So I split with my breeder-ific fiance for good. (Kinda long.)
Posted by raindancemaggie
I have been with Erik for three years now, and we got engaged over Christmas in 2011.
And now I am done with him.
I was seeing signs of breeder in him, and I came here to post about it, then I spoke to him and he assured me he never wanted children.
Well, last week, we got in a fight because he has all these friends that he goes out with, and I do not. I have never been one who had a lot of friends, and the couple close friends I do have are childed (not moos in any sense of the word, but they still have obligations that preclude going out with me). I got sick of him going out every Friday night with a guy that I do not like (he has cheated on his wife multiple times, and has a very sexist attitude about relationships).
So I confronted him about it, and I just asked him why he can't spend a Friday night here or there home with me instead of going to the bars with his boorish friend (I didn't phrase it that way).
Then he started going on and on about how "when people have a family, their priorities change." So I asked him why he doesn't consider the two of us to be a family. Then he goes off on the all too familiar "famblees require kyds" tirade and ends up asking me why I hate people who have families so much and why I have such a hang-up about kids.
(I do not have any hang-ups about kids, first off. I just value my personal freedom too much to be tied down by kids. Also, I don't hate people with kids. Three of my closest friends in life have children - and I actually enjoy being around their children!)
Then he tells me that he wants them and that if I loved him, I would want to have kids with him.
OH HELL NO.
First off, just because he is 34 doesn't mean he can talk to me (I'm 24) like a child. When we fight, he often talks down to me like I'm unintelligent. Second, I can't believe I almost married a breeder. He might say that he hasn't been hiding these feelings, but to me, they don't just appear overnight. My choice to be child-free wasn't overnight! And third, I refuse to be romantically tied to anyone who wants me to compromise my child-free status in any way. I will never date anyone who has kids (even grown kids) or wants kids. EVER.
****
I have been pretty absent for the last week because I gave him his ring and got my own one-bedroom apartment within walking distance of my job, completely across the city from him.
I made it clear from the start that I am never having kids, and even got Essure almost a year ago. If he is not on board with my decision, he can go find some ignorant wannamoo to marry.
Now, tonight, I am going to go out and celebrate my singledom!!!
And now I am done with him.
I was seeing signs of breeder in him, and I came here to post about it, then I spoke to him and he assured me he never wanted children.
Well, last week, we got in a fight because he has all these friends that he goes out with, and I do not. I have never been one who had a lot of friends, and the couple close friends I do have are childed (not moos in any sense of the word, but they still have obligations that preclude going out with me). I got sick of him going out every Friday night with a guy that I do not like (he has cheated on his wife multiple times, and has a very sexist attitude about relationships).
So I confronted him about it, and I just asked him why he can't spend a Friday night here or there home with me instead of going to the bars with his boorish friend (I didn't phrase it that way).
Then he started going on and on about how "when people have a family, their priorities change." So I asked him why he doesn't consider the two of us to be a family. Then he goes off on the all too familiar "famblees require kyds" tirade and ends up asking me why I hate people who have families so much and why I have such a hang-up about kids.
(I do not have any hang-ups about kids, first off. I just value my personal freedom too much to be tied down by kids. Also, I don't hate people with kids. Three of my closest friends in life have children - and I actually enjoy being around their children!)
Then he tells me that he wants them and that if I loved him, I would want to have kids with him.
OH HELL NO.
First off, just because he is 34 doesn't mean he can talk to me (I'm 24) like a child. When we fight, he often talks down to me like I'm unintelligent. Second, I can't believe I almost married a breeder. He might say that he hasn't been hiding these feelings, but to me, they don't just appear overnight. My choice to be child-free wasn't overnight! And third, I refuse to be romantically tied to anyone who wants me to compromise my child-free status in any way. I will never date anyone who has kids (even grown kids) or wants kids. EVER.
****
I have been pretty absent for the last week because I gave him his ring and got my own one-bedroom apartment within walking distance of my job, completely across the city from him.
I made it clear from the start that I am never having kids, and even got Essure almost a year ago. If he is not on board with my decision, he can go find some ignorant wannamoo to marry.
Now, tonight, I am going to go out and celebrate my singledom!!!
Quote
Then he started going on and on about how "when people have a family, their priorities change." So I asked him why he doesn't consider the two of us to be a family. Then he goes off on the all too familiar "famblees require kyds" tirade and ends up asking me why I hate people who have families so much and why I have such a hang-up about kids.
:headbrick:headbrick
Goddamn! You see what breeding does to peoples brains? Geezus fucking Christ!
Oh, well. Good riddance. Glad you booted his ass out of your life.:beer
Quote
raindancemaggie
I have been with Erik for three years now, and we got engaged over Christmas in 2011.
And now I am done with him.
I was seeing signs of breeder in him, and I came here to post about it, then I spoke to him and he assured me he never wanted children.
Well, last week, we got in a fight because he has all these friends that he goes out with, and I do not. I have never been one who had a lot of friends, and the couple close friends I do have are childed (not moos in any sense of the word, but they still have obligations that preclude going out with me). I got sick of him going out every Friday night with a guy that I do not like (he has cheated on his wife multiple times, and has a very sexist attitude about relationships).
So I confronted him about it, and I just asked him why he can't spend a Friday night here or there home with me instead of going to the bars with his boorish friend (I didn't phrase it that way).
Then he started going on and on about how "when people have a family, their priorities change." So I asked him why he doesn't consider the two of us to be a family. Then he goes off on the all too familiar "famblees require kyds" tirade and ends up asking me why I hate people who have families so much and why I have such a hang-up about kids.
(I do not have any hang-ups about kids, first off. I just value my personal freedom too much to be tied down by kids. Also, I don't hate people with kids. Three of my closest friends in life have children - and I actually enjoy being around their children!)
Then he tells me that he wants them and that if I loved him, I would want to have kids with him.
OH HELL NO.
First off, just because he is 34 doesn't mean he can talk to me (I'm 24) like a child. When we fight, he often talks down to me like I'm unintelligent. Second, I can't believe I almost married a breeder. He might say that he hasn't been hiding these feelings, but to me, they don't just appear overnight. My choice to be child-free wasn't overnight! And third, I refuse to be romantically tied to anyone who wants me to compromise my child-free status in any way. I will never date anyone who has kids (even grown kids) or wants kids. EVER.
****
I have been pretty absent for the last week because I gave him his ring and got my own one-bedroom apartment within walking distance of my job, completely across the city from him.
I made it clear from the start that I am never having kids, and even got Essure almost a year ago. If he is not on board with my decision, he can go find some ignorant wannamoo to marry.
Now, tonight, I am going to go out and celebrate my singledom!!!
not everybody can be a parent. that is not a bad thing-not everyone can be an artist, professional athlete or astronaut either. it is what it is. anyone who will pressure you to change-including wanting to have kids-is not someone who respects you and appreciates you. kudos on not letting someone else control your life.
and he might be 10 years older-but he is about 10 years younger emotionally and mentally. you might find someone who will be a perfect fit....or maybe not. if you are confident in yourself, you don't need someone to spackle your soul.
Sorry it has been such a tough time for you, and much respect to you for standing by your values. There are awesome CF men out there, it's better to find one of them to spend your life with than to settle for Mr Breederdouche. I'm going to raise a glass of wine to you after work today
you didn't dodge a bullet, you dodged a freakin nuke! I am glad you held true to yourself and didn't let this guy trample you. Good riddance. 
Many big hugs to RaindanceMaggie. While this is a sucky and difficult time for you, you SOOOOOO did the right thing. It all goes back to those absolute 100% dealbreakers where if one person wants kids and the other doesn't, there can be no compromise. No kids wins.
Otherwise, it's just a world of heartbreak and abuse on all sides that comes out of it, a relationship filled with more and more manipulation, anger, regret, and all that yuck.
Here's to young and lovely Maggie rocking on into her new singlehood!
Otherwise, it's just a world of heartbreak and abuse on all sides that comes out of it, a relationship filled with more and more manipulation, anger, regret, and all that yuck.
Here's to young and lovely Maggie rocking on into her new singlehood!
Better to find out now, than to get married to him and find out later. I've read posts from CF women about how their husbands up and left them after acting like nothing was wrong... and it was because he finally realised she was serious about the no-kids thing and it wasn't a phase she would outgrow. (Like women are just children themselves!
)Thank Gawd you're already fixed... who knows what he would have done if you were not. You'd think that would have been a fucking clue. Did he expect you to get it reversed?
You did nothing wrong, no matter what that fuckhead says. You were upfront and honest, and he repaid you with being dishonest and treating you like you are 5 years old.
He may be 10 years older than you, but you're the one showing real maturity! :yr
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