"I abandoned my children for a new husband. Does that make me a bad mother?" Hmm, let think about that ....

....OK, I've decided. Yes, you are a bad mother.

I'm guessing that the LW's thoughts about 'grandchildren' mean his grandkids.

It sounds like a really mixed-up situation - she hasn't spoken to her 7-year-old (now 10) since she made the decision that a new husband means more than him, but what about the teenager. And she didn't have custody of either of them in the first place?

Whatever. Rather than straighten out the situation with her kids, she apparently put her priorities on settling down with a new man who wants absolutely nothing to do with his kids or hers. I wouldn't even give her the title of 'mother'.

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DEAR ABBY: My spouse, "Jack," and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven't spoken to or seen my son for three years. Not having my child in my life has made me become depressed, but I keep it bottled up inside.

Jack has three children -- all adults. We rarely see them. I brought two children into our marriage, ages 7 and 14. Jack says he doesn't want to be a father or grandfather. (We have three grandchildren.) I am scared to question why it is like this.

Am I a terrible mother/grandmother? Does this mean he doesn't really love me since my children are a part of me? I want to be a grandmother and enjoy my grandchildren. He knew I had kids when we were dating, but both of them lived with relatives at the time because of custody issues. -- SAD GRANDMA IN ARIZONA

DEAR SAD GRANDMA: It isn't that Jack doesn't love you. He appears to be so preoccupied with his own needs, desires and controlling you that he probably doesn't think about much else. That you are "scared" to question him speaks volumes about your relationship.

If you want to be a part of your children's and grandchildren's lives, you will have to do so without his blessing or participation. You will also have to strengthen your backbone and emancipate yourself.

Frankly, I think those kids are better off without her... and if she ever does have a "relationship" with them again it will probably be due to familial pressure.

In my early twenties I had a boyfriend tell me to choose between him and the dog. I told him, "See the door behind you? Make sure it doesn't hit you in the ass on the way out."

That's the same thing moo should have told the asshole. The fact I hold more loyalty towards a dog than this cunt will ever have towards her child proves my theory that breeders only love their children when they're useful. After that it's so long, sucker. Catch you later.

I agree, kellic. No chiild needs to have that kind of "parent" in their lives. I can only hope that these children realize that she's the broken one and not blame themselves for her choice. I have a feeling that LW will probably move on to another woman in the coming years and when abandonmoo is left all alone she's going to try to weasel her way back to her kids.

Where's the original baby daddy, BTW?

Umm let me get this straight - hasn't seen its OWN children for 3 years and is upset she can't play grandmother? Yerfuckenwhat?

She's no worse than plenty of men who do the same, but I don't see why she even has to ask if she's a bad parent. Of course she's a bad parent.

"Jack says he doesn't want to be a father or grandfather"

a bit late, innit??

"I abandoned my children for a new husband. Does that make me a bad mother?"

well, ya won't be winning any AWARDS, let's just put it that way!

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yurble
She's no worse than plenty of men who do the same, but I don't see why she even has to ask if she's a bad parent. Of course she's a bad parent.

I'm guessing she wants some kind of validation from Abby. She knows, deep down in her heart, that she is a bad mother. Otherwise, she wouldn't have felt the need to ask in the first place.

Well, at least she didn't hook up with a Flavor of the Week whose been in and out of prison for violent crimes who then beat and offed the kyds when Moo wasn't around.

I know, we have low standards for Moos here.

From the original letter: "My spouse, 'Jack,' and I were married four years ago. Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son. I haven't spoken to or seen my son for three years."

Something strongly suggests that there is a lot more to this story than those few sentences say.

Wait a min... According to moologic, aren't her children the same children who are SUPPOSE to take care of her when she's old? Hmmm... I wonder what's flung to happen to her when hubby leaves?

Looks like shitty homeless shelter for her. *shrugs*

I guess I can't relate.

Not having that child in my life would make me HAPPY, I wouldn't want anything to do with the little bastard.

She's got a controlling husband who has "raised" his own kids and doesn't want to be a Duh all over again (my guess is he probably didn't want his kids either and was fucking glad when they left). Moo has no spine and chose a may-unn over her child. Maybe she loves her kid, but this "Jack" has her on a real short leash. I think he wants to try and alienate her from her loved ones so no one will be there to "rescue" her from him and she can belong solely to him. My ex was the same way.

If "Jack" didn't want to be a stepfather, why did he choose to marry a woman with minor children? Why did the writer agree to marry someone who would force her to choose between him and her kids? Maybe he hid his true self from her until after they were married and now he's trying to drive a wedge between them. Maybe he figured the kids would never live with Moo because they were living with relatives. That being said, I wonder WTF Moo did to lose custody. I assume she does not have custody of her kids, hence them staying with family members. It's rare when a Moo does not get to keep her kids, so I can only imagine what Moo must have done to lose her kids. You gotta go out of your fucking way to lose your kids if you're a Moo.

Short answer: YES, she is a bad parent. When you have kids, your primary responsibility is caring for and raising those kids. Cock does not come first and kids second, and a man who would ask that is not a man you should lend a shirt to, let alone marry. But controllers are great at sniffing out weaklings like her, and now that she wants things that don't fall perfectly in line with his life plan, he's going to make her disown her kids.

I don't feel sorry for her and her depression. She chose cock over her kids, so she has no one to blame but herself. I hope the relatives who have the kids are at least sane and can explain to them that it's not their fault their mother is a fucktard.

Ranty CF goodness (updated 3.23.2012)
Caffeinated Childfree

"Three years ago he made me choose between him and my then 7-year-old son."

Stop right there. No one can make you do that. Something is wrong with this broad and being "a bad mother" who has "custody issues" isn't even the beginning of it. She abandoned her kids because she wanted to, but she wants Abby to say "Of course it's not your fault. You shouldn't feel guilty," so she can continue in whatever kind of fucked up lifestyle she's got going on and pretend that everything is fine.

Those kids would be better off with a good therapist and never having anything to do with her again, but she'll come crawling back, trying to find them, when that toxic narcissist she's gotten mixed up with finds someone younger and even stupider than she is.