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Designed to give birth? Not even loaves get out unscathed. (Warning: GROSS)

Posted by trekkie monster 
Everyone who keeps mooing how giving birth is načural and how our bodies were designed to give birth, should fucking pick up a book. Not even loaves always get out uninjured.
If a loaf comes out with some of these injuries, what does that do to a cooter? :goggle
Warning: Gross pictures at the end.

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Epidemiology
Figures for major (but not fatal) birth trauma in the UK are not routinely collected. For fatal outcomes a national intrapartum-related confidential enquiry reported and reviewed 37 cases in which birthweight was in excess of 2,500 grams for the year 1994-1995.3

American and Canadian papers found that birth trauma occurred in 2% deliveries and brachial plexus injury in 0.5 to 2.0 per 1,000 live births.4,5

Risk factors
Risk factors for birth trauma include:

A large infant (especially if weighing more than 4,500 g).
Cephalopelvic disproportion (CPD).
Instrumental delivery (especially mid-cavity forceps or ventouse delivery for deep transverse arrest).
Breech delivery (advantages of elective lower segment Caesarean section (LSCS) for breech presentation are not clear).6
A premature baby (small head and incompletely formed skull - precipitate delivery can cause "champagne cork popping" - risking intracranial haemorrhage).
Shoulder dystocia (a skilled midwife or obstetrician will reduce the risk).7,8
Other risk factors include:

Primagravida (untried pelvis).
Very short labour may represent precipitate delivery of a premature baby.
Very long labour may indicate CPD
Oligohydramnios.
Congenital abnormalities (especially if there is enlarged head or macrosomia).
Skull injuries
Cephalohaematoma
Bleeding between the periosteum and skull causes a haematoma, usually in the parietal region and sometimes the occipital region. Spread is restricted by suture lines that are adherent.
Blood loss can cause anaemia and even hypotension.
As the haematoma resolves, breakdown of haemoglobin can cause hyperbilirubinaemia that may need treatment.
An underlying skull fracture is found in up to 20% cases. If it is thought to be depressed, CT or MRI imaging is required.
Spontaneous remission may take weeks and there is sometimes residual calcification.
A haematoma may rarely become infected.
Consider the possibility of a coagulation defect.
Subgaleal haematoma
Bleeding between the periosteum and scalp is usually associated with use of ventouse extraction.
77% follow instrumental delivery and 40-50% overlie a skull fracture or brain haemorrhage.9
It usually appears within 12-72 hours of birth as a soft, fluctuant mass within the scalp, especially over the back of the head.
It can spread slowly and be unnoticed and present as hypotension.
The spread is not restricted by suture lines.
As with cephalohaematoma, management is conservative but check for anaemia.
Caput succedaneum
This is a poorly defined, subcutaneous collection of serosanguinous fluid that spreads over suture lines and the midline.
It is very common after prolonged labour.
It does not cause significant problems and needs only to be monitored.
Cuts and abrasions
These may result from operative delivery, including cutting the baby with the scalpel blade at LSCS. Great care is needed in cutting the last layer of the uterus, even in an emergency.
Cuts need closing and dressing. Topical antibiotic may be indicated.
Subcutaneous fat necrosis
This is not usually apparent at birth.
Some time later, irregular, hard, subcutaneous plaques appear with overlying dusky red-purple discoloration.
They occur on the extremities, face, trunk or buttocks, having been caused by pressure during delivery.
There is no treatment and they should resolve but sometimes there is calcification.
Brachial plexus injury
The majority of these are Erb's palsy involving the upper part of the brachial plexus. The underlying problem is usually injudicious traction when the anterior shoulder is trapped (shoulder dystocia).10,11 Only 10% involve the whole brachial plexus.12 Associated injuries include:

Fractured clavicle.
Fractured humerus.
Subluxation of cervical spine.
Cervical cord injury.
Facial palsy.
Occasionally, phrenic nerve paresis.
Erb's palsy
There is damage to the C5, C6 segments of the brachial plexus.
It produces loss of motion of the shoulder with a limp arm, adducted and internally rotated. The elbow is pronated and extended with wrist flexed.
The grasp reflex is normally maintained but Moro, biceps and radial reflexes are lost.
The position of the hand is said to be reminiscent of a porter who is turning away but is holding out his hand behind him for a tip.

Klumpke's paralysis
This is much less common that Erb's palsy in infants.

It is due to damage of the nerves of segmental origin C7, C8, T1 in the brachial plexus.
It causes paralysis with weakness of the hand and loss of grasp reflex.
Horner's syndrome may be seen if there is T1 damage.
Management
Most cases of brachial plexus injury resolve spontaneously within four months, but it can take up to two years.
X-rays to exclude fractures and examination for phrenic nerve paresis are required. Further investigations include MRI scan, electromyography, nerve conduction studies and CT myography.
To prevent contractures, immobilise the arm across the upper abdomen for seven days, then start physiotherapy using wrist splints.
Consider surgery if movement is not returning after three months and electrophysiology results suggest a poor prognosis.13
Cranial nerve injury
Cranial nerve and spinal cord injuries result from hyperextension, traction and overstretching with simultaneous rotation. Neurapraxia will resolve swiftly but complete nerve or cord transection is a much more serious matter.

Central damage to the facial and vagus nerves causes an asymmetrical face on crying, with swelling and smoothness of the affected side and drooping of the side of the mouth.
Peripheral damage causes paralysis to the eye, forehead or mouth only.
Most cases soon start to recover but full recovery may take months.
The eye must be protected with a covering and synthetic tears.
If there is no improvement after 7-10 days, investigation is required.
Phrenic nerve damage can cause paralysis of half of the diaphragm, leading to breathing difficulties with significant mortality. Ultrasound or X-ray shows an elevated hemidiaphragm but this may be absent in the early stages. Screening may show immobility.
Laryngeal nerve injury
Unilateral paralysis often presents with a hoarse cry or stridor and may affect swallowing.
Bilateral damage causes severe respiratory problems.
Diagnosis is by laryngoscopy to exclude other causes of the symptoms.
Recovery usually occurs after 4-6 weeks but can take up to a year.
Spinal cord injury
Damage to the spinal cord often results in stillbirth or babies who die soon after delivery due to an inability to breathe.
Ventilation may be life-saving but, if the lesion is not a temporary neuropraxia, there will be later agonising decisions about turning off the ventilator.
Those who survive are weak and often develop spasticity.
Diagnosis is by MRI or CT myelography.
Treatment is supportive.
Fractures
Clavicle
Fractured clavicle is common and presents with apparent paralysis.
Palpation may show crepitus, uneven bone and muscle spasm.
It heals within 7-10 days with the arm immobilised.
Confirm the diagnosis by X-ray.
Look for other damage.
Arm and leg bones
Fracture may be heard during delivery.
It presents with absence of normal movement of the limb, with swelling becoming apparent later.
Confirm with X-ray.
Treat with 8-10 days of splinting or reduction and casting if displaced.
Check for radial nerve damage in arm fractures.
Abdominal bleeding
This presents with shock, pallor and a distended abdomen, possibly bluish in colour.
Check for anaemia.
Diagnose with paracentesis.
Causes include hepatic laceration and rupture of spleen, so this is serious.
Hypoxia
Factors within labour are complex, but processes such as uteroplacental vascular disease, reduced uterine perfusion, fetal sepsis, reduced fetal reserves and cord compression can be involved alone or in combination producing fetal distress. Gestational and antepartum factors modify the fetal response to them.

Even though cerebral palsy is strongly associated with a low Apgar score 5 minutes after birth, the majority of babies with low scores DO NOT develop cerebral palsy.14 The majority of cases are now thought to be a consequence of postpartum insults to the fetus.

Prevention
Good maternity care will reduce the risk of an adverse outcome to both mother and child.

Caesarean section
Fear of fetal damage and the vast cost of litigation have led to an increasing rate of Caesarean section that is now around 24% in the UK as a whole with significant geographical variation.15 In some parts of the world the figure is higher.

There is debate as to whether the current rising rate of Caesarean section has gone too high. The World Health Organization has suggested that, in developed countries, the figure should not be above 15%. Skills in the use of Kielland's forceps and assisted breech delivery are being lost as LSCS is more readily undertaken.

Prematurity
A major contributor to perinatal mortality and morbidity is prematurity.16 Prevention of this is important and analysis of figures for outcomes should exclude babies below a certain weight.

Weight is a more reliable parameter for risk assessment than gestational age.




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" ... what's one more once you've already got two shedding on the couch?"
It took me a while to realize what the bottom photo was, I then cringed and something akin to sadness hit me. Dear god- these are all birth issues? Some of them look like they've been scalded and cut! Not every woman's hips are designed to give birth. Look at anyone with a "boyish" figure. Even women with "child bearing" hips can have their pelvises fracture during labor. It's no wonder moos are taking the lazy way out and scheduling c-sections. I wish it hadn't been developed, so that moo-cunts had to tear to shit a loaf. Maybe without cesareans and epidurals, less orgasms would have names.
Is that bottom one a uterus that is entirely out of the body?

Fuck that shit!
I bet most, if not all of the above photos could have been normal lookoing babies, but moo just haaaad to have a nachurul birth.
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mistress rotwang
Is that bottom one a uterus that is entirely out of the body?

Fuck that shit!

Actually, I thought it was a penis but I could be very wrong.
That thing is so deformed, it's hard to tell.

“I don’t have pet peeves, I have major, psychotic fucking hatreds.”
— George Carlin
I believe the bottom one is a penis and balls, but I could be completely mistaken.
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frenzy
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mistress rotwang
Is that bottom one a uterus that is entirely out of the body?

Fuck that shit!

Actually, I thought it was a penis but I could be very wrong.
That thing is so deformed, it's hard to tell.

It's testicular rupture. Ouch! We need a cringe icon.

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" ... what's one more once you've already got two shedding on the couch?"
Exactly how does a brand new baby's testicle pop out of its body like that? Poor little guy sad smiley
Oh gods, I don't even have balls and my balls hurt looking at that last one. What a way to come into the world. sad smiley

And if the loaves come out looking like that, I can only imagine what kind of ruin the woman's lower body is in. No fucking thanks.
Jeebus-fucking-CHRIST. Those poor, poor babies. sad smileydoh face

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I know, I know. "You were one once." I was a sperm once, but you don't see me wantin' to cuddle up to a fuckin' wankstain, do you? - John Constantine
Oh lord, that last pic.... sad smiley

Yeah, we're "designed" to give birth, but we're also designed to seriously injure and kill ourselves and our babies. People forget that nature is flawed and mindless. If shit hits the fan for us, nature could care less.

Childbirth is not a game and that's why legal contraception and abortion is so important.
I can't tell you how many women I have x-rayed after child birth because their pelvis joints are all out of whack. the joint that is right at your pubis can separate as much as several inches if you have a particularly small pelvic girdle. and when it separates, it can shift up or down and the joint looks skewed. I can't imagine how painful that must be. And I have x-rayed many newborn babies with broken clavicles from the trauma of natural delivery. Not to mention the sheer quantity of newborns and preemies that I have x-rayed in the NICU. It is unfathomable how many tubes and lines I have seen entering one tiny body all at one time. Some of these babies bodies are so small they could lay in the palm of my hand with just the legs dangling. Their skin is translucent and so delicate I am afraid to touch them. And the worst of all??? When I worked at a different Boston Hospital, we had to x-ray dead babies. They would be brought down to us in a white box or wrapped completely in a blanket and we had to do a full body babygram as part of the autopsy process. BUt people just HAVE to have their own......
Wow, those poor babies. Just awful.

My mother told me once that my sisters and I all came out with nice, round heads and no physical trauma beyond a regular, problem-free childbirth. She accredits her wide hips (yeah, I know) and the delivery doctor she had at the time. However, a few co-workers I've had over the years have told me stories about their babies having deep forcep dents in their heads and one told me that her son even had an elongated neck for a little while due to the doctor having to pull him out with forceps. Apparently, everyone in the hospital called him E.T. smile rolling left righteyes2 What a beautiful experience.
I was a forceps delivery; the corneal damage I suffered all but killed my chances of becoming a Navy pilot. Luckily that was all the damage I sustained as the birth could have killed us both; the sibs were all C-sections. Mom was not built for birthin'.

That was then. With the medical advanceswe have in pregnancy and childbirth there is simply no excuse other than the arrogance of the mother for any of these poor babies to look like this.

And poor things...they look so sore and untouchable.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."
My ex had a wicked scar on his face from a forceps birth. He very nearly lost his eye from it.
That is exactly why romantic love is so pleasant and desirable.

To get people to breed and do the dirty, grim job of getting future generations out into the cool daylight. =P
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