I have to wonder what the hell is going on this week. First is the peeping family at the gas station, and today it's the Kroger international zoo expo. Did the welfare offices send out checks early or had some sort of special freebie?

I went into Kroger and it was like teen parent day. Even those there without kids in tow where in their teens to early 20s. I don't think I saw one person my age or older with the exception of the employees. And of course it was a hell experience from the moment I walked in the door.

It all started at the cart area aka the big cat exhibit. Our Kroger has those sanitizing wipes to clean those nasty germs off the handles, and there were a flock of families wiping down buggies and not moving until every last germ was scrubbed clean. I swear I was standing there 10 minutes looking for an opening to grab me a cart.

First on the list was V8 from the juice isle, aka the hippo exhibit. I swear, I understand that putting V8 next to Juicy Juice makes sense from a stocking standpoint, but my god the crowd. And it wasn't a grab and go type experience either. I got to hear "what flavor do you want?", "no, we have to get get (brand X with the yellow WIC sticker)", etc etc etc.

Next was the horror of horrors, the dreaded reptile house (or whatever you dislike for those who like reptiles) aka the baby isle. I know it's my own fault from venturing into this ungodly sewer of the grocery store, but baby wipes are a hell of a lot cheaper than wet wipes sold as "adult" wipes. And to my amazement I didn't see one moo or child. What I did see was the dreaded and feared duh standing there with a blank look and talking on the cell phone. My God, what a sight to behold. And he wasn't buying baby food, but baby wipes. Yes, standing right where I needed to go having to call wifey because of the infinite choices in baby wipes. The horror of having the choice of brand, scented or unscented, plastic container or bag, and size. That would stump the most astute of engineers.

5 minutes of waiting and it was time to watch the polar bears get fed. For some strange reason the feminine products are now next to the frozen dinners, and on the list is feminine products for my wife. There wasn't any kids here either, but a 20ish couple trying to decided which frozen dinner they were going to have that night. And I hate to be rude (not really) but this couple looked like Xena married to Pee Wee Herman. And ole Xena was not about to give up the golden land of Frozen Dinners to let me pass.

Thankfully the meat, bread, and dairy isles where relatively empty (I wonder why). Then the zoo keepers decided to let all the animals out of their cages. That right, checkout time. Every open lane was packed with overflowing carts, wailing kids, and the seventh circle of hell incarnate; every cashier was standing with their light flashing waiting on a manager. My god the horror of it all. Even the express lane was in this state of chaos.

The only option was to wait it out in this breeder hell or go to the self checkout. Well, the stench of hell could not be contained today. The self checkout not only had a line itself, but everyone at the checkouts had buggies overflowing and where running the attendant ragged with price disputes and unable to figure out how to scan a pack of gum. I just sat between the express lane and the self checkout and waited to see which one was going to go fastest. Personally I would have been better off to drive down the interstate during rush hour trying to go to an all you can eat free buffet at Chuck-E-Cheese.

After 20 (yes 20 minutes) the lines started moving again and I was able to snatch a self checkout. And low and behold next to me was none-other than Xena trying to figure out how to scan a bag of cucumbers (I didn't want to ask). I was fed up and ready to get the hell out of there and I noticed out of peripheral vision her mouth gaping in surprise as I zipped through my scanning and was finished in less than 2 minutes.

I finally got to the parking lot, loaded up my car and then noticed the heard of elephants that were let looses where walking down my lane. I swear an anorexic goldfish wouldn't squeeze past the mountain of flesh that was filling the lane. What on earth did I do in a past life to warrant the past two days?

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

Few experiences are worse than to be among the WIC-Welfare Whores at Kroger at or near the first of the month. It's only the 28th though, so I am wondering perhaps if because of the holiday coming up they got their WIC vouchers and EBT cards filled early? It's entirely possible too, since Kroger has a 2-3 day float on checks, those of them who get an actual kid disability check(s) and/or a welfare check are simply shopping early since the first of the month falls on a Saturday of a holiday weekend!!!!! I see those same cows and stupefied duddys at Kroger ALL the time, so I suppose they split up their shopping between there and Walmart.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

Great writing.... I love these entertaining personal encounters. sorry we all have to have them, but isn't it nice we can come here and vent?

If I taught a creative writing class, you would have just earned an A for the semester! Best use of a zoo metaphor ever.

Ugh, Aldi is the same fucking way. I don't know how widespread that chain is (I've only seen it in PA), but the one where I am is overrun with welfare breeder scum on the first of the month and seriously, there is NOTHING in the store by the end of that day. The leeches will "buy" a dozen loaves of bread with their free ass-sittin', loaf-squirtin' "money." And the worst part is, for whatever fucking reason, the store here only ever has one cashier working. I think once I've seen two working at once. And there is no express or self-checkout lane. And yes, there are times the line went all the way to the very back of the store and coiled around shelves.

I love Aldi - they have good stuff that's cheap and I can get 99-cent cans of Arizona tea for 79 cents. But ye gods the store attracts breeder scum like a rotting carcass attracts hyenas.

I don't know why breeders bother wiping down their carts - the reason they're covered in such filth is because children sit in them (both in the baybee seats and the back of the carts). Of course, breeders who will sanitize their carts will also be the ones who change their bastard's shit rag on top of a pile of produce because "the floor/bahroom/changing table has too many germs!"

Sorry you had to deal with that 3-ring circus. I fucking hate when I want to go to the store for two things and it takes an hour and a half because people bring their entire families to the grocery store, clog the aisles, refuse to move for any reason, use the "7 items or less" self-checkout lane when they've got 200 items, or argue with cashiers about using a million coupons that are expired or don't apply to the shit they picked out.

Ranty CF goodness (updated 3.23.2012)
Caffeinated Childfree

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kidlesskim
Few experiences are worse than to be among the WIC-Welfare Whores at Kroger at or near the first of the month. It's only the 28th though, so I am wondering perhaps if because of the holiday coming up they got their WIC vouchers and EBT cards filled early?

How ironic. Getting their vouchers early because of Labor Day!

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"I treat my body as a temple, Laverne. You have chosen to treat yours as an amusement park."

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Cambion
Ugh, Aldi is the same fucking way. I don't know how widespread that chain is (I've only seen it in PA),

I've seen them in Michigan and Kentucky as well. We have one in my town and the few times I ventured in it was like looking at the group of people the people of Walmart make fun of.

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

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Smiling_Varla

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kidlesskim
Few experiences are worse than to be among the WIC-Welfare Whores at Kroger at or near the first of the month. It's only the 28th though, so I am wondering perhaps if because of the holiday coming up they got their WIC vouchers and EBT cards filled early?

How ironic. Getting their vouchers early because of Labor Day!

Sometimes there will also be an end-of-the-month stampede to use up the last of the checks before they expire. Or they get issued checks that are good for just a few days, to cover the period that the other checks don't.

I can testify as a cashier, I don't like having a WIC order come through my line. They can be a huge pain in the ass, as you have to make sure what the customer gets is correct, and not be the wrong size or wrong brand. You can get into trouble if you scan and put on the order something they aren't supposed to get, and having to check everything is what makes them take so long. My biggest bane is the baby food jar orders, because some of the WIC baby food orders only want canned vegetable/fruits on this particular check, or they have to have a certain amount of meats. Not only that, but all of these have to be counted, because they have to get a certain quantity and only that quantity.
Needless to say, I hate WIC, hate it with an undying passion. It's such a pain to do and often holds up a line, and often times the people getting it look like they could have paid for the milk and eggs with the money they instead use on junk food. I wish they would get rid of it, and just have them buy that stuff with their EBT cards. It's what they could do anyway, but just aren't made to.

Went to my local Bottom Dollar store just a little while ago. Luckly it was a good time of day and there were very few people there. It's not fancy, but I do get good deals and it's a great place (close to home) to go when I just need a few things. Did notice that the counters were all decked out with the WIC lables. Funny how I never noticed them or knew what they were till I started coming to this board. LOL Anyhow, all the WIC labled items were stocked and ready for the influx Glad I missed it. That store is located right next to the senior discount housing, assisted living and the subsidised housing appartments. I'm sure there are some 'fun' evenings and weekends over there.

Kaba, I thought you'd appreciate this one.

Tuesday night, I read your post to my wife. She was in tears, and almost choked at "time to feed the polar bears." So, yesterday, on her way home, she had to stop by Kroger for a few things, and your post was fresh in her mind. She was on the lookout for BREEDERS!

Found 'em!

She said there was a Duh with a seven year old boy. They were standing in the Italian aisle. He was on the phone to his wife, just staring at the spaghetti. She said the conversation sounded like "What? What is it. I can't remember. Oh, spaghetti! Is that what it's called? Well, which one? There are so many!" Apparently, this guy had never seen the inside of a grocery store, nor had he even bothered to figure out what he ate at home. You wonder how a brain that small could generate the electricity required for the one erection that produced his son.

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nathanomir
Kaba, I thought you'd appreciate this one.

Tuesday night, I read your post to my wife. She was in tears, and almost choked at "time to feed the polar bears." So, yesterday, on her way home, she had to stop by Kroger for a few things, and your post was fresh in her mind. She was on the lookout for BREEDERS!

Found 'em!

She said there was a Duh with a seven year old boy. They were standing in the Italian aisle. He was on the phone to his wife, just staring at the spaghetti. She said the conversation sounded like "What? What is it. I can't remember. Oh, spaghetti! Is that what it's called? Well, which one? There are so many!" Apparently, this guy had never seen the inside of a grocery store, nor had he even bothered to figure out what he ate at home. You wonder how a brain that small could generate the electricity required for the one erection that produced his son.

The pasta aisle, aka the exotic bird cage. All those colorful boxes with exotic names like Angel Hair, Linguine, Bucatini, and Fettuccine. He should have just stuck to the green box with the straight noodles in it. Maybe his brain fart wouldn't have set off the carbon dioxide detectors.

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I walk the path of life to my own rhythm, my own beat-if you don't like it, step off and find your own damn song!

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KABA

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nathanomir
Kaba, I thought you'd appreciate this one.

Tuesday night, I read your post to my wife. She was in tears, and almost choked at "time to feed the polar bears." So, yesterday, on her way home, she had to stop by Kroger for a few things, and your post was fresh in her mind. She was on the lookout for BREEDERS!

Found 'em!

She said there was a Duh with a seven year old boy. They were standing in the Italian aisle. He was on the phone to his wife, just staring at the spaghetti. She said the conversation sounded like "What? What is it. I can't remember. Oh, spaghetti! Is that what it's called? Well, which one? There are so many!" Apparently, this guy had never seen the inside of a grocery store, nor had he even bothered to figure out what he ate at home. You wonder how a brain that small could generate the electricity required for the one erection that produced his son.

The pasta aisle, aka the exotic bird cage. All those colorful boxes with exotic names like Angel Hair, Linguine, Bucatini, and Fettuccine. He should have just stuck to the green box with the straight noodles in it. Maybe his brain fart wouldn't have set off the carbon dioxide detectors.

The little fucker would have a sensory overload meltdown in the floral and balloon departments!

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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KABA

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nathanomir
Kaba, I thought you'd appreciate this one.

Tuesday night, I read your post to my wife. She was in tears, and almost choked at "time to feed the polar bears." So, yesterday, on her way home, she had to stop by Kroger for a few things, and your post was fresh in her mind. She was on the lookout for BREEDERS!

Found 'em!

She said there was a Duh with a seven year old boy. They were standing in the Italian aisle. He was on the phone to his wife, just staring at the spaghetti. She said the conversation sounded like "What? What is it. I can't remember. Oh, spaghetti! Is that what it's called? Well, which one? There are so many!" Apparently, this guy had never seen the inside of a grocery store, nor had he even bothered to figure out what he ate at home. You wonder how a brain that small could generate the electricity required for the one erection that produced his son.

The pasta aisle, aka the exotic bird cage. All those colorful boxes with exotic names like Angel Hair, Linguine, Bucatini, and Fettuccine. He should have just stuck to the green box with the straight noodles in it. Maybe his brain fart wouldn't have set off the carbon dioxide detectors.

Oh, DW is going to have apoplexy when I read her this one!

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kidlesskim

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KABA

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nathanomir
Kaba, I thought you'd appreciate this one.

Tuesday night, I read your post to my wife. She was in tears, and almost choked at "time to feed the polar bears." So, yesterday, on her way home, she had to stop by Kroger for a few things, and your post was fresh in her mind. She was on the lookout for BREEDERS!

Found 'em!

She said there was a Duh with a seven year old boy. They were standing in the Italian aisle. He was on the phone to his wife, just staring at the spaghetti. She said the conversation sounded like "What? What is it. I can't remember. Oh, spaghetti! Is that what it's called? Well, which one? There are so many!" Apparently, this guy had never seen the inside of a grocery store, nor had he even bothered to figure out what he ate at home. You wonder how a brain that small could generate the electricity required for the one erection that produced his son.

The pasta aisle, aka the exotic bird cage. All those colorful boxes with exotic names like Angel Hair, Linguine, Bucatini, and Fettuccine. He should have just stuck to the green box with the straight noodles in it. Maybe his brain fart wouldn't have set off the carbon dioxide detectors.

The little fucker would have a sensory overload meltdown in the floral and balloon departments!

The word .. if it's a word ... DOOOOOOOOODDDEEE would have been evoked multiple times.

This is why I try to go to the grocery store the very second it opens at 7 AM. No children, in fact there is usually no one there at all. Bliss.