"The Postpartum Vagina Monologues" (From a Moo Forum)

Is this really something that needs to even be Googled? What the fuck did they think was going to happen when trying to squeeze an item the size of a fucking bowling ball out of your vag? Is this not common goddamned sense, that shooting a watermelon out of a chute that's supposed to normally be the size of a garden hose isn't going to be all fun and games?

Fuck, I knew childbirth was bullshit before I even looked this shit up. All my searches only confirmed what I already suspected.

If you shove a watermelon through an orange the orange is never the same again. I learned this in a middle school science class. Obviously, moos are slow on several things. The uptake being the biggest one.

Yeah, I grew up with my mom's stories of prolapse, bladder issues, and vag slicing. Those stories had a huge impact on me as a girl. I always had a feeling that if that happened to her, it would happen to me. She still wonders why the fuck I don't want to shit out a loaf.

Didn't these women ever pay attention and eavesdrop on their mothers yakking on the phone with her friends when they were girls? THIS is how I learned a great deal about ravaged cooter syndrome, purple stretch marks, etc.......I overheard horror stories about episiotomy scars becoming raised and causing abrasions on husband's dicks, the thing where shit leaks out their hole(ass-twat fistulas), how the Kegel exercises didn't do much good and ALL about the stretched out cooter problems. Then, there was the visual of HORRIFIC purple stretch marks, from the tops of her thighs to under her rib cage, marring an otherwise attractive and petite body.:hs

Apparently back in the 60's in was common for women to gain 50-100 pounds with the first loaf and they were encouraged by everyone to "eat for two". When a 95 pound woman gains 80 pounds with a loaf there WILL be permanent problems. NO THANKS :1wv

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Out of curiosity, I began looking for more info on this ~

Yes, I must be a glutton for punishment.

Anyway - I found this thing (which may have even been posted here before) - but it has a few interesting tid bits.

http://www.medhelp.org/posts/Maternal--Child/Vaginal-appearance-changes-after-childbirth/show/167312?page=1

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So glad I found this thread. I had my daughter by vaginal birth (with forceps..second degree internal tearing) 18 months ago at 37 years old, and I'm still not the same. TMI alert....My story is slightly more complicated because the doctor left a wad of gauze behind deep in my vagina...it didn't come out until the day before my 6 week checkup. I was miserable..felt like a hedgehog was up there all the time, and I even went back a week after the birth and she didn't find it...said I had a UTI.

Uh, a hedge hog?

This one's keeping her trap shut so others can experience the lurve -

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I did notice my vagina changed, and was surprised, I don't recall any family or friends mentioning this, but then again, now after I've experienced chidbirth, I realized I would not want to scare other females from hearing the more difficult parts of labor (which vary person to person anyway), because if the female is already pregnant, she will experience that soon enough, and if she wants to be pregnant one day, she does not need reasons to change that desire (such a beautiful part of life, bringing life into the world and showering him/her with love).

More Meat Flappin -

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oh my god i have finally found a bunch of women describing what i thought was a freak show in my pants,i thought something was wrong with my vagina and i had asked the dr and nurse who all said it looked normal.....NO IT DOES NOT.... my vagina makes noises when i walk like a sloppy piece of wet meat(sorry this is really grose) i look at it and can not believe i can see my insides it has effected my sex life and the way i feel about myself "down there" im so glad to find out its not just in my head as my partner tells me.... thank you. and ill definatly look into surgery after number 2.

7 Hour Watermelon Parking -

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wow..who ever said your vagina goes back to normal is a liar. I'm 21 and have an 11 month old baby. My vagina got butchered during delivery. He weighed 7p 14oz, which isn't bad but the ambilical cord was wrapped around his neck so he was stuck right inside my vagina. The labour all together was 19 hours and about 7 of those hours his whole body was in my vagina, the tip of his head kept coming out and then going back in (the ambilical cord pulling it back) and so when he finally came out i had ripped everywhere. I had 7 stitches on the outside and god knows how many on the inside.

This guy is so bent he wound up posting the same thing three times -

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My wife had my child three years ago and i have to say omg did it cange . the area betwen her vagina opening and her anis is all mesed up like it riped and never got fixed she has alot of excess skin hanging out . When she spreds her legs its as if u can see straight down the vagina opening . it also got dark skin around it .its also looser way looser . it used to be the hotest vagina i ever sawl . i loved it so much . i still love my wife more than ever but how do you tell her this is going on she is to imbarised to talk to the gyno about it .

More Duhs in sex panic -

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Three of my male friends and I have all found this board independently looking for answers to what has happened to our wives after birth. We found out that we had all found this board after the newest of us Dads asked if sex was different after birth. So let me tell you this, because I could and never would say anything to my wife: We notice. It's different. It's not nearly as good. We know that, because of our love for you, the cost and the probability of more children, saying anything about the changes would only make you self-conscience, lead towards less sex and an unhappy wife. So don’t expect your husbands or boyfriends to tell you that things aren’t as good.

From what I’ve seen (two marriages, first children with each) and talked to male friends, it always changes. The look, feel and tightness will never be the same. And that’s not to say that sex afterwards is bad, but you should know what’s coming. From reading through the posts on here, no one ever tells women the truth and that’s not fair. There is no reason that you should have to find a board like this to get the truth from other women after the fact.

I’m sure that the next 100 or so posters will argue with me or call me names, so go ahead and do your worst. I’m willing to take whatever.

Another man chimes in -

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In response to everyone89, unfortunately from a male point of view what he says is spot on. Not only can you visually tell a mile away that a vagina has been used to birth a child but if you ever try to have sex with it, you will be severely disappointed. Sex is no where near as good, in fact it makes watching television or sleeping look really attractive. This is a very sad but true fact. Child birth butchers vaginas, just wish more males knew this before committing to a marriage. In my case the changes were so huge I lost all interest in sex and the relationship and it ended in divorce. These days when I date a lady I chat about how much I love children and does she have any???? the answer determines if I stay or run!

Cue the butt hurt Cows calling him a pin dick -

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At the risk of sounding immature, the reason that you're so dissatisfied with a vagina that's been through childbirth is probably due to YOUR size not the woman's. If you are of small length and girth, it's understandable that it wouldn't give you pleasure, and my guess is, it didn't give her much, either. And before you think of me as a man hater or that I'm trying to make myself feel better after childbirth, I'm sitting here with my best friend, who is a man, and he is the one who said "That's because he's tiny!". You must never have truly loved your wife. You do not deserve any woman, let alone that poor woman who gave birth to your child and then lost you because of it. I don't know how you sleep at night, honestly. So, again, I'd have to agree with my friend. Your problem, dear sir, is YOUR size. Not the woman's. Enjoy ripping me apart...totally worth telling you how horrible of a being you are.

I could go on and on. Everything at the above link is this. And - when I Googled 'Childbirth ruined my body' - I got over 4.5 million matches.

Right. Just keep telling us that everything 'goes back to normal'.

Newsflash: guy best friend is trying to get him a piece of meat curtain, hunny. EVERY man I know says the same thing as the men above...and at least one of them was well endowed.

Sorry to shatter your delusion.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

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In response to everyone89, unfortunately from a male point of view what he says is spot on. Not only can you visually tell a mile away that a vagina has been used to birth a child but if you ever try to have sex with it, you will be severely disappointed. Sex is no where near as good, in fact it makes watching television or sleeping look really attractive. This is a very sad but true fact. Child birth butchers vaginas, just wish more males knew this before committing to a marriage. In my case the changes were so huge I lost all interest in sex and the relationship and it ended in divorce. These days when I date a lady I chat about how much I love children and does she have any???? the answer determines if I stay or run!

Well, he sounds like quite a dick. He's looking for a woman who loves children but doesn't have any, so he can impregnate her and then move on to a fresh pussy?

At least, that's what I assume he's looking for, because he's sure not going to entice a woman who doesn't have children and doesn't love them with that approach!

Why did I go to that site? I was hungry and now starving to death is much better looking now.The before and after photos are nnnnnaaassssttttaaaaaayyyy!

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So.. We know that food and water are running out, with overpopulation and all... Yet people keep on poppin' out those babies! I guess they want to have their baby and eat it too...

My top reason is that parenting gives you a free license to be selfish based purely on the fact that you're being selfish for an emanation of your own self. The illusion that what you do to benefit your children benefits them solely is a fallacy. Every parent benefits from the benefits that their children receive. Henceforth, it gives one a license to perpetuate a dog-eat-dog mentality that I perceive to be amoral. Parents say that their children are their greatest loves, what they forget to add is that they are their ONLY loves and only because their children are a reflection of themselves. I prefer to be able to love multiple people and have lasting relationships of many types and possess the essential core value of empathy for all than to restrict myself to an echo chamber of ego-masturbation and self-serving chicanery.

In short: Not parenting makes you a better person.

O_O

I hate this woman. And all the women she STAND FOR:


I did notice my vagina changed, and was surprised, I don't recall any family or friends mentioning this, but then again, now after I've experienced chidbirth, I realized I would not want to scare other females from hearing the more difficult parts of labor (which vary person to person anyway), because if the female is already pregnant, she will experience that soon enough, and if she wants to be pregnant one day, she does not need reasons to change that desire (such a beautiful part of life, bringing life into the world and showering him/her with love).

I usually don't swear. But:


FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU WITH AN HEATED IRON BAR! YOU WORTHLESS LIYING CUNT! IT IS MY FUCKING RIGHT AS A WOMAN TO KNOW EXACTLY THOSE THINGS TO MAKE AN INFORMED DECISION, YOU, WORTHLESS PIECE OF MEAT! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO WITHOLD IMPORTANT INFORMATION FROM ME AND OTHER WOMEN BECAUSE YOU WANT WE TO DO WHAT YOU DID! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!


There. I said it.
Feel better now.

_______________________

“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.”


― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove


lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.

There is something wrong with me. Am I a nympho? I do get enjoyment no matter the size of a man's unit, slutty me. cry

I have heard the same thing from men - even those who are well endowed. Fuck all of these moos and their vaginabuttholes.

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At the risk of sounding immature, the reason that you're so dissatisfied with a vagina that's been through childbirth is probably due to YOUR size not the woman's. If you are of small length and girth, it's understandable that it wouldn't give you pleasure, and my guess is, it didn't give her much, either. And before you think of me as a man hater or that I'm trying to make myself feel better after childbirth, I'm sitting here with my best friend, who is a man, and he is the one who said "That's because he's tiny!". You must never have truly loved your wife. You do not deserve any woman, let alone that poor woman who gave birth to your child and then lost you because of it. I don't know how you sleep at night, honestly. So, again, I'd have to agree with my friend. Your problem, dear sir, is YOUR size. Not the woman's. Enjoy ripping me apart...totally worth telling you how horrible of a being you are.

Sure....sure....blame it on the guy that your vagina is so freakin' big, no normal-sized guy can feel it going in anymore! This woman's cooter is wider than the Grand Canyon, but she can't face the fact; she would rather make the guy feel inadequate about his dick size. No wonder so many dudes cheat on or leave their wives after birfin' if they have an attitude like that!

I bet even a guy with the dick the size of John Holmes wouldn't be able to feel the sides of her vagina.

Unless his dick shrunk while she was in the Mooternity ward sluicing, I fail to see how his penis size is the problem. As is typical when someone has no legitimate rebuttal in a debate, they start flinging personal insults at their opponent. I have witnessed this time and time again with past husbands, co-workers, and people in general. It's pathetically transparent and makes me immediately lose respect for the person attempting it, mainly because not only is it immature and annoying, it's insulting they think anyone would take the bait!

How does she really expect that stranger on the internet to respond to that nonsense since he has nothing invested in her? "Thanks lady! It never occurred to me how selfish I am being and how stupid it is to let my imagination get the best of me. I have ALWAYS had a small dick, but only became aware of it after my wife pinched off a loaf! I will order some dick enhancement products the minute I get through typing my most sincerest of apologies to you! HOW could I have been so blind all these years about my peter being so little! THANK YOU THANK YOU THAN YOU for helping me see the light!"


I think NOT.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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And before you think of me as a man hater or that I'm trying to make myself feel better after childbirth, I'm sitting here with my best friend

Probable Lie #1 - I doubt this bitch has any real friends, 'best' or otherwise.

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who is a man, and he is the one who said "That's because he's tiny!".

Probable Lie #2 - It's oh so convenient that her best friend, who's a man, would not only read this guy's comments over this moo's shoulder but automatically zero in on a below-the-belt insult. Does her best friend have a lot of experience handling small dicks? Does he have one himself?

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I don't know how you sleep at night, honestly.

Probably very soundly because he's not awakened by random pussy-farts and the sound of bulkogi slapping together while his ex tosses and turns.

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So, again, I'd have to agree with my friend. Your problem, dear sir, is YOUR size. Not the woman's. Enjoy ripping me apart...totally worth telling you how horrible of a being you are.

And again with the imaginary friend. Is this friend telling moo to say that this guy is horrible too? eyes2

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pepper labeija

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And before you think of me as a man hater or that I'm trying to make myself feel better after childbirth, I'm sitting here with my best friend

Probable Lie #1 - I doubt this bitch has any real friends, 'best' or otherwise.

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who is a man, and he is the one who said "That's because he's tiny!".

Probable Lie #2 - It's oh so convenient that her best friend, who's a man, would not only read this guy's comments over this moo's shoulder but automatically zero in on a below-the-belt insult. Does her best friend have a lot of experience handling small dicks? Does he have one himself?

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I don't know how you sleep at night, honestly.

Probably very soundly because he's not awakened by random pussy-farts and the sound of bulkogi slapping together while his ex tosses and turns.

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So, again, I'd have to agree with my friend. Your problem, dear sir, is YOUR size. Not the woman's. Enjoy ripping me apart...totally worth telling you how horrible of a being you are.

And again with the imaginary friend. Is this friend telling moo to say that this guy is horrible too? eyes2

larious Most of that crossed my mind too. It's just another poor debate tactic to grasp at a third party's opinion who can't be verified or isn't even identified beyond, "my friend", or some random and unnamed, "expert", It's a, "I am not the ONLY one who thinks it and LOOK, I have a MAN'S point of view!" very WEAK position, since it's doubtful this "friend" even exists, which is painfully obvious. We see that a lot with Moo trolls too when they say things like, "ALL of the men I know LUUV kids!". That's just bullshit anyway, but we have no way of knowing how many men that is, who these men are, what their motivation might be in saying that, or even if any of it's true.:BS

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Please. My ex boyfriend had a small dick (not saying this to be mean - he just did, he used it well though), and I felt nicely filled when we had sex. My point is that if I was single, I could fuck a guy with a small dick and I'd be just fine and dandy. Why? Because my vagina has not been reverse-raped by a fucking shitling.

Naturally these insecure, insipid moos will blame it on the guys. Something tells me that even if they went to their local sex shop and purchased a dildo of the model Huge Black Mamba size XXXL, it'd still be swallowed into the gored chasm of their cavernous cunts, and they wouldn't even know where it went until it slipped out of there the next time they took a shit through their vagina-buttholes.

muahahahahahahahahahah!!
these stories make me laugh in schadenfreude manner, and yet at the same time terrify me enough to the point that had I not been childfree before, I would be childfree right away.

it doesn't seem fun to be raped from the inside.

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catharsist
Why did I go to that site? I was hungry and now starving to death is much better looking now.The before and after photos are nnnnnaaassssttttaaaaaayyyy!

It's a great, all natural diet aid.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

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michaela

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catharsist
Why did I go to that site? I was hungry and now starving to death is much better looking now.The before and after photos are nnnnnaaassssttttaaaaaayyyy!

It's a great, all natural diet aid.

I have a strong stomach so I didn't get queasy over the photos....however I did get the urge to grab a hand mirror and thank my vagina for looking so damn good.

*shudder*

So these idiots are on a forum lamenting about their shredded genitalia and stating that sex is no longer the same because their vaginas have become mineshafts. Several men come along and confirm what the Moos are saying, especially the "sex sucks now" part. Now the Moos want to say, "My vagina is totally fine! It's your penis that's the problem!"

So it's okay for Moos to say that sex hasn't been the same since childbirth, but men are not allowed to say the same? They're supposed to assuage the egos of these AnonyMoos?

If they can't handle hearing truths out of men's mouths, they're going to have a hell of a time when their child becomes verbal before the brain filter kicks in.

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yurble

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In response to everyone89, unfortunately from a male point of view what he says is spot on. Not only can you visually tell a mile away that a vagina has been used to birth a child but if you ever try to have sex with it, you will be severely disappointed. Sex is no where near as good, in fact it makes watching television or sleeping look really attractive. This is a very sad but true fact. Child birth butchers vaginas, just wish more males knew this before committing to a marriage. In my case the changes were so huge I lost all interest in sex and the relationship and it ended in divorce. These days when I date a lady I chat about how much I love children and does she have any???? the answer determines if I stay or run!

Well, he sounds like quite a dick. He's looking for a woman who loves children but doesn't have any, so he can impregnate her and then move on to a fresh pussy?

At least, that's what I assume he's looking for, because he's sure not going to entice a woman who doesn't have children and doesn't love them with that approach!

I interpreted that to mean that if he runs into a woman who has kids (and presumabely a stretched-out vagina because of it) he runs.

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aya

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yurble

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In response to everyone89, unfortunately from a male point of view what he says is spot on. Not only can you visually tell a mile away that a vagina has been used to birth a child but if you ever try to have sex with it, you will be severely disappointed. Sex is no where near as good, in fact it makes watching television or sleeping look really attractive. This is a very sad but true fact. Child birth butchers vaginas, just wish more males knew this before committing to a marriage. In my case the changes were so huge I lost all interest in sex and the relationship and it ended in divorce. These days when I date a lady I chat about how much I love children and does she have any???? the answer determines if I stay or run!

Well, he sounds like quite a dick. He's looking for a woman who loves children but doesn't have any, so he can impregnate her and then move on to a fresh pussy?

At least, that's what I assume he's looking for, because he's sure not going to entice a woman who doesn't have children and doesn't love them with that approach!

I interpreted that to mean that if he runs into a woman who has kids (and presumabely a stretched-out vagina because of it) he runs.

That's how I took it as well. He feels her out about kids by being nice about them and interested to entice her to talk about her spawn, if any. IF she has kids, and therefore a likely mine shaft for a cooter, he runs the other way. While dishonest,it's probably better than asking, "Is your twat the size of the Grand Canyon?" .

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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kidlesskim

That's how I took it as well. He feels her out about kids by being nice about them and interested to entice her to talk about her spawn, if any. IF she has kids, and therefore a likely mine shaft for a cooter, he runs the other way. While dishonest,it's probably better than asking, "Is your twat the size of the Grand Canyon?" .

I also interpreted his comment that way. To my thinking, though, it's no more dishonest than when the HR person at a job interview asks the applicant to "tell me something about yourself," as a way to find out if someone has kids without asking specifically.

lol quills! I actually did take a satisfying peek at my own un-ravaged lady bits... and smirked with happiness.

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crazycatlady
lol quills! I actually did take a satisfying peek at my own un-ravaged lady bits... and smirked with happiness.

Although I'll admit I dragged out the old round makeup mirror when I was a girl and did a squat and peek out of curiosity, I haven't done that in a very long time because I haven't had a reason. I haven't done the two mirror thing in quite some time to gaze at my bumhole either. Then again, when I look down, put on underwear, or wipe-bathe, etc......I haven't noticed anything protruding outside my body where it shouldn't and BELIEVE ME, that's something I absolutely would notice! I had a small hemorrhoid once, at least that's what the doc said, that was INSIDE my ass, and it about drove me up a wall until it shrunk back down and blended into my butthole again. I had all types of worries it'd get infected, get bigger, not ever go away, etc.........UNTIL it went away in a few days.:hs.

I can assure you I'd be mortified at all the trappings of a permanent vaginabutthole, dangling roast beef, shit hanging out where it shouldn't be like a "pig intestine", etc.......

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!