Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 09, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 09, 2020 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,061 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 10, 2020 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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almost killed their cat
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cfdavep
I wonder if hubby wants to take the kid in as the private care place after three years or more could wipe out an inheritance? It is like with the nursing homes, adult offspring taking in elderly parents to hang onto the inheritance and going through hell with them with dementia. Unless this idiot was a fencesitter and is making up for the "evil" of being CF and is full of guilt or something.
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 11, 2020 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 804 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 11, 2020 | Registered: 19 years ago Posts: 9,199 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 12, 2020 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,061 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 12, 2020 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 14, 2020 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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1. The Victim: The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.
2. The Rescuer: The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if they don't go to the rescue. Yet their rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When they focus their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also pivotal because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs.
3. The Persecutor: (a.k.a. Villain) The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritarian, rigid, and superior.
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 14, 2020 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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1. The Victim: The Victim's stance is "Poor me!" The Victim feels victimized, oppressed, helpless, hopeless, powerless, ashamed, and seems unable to make decisions, solve problems, take pleasure in life, or achieve insight. The Victim, if not being persecuted, will seek out a Persecutor and also a Rescuer who will save the day but also perpetuate the Victim's negative feelings.
2. The Rescuer: The rescuer's line is "Let me help you." A classic enabler, the Rescuer feels guilty if they don't go to the rescue. Yet their rescuing has negative effects: It keeps the Victim dependent and gives the Victim permission to fail. The rewards derived from this rescue role are that the focus is taken off of the rescuer. When they focus their energy on someone else, it enables them to ignore their own anxiety and issues. This rescue role is also pivotal because their actual primary interest is really an avoidance of their own problems disguised as concern for the victim’s needs.
3. The Persecutor: (a.k.a. Villain) The Persecutor insists, "It's all your fault." The Persecutor is controlling, blaming, critical, oppressive, angry, authoritarian, rigid, and superior.
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) October 14, 2020 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 1,471 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 04, 2021 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,701 |
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u/throwawayforobvs7777
I posted "Husband decided he's raising his nephew, with or without me" a couple of months back and received a lot of good advice and support along with a lot of hate. Ultimately, I ended up leaving and haven't had much contact with my-soon-to-be-ex (ex) and have had no contact with his family.
This weekend, I got a call from my ex begging me to consider working things out. His nephew has been placed in a temporary foster home waiting for a treatment facility bed due to some deep issues, including watching illegal content involving "acts" with animals (which was apparently the last straw for my ex). Hopefully he can get the help he needs.
I'm most definitely staying single, I'm pretty happy and doing ok. Still mourning the end of my marriage and loss of my partner, but feeling strong. I'm so much happier without his family in my life and looking forward to my future.
Thanks to everyone who validated my reactions and feelings. I guess a lesson here is be careful what hill you choose to die on. Ex is alone and miserable, I am happy and free. Don't ditch a good partner to become a martyr.
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 04, 2021 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 3,576 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 04, 2021 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,973 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 04, 2021 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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Cambion
Good for her for keeping away. Junior might be in a foster home waiting to get placed in a facility, but who is to say Duh wouldn't haul his ass back home once he felt he had re-secured his wife to be a Moo to the tard? What if he winds up not getting placed in a facility after all, or what if the foster family doesn't want him anymore?
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 04, 2021 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 1,979 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 05, 2021 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 2,364 |
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LoveToLurk
Or two, he wanted the head pats from his family and society for taking the “unwanted chyld” in, and figured that his wife would be the one doing all the actual childcare because she’s the one with the vagina. Either way, it looks like he didn’t last long once he realized that she wouldn’t be around to do the cuntwork.
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 05, 2021 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 3,712 |
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kittehpeoples
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LoveToLurk
Or two, he wanted the head pats from his family and society for taking the “unwanted chyld” in, and figured that his wife would be the one doing all the actual childcare because she’s the one with the vagina. Either way, it looks like he didn’t last long once he realized that she wouldn’t be around to do the cuntwork.
I think in every case we've seen recently where a man has decided his childfree wife is going to be a mother to his nieces/nephews/second cousins twice removed whether she likes it or not, that it's exactly as you say here: it's an opportunity for him to be the hero of the family, get all the praise and headpats and duhd glory, while his wife does all the work, takes the hit to her career, social life, and free time, essentially giving up everything about herself while he struts around being congratulated on what a wonderful uncle/son/cousin/whatthefuckever he is. I think in every one of these cases, if he knew ahead of time that his wife or girlfriend was going to stand up for herself and walk, he would never in a million years consider becoming a single dad voluntarily.
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 05, 2021 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,973 |
Re: Chose 'special needs' nephew over 17 year marriage (faaambbleee) January 13, 2021 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 3,842 |