You Might Be A Breeder If

Inspired by a friend's fuckbook wall. I knew he was stupid, I didn't know he was THIS stupid.

You Might Be A Breeder If

1. You announce the pregnancy the moment you know about it (and it probably happened the night you met, see number two)
2. You've known your baby mamma for less than three months
3. Your Facebook profile pic is a picture of the piss stick

This is a few months after he kicked out his old girlfriend, who he "rescued" five years ago. Good luck kicking this one out after she shits a baybee!!

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law1204
Inspired by a friend's fuckbook wall. I knew he was stupid, I didn't know he was THIS stupid.

You Might Be A Breeder If

1. You announce the pregnancy the moment you know about it (and it probably happened the night you met, see number two)
2. You've known your baby mamma for less than three months
3. Your Facebook profile pic is a picture of the piss stick

This is a few months after he kicked out his old girlfriend, who he "rescued" five years ago. Good luck kicking this one out after she shits a baybee!!

I think we might have this douchebag as a mutual friend ((facepalm))

I submitted him to STFU Parents, and I hope he makes it.

They were so excited to post their pee-stick picture that they didn't even leave the bathroom before taking it.

And it appears he's also uploading all three pictures he has of he and his new girlfriend together, since it's not like you could tell there was much of a relationship history BEFORE the pee-stick was posted. You would think it would be a good idea to reproduce with someone with whom you've been with long enough to have pictures of. Guess not!

I see his updates on my news feed and had no idea he was even IN a relationship - until the pee stick shot. THEN it was official.

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law1204
Inspired by a friend's fuckbook wall. I knew he was stupid, I didn't know he was THIS stupid.

You Might Be A Breeder If

1. You announce the pregnancy the moment you know about it (and it probably happened the night you met, see number two)
2. You've known your baby mamma for less than three months
3. Your Facebook profile pic is a picture of the piss stick

This is a few months after he kicked out his old girlfriend, who he "rescued" five years ago. Good luck kicking this one out after she shits a baybee!!

You have GOT to be kidding? They actually DO that?

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Yes ma'am, they do.

This one is special because I am trying to figure out who has a lighter on their bathroom counter besides addicts, and this guy is decidedly neither an addict or a smoker of any kind. He's stupid enough without help!

It's the most FAINT pink line ever too, which of course confirms your theory it probably got that way over night. My husband is a smoker and WE don't have lighters in the bathroom. Who smokes in the bathroom at home? Does she sit on the toilet waiting on her piss stick results and thump ashes between her legs into the commode?

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Is there a bath in this bathroom? I'd say there's candles in there, that's what the lighter's for.

Love a good scented candle and a relaxing bubble bath.

If this IS the case, they can kiss peaceful baths goodbye when the little produce of that piss stick arrives.

I hope this gets put on STFU Parents! Isn't there some rule of 3 months before telling people? You can do it now, but sucks to be you when people keep congratulating you and you have to say 'I lost it' repeatedly.

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kidlesskim
It's the most FAINT pink line ever too, which of course confirms your theory it probably got that way over night. My husband is a smoker and WE don't have lighters in the bathroom. Who smokes in the bathroom at home? Does she sit on the toilet waiting on her piss stick results and thump ashes between her legs into the commode?

Apparently. He's not a smoker and if she is, maybe he makes her stay in the bathroom?

He's been on Facebooger for almost as long as I have; that is to say, years. These two dolts just friended each other the first part of September so I KNOW they don't fucking know each other from Adam. Scrolling through his wall since then I see all the not-so-subtle winks and smiley faces (and hearts and thank yous) she leaves him, which probably indicates when they fucked. Apparently nothing is private between these two twits. Who the fuck has a baybee with someone they've known for a matter of weeks?????????????????????? The mind fucking boggles. I just can't fucking get over how STUPID this shit is.

What really had me LOLing is on Halloween he had posted: "‎2012 Theme: Doing for Me. If it's too hard to swallow then choke on it."

LOL!! Not anymore, dumbass! 2012's theme will be, as usual, doing for everyone else BUT you. Now with even more doing! This shit just disgusts me, two strangers making a kid like this. They put more fucking thought into what underwear to wear that day than they did into whether or not they or their relationship was prepared for a goddamned kid. You KNOW their relationship is 100% doomed and another kid will end up in two idiots' drama, especially since this was likely a trap pregnancy.

And yes, that was my thought too, Nightshade - that you should probably wait to announce. One can only hope they jumped the gun. Why can't middle aged men squirt nonviable sperm? Then again maybe it's not his and he only THINKS it is...

It's pretty tacky to post a pic of a piss-stick as your fakebook profile. I guess moo and duh have officially lost any personality or identity they may once have had, now that the piss stick has yielded positive results.

I suspect this moo is going to be the kind that "forces" her babydaddy out of bed at 3:00 am to run to the minimart to pick up pickles and ice cream for her inpig cravings, and will drive everyone around her completely insane.

Around a month after GoldenLoaf arrives, they will both be regretting the fact that they didn't run to the same minimart to buy condoms on conception night.

I wish breeders would just stop with the attention-whoring. Babies are a dime-a-dozen; have been done to fucking death. Besides close relatives and friends, nobody really gives a shit about them.

The only other people interested in them are other breeders, and then it's only a breeder pissing contest as to whose the better moo...who has the most retarded loaf....etc. etc.

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mumofsixbirds
It's pretty tacky to post a pic of a piss-stick as your fakebook profile.

I couldn't agree more. I'd say having a FB profile pic of your last dump is less grotesque. Fortunately he has now changed it back; but not before I screen capped it in all its glory.

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I suspect this moo is going to be the kind that "forces" her babydaddy out of bed at 3:00 am to run to the minimart to pick up pickles and ice cream for her inpig cravings, and will drive everyone around her completely insane.

And knowing him, he'll totally do it, too.

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law1204

He's been on Facebooger for almost as long as I have; that is to say, years. These two dolts just friended each other the first part of September so I KNOW they don't fucking know each other from Adam. Scrolling through his wall since then I see all the not-so-subtle winks and smiley faces (and hearts and thank yous) she leaves him, which probably indicates when they fucked. Apparently nothing is private between these two twits. Who the fuck has a baybee with someone they've known for a matter of weeks?????????????????????? The mind fucking boggles. I just can't fucking get over how STUPID this shit is.

If it's any consolation, this kind of shit is guaranteed to stop very soon, when they cease having sex altogether.

What a short honeymoon period!

What's this dude's story? Was he lonely before, perhaps? I can see lonely guy who struggled to get laid before as much easier to trap after just 3 months, over than someone who had more self confidence and their own sense of identity.

His story is, he married way young, did a stint in the Army, his mom (a single moo who struggled to raise him, he has a blog about it and it's obvious that's where his psychology to rescue comes in) died I think about 11 years ago, he went through a nasty divorce (no kids) so lots of trauma there, he immediately jumped into another relationship with a chick way younger than him that he had to rescue because I guess she was couch surfing to get by? That relationship turned into a father/daughter dynamic, the chemistry died (if there ever was any), he gained weight but wouldn't end it even though it was total stupid bullshit, he finally grew some balls this year and asked her to move out after she started planning their wedding that he had no intention of having.

So essentially he's never spent any time single. He's a confirmed needy rescuer or, I classify it as textbook codependent. If his new baby mamma is a narcissist, he's in for a hell of a ride.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/traversing-the-inner-terrain/201104/the-rescuer-identity

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law1204

And yes, that was my thought too, Nightshade - that you should probably wait to announce. One can only hope they jumped the gun. Why can't middle aged men squirt nonviable sperm? Then again maybe it's not his and he only THINKS it is...

he's MIDDLE AGED? i figured these were two 18 to 22 year olds we were talking about.


SO MUCH FOR AGE BRINGING WISDOM.

Nope, he's 42. Sick, I know.

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law1204
Nope, he's 42. Sick, I know.

Vasectomies: THIS is why they're A GOOD IDEA.

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law1204
Yes ma'am, they do.

This one is special because I am trying to figure out who has a lighter on their bathroom counter besides addicts, and this guy is decidedly neither an addict or a smoker of any kind. He's stupid enough without help!

Pictures like this keep me up at night. I weep for the future.

Also, now I'm probably going to have another fucking pregnancy dream, wherein I burst into a hysterical crying jag and pull my hair out, right before finding out where the nearest clinic is.

(There's one in my town, RIGHT by campus. Been open for decades. So much for the Bible Belt. God bless Roe v. Wade).

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mumofsixbirds
...who has the most retarded loaf....etc. etc.

EPIC hilarity, right here.

I will be sure to keep y'all updated on this drama; everyone's all smiles NOW....

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law1204
Yes ma'am, they do.

This one is special because I am trying to figure out who has a lighter on their bathroom counter besides addicts, and this guy is decidedly neither an addict or a smoker of any kind. He's stupid enough without help!

Long time lurker here, I just felt the need to stand up for the lighters-in-the-bathroom crowd. Our apartment building is one of those solid, concrete, boxes they built in the 60's. The upside is, it's roomier than a lot of new apartments, and we can't hear every little thing the neighbors do. Downside is, no fans in the bathrooms, and no electrical outlets for something like a glade plug in. So we have a candle and a lighter there, for those days when you really need it.

But yeah, I can't imagine posting an image of your piss stick as your facebook profile picture. I mean, come on, even if you wiped it off, I know that that thing is COVERED IN URINE!! I do not want to see it. Thinking about it makes me nauseous

I had a friend announce her pregnancy and then miscarry a month later. How embarrassing.

I wonder if I should have replied to his picture, "Dude, you're out of toilet paper."

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law1204
I wonder if I should have replied to his picture, "Dude, you're out of toilet paper."

I would have.

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law1204
I wonder if I should have replied to his picture, "Dude, you're out of toilet paper."

LMFAO. You should definitely do it, if you haven't, already.

Bumping to add a lovely, lovely update complete with sonogram profile pic and spayshul name!

Axel Glenn Moore?

Yep, he's a geezer breeder!