| | "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
"Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
|
Today I bring to you a blog post on how to make friendships work between moms and non-moms. I'd give them some points for trying to continue a friendship, but this in no way resembles any of my friendships with parents. Although it presents both sides of the equation, it's clear that this was written entirely by a breeder or a breeder-pleaser. If one of my friends and I had written the post, both the questions and the answers would be markedly different. Hey, maybe that is how it goes down between breeders and breeder-pleasers...but I can't imagine they would have any difficulties negotiating a friendship, seeing as its all about the moo. Here's a brief summary of the dialog between the moo author (in brick) and the supposed CF friend (in purple), with the responses that I (in red) and my childed friends (in pink) would give added in, along with commentary about whether the question would even come up (in black). (The original is of course much more gushing, which is why I say that only a pure breeder-pleaser could say those things - a CFer who just likes kids would never ask questions about her own supposed selfishness.) Of course my responses are from my perspective - the perspective of someone who doesn't like being around kids - but unlike the author I don't present my answers as speaking on behalf of all CF or all parents. 'CF': Are you upset that I never offer to babysit?This is not a question that I would ask. Why should someone be upset if I don't volunteer in a specific way? I would never walk up to a friend and ask, "Are you upset that I never offer to iron your clothing?" Moo: No, but you could give me help when we're out in public with my kids.Mom: I know you're not keen on kids, so let's go out with just the two of us. If you're over at my house and my kid is being annoying, I'm not going to freak out if you point this out to me. I'm find with you telling him to knock it off.'CF': I don't like your kid; can we still be friends?Moo: No - I see my children as an extension of myself and a reflection on my parenting.Mom: I don't take it personally, because I know you don't really enjoy being around kids. I don't want to hear about how you hate my kid, of course, but I'm quite happy to do things with you without my kid in tow. Maybe when he's older you two will get along better.'CF': Do you want to see me right after you had the baby?This is another question I wouldn't ask. I expect the friendship to take a hiatus from time to time, when one person goes through an anti-social phase or is too busy for social activities. We can pick it up again later, when the baby isn't taking up 100% of her time. Moo: Yes. Feel free to bring food. But I'm not sure I want to see anyone for 6 months. You should take your cue from me. Mom: I'll probably be exhausted, so please check with me first, and be understanding if I need a bit of time before I'm ready for social activities.'CF': Do you think I'm being selfish for not having children? Do you pity me?I would never ask this question. I haven't internalized these pro-natalist views. I don't speculate that I'm selfish or to be pitied, and I don't imagine that one of my friends would believe this crap. I don't need someone to confirm that I don't resemble ludicrous stereotypes. Moo: Of course not.'CF': Although I don't want kids, I want to get to know your kids. Is that okay with you?This isn't even really intended as a question! Of course it's okay with her - this is just a moo dream packaged as a CF question. I don't want to get to know the kids, specifically, although no doubt I will to some extent. I wouldn't ask this. Moo: I think it's awesome when a friend wants to get to know my kids. But I won't force them on you.Mom: I won't force them on you.And now the table is supposedly turned, and it's time for moo to get advice. Moo: Does it bore you when I go on and on about my children?None of my friends who are parents would ever need to ask this, because they don't go on and on about their children. We can have entire conversations where their children aren't so much as mentioned. If they come up at all, it's typically in reference to scheduling. 'CF': No, because you're my friend.CF: Yes it would! But thankfully you don't do that, or we wouldn't be friends!Moo: Do you secretly feel sorry for me when you're going out or sleeping in?Anybody who is content with her life and choices wouldn't ask this. These are the words of an insecure person. (My friends would already know that I'm more introverted and don't have a wild social life.) 'CF': No, you chose to have children. Besides, I'm probably just watching TV.CF: I assume that you are content with your life, because that's what you chose.Moo: Do you want to go on "kiddie" outings with us, or do you prefer to do grown-up things?My friends would not even think of asking me to attend outings like this. 'CF': Trips to the pumpkin patch or amusement parks are fun for me because I get to hang out with you and get to know your kids!CF: I'd rather have a root canal.Moo: Does it seem like your mama friends have changed?Again, this comes from insecurity. If she's asking this, she knows she's changed. Also, none of my friends would refer to themselves as 'mama'. 'CF': No, they've just added another facet to their character. I really enjoy seeing them in the mama role.CF: Those who have changed significantly are no longer my friends. People who are able to set the parent role aside and associate with adults as adults are people I can continue to be friends with.Moo: When parent friends bring kids to your home, are you worried about them breaking things?It wouldn't occur to my friends who are parents to ask this, because their children are disciplined. They're as disgusted with breeders as I am. 'CF': I observe before I issue an invitation to a friend's kids. But kids will be kids! My biggest concern is that the visit might be boring for the kids.CF: Children are very rarely invited to my house, and they tend to be at the teenage or pre-mobile stage, so I don't worry.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
|
Quote
yurble
Today I bring to you a blog post on how to make friendships work between moms and non-moms. I'd give them some points for trying to continue a friendship, but this in no way resembles any of my friendships with parents. Although it presents both sides of the equation, it's clear that this was written entirely by a breeder or a breeder-pleaser. If one of my friends and I had written the post, both the questions and the answers would be markedly different. Hey, maybe that is how it goes down between breeders and breeder-pleasers...but I can't imagine they would have any difficulties negotiating a friendship, seeing as its all about the moo. Here's a brief summary of the dialog between the moo author (in brick) and the supposed CF friend (in purple), with the responses that I (in red) and my childed friends (in pink) would give added in, along with commentary about whether the question would even come up (in black). (The original is of course much more gushing, which is why I say that only a pure breeder-pleaser could say those things - a CFer who just likes kids would never ask questions about her own supposed selfishness.) Of course my responses are from my perspective - the perspective of someone who doesn't like being around kids - but unlike the author I don't present my answers as speaking on behalf of all CF or all parents. 'CF': Are you upset that I never offer to babysit?This is not a question that I would ask. Why should someone be upset if I don't volunteer in a specific way? I would never walk up to a friend and ask, "Are you upset that I never offer to iron your clothing?" Moo: No, but you could give me help when we're out in public with my kids.Mom: I know you're not keen on kids, so let's go out with just the two of us. If you're over at my house and my kid is being annoying, I'm not going to freak out if you point this out to me. I'm find with you telling him to knock it off.'CF': I don't like your kid; can we still be friends?Moo: No - I see my children as an extension of myself and a reflection on my parenting.Mom: I don't take it personally, because I know you don't really enjoy being around kids. I don't want to hear about how you hate my kid, of course, but I'm quite happy to do things with you without my kid in tow. Maybe when he's older you two will get along better.'CF': Do you want to see me right after you had the baby?This is another question I wouldn't ask. I expect the friendship to take a hiatus from time to time, when one person goes through an anti-social phase or is too busy for social activities. We can pick it up again later, when the baby isn't taking up 100% of her time. Moo: Yes. Feel free to bring food. But I'm not sure I want to see anyone for 6 months. You should take your cue from me. Mom: I'll probably be exhausted, so please check with me first, and be understanding if I need a bit of time before I'm ready for social activities.'CF': Do you think I'm being selfish for not having children? Do you pity me?I would never ask this question. I haven't internalized these pro-natalist views. I don't speculate that I'm selfish or to be pitied, and I don't imagine that one of my friends would believe this crap. I don't need someone to confirm that I don't resemble ludicrous stereotypes. Moo: Of course not.'CF': Although I don't want kids, I want to get to know your kids. Is that okay with you?This isn't even really intended as a question! Of course it's okay with her - this is just a moo dream packaged as a CF question. I don't want to get to know the kids, specifically, although no doubt I will to some extent. I wouldn't ask this. Moo: I think it's awesome when a friend wants to get to know my kids. But I won't force them on you.Mom: I won't force them on you.And now the table is supposedly turned, and it's time for moo to get advice. Moo: Does it bore you when I go on and on about my children?None of my friends who are parents would ever need to ask this, because they don't go on and on about their children. We can have entire conversations where their children aren't so much as mentioned. If they come up at all, it's typically in reference to scheduling. 'CF': No, because you're my friend.CF: Yes it would! But thankfully you don't do that, or we wouldn't be friends!Moo: Do you secretly feel sorry for me when you're going out or sleeping in?Anybody who is content with her life and choices wouldn't ask this. These are the words of an insecure person. (My friends would already know that I'm more introverted and don't have a wild social life.) 'CF': No, you chose to have children. Besides, I'm probably just watching TV.CF: I assume that you are content with your life, because that's what you chose.Moo: Do you want to go on "kiddie" outings with us, or do you prefer to do grown-up things?My friends would not even think of asking me to attend outings like this. 'CF': Trips to the pumpkin patch or amusement parks are fun for me because I get to hang out with you and get to know your kids!CF: I'd rather have a root canal.Moo: Does it seem like your mama friends have changed?Again, this comes from insecurity. If she's asking this, she knows she's changed. Also, none of my friends would refer to themselves as 'mama'. 'CF': No, they've just added another facet to their character. I really enjoy seeing them in the mama role.CF: Those who have changed significantly are no longer my friends. People who are able to set the parent role aside and associate with adults as adults are people I can continue to be friends with.Moo: When parent friends bring kids to your home, are you worried about them breaking things?It wouldn't occur to my friends who are parents to ask this, because their children are disciplined. They're as disgusted with breeders as I am. 'CF': I observe before I issue an invitation to a friend's kids. But kids will be kids! My biggest concern is that the visit might be boring for the kids.CF: Children are very rarely invited to my house, and they tend to be at the teenage or pre-mobile stage, so I don't worry.
I find this whole q&a thing patronizing. No child free person and parent ask these questions. This is breeder worship fantasy q&a with everything being take on the mom's part with no give required while the cf friend gives everything and expects nothing in return. Then there's the stereotypes-child free people sleep in and watch tv all the time with nothing better to do than wait for friends with children to show up. I dunno about other cf people (although I am aware none of the ones in Bratfree sleep until noon and watch tv all day), I get up at 5:30 am and go to work...
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 1 year ago
|
If breeders actually do think this way and that is the way they think we should answer their questions (or that we ponder the questions they attribute to us at all), they're in for a rude awakening. In my mind, the whole thing goes a little something like this: Child-free friend: Some CFBCers have experience taking care of kids, but many don’t. I’m one of them -— I’ve never even been a babysitter! That’s why I’ve never offered to sit with your kids or change diapers (though I’m pretty sure I could feed them). Do you resent me for never offering? Should CFBCers offer, even if they have zero experience and not a lot of desire? I've never babysat a baby for anyone and have zero interest in doing so. By the same token I've never agonised over whether or not a parent friend resents me for not taking responsibility for their kid(s), on the contrary, I've often had them foist their kids and responsibilities on me regardless of my objections.Child-free friend: Okay, so the worst has happened; I don’t like your kid, and your kid doesn’t like me. Is that a friendship deal-breaker? I realize this comes up between friends who are parents, too, but somehow, not liking someone’s kid when you don’t have kids yourself immediately makes you feel like a child-hater. Actually, no. It doesn't make me feel like a child-hater. I have every right to think your child is an asshole.Child-free friend: Even though you would never say so to my face, do you think I’m being selfish for not having children? Or do you pity me for never being what one parent I used to know defined as “a complete human being”? I don't give a rat's ass what you think of me and if that's your opinion, I'd rather you keep it to yourself. This is my life, my body, my choice and I don't need your validation, thus I would never ask this question.Mom friend: Does it bore you to tears when your mama friends share anecdotes about their children or go on and on about parenting issues? It actually bores me to tears when I hear someone refer to 'mama' friends. But, like you, I also want to smack your daughter's head against the wall every time I see her, so hey, go for it! At least we have something in common when you tell me how much you dislike her.Mom friend: Do you secretly feel sorry for us when you’re out at dinner/at a party on Saturday night/sleeping in on Sunday morning and, you know, we’re at home, haggard and covered with barf? No. I don't think about you one way or the other. You obviously don't feel sorry for me when you dump your kids on me to go out and have fun, so why should I obsess about what you're missing out on when I have fun?Mom friend: Are you ever interested in going on “kiddie” outings with your mama friends and their children, or is it more fun to do grown-up things with your friends without the kids in tow? Here we go with the 'mama' thing again. I've never seen a woman outside of a mommy forum refer to herself or any other woman as a 'mama'. Gag me. And for the record, it's more fun hearing about a kiddie outing than actually going on one.Mom friend: When parent friends bring their kids to your home, are you tortured by visions of their children breaking your things? Are you more comfortable seeing your friends and their children in their natural habitats? I have no qualms about telling a kid to leave my shit alone, so it's mostly mommy dearest who gets her knickers in a twist that I would dare tell her kid to keep its paws off my stuff. After all, it's only 'material' possessions and who gives a shit if I can't afford to replace and/or repair whatever they break? That being said, I'd rather go visit a parent with kids in their own home than inflict their crap on my dogs.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 4 years ago
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*puke* I checked a thesaurus for alternate words to 'self-centered'... Definition: absorbed with oneself Synonyms: egocentric, egoistic, egomaniacal, egotistic, egotistical, grandstanding, having a swelled head, inward-looking, know-it-all, narcissistic, on an ego trip, self-absorbed, self-indulgent, self-interested, self-involved, self-seeking, self-serving, self-sufficient, selfish, stuck on oneself, wrapped up with oneself ...and then I checked for the antonym (opposite) Antonyms: benevolent, giving, unselfish Yup, she definitely fits into the first group of words. Gawd, it's all about absorbing - what you can do for me (tempered by what is OK to not have to do for me), how to react to me, what changes you have to accept from me... And even when she takes the CF voice, all she perceives is how that person is going to be willing to do things to accommodate her and her brat(s) Quote
Mom friend: When parent friends bring their kids to your home, are you tortured by visions of their children breaking your things? Are you more comfortable seeing your friends and their children in their natural habitats?
Child-free friend: My main concern with all of this, though, has less to do with the kids than with my own recollection of visiting the homes of my my parents’ child-free friends. They always seemed very boring (and full of stale candy), and I hated going there.
A good solution, other than making sure the parents bring plenty of activities and toys for the kids, is having a stash of stuff for these kids they get to play with only at Auntie A.K.’s house, or an activity they get to do only there, like baking a special kind of cake or watching a certain kid movie. That makes going there special. I remember my granddad had this fish toy he showed us on special occasions. Of course, doing such a thing would entail getting to know your kids’ likes and dislikes, but I have no issues with that!
One vivid memory I have as a kid is tagging along while Mom visited the Gamadinger Sisters (I swear to gawd, that was their name and that's how people referred to them - they were a couple of "maiden lady" sisters - never married, no kids) They were very nice ladies, but didn't do anything to accommodate kids except to maybe have a picture book, Bible-related. I was under the age of 5, but even by that time, I was expected to "act like a little lady". Sit in the chair, keep my hands in my lap (unless I was looking at the Bible picture book), don't go swinging my legs or fidgeting. Mom kept the visit to under an hour, but it seemed like an eternity. Still, any unladylike behavior demonstrated by me resulted in a fierce, low-voiced scolding after we left. *shudder* Yeesh. Modern Moms have become nothing but sucking black holes. It's all about her needs; the needs of the brats; absorbing and pulling the surrounding atmosphere into her.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
|
Quote
Dorisan
Gawd, it's all about absorbing - what you can do for me (tempered by what is OK to not have to do for me), how to react to me, what changes you have to accept from me... And even when she takes the CF voice, all she perceives is how that person is going to be willing to do things to accommodate her and her brat(s)
I don't know about you, but the reason I decided to be CF was because I recognized that my time, income, and talents would be put to better use helping to raise the offspring of my friends gifted with superior genes. And I just can't wait to do it! I only hope that I won't be perceived as selfish...
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
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A lot of breeders seem to think it's okay to be CF as long as CF folks dedicate their time and money to children. Preferably their children, of course.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
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Thank Dog my childed friends are not like this; they actually value girl's day out without kids. Being a mom is one facet of who they are, but they definitely don't want it to be the only dimension to their lives. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
|
Quote
supreme fatness
A lot of breeders seem to think it's okay to be CF as long as CF folks dedicate their time and money to children. Preferably their children, of course.
I dedicate a little of my time to MAKING FUN OF CHYLDREN! Does that count? 
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 4 years ago
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Quote
yurble
Quote
Dorisan
Gawd, it's all about absorbing - what you can do for me (tempered by what is OK to not have to do for me), how to react to me, what changes you have to accept from me... And even when she takes the CF voice, all she perceives is how that person is going to be willing to do things to accommodate her and her brat(s)
I don't know about you, but the reason I decided to be CF was because I recognized that my time, income, and talents would be put to better use helping to raise the offspring of my friends gifted with superior genes. And I just can't wait to do it! I only hope that I won't be perceived as selfish...
 
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 1 year ago
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two of my closest friends are PNBs. we were all good friends before any of us were married or had kids. they are strong, smart, funny, interesting, kind, open-minded, and fair. they both have their degrees, they both work full time at demanding jobs, and they both still have goals for themselves that do not include being mommies. that is why we are still friends, not because i am expected to worship at the moo altar, but because i am still a full fledged partner in these friendships, and my problems/events are just as important as theirs. one of these gals came to the ER after my back went out at work and mr. minkoff was out of town. she was 7 months pregnant and helped me check out, refused to let me go home alone, brought me and my dogs over to her house and insisted i stay the night in her guest room. she cooked dinner, and her husband walked my dogs for me. after dropping me off at home the next morning she called me twice from work to check on me. that's what she would have done before the kids, and she is still that person.  i have also had friends who became parents and totally changed, not just their lifestyles (i expect that when kids are involved) but they changed who they are fundamentally as people. they became shallow, petty, boring, and judgemental. one of them couldn't believe i've never watched spongebob squarepants - why the fuck should i? those friendships i let fall by the wayside and they are now merely acquaintances i see about once a year, usually at someone else's BBQ, and usually with their kiddies. it's fine; i don't miss them. as for the women in this article, they are way too focused on the fact that one of them is a mother now, like that's the most interesting thing about her. with my PNB friends we rarely talk about their kids at all, as they have minds that can handle other issues. 
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
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I tried the read that blog, but had to stop when I saw "You owe it to her to support her choice and try to get to know her kids."I'm sorry to say (well, actually I'm not sorry at all) you self-centered cow that the only person in this world I owe anything to is my wife. I made vows to her before witnesses and will stick by them. Everyone else gets what I'm willing to give out of the kindness of my heart. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 2 years ago
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Quote
yurble
'CF': Are you upset that I never offer to babysit?
This is not a question that I would ask. Why should someone be upset if I don't volunteer in a specific way? I would never walk up to a friend and ask, "Are you upset that I never offer to iron your clothing?"
Seriously!! Why are we supposed to volunteer to shoulder the work of other people's lifestyle choices, when they would never even CONSIDER volunteering to do so for us? I once had a now ex-friend try to rope me into spending every Saturday afternoon babysitting because it wasn't "convenient" for her & her husband to cart a baby around on her weekend errands. As if it would somehow be more convenient for ME to cart her baby around trying to get my own errands done or be stuck alone at her house for half of every weekend instead of enjoying my time off. And this was someone who already knew in advance that I hated babysitting with every ounce of my being.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 1 year ago
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Of course, there are only moms and non-moms. ---------- michaela "A child will make two dishes at an entertainment for friends, and when the family dines alone, the fore or hind quarter will make a reasonable dish, and seasoned with a little pepper or salt, will be very good boiled on the fourth day, especially in winter." -Jonathan Swift, A Modest Proposal
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 1 year ago
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Yes. It's disgusting how they can only define... well, EVERYFUCKINGTHING... in terms of Moo-hood. A truly selfless person would try to really understand what it's like NOT to be them, but instead, even the "putting themselves in our shoes" comes across as just another set of bingoes and judgements, making them look like assholes, yet again. Such fuckery. I do not condone this.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 1 year ago
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I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone (moo or not) if I had to 'kiss up' to their lifestyle.
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 23, 2012
| Registered: 4 years ago
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This is an interesting dialogue you found Yurble! Below I will add my answers-thoughts in red to both the Childfree friend and the Mom-Friend questions:Child-free friend: Some CFBCers have experience taking care of kids, but many don’t. I’m one of them -— I’ve never even been a babysitter! That’s why I’ve never offered to sit with your kids or change diapers (though I’m pretty sure I could feed them). Do you resent me for never offering? Should CFBCers offer, even if they have zero experience and not a lot of desire? It has been my experience with a sister, sisters in law, co-workers, close neighbors, friends, and childed men I have been involved with in relationships including long term and one marriage that, while they may not say anything, although many of them do complain, they clearly resent it and many are hurt if you do NOT show an active and ongoing interest in their kids. That "interest" would include offers to baby sit, oohing and aahhing over countless pictures and video, giving it gifts for every occasion, attending showers, birthday parties, recitals, graduations, ball games, etc........ If you don't show up at the hospital for or shortly after the birth to gaze at the loaf, you may as well slap them in the face. Child-free friend: Okay, so the worst has happened; I don’t like your kid, and your kid doesn’t like me. Is that a friendship deal-breaker? I realize this comes up between friends who are parents, too, but somehow, not liking someone’s kid when you don’t have kids yourself immediately makes you feel like a child-hater. I have never had this happen very often because I don't generally spend enough time with the kid to make a decision if I "hate" the kid, but it absolutely IS a deal breaker if you express the least little bit of commentary you don't like their brat or his actions. The ones I have known take this as a DIRECT insult to them personally because most women consider their kids as an extension of themselves, instead of as separate people. However, this tends to change as the kid moves into teen hood. . Child-free friend: So you just had your baby a few weeks ago, your parents are back home and you’re fairly recovered from the birth. However, baby’s colicky and won’t nurse and spouse is cranky and you’re exhausted. Do you even want to see or hear from child-free friends? Should I keep in touch regularly, even though I may be calling when you finally have a chance to nap? How much contact is too much contact? And if I haven’t met the baby, is it uncool for me to push for it to happen sooner rather than later? The freshly sluiced women I have known generally would rather have me drop off food and send them a card rather than to come over very often in the beginning, which is FINE by me! However, they get butthurt when you don't do anything.Child-free friend: Even though you would never say so to my face, do you think I’m being selfish for not having children? Or do you pity me for never being what one parent I used to know defined as “a complete human being”? They absolutely DO think we're selfish, without a doubt and with few exceptions. Even if they are the poster child for selfishness prior to having sluiced and are aware of it, the burden of being a parent turns most ALL of them into martyrs because they truly believe they have made all these selfless "sacrifices" to grace the world with their spawn. The general attitude is, "I have done my part and created the future who will contribute to your social security and continue to be productive in the world once I have gone!!! YOU will only reap the benefits of my magnificent sacrifice!". It's at the point immediately after they give birth, and often before, when their Moo sense of entitlement kicks in, even when before they were really good friends or close relatives who were intelligent and rational..The difference in their attitudes before and after is ALWAYS noticeable, only to different degrees depending on the person.   Child-free friend: Though I don’t want kids of my own, I really would like to get to know your kids (even if it results in the scenario from Question No. 2). Are you OK with that, and how would you be most comfortable with making that happen? While they want you to get close to their kids, they don't want you to get TOO close. This is especially true once the kid gets to the pre-teen status. I have experienced this with both my sister AND sister in law. They get obviously jealous when the kid starts saying, "Aunt KIM said!" a great deal or they start doing things for, "Aunt Kim!" like writing letters, making me something "special" like a drawing or painting if that's their talent, they pester their mom about getting Aunt Kim a birthday or Christmas present they want to pick out, or even if they just gravitate toward me and want to talk to me when moo is present. Kids in this age group ALWAYS gravitate towards me and that's probably because I don't talk to them like they're little kids and I listen, but I am guessing.
It could be I am interesting to them because I am odd and have a great sense of humor, but whatever the reason their moms are always visibly jealous, including my own sister. I can't even hold a conversation with my 12 y/o nephew because his moo will ALWAYS butt in and start answering questions where I asked HIS opinion, not hers. It's so fucking annoying I hardly ever talk to the kid anymore when she's around. Mom friend: Does it bore you to tears when your mama friends share anecdotes about their children or go on and on about parenting issues? It really doesn't bore me to hear about any friend's funny anecdotes or daily struggles, regardless if it has to do with kids. What IS boring though is when they blabber on and on and on and on incessantly about the same thing, generally a complaint, don't take proactive steps in solving the problem, and either won't listen to my advice OR get pissed when I offer it. For some reason when the subject is their kids and since I have none, my opinion is as important and valid as a woman spokesperson for men's athletic cups and jock straps. Mom friend: Do you secretly feel sorry for us when you’re out at dinner/at a party on Saturday night/sleeping in on Sunday morning and, you know, we’re at home, haggard and covered with barf? LOL, they wish we did, but I absolutely do NOT feel sorry for them. Do they feel sorry for me when I have to pay in 7k April 14th and they have already received their 7k tax "refund"? Do they offer to share their windfall and sympathize with my financial plight? I fucking think not. THEY have kids, so THEY are entitled to RECEIVE nearly the damned same amount as a "refund". This is a sore spot with me because in addition to the inequity of it I am already pissed off about, BOTH of our sisters brag about their tax refund windfall EVERY FUCKING YEAR and drone on about how they plan on spending it, even AFTER I say,(sarcastically) "You found it because we lost it and just paid IN that same amount!" They don't usually say much, but rather just maintain that smug puzzled look only a moo can get on her face.  Mom friend: Are you ever interested in going on “kiddie” outings with your mama friends and their children, or is it more fun to do grown-up things with your friends without the kids in tow? That's a no brainer and they shouldn't even have to ask! Do THEY enjoy the 4th viewing of the Sponge Bob Square Pants matinee'? Do THEY enjoy sitting at the playground in the heat while their kids play on the jungle gym for hours on end? Do THEY like going to the petting zoo and riding on the kiddie train all over the fucking zoo all afternoon? Do THEY like eating at McDonalds because that's what the kids want? Do THEY enjoy going to a toddlers' birthday party? OR would they prefer a bottle of wine and a nice dinner out, a day at the spa, A "girl's night out" at a local jazz club, and a good concert or musical instead? I think we all know the answer to that question! .Mom friend: Does it seem like your mama friends have completely changed as people once they have children? Absolutely and it's never for the better either.Perhaps worse than their actual changes though is the way they begin thinking they are better, more important, their time and schedule more worthy of respect, their opinions more valid, needs more urgent, and entitled to everything, as if becoming a mother has elevated their status in the friendship and in the world, in general.  . Mom friend: When parent friends bring their kids to your home, are you tortured by visions of their children breaking your things? Are you more comfortable seeing your friends and their children in their natural habitats? Yes and yes, although being in the home of an unorganized mom with a messy house and kids running about interrupting every minute or so makes me nervous and causes anxiety. If they are organized though and make the kids behave, it's not so bad.------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- ------- If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much? I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!
Re: "Making Mom-on-Non-Mom Friendship Work"
August 24, 2012
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"the Gamadinger Sisters" BWA HA HA!!!  that sounds like an old "HEE HAW" skit!
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