Horseshit childhood mental disorders

Apparently there are a handful of "disorders" used to justify awful behavior in kids aside from autism spectrum disorders. While I know disruptive mood dysregulation disorder was recently added to the DSM, I'm not sure how "novel" some of the others are.

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Conduct Disorder. Often diagnosed in childhood, this condition is characterized by displays of aggression to people and animals, destruction of property, deceitfulness or theft, vandalism and/or not following the rules. This just sounds like the signs of an undisciplined brat to me. It's normal for kids to hit their parents and pets, break shit because they can, lie, steal and disobey. The issue is when the useless parents don't do something to stop it, which they usually don't.

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. DMDD is a childhood condition of extreme irritability, anger, and frequent, intense temper outbursts all on a daily basis. Apparently it is common among children who visit pediatric mental health clinics. Seems that pills can be used to make the kid more tolerable (although there is no set-in-stone treatment for it because it's such a new disorder), but good luck getting a violent little asshole to take pills. Might be better off loading meds into a tranquilizer gun and shooting the kid with it like a feral animal. I've never known a kid that wasn't irritable, angry or throwing a tantrum. Bear in mind that the average child with no legitimate mental disorders will cry so hard that they puke because they don't get their own way. And the potential cause of this condition is being taken to mental health clinics? That's a crock of shit if I've ever heard one. Just because Junior doesn't want to go to a shrink doesn't mean he has a disorder.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder. This is characterized by episodes of disproportionate anger and aggression and can range in severity from tantrums and arguments to the child causing others bodily harm or property damage. Never mind the fact that every single child that ever lived overreacts at every possible moment because everything is a huge goddamn deal to them. Show me one child who has a rational reaction to not being given their own way. A completely normal kid will have a full-blown meltdown complete with pants-pissing, thrashing on the floor and screaming bloody murder until purple in the face because he decided his favorite food for breakfast is "boofles" and Mommy doesn't know what that means because it doesn't exist and therefore can't give it to him.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I know this isn't new, but it always gets a big eyeroll from me. The DSM describes ODD as "persistent symptoms of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behaviors toward authority figures." That isn't a sickness - that is every child that has ever lived. Frankly, I'd be more worried about a child that didn't disobey its parents having a mental disorder.

Disruptive Behavior Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DBD NOS). This condition occurs when a child has symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorder, but doesn't fit squarely in either diagnosis. So it's basically the behavioral version of fencesitting for brats and just another trendy acronym for bizzy mommies to put in their mommy forum sig lines.

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You know what these all sound like? BAD FUCKING PARENTING, mostly in the form of failure to use discipline, boundaries or consequences. Why the fuck is every parental failure considered a disorder or a syndrome? Even physical ones can be - shaking your infant so hard that you cause fatal brain hemorrhaging or permanent brain damage is a "syndrome" instead of simply being "abuse."

I don't deny for one second there are legitimately mentally sick children, but a majority of kids aren't mentally disturbed. They're just assholes that need real parenting. But hey, whatever lets parents wash their hands of their own kids' upbringing, right?

I kinda wonder if parents would try harder if they got paid a real salary to raise their own kids and the amount they earn increases with good parenting. Not that they deserve it (contrary to what we see every Mother's Day about the worth of a SAHM), but just food for thought.

Another one is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s it was considered entirely normal for kids to have short attention spans and lots of energy. Parents and teachers were always telling us to sit down, shut up, and pay attention. The expectation was we would gradually get better at doing this and need to be told less and less as we grew up. Now the normal is pathologized and medicated. I can believe a kid has a disorder if it is an extreme case, but most are not.

Also the elimination of recess has not helped kids' behavior issues. Most elementary school aged kids need a few breaks during the day.

Autism might or might not be real. I am beginning to wonder if I am a high functioning autistic who was never diagnosed. It would explain the problems I've had both as a child and as an adult. However I can't believe every other kid is on the spectrum.

Conduct disorders and oppositional defiant disorder are bullshit. Most of the time it is just brattiness caused by shitty parenting. In some cases there might be an underlying mental disorder which needs to be dealt with, but still the phrase "conduct disorder" is bullshit.

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Cambion
You know what these all sound like? BAD FUCKING PARENTING, mostly in the form of failure to use discipline, boundaries or consequences. Why the fuck is every parental failure considered a disorder or a syndrome? Even physical ones can be - shaking your infant so hard that you cause fatal brain hemorrhaging or permanent brain damage is a "syndrome" instead of simply being "abuse."

I don't deny for one second there are legitimately mentally sick children, but a majority of kids aren't mentally disturbed. They're just assholes that need real parenting. But hey, whatever lets parents wash their hands of their own kids' upbringing, right?

Definitely, parunting requires daily, repeated discipline. And tons of repetition. I'd guess mentally sick children would have other inherent characteristics in common besides the behavioral ones listed above.

I know when I was in grade school in the 90s, my teachers told my mother they thought I had ADD because I didn't pay attention in class and was badly behaved - like I was in the principal's office at least once a week.

As far as I know, I wasn't autistic. I just wanted to draw more than learn because I hated going to school and hated my teachers because they didn't let me do what I wanted. Also, my mother was a piss-poor parent that didn't discipline or socialize me, which is why I was such a shit in class. No autism - just bad parenting.

I'm sure autism does exist, but it is NOT as common as people claim. Parents have just gotten progressively lazier and since it's so widespread, it's been given a variety of clinical names where the child is blamed. If they want to slap a label on it, give it an honest name: parental deficiency syndrome.

The medical industrial complex makes a lot of money with these 'syndromes'. They drug the kids to the hairline and get the government to pay them those sweet sweet bennies.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

My nephew has two of these. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he was born into the NICU and has been coddled ever since.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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LoveToLurk
My nephew has two of these. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he was born into the NICU and has been coddled ever since.

This made me curious, so I tried to see if there was any information available about the correlation between behavioral disorders and premature birth. Several studies suggest that preterm loaves have a much higher incidence of behavioral disorders compared to full-term ones. I'm sure some of that can be attributed to unfinished neurological development since the fetus' brain develops a lot in the final weeks of pregnancy, but I'd wager that a majority of the behaviors are nurtured by parents who spoil their delicate "miracle babies" and don't discipline them at all.

Here's a real fun read. This woman's kid was only born about a month early, which isn't great, but could be much worse too. By the time he was three, he had been kicked out of several day-cares due to his behavior. At the age of 15 and after many psychological evaluations, this kid was apparently diagnosed with Asperger's, ADHD, ODD, Episodic Rage Disorder, Pervasive Developmental Delayed, depression, anxiety, suicidal tendencies and homicidal tendencies.

I don't know how true that account is, but this woman claims that 61% of prematurely born kids develop behavioral problems. I wonder how much that percentage would decrease if the parents of these preemies used actual discipline when their behavior gets bad.

I'm not so sure it is prematurity that causes all the behavioral problems but what Moomie is eating and drinking. Many Moos do not drink while they are actually pregnant, but they drink like fish before pregnancy, and you actually should not drink 3 to five years before you get pregnant. There is also a laundry list of foods Moos should not eat before and during pregnancy because they can fuck up the loaf.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Cambion, my nephew wasn’t even a preemie, he was just born with a defect that they found while he was still in the womb. While he’ll never be completely right, he’s also no longer in any immediate danger. But he spent the first few years of his life being treated like the sun shone out of his ass, and surprisingly he began to have problems right around the time he started going to school and learning that not everyone finds him absolutely precious.

I’d say your theory has some merit.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

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Cambion

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Conduct Disorder. Often diagnosed in childhood, this condition is characterized by displays of aggression to people and animals, destruction of property, deceitfulness or theft, vandalism and/or not following the rules. This just sounds like the signs of an undisciplined brat to me. It's normal for kids to hit their parents and pets, break shit because they can, lie, steal and disobey. The issue is when the useless parents don't do something to stop it, which they usually don't.

Disruptive Mood Dysregulation Disorder. DMDD is a childhood condition of extreme irritability, anger, and frequent, intense temper outbursts all on a daily basis. Apparently it is common among children who visit pediatric mental health clinics. Seems that pills can be used to make the kid more tolerable (although there is no set-in-stone treatment for it because it's such a new disorder), but good luck getting a violent little asshole to take pills. Might be better off loading meds into a tranquilizer gun and shooting the kid with it like a feral animal. I've never known a kid that wasn't irritable, angry or throwing a tantrum. Bear in mind that the average child with no legitimate mental disorders will cry so hard that they puke because they don't get their own way. And the potential cause of this condition is being taken to mental health clinics? That's a crock of shit if I've ever heard one. Just because Junior doesn't want to go to a shrink doesn't mean he has a disorder.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder. This is characterized by episodes of disproportionate anger and aggression and can range in severity from tantrums and arguments to the child causing others bodily harm or property damage. Never mind the fact that every single child that ever lived overreacts at every possible moment because everything is a huge goddamn deal to them. Show me one child who has a rational reaction to not being given their own way. A completely normal kid will have a full-blown meltdown complete with pants-pissing, thrashing on the floor and screaming bloody murder until purple in the face because he decided his favorite food for breakfast is "boofles" and Mommy doesn't know what that means because it doesn't exist and therefore can't give it to him.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder. I know this isn't new, but it always gets a big eyeroll from me. The DSM describes ODD as "persistent symptoms of negativistic, defiant, disobedient, and hostile behaviors toward authority figures." That isn't a sickness - that is every child that has ever lived. Frankly, I'd be more worried about a child that didn't disobey its parents having a mental disorder.

Disruptive Behavior Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DBD NOS). This condition occurs when a child has symptoms of oppositional defiant disorder and conduct disorder, but doesn't fit squarely in either diagnosis. So it's basically the behavioral version of fencesitting for brats and just another trendy acronym for bizzy mommies to put in their mommy forum sig lines.

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You know what these all sound like? BAD FUCKING PARENTING, mostly in the form of failure to use discipline, boundaries or consequences. Why the fuck is every parental failure considered a disorder or a syndrome? Even physical ones can be - shaking your infant so hard that you cause fatal brain hemorrhaging or permanent brain damage is a "syndrome" instead of simply being "abuse."

I don't deny for one second there are legitimately mentally sick children, but a majority of kids aren't mentally disturbed. They're just assholes that need real parenting. But hey, whatever lets parents wash their hands of their own kids' upbringing, right?

I kinda wonder if parents would try harder if they got paid a real salary to raise their own kids and the amount they earn increases with good parenting. Not that they deserve it (contrary to what we see every Mother's Day about the worth of a SAHM), but just food for thought.

More children are defective because 1. mothers are shitting them out at older and older ages and 2. the Earth is becoming a chemical shit show.

Also, many mothers drink before and during pregnancy, something they won't admit to and shit out a fried zygote. Even one drink during pregnancy can fuck up a pregnancy. Some doctors say mothers should avoid alcohol for five years before pregnancy. Moos will not plan like that.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

Many parunts are crappy today because of parunting culture, but older parunts can be even worse:

they have more money and thus spoil the crap out of their offspring
they are too tired to deal with energetic young children (Shauna?)
the ones who have gone through fertility treatments are also tired and they don't want to discipline their fragile, expensive little monsters

There is also the stupid "parunting culture" that is espoused by professionals:

Everyone wins a trophy

Self-esteem is the be-all and end-all of raising children, as opposed to making them build their character and work for things, thus earning some self esteem (And interestingly, there was a study done that said people with higher self esteem were more likely to be CRIMINALS--what a shocker.)

Children are inherently good, rather than believing they are self-centered and self motivated and correcting that behavior accordingly

Raising them with no boundaries, consequences or fear of authority (aka oppositional defiant disorder)

Keeping them in a state of childhood well into their 20's

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LoveToLurk
Cambion, my nephew wasn’t even a preemie, he was just born with a defect that they found while he was still in the womb. While he’ll never be completely right, he’s also no longer in any immediate danger. But he spent the first few years of his life being treated like the sun shone out of his ass, and surprisingly he began to have problems right around the time he started going to school and learning that not everyone finds him absolutely precious.

I’d say your theory has some merit.

Oh whoops, my bad! I assumed that NICU = preemie. I'm guessing he's an only child too? Only children can be particularly spoiled brats. School is a HUGE wake-up call for many coddled brats because all of a sudden they're in a place with rules, they have to share with other kids and are tended to by people who don't find them special. Or at least it would be if the parents didn't side with their kids and blame the teachers.

I know because I was the same way. I was never put in daycare, nor was I allowed to play with kids my own age because my mother didn't want me playing with the welfare kids and I was doted on by my grandma because I lived with her. I remember my kindergarten class had two teachers and I was still too much for them and I'd do shit like stab people with pencils because I felt like it, kicked and swore at the teachers, tried to steal toys from the classroom and denied it when I got caught (even though I had TONS of toys at home) and inconsolably cried under my desk any time I didn't get my own way, which was daily. I blame 100% of that behavior on terrible parenting. Thankfully I mellowed out a lot on my own over the years, but I think I'm probably the exception.

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Cambion

I'm guessing he's an only child too? Only children can be particularly spoiled brats.

Winner winner chicken dinner! At least, he was until right around the same time he went to school. So it was the double whammy of going to school and getting a sibling.

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"Not every ejaculation deserves a name" - George Carlin

Cambion: from other posts you have had a difficult childhood to say the least.
I don't thnk I liked myself as a child very much. I think some of my behaviour may well have led to problems with relationships all through school. this is another reason I don't want kids. (we all have lists).
did your own childhood also influence you this way? in a way, you don't want to pass on this to a child in any way shape or form.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

twocents: Yep, my childhood is a big reason for me not wanting kids, under which are bullet points of smaller specific reasons. I don't want to potentially raise a kid like my mother raised me, not to mention the fact that my maternal unit came out and told me if I were to have a child, she would raise it for me. She didn't ask permission - just flat-out said she would raise it for me (since she did such a bang-up job with me) and I would have no say in any of it. But I'm sure she wouldn't hesitate to loudly remind me that she "already raised her kids" every time it became inconvenient.

She has zero patience, and I would almost love to see her try to deal with a loaf. She's been screaming at the dog for three days because he's got kennel cough and won't stop coughing. Brings back memories of how she'd scream at me when I had chronic bronchitis as a kid because my coughing kept her up at night.

She also constantly told me how stupid I was and how she wished I could just be smart like the other kids in class, or she'd tell me how much she wished she could beat me until I bled. It's no wonder I have no self-esteem as an adult and I question everything I do. I can't even accept compliments because I feel like I don't deserve them.

I don't like how I turned out as an adult, but I'm just glad I didn't turn out like her. Even if I wanted kids, I wouldn't have them out of fear of doing to them what she did to me.

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Cambion
I know when I was in grade school in the 90s, my teachers told my mother they thought I had ADD because I didn't pay attention in class and was badly behaved - like I was in the principal's office at least once a week.

As far as I know, I wasn't autistic. I just wanted to draw more than learn because I hated going to school and hated my teachers because they didn't let me do what I wanted. Also, my mother was a piss-poor parent that didn't discipline or socialize me, which is why I was such a shit in class. No autism - just bad parenting.

I'm sure autism does exist, but it is NOT as common as people claim. Parents have just gotten progressively lazier and since it's so widespread, it's been given a variety of clinical names where the child is blamed. If they want to slap a label on it, give it an honest name: parental deficiency syndrome.

Being bored in class is fairly common for kids. And younger kids don't have the attention span to sit bored/paying attention for a full day. Labeling it as a disorder is problematic (ADD, etc.) but lazy parents latch onto it.

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Cambion
As far as I know, I wasn't autistic. I just wanted to draw more than learn because I hated going to school and hated my teachers because they didn't let me do what I wanted. Also, my mother was a piss-poor parent that didn't discipline or socialize me, which is why I was such a shit in class. No autism - just bad parenting.

I'm sure autism does exist, but it is NOT as common as people claim. Parents have just gotten progressively lazier and since it's so widespread, it's been given a variety of clinical names where the child is blamed. If they want to slap a label on it, give it an honest name: parental deficiency syndrome.

Autism absolutely exists, and I had brain scans before I was diagnosed with it so it isn't just 'bad parent syndrome'. Many autistic children are diagnosed today shortly after birth before much parenting can happen.

I was diagnosed at the Ming Quong Institute back in 1972, long before it became excuse Dejour for piss poor parents. My mother did not allow herself to use my problem as a crutch, she proceeded to parent me using behavior modification. If I hadn't developed two more mental illnesses in adulthood and then had a physical health crash, I would have made something of myself.

I was tested again to check my status when I moved to Prescott in order to receive treatment within the health system here. Again, a weird little brain peeked back at the doctors.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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ondinette
Another one is Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. When I was growing up in the 70s and 80s it was considered entirely normal for kids to have short attention spans and lots of energy. Parents and teachers were always telling us to sit down, shut up, and pay attention. The expectation was we would gradually get better at doing this and need to be told less and less as we grew up. Now the normal is pathologized and medicated. I can believe a kid has a disorder if it is an extreme case, but most are not.

Also the elimination of recess has not helped kids' behavior issues. Most elementary school aged kids need a few breaks during the day.

Autism might or might not be real. I am beginning to wonder if I am a high functioning autistic who was never diagnosed. It would explain the problems I've had both as a child and as an adult. However I can't believe every other kid is on the spectrum.

Conduct disorders and oppositional defiant disorder are bullshit. Most of the time it is just brattiness caused by shitty parenting. In some cases there might be an underlying mental disorder which needs to be dealt with, but still the phrase "conduct disorder" is bullshit.

Kids were once allowed to be kids. They were allowed to play, have unstructured time, etc. Now, everything is planned and scheduled, no freedom, no choices. I see why kids flip out these days.

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Kids were once allowed to be kids. They were allowed to play, have unstructured time, etc. Now, everything is planned and scheduled, no freedom, no choices. I see why kids flip out these days.

Everything is planned and scheduled, combined with adults who don't follow through or who don't do the actual foundational work involved in nuturing a kid. Modern parenting culture is big on "involvement" via activities with your kid, but not big on teaching them to handle boredom, unstructured time, messy life events/emotions, or responsibilites. Add in too much tech at too early an age and it's a bizarre constellation of terrible ideas that's turning out a generation of young adults who don't know how to really be who they are or handle their lives.

Parents who feel the need to be up their kids' asses 24/7 probably also don't realize that this helicopter parenting is making them miserable too. Kids certainly need supervision, but does anyone just throw their kids outside and let them dig holes or play with bugs for a few hours anymore? Breeders who moan the loudest about how hard parenthood is are likely the same ones who think they have to shadow their children every moment of every day.

I sure as hell never remember someone watching me like a hawk as a kid (not at home, anyway). If I wasn't inside watching cartoons or playing video games or playing with my toys, I was outside rolling in the dirt and playing with stray cats or drawing crap on the driveway with chalk. I would have gone nuts if an adult was there every second to redirect me every time I did something they felt I shouldn't do. That just sounds like recess to me.

Boredom is a wonderful thing because it results in creative thinking and occasionally stupid fun shit. It's a shame kids now never get to experience it so they can make their own fun.

Agreed Cambion. I spent more that enough years dealing with the results of modern parenting, and it's downright damaging.

As for tossing kids in the backyard to amuse themselves...I can understand parents not doing that with a toddler or preschooler, because at that age their default setting is "trying to Darwinize". But school age kids are totally capable of amusing themselves.

So glad I was born when parents still had common sense that children needed to interact with the world in their own way at least part of the time, and weren't up our asses. If we claimed boredom, they'd suggest a couple things, but if I kept shooting down ideas, Mom would start suggesting chores. I learned that meant it was time to take off or I'd wind up weeding the driveway or sweeping the garage.

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randomcfchick
Agreed Cambion. I spent more that enough years dealing with the results of modern parenting, and it's downright damaging.

As for tossing kids in the backyard to amuse themselves...I can understand parents not doing that with a toddler or preschooler, because at that age their default setting is "trying to Darwinize". But school age kids are totally capable of amusing themselves.

So glad I was born when parents still had common sense that children needed to interact with the world in their own way at least part of the time, and weren't up our asses. If we claimed boredom, they'd suggest a couple things, but if I kept shooting down ideas, Mom would start suggesting chores. I learned that meant it was time to take off or I'd wind up weeding the driveway or sweeping the garage.

I remember when I was seven years old I was allowed by my mother to walk halfway around the block to my little best friend's house, then I was helped to call my mother to let her know that I had gotten there safely. I was a little sped, so while this sounds a tad late for letting a kid get some independence, I was autistic and had more issues than normal. I learned to ride a bike at age nine, and basically had free range of the neighborhood. I basically taught myself. Yes, this was risky, and I had my share of falls.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

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random
Modern parenting culture is big on "involvement" via activities with your kid, but not big on teaching them to handle boredom, unstructured time, messy life events/emotions, or responsibilities. Add in too much tech at too early an age and it's a bizarre constellation of terrible ideas that's turning out a generation of young adults who don't know how to really be who they are or handle their lives.

Wow, that is just so well said.

John Rosemond writes a lot how parenting used to be about raising kids to be citizens. Now it's just about "parunting" them to be consumers of "experiences" and they have to do all these "activities" to get into Kawledge so they can make Moo and Dud proud.

Hovering over kids cripples them, not to mention it's not healthy for the parunts either. In the cult of Motherhood, it's heresy for a Moo to have an identity separate from her brats.

Granted, any method of raising children is only as healthy as the parents themselves. I came of age in the 1960's and 1970's. Even though my mom is/was fairly nuts, I do not remember her being a frazzled, stressed-out mess like so many women today are. My mom did not spend the whole day entertaining the kids--she had a household to run. We were expected to help out and if she wanted alone time, we'd better amuse ourselves and stay out of her way.

It was not de rigueur to drag your children everywhere and involve them in every adult activity. My parents had daytime get-togethers while the kids played in an attic or outdoors. At night we were in bed. Nobody died from lack of self-esteem and everyone got a much-needed break.

It's impossible to spend time with most adult parunts today. They want to drag their little poppets everywhere. It's not enough that they hover over them 24/7--they still cannot get enough of them. Many of their marriages and identities are in shambles, at least from what I've observed. Not only do kids not know who they are--their Moos are similar basket cases.

The idea of a party just for adults is to foreign so our culture that the phrase "adult party," now means a party with sex or drugs. What a sad state of affairs.

Having lots of unstructured alone time made me the person who I am. I can amuse myself and think for myself and I am an independent, resourceful person.

Having my mom up my ass 24/7 would have made me nuts. I thank Todd many times that I was born when I was.

< / old Foagie rant >

Thanks bell_flower. Enough years of trying to undo damage of modern parenting got me some really up-close views of what's happening to kids. There are a lot of good things about how kids are raised now (consent/no obligatory hugs; talking about problems, reporting abuse, etc).

I was a 70s/80s kid myself, so between the social practices of the times and my own parents' style I did grow up with a good balance of independence, freedom, and responsibility.

I think the fact that kids are ultimately a choice is what's leading to all this bizarro up-the-kids-ass parenting. Kids were just what happened, and people arranged families to accommodate kids but kids were a part of things, not the point of things. Nowadays, people know that birth control exists, so even if they feel that having kids is 'what you do' and 'how you have a complete family'...they realize on some level that they chose this so they should push to "excel" at parenting, so if they're having kids they'd better go whole-hog and being super-hands on and perfect. I think this applies more to white yuppie parents.

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bell_flower
Granted, any method of raising children is only as healthy as the parents themselves. I came of age in the 1960's and 1970's. Even though my mom is/was fairly nuts, I do not remember her being a frazzled, stressed-out mess like so many women today are. My mom did not spend the whole day entertaining the kids--she had a household to run. We were expected to help out and if she wanted alone time, we'd better amuse ourselves and stay out of her way.

It was not de rigueur to drag your children everywhere and involve them in every adult activity. My parents had daytime get-togethers while the kids played in an attic or outdoors. At night we were in bed. Nobody died from lack of self-esteem and everyone got a much-needed break.

I had the exact same experience in the 1980's. But my youngest sibling was favored and they hovered over her every move and overindulged her. She is (finally) financially independent from them (except when she wants a vacation or something else she can't afford) but still expects them to be there for her all the time and overindulge her family. At least the 2-3 hour daily calls to mom have finally subsided after more than ten years.