30 day wait on a tubal because I don't have kids

So I googled the question "how to convince a doctor to give me a tubal" and tHs popped up I ave read every ones comments and I just have to share my story I am 25 years old I have been with my husband (dating and all) 7 years...when we first started dating we were and still are on the same page about no children neither oneof is want children and never have we love kids I hanbe a niece and two nephews that we areboth very cloae to and love very much but we both realized at a young age we were not meant to be parents for several reasons the biggest being we both have health problems we dont wat passed on to the child also we just dont nor have ever had i.terest in having children....I u.derstand why I cannot get one because I am very young but if a.doctor would sit down and listen to my reasons and took me seriously I bet I could gey one. And I know most ppl think "she's only 25 she doesn't know what shes talking about" but I do VERY much! I just wish I could find that doctor to say "ok I get it" even if they still refused to do it. I dont,mind waiting ten urs to get one I just wish I had a choice...

I had my tubes tied about one year ago and I was 28 at the time. Maybe it has to do with where I live(Rhode Island)but I found a doctor willing to tie my tubes without too much difficulty; found her through a Planned Parenthood referral. The doctor initially questioned my request and tried to offer an IUD but quickly backed down after I presented my case. I was not required to go for counseling(I flat out refused before the subject was even brought up) and I was not required to have an ultrasound, though I did have to go for a quick pelvic exam. I had to wait a couple of weeks for the actual surgery but that was only due to the hospital's surgical schedule. I was actually very surprised at the very few number of road blocks I encountered in my own quest to shut the factory down.

Get it done. Then, when there's no way they can snatch it away from you, tell them - in person or in a letter - just how offensive and discriminatory you found that requirement, and suggest they stop treating adult women as childish idiots. Be clear with what you're saying but not rude, because you don't want them to refuse someone else in the future.

That's a great approach, yurble. That way I don't jeopardize getting the procedure done, but I can also get my displeasure off my chest. I intend to find the source of this rule - whether it's the doctor's office or a state law, and then complain to the appropriate party after it's done. Thanks.

I can see why you would feel discrimination in this case. The average moo can have a tubal when she shits one out, but you and I both go through hell to get the same procedure. I've heard the same lines a hundred times. "You'll change your mind!" "You don't know what you're asking!" I think if you do as Yurble suggested you'll get an actual discussion with your doctor instead of patronized.

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I don't think 30 days is an unreasonable amount of time to wait, even if it IS "discriminatory". it's better than waiting longer. You could try to find somewhere that doesn't have that waiting period, but it would take you longer than 30 days to start the process all over again. You're a grown woman. You can wait that long.

Gnarler and I live in the same state.

It is the law that someone who doesn't have an adopted child or who hasn't birthed a child has to wait 30 days to be sterilized. You say it's not an "unreasonable" amount of time to wait, but who is to decide what's "unreasonable" and what gives them the right to make that decision?

In my case, I was having another episode where I was bleeding like a murder victim and I required a D&C. I wanted to get the tubal ligation at the same time to scrape out what was possibly more endo but could have been cancerous cells in my uterus. (My mother had uterine cancer and had five clean biopsies taken from her uterus in the doctor's office beforehand. Hers was only confirmed by D&C. It happens.)

I tried to have a sample taken in the office but I was always one of those people who had a hard time diliating in the doctor's office. It didn't work, so I had to wait for general anesthesia. In my case I decided to wait the 30 days and have one procedure, instead of having the biopsy first then getting my tubes tied. Being sterilized was extremely important to me; I'd FINALLY found a doctor who agreed to do the procedure at the ripe old age of 35, and I was afraid my insurance company would deny two procedures.

I'm not speaking specifically toward you, SlumSlut, but this is my biggest problem with any law that seeks to block a woman's access to healthcare, because there are always situations that these assholes can't think of. And this law serves no purpose. It does not protect a "welfare mother" from a coerced sterilization. If you've birthed a child, you can have a tubal ligation (or theoretically be forced into one) without a waiting period.

This "feel good" bullshit legislation allows an asshole legislator to feel good about himself or herself. That 30 days could possibly keep a childLESS person from making the Greatest Mistake Of His or Her Life^TM, yanno. How very patronizing.

It's especially galling because this same state is also extremely pro-business and Anti-Government and pro-gun. (Note: I'm not saying there is anything wrong with guns, ZATOTH! I like guns.) The point is, it's extremely hypocritical, to be all "Oh, we hate big Government!" and then to keep sticking your fucking nose into peoples' reproductive business. We aren't even talking about da ebil abortion. This is a procedure that could save a woman from having da ebil abortion.

I feel the same way about spousal consent laws for sterilization, which my state also has. If you want to be sterilized, the only consent you should require is your own. It was important for me to have the surgery as a single person.

Eventually I had a hysterectomy. I was never so fucking relieved.

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bell_flower
I feel the same way about spousal consent laws for sterilization, which my state also has. If you want to be sterilized, the only consent you should require is your own. It was important for me to have the surgery as a single person.

Wait, my husband will have to sign off on the procedure in order for me to get it done? This hasn't been mentioned to me yet. I'm sure he'd sign it no problem - he's 100% CF and supportive of my decision. (And was offended on my behalf when I told him about the 30 day rule last night.)

But, what if someone had an abusive husband and wanted to get sterilized behind his back in order to protect themselves? It's pretty common knowledge that abusive husbands use children as a way to control their wives. It's just appalling that a woman can be turned away in this circumstance. It's appalling anyway, but that just makes me ill.

Oops, it appears it was the law at one time. Not anymore.

http://www.mendeley.com/research/spouses-consent-sterilization-2/

By the way, here is the language shows it's not required and that has the requirement for the waiting period for people who are not "natural or adoptive" parents already:

http://www.justanswer.com/law/0qnmc-virginia-spousal-consent-required-voluntary.html

I was trying to figure out if there is a list out there that shows which states have what laws for sterilization. Then I come across this here:

http://community.babycenter.com/post/a22745111/spousal_permission_for_sterilization_procedure?cpg=3&csi=2155834708&pd=1

While I in no way can agree with a waiting period or a spousal consent for voluntary sterilization, I can see people like this one ruining it for the rest of us:

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I'm in canada, had a tubal and no, he didn't have to sign anything or talk to anyone. I had to sign the paper to consent to the procedure and acknowledge the risks etc, but nothing to do with him. Honestly, though I am sure i'm done having kids, I do think my dr should've made SURE I was ready.. she seemed so .. uncaring I guess you could say, about wether or not I was truly ready. She was like, "you're sure?" I said I'm sure, she said okay, let's do it. And this was when i was in a miserable, high risk, yucky pregnancy.. not exactly the time when women are thinking at their most rational about another baby. lol I really think she was so eager to do it becuse i have 7 kids; almost as if i have "too many" anyway, so stop me before i do it again!
What I am saying is nothing to do with how *I* feel about having more kids. I really don't want more. It just seems kind of irresponsible on her part to not even ask a second question to be sure I actually was ready and not just "done" with being pregnant becsaue i was so sick and suffering with complications, kwim? She never even asked how my dh felt about it, or if he agreed!

Aside from all of the bull, is this patient an adult or what is she? In medical field, with doctors, there are not that many maybes. Uncertainty and wishie washie approach to serious issues make it very difficult for skilled surgeons to practice medicine. This patient needed to see a psychologist long before her pregnancy, who knows it she was really sure about that too.

I was thinking not unreasonable for an ELECTIVE procedure.

Of course thirty days is unreasonable to wait if you're hemmorhageing (sp?). That's an unusual circumstance you had.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

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Of course thirty days is unreasonable to wait if you're hemmorhageing (sp?). Why would you think i would mean it that way?

I don't think you do.

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bell_flower

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Of course thirty days is unreasonable to wait if you're hemmorhageing (sp?). Why would you think i would mean it that way?

I don't think you do.

Never mind, i reread your post and misunderstood it the first time.

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"I have learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is easy and fun as hell"

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bell_flower
Oops, it appears it was the law at one time. Not anymore.

http://www.mendeley.com/research/spouses-consent-sterilization-2/

By the way, here is the language shows it's not required and that has the requirement for the waiting period for people who are not "natural or adoptive" parents already:

http://www.justanswer.com/law/0qnmc-virginia-spousal-consent-required-voluntary.html

Thanks for the info. I was googling around trying to find something and was coming up short.

I would think that any remaining state laws requiring spousal consent requirement for sterilization would be rendered void by the federal HIPPA law mandating medical privacy.

Seriously, in what other area is the consent of a spouse mandated by law for any medical procedure? Mind-boggling...

Georgia's spousal consent law was declared unconstitutional by a federal court back in 1976. It appears that even before HIPAA the trend was toward repealing or simply not enforcing these laws, and by implication any that remain would be unconstitutional. (The court used the reasoning that a spouse's consent could not be required for abortion and similar privacy issues held for sterilization.)

But what individual doctors, especially those with Bible–thumper tendencies, and hospitals, especially those that are affiliated with a religion, choose to do might be a different story...

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yurble
Get it done. Then, when there's no way they can snatch it away from you, tell them - in person or in a letter - just how offensive and discriminatory you found that requirement, and suggest they stop treating adult women as childish idiots. Be clear with what you're saying but not rude, because you don't want them to refuse someone else in the future.

and perhaps copy the ACLU or similar organization

I wrote the ACLU at the time. Declined.

I personally think the ACLU has lost its edge. In the 70's they were doing good things. Now, some of the stuff they take on makes me wonder.

Nobody finds the childfree sympathethic, in case you didn't notice. We are the last taboo.

ETA: I personally think waiting periods are assinine and I don't agree with making any woman wait for a medical procedure for reasons outlined above. But my argument was, if the state is going to have a waiting period, it is most definitely discriminatory toward people who have not had children. The state has no right to make that decision for a certain class of people. Can you imagine if the state said, you have to wait 30 days because you are white or black? Either make everyone wait, or make nobody wait at all.

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bell_flower
I wrote the ACLU at the time. Declined.

I personally think the ACLU has lost its edge. In the 70's they were doing good things. Now, some of the stuff they take on makes me wonder.

Nobody finds the childfree sympathethic, in case you didn't notice. We are the last taboo.

ETA: I personally think waiting periods are assinine and I don't agree with making any woman wait for a medical procedure for reasons outlined above. But my argument was, if the state is going to have a waiting period, it is most definitely discriminatory toward people who have not had children. The state has no right to make that decision for a certain class of people. Can you imagine if the state said, you have to wait 30 days because you are white or black? Either make everyone wait, or make nobody wait at all.

I entirely agree.

Part of me wonders...if you whip out an ace card like, "If you don't sterilize me and I get pregnant, I will kill myself," would the doctor be more likely to forcibly admit you to the psych ward? Will they claim further that you don't know what you're talking about if you claim you'd commit suicide if you get pregnant (something their dumb asses feel is normal for all women)? Just something I've always wondered. Usually I hear success stories when ladies have to use that last resort threat, but I wonder if it's ever backfired and earned anyone a Baker Act-ing.

The ONLY reason anyone should ever have to wait for a medical procedure is for a doctor to get you penciled in. NOT waiting to see if you're sure you want to do it. That's something you decide before you go to the hospital and by the time you get there, your mind's already made up and you're good to go. Fucking asshole doctors - I hope they all get appendicitis and need to wait 30 days for appendectomies.

Ranty CF goodness (updated 3.23.2012)
Caffeinated Childfree

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Gnarler
But, what if someone had an abusive husband and wanted to get sterilized behind his back in order to protect themselves? It's pretty common knowledge that abusive husbands use children as a way to control their wives. It's just appalling that a woman can be turned away in this circumstance. It's appalling anyway, but that just makes me ill.

Using pregnancy to trap a woman is one of very old tricks on the books. Abusers have used that since the beginning of time. Not only women are in danger of such "tricks". Men, too, can fall victims to "oopsing".

I used to think and wonder, is it ok for a guy to get fixed without his GF knowing? Is it ok for a woman to get fixed without her BF knowing? Knowing what I know today, by reading many different posts on BratFree along with many other articles, today, without a question, answer to that is an absolute YES. Child Free choice, I think, is a choice that probably gets more scrutiny than any other choice out there. Seeing how parents attack the CF and are trying any way that they can to get the CF people to breed, frightens me. Seeing how people get oopsed without the offending party even feeling any sort of shame, I think it only fair that CF people take any measure that they can take in order to avoid a forced pregnancy - which carries no legal protection of any kind.

There are ethics that sometimes are questioned. How can anyone go and get sterilized without asking their spouse first? What kind of relationship are those people in? I say it does not matter. It is not important. What does matter is that there are not hundreds, not thousands but rather millions of people out there who are more than willing to breed. If a wanna breed spouse wants to go out and breed, he or she will not have to look very long. 7 billion of people on this planet and most are wanting to breed. There should be no guilt of any kind, on the CF person, for not wanting to breed and taking a step to prevent oopsing. The idea, that a CF person is taking someone's breeding choice away, holds no water. Like I said before, finding another person to breed with takes very little time. Punishing a CF person with a kid is a punishment that lasts a lifetime.

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Techie
There are ethics that sometimes are questioned. How can anyone go and get sterilized without asking their spouse first? What kind of relationship are those people in? I say it does not matter.

Like an ADULT should need another adults permission for what they do to their own body!!!

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bell_flower
And this law serves no purpose. It does not protect a "welfare mother" from a coerced sterilization.

Been around North Carolina the last few years? Gawd, the hysteria over eugenics.

In these days of draconian laws enacted to control a woman's right to reproduce or not, I can see someone in my state waving the eugenics flag to decry any possible form of future abuse of sterilization procedures, even to the point of mandating an onerous waiting period.

As a tangent, I had to stop and rub my eyes every few pages, but this a very interesting article on the history of laws covering sterilization over the last 60 years or so. It's interesting that, prior to 1950, some states (California for one) held that sterilization was against public policy because of a state's "social interest" in maintaining a certain birth rate. I think that some of the yammering breeders who decry CFs because we don't add to the consumerist horde or Social Security ponzi scheme would approve if that policy returned.

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Snark Shark

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Techie
There are ethics that sometimes are questioned. How can anyone go and get sterilized without asking their spouse first? What kind of relationship are those people in? I say it does not matter.

Like an ADULT should need another adults permission for what they do to their own body!!!

Call it what ya will, but under the current system, we, being adults, have to ask if we can have a doctor's permission, to have a sterilization procedure done. Just so the doctor's personal views are happily satisfied, because ya know, they have to feel like they are in control. Because that's what people are taught by their parents. So when they grow up, without thinking, they parent other adults. Personally, I think that is unlawful, but currently, system is so biased towards unplanned parenthood, chances of anyone winning anything in court are non existent.