More Gross Mooter-Goo Tales(and pictures) :wtf

"Mooter": A nasty Moo who possesses AND openly discusses having a smelly, stinky, rank Cooter..


WHY anyone would post something like this first Mooter does on the world wide web is incomprehensible to me. These gross Mooters with their nasty encrustations, rank odors, and stinky twats behave as if the internet is their private mass counseling service.

Mooter One
Okay, one thing that I can tell all people that are getting pregnany is one thing for sure. I have noticed in the several hundred times that I tried to get pregnant that I had soar breasts,(as in BOAR ) cramps, and every other known symptom to pregnancy. Each time, I would put myself through false hope etc. Then an amazing thing happened. After I had IVF treatment, I really didn't have any real symptoms other than extreme bloating (IVF can cause this). AS can eating like a hog! However, I absolutely, and I mean absolutely KNEW the egg took within 2 days after the eggs were put into me because my cervical mucus was ABUNDANT, CLUMPY, WHITE COTTAGE CHEESY LIKE! She brags, AS IF anyone wants or needs to know this

It was at that moment that my mind took me back 16 years ago. It was as though I went back in time because I hadn't experienced that since then. So, here is your answer. I know longer pay attention to ANY symptoms whatsoever, i.e, breast pain, late periods, cramps, etc. What I look for is that abundant, clumpy, white....stuff. What is important is that it is ABUNDANT! I mean it's got to be abundant. All over your underwear, etc. Most people miss this symptom b/c it isn't a "painful" symptom. But, it is the MOST RELIABLE symptom there is! Okay, we GET it, it has to be ABUNDANT

Now, I do not pay attention to any symptoms, other than the discharge. You will notice this almost INSTANTLY aftrer you conceive. Trust me, it is instant! I knew instantly and even before I tested positive pregnancy tha t I was pregnant. I told you the reason already and that is b/c I hadn't had that symptom for 16 years since my last pregnancy so when it showed up, it was like, "oh, yeah, oh crap, that's right, I had totally forgotten about this one." Really, I didn't forget about it, it just didn't register, and I will tell you why. The reason is b/c once you get this discharge, it never goes away. It's going to be like that throughout your entire pregnancy. It's like a creamy, THICK, and I mean THICK coating; not the creamy, slick white stuff you see right before you get the clear slick(egg white) stuff before ovulation. Oh for the love of God! There's NO WAY anyone could forget any gross shit like that. It's never happened to me and ***I*** won't soon forget having just read about this vivid recitation of the vile and repulsive mess.

Good luck, I hope this helps. And if anybody can tell me that they did NOT have this stuff when they got pregnant and remember the lack of it, then please indentify yourself! Please tell me exactly what your discharge was like. I really can't imagine anybody having it any other way. So, if you have a different story, please respond! She INVITES, no challenges, any Mooter story that tops hers! "IDENTIFY YOURSELF!" if you did NOT have that telltale abundant white shit spilling over into your underwear for nine fucking months.

Oh, we are treated to a post script about her Mooter juice experience.
P.S. Cervical fluid consistency goes like this. Starting w/ day 1: bloody period, watery consistency increasing into creamy, white consistency around day 12, then day 14 you got (egg white)--caveat! some people don't always experience egg white stretchy stuff. Instead they stay around the creamy, slippery, white stuff. But, anyway, if you get preg. after ovulation, it turns to that ABUNDANT, PROFUSELY THICK WHITE COTTAGE CHEESE CREAM CHEESE. If you don't get pregnant then after you ovulate it becomes sticky and dry, almost like nothings there! Then as you approach your period it thickens up a little bit, and it is white and somewhat tacky. Then right before your period it becomes watery again. That's it. Hope this helps. Anybody have anything to add, please do! Look forward to the responses. I can HARDLY WAIT to see all the additional Mooter tales this one inspires.:smn

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

moos love to talk about discharge.

why? i have no idea.

ew what in the world? It sounds more like a yeasty beasty than anything else. Nasty!

AAAEIIIEIIRHGHGHGHHR!

I refuse to regurgitate this beer!

I can't un-read that, Kim.

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

I'm glad I had a hysterectomy.

abundant, white cervical mucs?!? All over her underwear?!?!?!?

Sounds like this broad has the yeasties!

What the hell, sticky, stretchy? How do they know, do they stick their fingers down there and dig it out? Play with their used pantiliners? I mean what the...

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Shiny
What the hell, sticky, stretchy? How do they know, do they stick their fingers down there and dig it out? Play with their used pantiliners? I mean what the...

Oh, ABUNDANTLY so. It's even recommended

http://www.babymed.com/fertility-awareness/how-check-cervical-mucus-fertility-12-steps



How to Check Cervical Mucus for Fertility in 12 Steps

1) Set Up a Fertility Temperature Chart. Fertility is something that needs to be watched closely and a fertility chart can help a great deal. The chart should consist of the date, your temperature and a place to record the look of the cervical mucus. The abbreviations used to record the consistency of the cervical mucus include S (sticky), C (creamy), We (Wet), Wa (Watery) and EW (Egg White).

2) Wash Hands. Before checking your cervical mucus for fertility it is important to wash your hands thoroughly. Obtaining a mucus sample requires an internal exam of sorts and cleans hands will ensure no infection from any germs present on the hands.

3) Sit Comfortably. You will need to find a seat similar to the one you use to insert a tampon. The leg can be propped up to make insertion of the finger into the vagina more comfortable.

4) Insert Finger. Once comfortable, reach one finger into the vagina. This finger will need to reach as far into the vagina as possible. The best source of cervical mucus is the cervix which can be felt at the internal end of the vagina.

5) Inspect the cervical mucus. Remove the finger from the vagina and examine the cervical mucus. The mucus will be categorized as sticky, wet, watery, creamy and egg white. Each of these categories has a specific meaning in regards to fertility.

Mucus Categories
6) Not Much Mucus. If there is no mucus on your finger or very little mucus, the body is not currently ovulating. Cervical mucus production increases during ovulation.

7) Sticky Cervical Mucus. If the cervical mucus is sticky, this could mean you are not ovulating at this time. Mark the results on the chart and check again tomorrow.

8) Creamy Cervical Mucus. Creamy cervical mucus is a good thing. This is a good indicator that you are going to ovulate soon. Keep checking the cervical mucus every day for a change from creamy to watery and wet.

9) Wet Cervical Mucus. Wet cervical mucus is the first sign of ovulation. If you find that the cervical mucus is wet, ovulation is happening and conception is more likely. Wet cervical mucus will most often also appear watery and could appear similar to egg whites.

10)Watery Cervical Mucus. As ovulation begins the cervical mucus changes from sticky to watery. Along with the wet nature, the watery cervical mucus means baby making is a priority.

11) Egg White Cervical Mucus EWCM: BINGO - EWCM is mucus which can be stretched an inch or more between your fingers. EWCM is the perfect fertile mucus which allows sperms to penetrate the cervix and helps fertilization. Egg white cervical mucus that stretches between the fingertips when spread means the cervical mucus is fertile! The longer the stretch holds between the fingers the more fertile the mucus.

12)Chart Results. No matter the results, make sure to note them on the chart. After a few months, a pattern will more than likely show up on the chart making it easier to determine the time of ovulation each month. The chart can also help the woman with irregular ovulation patterns to predict fertility. It is important to keep careful records and use the results to plan intercourse.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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nathanomir
AAAEIIIEIIRHGHGHGHHR!

I refuse to regurgitate this beer!

:beer

Yeah, me too! It's 103F here and I need my beer!

This is just SO gross, I can't imagine it. If I had such issues - I'd probably check into the hospital.

I did some cleaning this afternoon, I had on my sleep shorts, no undies. After, I rinsed them out and hung them up to dry. What was in them? NOTHING! They were hardly even sweaty - even from cleaning in this heat. I do like to have my things neat and clean, did not feel like doing an entire wash load, so I thought I'd rinse them out in the sink, while I took a quick rinse bath.

How can all this weird stuff be coming from the crotch? I don't understand. Mine's always fine. Always clean and dry.

Yikes! - I nearly jumped a foot because something fell - it was a hook I had on the kitchen tile, on the wall - glue must've went and it fell. That was what I was cleaning earlier - I must clean good and thoroughly - not even the plastic adhesives are sticking around! LOL.

If they want to chart their mucus, fine. Do it in a notebook or on a calender. But Facebook? That's really creepy. It's like moos being so in-your-face about breastfeeding. No one would spare them a look before, now they are doing everything they can to make you look at them.

I can't get over the visual of them propping their fat asses up on the toilet and playing with their twat cheese like Silly Putty, Play-Do, or salt water taffy.::brbl

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Moo Chatter:

Hello,
OK so I usually notice that when I do get EWCM that it comes out in a huge glob. It looks exactly like EWCM, comes out when I should be ovulating, sometimes will have a streak of blood in it..I know its the EWCM.. Sometimes I will go to the BR and it will just be hanging out, so I will pull it out, and it actually feels like I am pulling it from a plug (my cervix). Is this a good or a bad thing? Because it seems pretty thick and rubbery. and slippery... I could stretch it forever...


Hey Hun
ewcm shouldn't be too thick according to all info on the net. I get the clear thick glob you describe the day after ovulation. But how are we to know whether our ewcm is too thick or not?! We don't get to stand in the bathroom to compare with each other. (gross!) Lol! I am CERTAIN they would if they could!

the spermies LOVE that stuff. I know it seems thick, but it's perfect for them and is full of sugar to sustain them on their journey. Sperm are tiny, so it's not like you having to the breaststroke through it. Crack open an egg and look at the egg white. That's the kind of globby thickness you want. The globs are a good sign. Many women are would be envious. GL I know I am pea green with envy!

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

I'm not that adventurous, but I don't think I've ever touched my cervix, nor do I particularly want to.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

I hope I never become so bored as to check and describe the consistency of anything that comes out of my body (unless medically relevant - so, uh, checking for fertility - not so much.)

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michaela

"A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal

Oh gawds that's disgusting . . . I didn't really think they reached up there and dug it out like someone gutting a Halloween pumpkin!

Am I the only one who thinks that this whole 'twat goo consistency + fertility' crap is delusional bullshit? Kind of like when a shitling babbles incoherently but moo and duh swear he's quoting Shakespeare?

I am wondering - I have to take alot of allergy meds - to dry up things - UP THERE in the cranium.

It makes me wonder if these meds have any effect on the Mooter Mucus?

Of course I do not care.

But could you see these Cows fretting over all this - when meds they may be on might render their crotch mucus studies useless?

I like to keep things Up There clear and dry - which is why I take my meds (not to mention that if I don't - I'll be sneezing uncontrollably and have difficulty breathing.)

I eat Benadryl and PE like candy! I get the stink eye at the store - I guess in the US - PE is regulated? You have to show ID to buy it.
Yeah, insult to injury. Erg.

I wanted a sleeping pill, when I was in the hospital, they were going to give me a Benadryl - I laffed right at 'em! Pfffft! That's not going to make me tired - that's one of my main food groups right there.

Cows may be taking meds that could affect these things. In fact - it comes to me now - I believe I read something about Cows taking some kind of 'expectorant' ? - something that's supposed to get the mucus flowing (this is also for sinus or illness) - in attempt to 'help' fertility.
I just read that somewhere the other day - anyone else see that? So maybe these things do have effect on the crotch mucus?

"Mucinex" - I think this was the product I heard of some fert troubled Cows taking. ?

My first thought about the cottage cheese vag sauce was also "yeast infection." In fact, that's one of the classic symptoms of excess yeast (along with itching). It has nothing to do with fertility - it means you have a yeasty cunt.

It's rather disturbing that so many Moos obsess over their juices to the point of actually closely examining what leaks out of their holes and grading it on a scale of sticky, creamy, wet, watery, egg whitey. I mean sure, look at your underwear now and then to make sure there's no infection, but is it really necessary to grab a handful of cheese out of your hole and play with it to determine if you can conceive?

Now, you know, if you haven't problems, if you have intercourse every day of the month for a couple of months without control you WILL get pregnant.
Too much of a chore? Fine. 87% of women know the week in which they are ovulating without playing with the cheese out of your vagina (it is a study done cross-culturally, a very interesting one). Usually, Women are aware, more or less, on when they can get pregnants.
IF making some horizontal dance with your husband/significant other/ooopsie for a week a couple of week later than mestruo isn't enough...

Then you are likely to have problems. You or you husband/etc. And the problems are telling you something. Namely, you shouldn't breed.

_______________________

“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.”


― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove


lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.

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Cambion
grab a handful of cheese out of your hole and play with it

:jump

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kidlesskim
Hey Hun
ewcm shouldn't be too thick according to all info on the net. I get the clear thick glob you describe the day after ovulation. But how are we to know whether our ewcm is too thick or not?! We don't get to stand in the bathroom to compare with each other. (gross!) Lol! I am CERTAIN they would if they could!

You know somewhere they are doing it online, sharing photos and videos of their globs, probably on Fuckbook or some fertility site.

An article with pictures of what it should look like. I have a strong stomach, but pics and descriptions made me want to vomit.

ONLY CLICK IF YOU HAVE A STRONG CONSTITUTION

The photos are a little slide-show like thing. ::brbl :hs

I'm going to go sip my Pepsi and try to keep my pizza down.

It's your hell; you rot in it!

Oh my gods, here's a vocally narrated slideshow on YouTube. CLICK AT YOUR OWN RISK - MOOTER GOO

If your stomach can stand it, listen to this woman's voice as she describes this shit. This video can be mined for a few pieces of disgusting crap that can be turned into snarky, comedic gold.

It's your hell; you rot in it!

Those Mooter-Goo pictures are unforgivably repulsive. WHY can't they just fuck like regular people, wait on a missed period, confirm with an inpig test, and then follow it up by a visit to a doctor? I see NO NEED in all this playing with Moo-Goo. UNBELIEVABLE they'd post that shit online! ::brbl

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

All this makes me want to go drink some slippery elm bark tea. It dries up the mucus membranes. Great for allergies (like right now ... honk snort sniff) and down there (I'm a guy and even I want to avoid this horror).

Hear that, moos? Stop bitching and go drink some tea!