Update: Full list on my blogI was bored at work, so I started writing random lists. Eventually, I wrote a list of personal rules to do with being childfree. I'm hoping to turn it into a post on my blog at a later time. For now, I thought I'd share what I have so far here. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Edit: I originally wrote this on my iphone, so there are some awkward auto-correct mistakes. I think I've fixed most of them...
About Being Childfree
1. I am happily childfree and I won’t pretend otherwise just to make others more comfortable. I won’t necessarily offer up information, but if asked will openly and clearly state that I am never having children, rather than allowing anyone to believe that I might.
2. I won’t try to appease anybody by pretending that children are a possibility. I won’t use phrases like, “maybe someday,†“I’m not ready yet,†or “if I change my mind.†I will not allow anyone to have any impression that I am in anyway unsure about having children, or that not having children was a difficult deicion to make.
3. I won’t entertain thoughts that there is even the slimmest chance that I’ll one day change my mind. “You’ll change your mind,†or “you’ll regret not having kids†are bingos that have zero credibility with me.
4. I have many reasons for choosing to be childfree, but I don’t owe anybody a single one. That I simply do not want children is all the explanation anyone needs.
5. I won’t use "I'm sterile." as a means of making people feel awkward and shut about me not having kids. I
am sterile, and I’m quite happy about it. I don’t want something I’m so proud of to bee seen as something negative.
6. I will not use self-depreciating language to compliment parents to make them more comfortable with my choice. I won’t say things like “I’m not cut out to be a mom,†“I couldn’t handle it,†or “I’m too selfish.†None of those are even true anyway.
7. I won’t let anybody try to guilt me into thinking that I should have kids for the sake of another person. Anyone who wants kids can have them, just not through me.
8. I won’t act as if being childfree is something I should have to make up for by involving children in my life in other ways, or by making frequent public proclamations that I love children.
9. I will never say, “I love children, but…â€
10. I will not offer my career as an excuse for being childfree. Although my carreer goals are likely incompatible with children, even if I lived out my days as a slacker, I would still not want kids. I do not need to have a conflicting interest.
11. I will not be silent about being childfree, as the childfree life is not a simple absense of children, but a completely different lifestyle from that of a parent. It is, therefore, a completely valid topic of discussion if I so choose.
12. I will not pretend to find anything about parenting to be even remotely appealing to me as it simply isn’t.
13. I will not make any concessions for the sake of "building bridges."
About My Personal Life
1. I will never enter or stay in a relationship with anyone who has or ever wants kids. We would simply be incompatible.
2. I won’t agree to babysit anyone who isn’t potty trained. I have never changed a diaper and I never will.
3. I won’t agree to babysit anyone who I’m not allowed to discipline effectively.
4. I won’t pretend that anything else that I do with my life is “channeling my maternal instincts/ need to nurture.†it’s simply called having a life.
5. I will not child-proof my home. Guests with children will be expected to supervise and control their kids at all times.
6. I will not allow uninvited children into my home.
7. I won’t accept people claiming that my dog is a substitute for a child. She’s a dog. I prefer dogs.
8. I will immediately have an abortion in the unlikely event of pregnancy. I will do so without hesitation, doubt, shame, or the consideration of anyone else’s opinion.
9. I won’t allow others to tell me that I shouldn’t get wherever home I want with any number of rooms. I will not pretend that rooms used for purposes other than child’s bedroom aren’t still full and used.
10. I won’t allow anyone to breast feed on my property except in private in a closed room.
11. I won’t allow anyone to change a diaper in my home anywhere but in private in a closed room and on a towel (their own) on the floor (NOT on a bed, table, or counter.)
12. I won’t allow soiled diapers to be disposed of in any receptive on my property. It must be disposed of immediately in a dumpster.
13. I will not answer any questions as to whether or not I’ve ever had an abortion (although I may disclose such information on my own.) Just as no one is entitled to control my uterus, no one is entitled to ask about it.
About Parenting Cliches
1. I won’t pretend that motherhood is the pinnacle of womanhood, or fatherhood for manhood, or parenthood for adulthood.
2. I will not ignore overpopulation or avoid speaking about it for the sake of the comfort of parents. Nor will I pretend that overpopulation is a local problem (the fault of other nations) rather than a global one (the fault of everyone.)
3. I will not consider parenthood a job in any way, let anyone the hardest or most important. It is none of those. Stay-at-home-mom/dad least of all.
4. I won’t pretend it’s ok for people who know they can’t afford kids to have them anyway and then, through abuse of the system meant to help people with actual need, have their irresponsible and selfish actions subsidized by the taxes of their neighbors.
5. I will not pretend that a family without kids is any less of a family.
6. I won’t pretend that a fetus is a baby, no matter what the situation.
7. I won’t pretend that all people who have produced children deserve the title of parent.
8. I might read an interesting blog written by a mother, but I won't read any "mommy blogs."
About Kids And Parents
1. I won’t be baby- stalked. Any child trying to get my attention on its own or any child being used by a parent to get attention will be ignored entirely.
2. I won’t pretend to like or be at all interested in every child I see.
3. I won’t act as if everyone is required to like every single person below a certain age. I neither like nor dislike kids in general, but I won’t pretend that disliking being around children is unacceptable as long as no harm is done.
4. I won’t let anyone talk to me about poop or any other gross, mundane baby thing.
5. I will not defer special treatment to parents or children just for being parents or children.
6. I will not pretend that it’s acceptable to bring children everywhere and at every time.
7. I won’t pretend it’s acceptable to breast feed everywhere.
8. I won’t accept “kids will be kids†as a valid excuse for parents to fail to patent (verb.)
9. I won’t pretend that excessive noise is any more acceptable from children than from adults.
10. I won’t pretend that child misbehavior is cute in any way. Failure to parent is not cute.
11. I won’t congratulate anyone on becoming pregnant or giving birth. There is nothing about that that warrants praise. I will congratulate people on adopting, however.
12. I won’t pretend to be interested in touching anyone’s bump, viewing ultrasound images, or holding a baby.
13. I will not be silent about bad parenting. I will not accept the fact that I do not have children as invalidation of my pointing out of bad parenting.
14. I will not accept baby shower registries. If I chose to give a gift, it will be items one needs in bulk like diapers and condoms. Unless I manage to find something second-hand for cheap, I will not buy expensive necessities like cribs or luxury items like changing tables as those are the parents’ responsibility to obtain well before a baby shower would likely take place.