entry 374

A few months ago, someone here posted a rant about me, personally - not just about IVF - and I posted a copy of that rant along with a light-hearted response on my own blog. Frankly, your opinion (and that of the previous poster) regarding IVF is of no concern to me.

Infertile bloggers have been victims of hateful rants on this and other child-free websites on many occasions and most of the time, we resist engaging in debates over them.

I do, however, draw the line when you attack my friends. The blogger to whom you refer as "the most negative, hostile woman ever" is one of my dearest friends, and is high on my list of the kindest, most compassionate people that I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Trust me when I tell you that many, many people would agree. In a heartbeat.

So back off.

If I wanted to criticize you without even knowing you - just as you have done to me and to my friends - I might say that what you have written here puts you in the running for the Most Negative, Hostile Woman Ever. But perhaps I would be wrong. Perhaps you're a man.

It's unfortunate that you believe perfect strangers are incapable of empathy for their fellow human beings. But it helps me to understand why you're such an angry person.

For what it's worth, let me be the first "perfect stranger" to offer well-wishes to your close family member who is battling cancer, and to you and your family, as well.

If you wish to discuss my medical issues in greater detail, please feel free to email me. You know the address.

Oh waaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

I have empathy for all kinds of situations. I do NOT have empathy for sick bitches like yourself that create your own drama and wallow in it.

Sometimes, people just can't have a kid. Used to be that this would be accepted and folks went on with their lives, finding constructive things to do. Nowadays though, apparently every woman that can figure out how to spread her legs is entitled to have a child. What, the usual method didn't work? Go see a doc, he'll give you pills, shots, IVF, donor sperm, donor eggs, whatever it takes.. but you will have your Almighty Child.

So long as you can afford it. Oh wait, that's right, some costs get to be passed off to the insurance companies, and damn whoever's care suffers because of it.

Now.. any woman who goes through NINE cycles of IVF is a sick little drama queen who is obsessed with the attention she's getting and generally focusing on her own great tragedy to the exclusion of many more important things. She's made this clump of cells her number one goal, which is incredibly unhealthy mentally and emotionally. She knows it, but she does it anyway. Why? Because she feeds off the drama like a soap opera addict.

It is revolting to consider, but like a trainwreck, you just can't look away.

And being shitty to the people that are trying to see you through your escapades.. well yes, that does make you a hateful, negative bitch.

Just don't confuse hateful negativity with having the guts to tell it like it is.

sometimes nature knows best.. doctors are not supposed to act as gods.

a reasonable chance then if it doesnt work, thats it.. but then the ivf clinics want multi users, because it makes them a fortune.. thats all you are walking wallets.. god if you beleive in him, her,it, must have decided you werent suitable to have a child.. if you dont beleive.. then nature says there must be something wrong and that there are things in your DNA that says nah..

so god and nature agree,

how much money have they spent on their 9 tries.. how many kids in need of good homes have died or been abused since you started.. think on that..

being obsessed about having your own dna running about is sick in the head.. as with all obsessions that are taken to the extreme.. think about others apart from you.. for once in your life.. and think about other children in desperate need of homes..

Yeah, extreme obsessions like getting all frothy at the mouth over something you choose to read when apparently you have enough hell going on in your life is a little sick in the head. And I am not talking about the Hardscrabble blogger.

Not being negative either, just telling it like it is (wink wink)

It's more than a little arrogant to come to this page and ask someone to back off. This is a childfree page. People are going to disagree with others taking extraordinary measures to have a child. This is a surprise to you?

Your friend accused a nurse of being "incomprehensibly stupid." This is a person who is trying to HELP you, and yes, this remark was petty and mean.

Rather disingenuous of you to come here under guise of defending your friend, when you are really trying to stir up shit. YOU started the last war by POSTING THE LINK TO THIS PAGE when someone wrote a rant that was critical of you. How did you even find the rant. It appears you are a frequent reader of this page.

The original rant on this page DID NOT LINK YOUR JOURNAL, nor did this person troll your blog. There was nothing "light-hearted" about your posting the link to this page in response. The response was predictable; a bunch of Moos and torqued-up-on-hormones WannaBes descended on this page. A description of that sordid mess is here:

http://bratfree.com/blog/index.php/2005/04/03/so-im-a-stalkertroll-now/

I don't give a shit about what someone rants about. I'll skip the psychological ruminating over someone's personality. The point is, this person was not trolling your journal or asking others to do so. It's rampant insecurity to seek out each and every person who disagrees with you and to ask them to stop doing it, especially when they are leaving you alone.

Oh, yeah, and about "the most negative, hostile woman ever." I read her blog at one time because I am a DES daughter. I have learned a lot about DES from her blog, but we part company because she's obsessed with her inability to carry a child and she won't move on. You would think that she would be happy because she has a surrogate carrying her precious DNA. The Blessed Event is about to happen any minute, yet she is progressively losing her shit.

But woe to anyone who criticizes her because she is THE GODDESS to the infertile sheeple.

She fancies herself a female Hemmingway with her affected writing style: "The pregnancy, it is over. The time, it grows near. The news, it is not good." The blog, it sucks a big one. However, she has pulled her archives because she says people plaigarize her blog. Now there's a laugh! If I'm gonna copy something, I'd pick Dooce, who can at least write and is funny as hell. I'd leave the schlock alone.

Not long ago, someone asked why formerly infertile women who now have kids continue to wallow in their infertility. Of course, she disagreed and stated these woman have a right to feel that way. They can call themselves "formerly infertile" and continue to wear that badge of suffering. Prolonging their victimization is so the answer to this problem!

The inability to carry a child is the least of the DES daughters and mothers' concerns. DES increases the risk of breast and uterine cancer in DES mothers. My own mother had this, and my sister's best friend, who was also a DES daughter, died of clear vaginal cancer at age 17. Her own parents tried for 8 years to have a child and were unable to do so until DES came along.

I loved my sister's friend too, but was it really worth it to put her through misery because her mother HAD TO have HER OWN baybee?

its the guilt trip, oooh i have a hard life, i have this problem, someone people wallow in self pity, rather than getting on with the job.

So, Danae, I read the latest, where your latest IVF round (number 9, is that correct?) resulted in your getting pregnant for the first time. However, you miscarried at around week 6.

I'm just wondering what you'll do now. In your blog, you were very critical of your therapist. You derided her because she was childfree and she suggested you accept a childfree life. Newsflash for the clueless: Her childfree status doesn't mean she's not giving you good advice, which you are PAYING FOR. If you refuse to adopt, and you have almost bankrupted yourself, it seems like coming to terms with your lack of a child is a sensible alternative. In fact, you'd probably get the same advice from a PNB. A Breeder will just whine with you and take your money every week.

I find it interesting that you are so hostile to the childfree, when it appears you read this page regularly. Childless or childfree are probably your best hope for friendship. Do you think your friend, Grrrl, will want to hang with you now that she's a Mommie thanks to surrogacy? (That's another one who is overly-enamored with her genes.) Watch her do the Baby Powder and disappear. Soon, you won't understaaaaaannnnnnd how haaaaaaaaard it is and how she *has to* hang with other Mommies from now on.

Maybe you'll be bitching with the rest of us when you realize that non-parents, however they got that way, are relegated to third-class status, after chyyyldruuuun and The Ones Who Breed Them. Instead of exhausting yourself, your finances and probably your marriage in pursuit of a chyyyyld, perhaps you'll come to your senses and realize it's a fucked-up life you just dodged.

S'Yeah, I'm dreaming.

Jeez Louise Ms. Wonka, did this Hardscrabble woman turn you down or something?

Jeeze Guest, did you come here just to troll?

Guest, cram it, okay?

I'm *discussing* Hardscrabble's post. I did not post it on the main page; I am responding to a topic that SHE started.

I am genuinely curious about people who are desperate to have kids. A lot of them are hostile to the childfree because we represent Giving Up. The very thought is anathema to most of them. maybe because they are on that treadmill and they won't get off.

I suspect the childless are shit on by the rest of society, almost as much as we are. Oh yeah, Hardscrabble will probably get a reprieve because she almost bankrupted herself to have kids, but I wonder how long until the Mommies will start crowding her out. Most of them do. Moo-women can be vicious, self-centered bitches, so wrapped up on Moo-hood that they can justify all kinds of behavior to those who Just Don't Understand.

I know the looks of pity I get when people assume I don't have kids because I can't have them.

***A lot of them are hostile to the childfree because we represent Giving Up. The very thought is anathema to most of them. maybe because they are on that treadmill and they won't get off. ***

How do we represent giving up? There was nothing for me to give up! Granted, there are SOME CF who have come to that way via infertility, but I really don't picture someone going through 9 treatments as ever being Childfree. Biologically Childless, but not childfree.


***I suspect the childless are shit on by the rest of society, almost as much as we are.***

Not even close. They may be hyper sensitive to the outpouring of sympathy, and eventually get sick of people looking at them like they are a victim, but people are not viciously nasty and mean to infertile women. Then again, I know several infertile women who are perfectly fine playing the victim and wallowing in the pity that everyone gives them.