his family that badly, why is nobody volunteering to take him in? They must not want him to stay that badly.

They want to keep him in the family as long as somebody else does the cunt work of raising and paying for him.

So why was it not an option for the mother or father or grandparents to take this kid? Oh, they didn't want it? Well, neither does the OP. So they're all as selfish as each other.

I have a friend in a very similar sitch - her partners idiot brother and vapid girlfriend get knocked up and have a kid, which CPS takes away because they're both meth heads. Her partner's dad steps up and takes the kid because friend and partner had zero interest, but after a couple of months he starts leaning hard on them. Because raising small children is exhausting and expensive, dontcha know, so they should absolutely take the kid for weekends and chip in to the expenses to help out. Never mind that they can barely cover their own bills, now they have to be responsible for idiot brother's fuckup. And the kid is special needs, on top of all that (duh, surprise).

So friend put her foot down and said fuck that noise, which basically made her the family pariah. But good for her. This isn't her problem ...it'snot even her damn family.