Rude remark.. or just another form of Bingo?

I was reading another forum (not posting just reading) and there was a discussion about some woman needing to produce her own DNA replicas after the age of 40. So the topic went to the overpopulation and then the adoption topic. The DNA proponants attacked the adoption issue with "no parent can ever love an adopted child as much as they would love their own"
The poster had several people who agreed with this remark.
As an adopted child who was loved by her parents (I call them parents plain and simple because they WERE the ones who raised me.. and I have no need or want to find out my bio parents) I found this remark so insulting.
My dh wasn't adopted and his parents were never parents to him like mine were to me. They were not loving and supportive and, though he was raised to be polite (as most of us were back in the day) they never spent time with him or EVER told him they loved him. My parents were very loving and always there for me.
I know others here were adopted... so how do you all feel?

You not the only one that took offense to that remark. That remark sounds like a bingo to me.

Like you, I know many people who were adopted and have great relationships with their adopted parents. I also know many people who have shitty relationships with their biological parents.

The DNA proponants are going to have a rude awakening when their sprogs reach adulthood.

My ex was adopted as an 8 year old. When I met him, he was almost 30 and he had the most supportive, loving, present, and respectful parents that a person could have. He talked to one of them almost daily. We moved together into a place that needed....ahem....some repairs because we were poor graduate students. We had a burst pipe in the middle of the night and his parents drove 3 hours to come and help us as he had a defence the next morning.

My parents...my biological parents? They expected me to pay back for the upbringing before I even exited the teens.

Don't mind the breeders on that site. They are just being their shallow, hateful, short-visioned, selfish, and perfectly irrelevant selves. They want to justify their mindless biological replication and adoration of the child-self. We all know that biological bonds don't always translate to love. We know it. And they know it. Think of them as 12 year olds who want to excuse their mindless behaviour. That's probably the maturity level of the average breeder.

Heh.. wasn't even a breeder site. We were supposed to be discussing things not even related to kids...but they always sneek in there. Breeder thought processes will always puzzle me.

Saying that is just trying to justify their own selfishness in creating a DNA replicant at an age where said replicant could suffer physically for it. It is also a LIE. It is an insult to anyone who isn't exactly like them. My Sister and BIL have two adopted daughters and there is no way they could love their kids any more if they were replicants. They are much better parents than our parents were, and we are replicants.

Of course it could be that these people are so incredibly selfish that they see everyone in the world as being as emotionally stunted as themselves. Much like the idiot who wrote the article saying no parunts could possibly love their pets after their chyld was born. They are without anything approaching normal human empathy and range of emotion so they assume, selfishly, that THEY are the norm, when in fact they are a psychological train-wreck.

Believe me... I know they're wrong. Of all the adopted kids I have known through my life...ALL of them have very loving parents who would do anything for them. It's just another element of breeder stupidity. I knew I wouldn't win any argument soI just kept quiet... and came over here to share another way in which these breeders can't take their heads out of their arses.

The problem with breeders is that they mistake lust for love - they think that so long as one burns with lust for a child, then its morally acceptable (!!) to crank out cuntstains by the dozens.

Yet if a married couple adopts a child and really loves that child, well, its not good enough.

This is why breeders are so fucked up in their fucking heads. They don't know any goddamned better.

Everytime I read something like that makes me want to beat the shit out of those ignorant fools.
What everyone said here is right. They're nothing but a bunch of people seriously enamored with the idea of 'own flesh and blood'. Everyone wants to have one of those. People who think like that normally have a 'No matter how I treat my kids, I'll always be their mother' mindset. Yes, just because you pushed them out of uterus, you have a free pass to do anything.
I find such remarks seriously offensive. Almost on pair with racist remarks. Make me ashamed of being in the same species as those people sometimes.

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"Don't you know how to deal with children?!"
"I don't like animals who act on instinct."
I think you're on to something Akihiko.

Is that spouse she's planning on procreating with a cousin, or does she just not love him?

My family, my village, my clan, my race - they really sound like a bunch of narrow-minded bigots when you expand it a little more. You don't have to love everybody, but you should be open to the idea of loving anybody.

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starlady
I was reading another forum (not posting just reading) and there was a discussion about some woman needing to produce her own DNA replicas after the age of 40. So the topic went to the overpopulation and then the adoption topic. The DNA proponants attacked the adoption issue with "no parent can ever love an adopted child as much as they would love their own"
The poster had several people who agreed with this remark.
As an adopted child who was loved by her parents (I call them parents plain and simple because they WERE the ones who raised me.. and I have no need or want to find out my bio parents) I found this remark so insulting.
My dh wasn't adopted and his parents were never parents to him like mine were to me. They were not loving and supportive and, though he was raised to be polite (as most of us were back in the day) they never spent time with him or EVER told him they loved him. My parents were very loving and always there for me.
I know others here were adopted... so how do you all feel?

I think that is only true if said parents are selfish idiots who don't care about children as much as they care about their own ego of getting to say, "My gonads work!"

I wasn't adopted, but I can tell you intelligent adoptive parents love their children plenty.

Those statements say a lot more about their lack of empathy and humanity than they do about being an adoptive parent.

Breeders are all the same---dumb as a box of rocks. Finding an intelligent breeder is like finding a needle in a haystack. Don't let it get to you. You know your parents Starlady. These online breeder trolls don't know jack!

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"I have found little that is 'good' about human beings on the whole. In my experience most of them are trash, no matter whether they publicly subscribe to this or that ethical doctrine or to none at all."
~Sigmund Freud

I am not adopted and I don't personally know anyone who is. However, I do know several people who have bad relationships with their biological parents, myself included. I often feel closer to people outside of my family.

It's just another selfish, pitiful excuse they use to justify having to bring their own DNA replica into the world.

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"Be yourself, no matter what. Some will adore you, and some will hate everything about you, but who cares?

It's your life. Make the most out of it."

When I was a kid, my wish was to be adopted by a loving family. I have two good friends who were adopted, and they were loved and raised properly by their parents. One of them out of curiosity, found her bio-moo. Who then went on to steal my friend's husband. She moved back to her parent's small town, and is now happy. Someone who goes through all that is required to adopt, very likely will provide a more adequate home than someone with an oops child. Just my humble opinion.

It's not 'getting to me' At my age... and considering I grew up in the time when parents sometimes didn't even tell their kids they were adopted.. I've heard all the teasing. I have heard 'your real parents didn't love you ' comments. This was the first time I've heard 'Adopive parents can't love as much as real ones' crap. It's just silly minds in the breeder world. I just thought it was interesting so I thought I'd post here for discussion.

Adoptee here. I've known since I was old enough to understand the concept. My parents are absolutely my parents. I have never had a moment where I didn't feel loved, wanted and cherished by my parents. They selected me! A few years ago my husband and I decided to take to trip to see where I was born. It's in a foreign country (outside of U.S.) and in a region that's a bit hard scrabble, poor, and not too forward thinking. Anyway, I told the parents of our plans. They immediately assured me they would support me fully if this trip was somehow about me finding my "real parents." I was actually surprised at their reaction. I truly have never had any interest (or stated any interest) in finding the woman who pushed me out of her vagina or the man who dumped his sperm in said vagina. Those people are not my parents. They are nothing to me. So, off we went on our adventure. It was a revelation to me. Very happy we went. As soon as we got home, I phoned my parents and thanked them profusely for adopting me. My reality would have vastly different if I had remained a child of my birth country. Anyone who believes I (or any other adoptee raised in a loving home) have less of a bond with my folks because I came into their lives differently is an idiot and not worth the time of day. So there!

I feel the opposite way. I feel that people who produced a child will have a more difficult time loving the child than the one who was adopted. Why? Because having a baby is easy. Adopting is not. In the face of adversity, for love to prevail, It must be genuine love. Mind I did not say that biological parents cannot love their children, it's that their love is more implied than the love of an adopted child. It is assumed. Whereas it isn't for an adopted child. I'm having difficulty being able to explain it but I think I'm onto something.

My best friend at primary school was adopted. Her parents doted on her, and I think they would have been very offended at the suggestion that they didn't love her as much as their biological child. They had a bio son a few years later, but he was intellectually disabled (I won't use the t-word they were absolute PNBs and they did everything to try and ensure that he lived a normal life, he has a job in a supermarket and lives independently). Probably, there was a reason that they'd had trouble conceiving, because when they did, they had a child with disabilities, but they never let him behave badly any more than they did their "normal" child. And they never pushed the care of disabled sibling on to my friend either.

Adopted parents here in the UK go through a long, arduous process. They have every aspect of their lives looked into, and pried upon, to check if they will be suitable. They have to pass parenting classes, they have to wait for a suitable child to be found, and even then, a lot of adoptions don't happen for various reasons, so prospective adopters can have their hopes dashed many times before they are able to adopt. Adoptive parents are educated upon, and sign up to, the potential pitfalls and the not so Kodak parts of child rearing.

I wish we could make people who desire their own children go through the same process, to be frank. A fertile Myrtle can go get knocked up any time, and need not have any prior knowledge of parenting, or to have thought the decision through as to whether it will be beneficial to the child to be brought into the world at that time and in that situation. You can't adopt if you are an addict, a criminal, financially unstable, or have certain life limiting health conditions. But if you happen to be fertile, no sense of responsibility required - you can knock one out and expect the state to take care of you, and the sprog.

Adoptive parents make the conscious decision to become parents, for the most part. No oopsing, no "lets use the pullout method and leave it to Fate". Anyone with fertile eggs and sperm can make a new life, there's nothing frickin miraculous about it. What is a miracle these days is parents who enter into parenthood consciously and responsibly and who undertake to do a bloody good job of it and raise a decent human being. Biological relationship not required for doing that, sorry breeders.

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catharsist
I feel the opposite way. I feel that people who produced a child will have a more difficult time loving the child than the one who was adopted. Why? Because having a baby is easy. Adopting is not. In the face of adversity, for love to prevail, It must be genuine love. Mind I did not say that biological parents cannot love their children, it's that their love is more implied than the love of an adopted child. It is assumed. Whereas it isn't for an adopted child. I'm having difficulty being able to explain it but I think I'm onto something.

I think I understand you and I agree.
I always felt like I was the roommate who showed up one day and wouldn't ever leave, like somehow I had overstayed my welcome. This was confirmed when I was a teenager when my parents sat me down and said they still loved me but they don't like the person I am becoming. Like I could just become someone else if they complained about it...
This was my mom's work, she is either borderline or narcissistic, spends all her time reacting and spinning reality to be someone else's fault.

I still say like comes before love, and whatever obligation oriented caring they had left for me was just that, an obligation. They didn't choose me, but you never know who's going to come out of your vagina, one of many reasons I am childfree. I don't think my relationship is lacking any random strangers who shit themselves.


I know two adoptees. One who was emotionally abused by his adoptive parents, but has never seemed to wish to find his bio donors. The other was adopted by some moderately well off people who probably treated him well enough, lots of money allows easier parenting. But he is a mess, went searching for his bio donors, pines for them, has issues with his adopters, and is a pathological liar. Spinning stories all the time, not quite like my mother, but similarly. Made the mistake of spending a few years of my life with him. What an ego destroying gaslighter!
I could never understand him, I would have loved to be picked out on purpose!

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starlady
I was reading another forum (not posting just reading) and there was a discussion about some woman needing to produce her own DNA replicas after the age of 40. So the topic went to the overpopulation and then the adoption topic. The DNA proponants attacked the adoption issue with "no parent can ever love an adopted child as much as they would love their own"
The poster had several people who agreed with this remark.
As an adopted child who was loved by her parents (I call them parents plain and simple because they WERE the ones who raised me.. and I have no need or want to find out my bio parents) I found this remark so insulting.
My dh wasn't adopted and his parents were never parents to him like mine were to me. They were not loving and supportive and, though he was raised to be polite (as most of us were back in the day) they never spent time with him or EVER told him they loved him. My parents were very loving and always there for me.
I know others here were adopted... so how do you all feel?

Like you my adoptive family was MY FAMILY. I would though have liked to find my bio-family because that would have made my many doctor's jobs much easier.

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Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

I wish I was adopted so I could say I'm not related to my mother by blood. I don't personally know anyone who is adopted (or if they are, they didn't tell me so), but there are plenty of people who have shitty relationships with their bio parents. Most people who choose to adopt want to be parents for the right reasons; they don't want to create an unnecessary life (or have given up trying instead of spending a million dollars on IVF) and know they want a child. It doesn't have to be a biological by-product of THEM fucking. Plus there is the price tag; getting knocked up and sluicing can easily be done (sometimes for free if Medicaid is involved), whereas you've got to cough up five figures to buy a child from an agency from the get go.

I don't mean to use money as a reason, but the point I'm making is adoptive parents generally have given more than one second of thought to being parents, they don't feel biological kids are superior, and they can obviously afford to raise a child. That's a lot more than most people who breed the old-fashioned way. Of course, there will always be an exception or two - there will always be someone who buys a child and proceeds to abuse or neglect it to death while kissing the bio kids' asses. But there are also plenty of breeders who abuse, neglect, and sometimes kill their biological offspring. Plenty; there's probably a news story every single day about someone hurting or murdering their kids, or letting their Fuck of the Month do so.

And what about cases where the parent doesn't know their child is not their biological offspring? Like times when the "father" is not actually the father? I don't think this happens really anymore, but what about cases of babies being mixed up at birth? Even if it's just temporarily and Moo boob-feeds or coos over someone else's loaf without realizing it's not hers? Surely that mommy-child bond isn't too strong when you can't tell the difference between your loaf and a stranger's loaf.

Someone who can't love an adopted child (assuming the child is relatively sane) because they did not give birth to it themselves is someone who wants or has children for the wrong reasons. If you want children that badly, then you will want a child, regardless of whose vagina it came out of.