Jughead KNOCKS UP Midge!

Some of you who have not read Archie comics in years may be shocked to hear that our favorite hamburger-chomping girl-hater has not only been officially hooked up to the off-limits girlfriend of Moose, who would pulverize any boy who even looks her way (actually, the big goon is turned over to a blind girl, BTW!), the poor "nonconformist" sap also bought into the Lifescript. eyes2

Look at how Midge quivers like a frail little deer from morning sickness. The kid obviously isn't planned.



And Nancy here is apparently part of mindlessly producing the whole new generation, too. Meh.

Exactly what do you need to get Jughead in bed with you? Cover your body in bacon and mustard?

This is what I am talking about in another forum with breaking the suspension of disbelief. Jughead was a more worldly character and was supposed to be the more mature of the males, with exception to perhaps Dalton. He also was more interested in food than in much of anything else. To have him knock up someone else's girlfriend is an unbelievable break in character. A better candidate would have been Reggie, who was a flagrant womanizer and who had conflict with Moose over Midge in the past.

I am glad I have not read Archie. Both Archie and Sesame Street have jumped the shark into the land of absurd political correctness.

This is part of a futuristic, hypothetical arc called Archie Marries Veronica/Archie Marries Betty in which a variety of possible scenarios, following graduation, are examined.

See part six.

Nonetheless, as a former Archie fan, I do dislike the implication that Midge will love her diagnosis. If the writers are now attempting to be "with the times", they should be required to acknowledge that an unwanted/unexpected pregnancy can bring with it a host of questions, doubts, and choices. Writing this in as a welcome joy is presenting a young audience with the very idealistic notion that a child is welcome at any time and for anyone who is married.

Knowing the comic as well as I do (or once did), I doubt they have ever addressed birth control and much less the idea of remaining childfree. Unfortunately, in trying to remain as clean as they have always been, they might find that it is difficult to strike a balance between keeping that clean approach and touching base with the real issues faced by a more sex-savvy demographic.

I don't understand why anyone would pay money to read that.

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I had to leave. They were having fun wrong.

Archie being topical on a modern serious issue is like having the orchestral version of Lordi-fucking up a fun romp.

They killed off Miss Grundy in this series too.

But no, just no. Jughead was always one of my favorite characters and I knew when I saw Midge trembling that we were in for something. I hope we find out later she's been having secret trysts with her ex-lover Moose and that it's not Jughead's.

I remember when they introduced Jellybean (his little sister). I was like, WTH? Why do they need this?

Let me make this perfectly clear: I don't want to think about Jughead's penis. He gets his freak on with hamburgers. Period.

How else are they going to rape my childhood? Schroeder, Linus and Charlie run a train on Lucy?

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

And they don't want Jughead to be different after all.

In spite of the fact Jughead would always avoid girls, he nevertheless ended up with several adoring girlfriends. eyes2 Either that, or he was always chased by girls.

Since Jughead supposedly doesn't like girls, he would have been mostly likely to be a childfree bachelor. But no. He's actually very fatherly and loving toward his baby sister.

But cheer up, kids...Mr. Weatherbee, Miss Grundy, Mr. Flutesnoot, Coach Kleats, Pop Tates, etc. all seem to be eternally unmarried without any kids at all!

Mr. Weatherbee: Old, bald (more or less), overweight
Miss Grundy: Old, white-haired, conservative, unattractive
Mr. Flutesnoot: Old, balding, unattractive
Coach Keats: Older, bald (more or less), overweight
Pop Tates: Older, balding, overweight

I see a trend... but that's just me.

I prefer the faux-Archie world in Hack/Slash. Much more interesting.

Man, I used to love Archie comics when I was a kyd. I used to especially love the double-digests. Back then, Midge was Moose's Gal...Oh shit. There's gonna be a throwdown...

Meh, let the comic guys (and you KNOW it's a bunch of guys writing THIS story!) have their fun. In this case, it's an alternative storyline, so anything goes.

We all know Jughead's gay, and has a crush on food & Archie, in that order. Or something.

Some people are pissed off that the Archie universe now has a gay guy in it. (Who isn't Jughead, and he isn't closeted!) I give them props for doing this, for changing with the times and addressing current events in their storylines.

Some of the Alt-U scenarios are kinda...out there and not very plausible, including this one, which falls flat with the Life Script and such. And yeah, where's Moose?? Someone's gotta die!

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ashari
Mr. Weatherbee: Old, bald (more or less), overweight
Miss Grundy: Old, white-haired, conservative, unattractive
Mr. Flutesnoot: Old, balding, unattractive
Coach Keats: Older, bald (more or less), overweight
Pop Tates: Older, balding, overweight

I see a trend... but that's just me.

How about the parents?

Archie's father: Older, bald, overweight
Archie's mother: Older, somewhat overweight
Jughead's father: Older, balding, very skinny
Jughead's mother: Older, not very attractive
Betty's father: Older, overweight
Betty's mother: Older but still pretty like daughter
Veronica's father: Older, white-haired, always angry at Archie
Veronica's mother: Older (almost elderly-looking in older comics), frumpy, never seen much

And Archie drove his poor father AND Veronica's father hopping crazy with his clumsiness and just plain stupidity while Veronica spends and spends her father's money, driving him CRAZY, too! XD

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Banshee

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ashari
Mr. Weatherbee: Old, bald (more or less), overweight
Miss Grundy: Old, white-haired, conservative, unattractive
Mr. Flutesnoot: Old, balding, unattractive
Coach Keats: Older, bald (more or less), overweight
Pop Tates: Older, balding, overweight

I see a trend... but that's just me.

How about the parents?

Archie's father: Older, bald, overweight
Archie's mother: Older, somewhat overweight
Jughead's father: Older, balding, very skinny
Jughead's mother: Older, not very attractive
Betty's father: Older, overweight
Betty's mother: Older but still pretty like daughter
Veronica's father: Older, white-haired, always angry at Archie
Veronica's mother: Older (almost elderly-looking in older comics), frumpy, never seen much

And Archie drove his poor father AND Veronica's father hopping crazy with his clumsiness and just plain stupidity while Veronica spends and spends her father's money, driving him CRAZY, too! XD

You're quite right. I'm not sure my initial thoughts are valid after all (as in, the childfree are old, lonely and unattractive; but the young and beautiful are raring to have children without question). The ageism, however, is more than clear.

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doomflower

And yeah, where's Moose?? Someone's gotta die!

Moose is too busy being the Mayor of Riverdale. It's in one of the arcs - can't remember which. He also dates an advisor of his who is blind.

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CherryIce

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doomflower

And yeah, where's Moose?? Someone's gotta die!

Moose is too busy being the Mayor of Riverdale. It's in one of the arcs - can't remember which. He also dates an advisor of his who is blind.

...Wow! Some really unusual outcomes, there. I see what they're trying to do...basically, to get the fanbase to think outside the box, and expect the unexpected.

Even so, I think Jughead would be more liable to hook up with a hamburger than with Midge. larious

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Miss_Hannigan
Schroeder, Linus and Charlie run a train on Lucy?

"try to pull the ball away now bitch...."

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

Would have been funny if Jughead gave Reggie the clap.

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Miss_Hannigan
Let me make this perfectly clear: I don't want to think about Jughead's penis. He gets his freak on with hamburgers. Period.

How else are they going to rape my childhood? Schroeder, Linus and Charlie run a train on Lucy?

Lucy tries to catch Schroeder's interest for years. Finally she decides to get him passing out drunk and tell him the next morning that they had sex and she's pregnant. Even completely drunk, Schroeder doesn't have sex with Lucy. She spends the next week fucking random guys at bars to make sure she gets knocked up. Sure enough, after two months she goes to Schroeder and makes her 'confession'. He makes his own confession: he's gay.

Desperate, Lucy looks around for someone she can trap into being responsible for the child. She starts being nice to Charlie, sleeps with him once, and gets engaged in a whirlwind courtship lasting one week. Charlie has been pining after the red-haired girl for years, but is so overwhelmed by someone being interested in him that he thinks he's doing what he ought to do. Lucy tearfully confesses her pregnancy to Charlie, telling him they can't have sex because it's bad for the baby. (Meanwhile, she entertains herself with every other guy in the comic strip.) In her spare time, Lucy works on bullying Schroeder and returns to her old habits of bullying Charlie--moderating it with just enough attention to keep him in line.

After the baby is born 'premature' and Charlie is named the father, Lucy dumps him and demands child support. For the next 10 years, Charlie never sees the child he believes is his, except on birthdays, and works a series of minimum wage jobs to give money to Lucy, who is a SAHM and is always demanding more. Lucy, meanwhile, pursues a lucrative career of collecting child support from two other saps but continues to be mad over the fact that she wasn't able to marry Schroeder and have the life she expected.

Charlie is so sick of his life that he's strongly considering suicide, when suddenly he sees the red-haired girl on Facebook, and, on a whim, tries to friend her. She responds, and they have a brief conversation about what they're doing now. She moved away, and pursued a career, and is doing just fine. Charlie doesn't want to talk about his life beyond the bare bones. He gives her the brief outline of the relationship that didn't work out, and his son, and then moves on to other topics, after making it sound like things aren't quite as bad as they are. One night he gets drunk and starts chatting with the red-haired girl. He confesses his twenty-year obsession with her and asks if there is any chance of the two of them getting together.

She admits that she liked him back when they were in school, and wonders why he never said anything. Just as his hopes start to soar, she says that she could never be with him now, because she's childfree and has no interest in being involved with someone who is a father.

The End.

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yurble


She admits that she liked him back when they were in school, and wonders why he never said anything. Just as his hopes start to soar, she says that she could never be with him now, because she's childfree and has no interest in being involved with someone who is a father.

The End.

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“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”