Prudie: But-but-but Second Wife doesn't love my kids!

Quote

Q. Stepmother: My second wife has always gotten along well with my kids from my first marriage. Since our marriage, she became a typical mom who cooks healthful meals, frets over safety, and plans fun activities. However, I overheard her whispered telephone conversation with her mother about how she never really loved my kids. She said her heart is not in it and she's only cared about them because she loves me. She said she feels guilty admitting this but all the nice things she ever does for my kids is out of obligation, not love. I'm not sure how to discuss this issue with her as there's nothing to fault with how she treats my kids.

A: Good for your wife for faking it so well that neither you nor the kids have gotten a hint that she's anything but a fully enthusiastic second mother to them. What you heard was the equivalent of your stumbling on her diary. One thing that makes life interesting is how complicated and surprising people are—even the ones we think we know best. So you have found out that your wife struggles with the fact that because of her love for you she has to try to be a mother to your kids, a role that does not come easy to her. I hear about too many second wives who either openly make the first family unwelcome or subtly undermine the father's relationship. Your wife has wholly embraced her obligations and is making a delightful home for your kids. That should make you appreciate her all the more. Don't say anything about the overheard conversation. But a few weeks from now, after perhaps a long and exhausting weekend with your children, tell her how much you appreciate what she does for them. Say that you know being a stepmother can be thankless, so you wanted to thank her what she does. (And also make sure that your children express their appreciation to her. Not in a rote or obsequious way, but because you are training them to be grateful to anyone who goes out of their way for them.) Years down the line, she may discover that as far as your children are concerned at some point—she can't even put her finger on when—she found her heart fully engaged.

Quote
JoJo
Run, stepmother, Run! Get out now before you're dealing with mouthy teenagers and the Duh won't back you up.

Quote
Dorisan

Quote
JoJo
Run, stepmother, Run! Get out now before you're dealing with mouthy teenagers and the Duh won't back you up.

Exactly.

They'll turn into typical mouthy teens, step-mom will turn to her husband in expectation that he step up to his responsibility, and he'll guilt her with "well, if you luuuuved them, they wouldn't act like this."

Quote
Zzelda
FOR FUCKS SAKE!!!

The woman is doing the best she can and acting and showing love and care!!!

I almost think this is a fake letter.

Most Duhs would be more than happy with a new care taker.

The wording makes me think it's fake - "cooks healthful meals, frets over safety, and plans fun activities."

What Average Duh uses such wording?

Ima guess this whole letter is 'made up'.

And what Duh even cares if New Cow "loves" them, anyway? He'd be happy as a pig in shit just to see the kids taken off his hands / babysat / taken care of.

This is wholly BS / very likely FAKE.

Forget kids - most men don't care if a female "loves" them or not - as long as she's fuckin and cookin - he's all good.

Healthful? Frets? Average Duh does not use these words. These are English Major words. And Average Duh would be MORE THAN HAPPY that some deluded fool is minding their kids.

BULLSHIT!!! :BS :BS :BS

eyes2

Quote
yummynotmummy
This duh just needs to be bloody grateful. So what if she doesn't love them, one day she might decide she does, but it takes time for a family relationship to develop like thatwhen you don't have the biological tie that seems to make people utterly blind to the fact that their kids are a pain in the ass. If she's kind to them and likes them that's perfectly fine.

This is why dating single duhs suck, they are always looking for a replacement. They aren't content to take you for who and what you are.

Quote
spinstar
I'm with Zzelda. It's so extremely rare for people to correctly the word "healthful" to describe food or behaviors rather than the much more common "healthy." It's possible that this guy is real and happens to be a writer by trade, but even then coming up with the word "fret" rather than worry...I just don't know. Also, how many grown men are going to write to an advice columnist looking for guidance on "how to discuss this issue" with someone? I wonder if Prudie wrote this letter herself.