Toughest Job in the World

Toughest Job in the World

Saw this on my FB newsfeed. Posted by none other than a new mom who has a pretentious blog. I can think of at least a billion other tough jobs that are actually real.

Mooooooooo. You'd think they were like FORCED to have brats. You mean they weren't? Sorry bitches: :bedmadelie

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What is a home without children? Quiet. ~Henny Youngman

I don't want people who want to dance, I want people who have to dance. ~George Balanchine

"I took the batteries out of my biological clock and put them in my vibrator"

Oh, those moos and duhs actually are forced to have kids! Most people don't know this, but when moos and duhs do their mating rituals, sometimes a baby's spirit appears with a glock and puts it to their heads. It goes something like this:

DUH: Ooooooh, Moomoo! Now that we've shoved a few baseball bats into there, I can finally feel something!

MOO: Mmmmm, yeah, now you're not quite throwing your little vienna sausage down a wind-tunnel. ...Hey, what's happening?!

DUH: Oh, no!!!

**A WILD SPIRIT BABY APPEARS AND PUTS A GLOCK TO DUH'S HEAD**

SPIRIT BABY: TAKE THE FUCKING CONDOM OFF, NOW!!!

DUH: WHOA! Calm down, man! Everything's cool, just be calm!

SPIRIT BABY: I'LL BE CALM WHEN YOU SHOOT THAT DEFECTIVE SPERM INTO HER SHRIVELED EGG FACTORIES!!! DO IT, NOW!!!

DUH: Okay, man, it's done! ...And I think I wet myself...erm...her...ummm...

And now you know where teh babbys come from!

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byrdistheword
Oh, those moos and duhs actually are forced to have kids! Most people don't know this, but when moos and duhs do their mating rituals, sometimes a baby's spirit appears with a glock and puts it to their heads. It goes something like this:

DUH: Ooooooh, Moomoo! Now that we've shoved a few baseball bats into there, I can finally feel something!

MOO: Mmmmm, yeah, now you're not quite throwing your little vienna sausage down a wind-tunnel. ...Hey, what's happening?!

DUH: Oh, no!!!

**A WILD SPIRIT BABY APPEARS AND PUTS A GLOCK TO DUH'S HEAD**

SPIRIT BABY: TAKE THE FUCKING CONDOM OFF, NOW!!!

DUH: WHOA! Calm down, man! Everything's cool, just be calm!

SPIRIT BABY: I'LL BE CALM WHEN YOU SHOOT THAT DEFECTIVE SPERM INTO HER SHRIVELED EGG FACTORIES!!! DO IT, NOW!!!

DUH: Okay, man, it's done! ...And I think I wet myself...erm...her...ummm...

And now you know where teh babbys come from!

Pleas make this into a children's book!

OK CFers, please tell me this comment came from one of you.

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But what about angel moms? Bereaved mothers of stillborns, miscarriages, etc? Because we have nothing to show for our labor of love, society forgets our sacrifices, dedication, grief, selfless love, and having to keep our childrens memory alive because they have no legacy to leave for themselves

Because if this load of :BS is real I want OFF of this world and I want off NOW!!:smn

Three fucking degrees.

The ability to lay on your back and take a load up your cunt and then nine months later shit out a human is not three degrees.
Even pay and print online scam degrees require the ability to type in your payment details, which is more than can been said for breeding.

What a load of balls.

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"Pro life childfree" is just another way of saying parent minus 9 months.

This was on my facbook newsfeed as well. It made me throw up in my mouth a little bit.

Honestly, I find this shit insulting. It literally makes me want to punch someone. "Degrees in medicine, finance and culinary arts necessary", because putting a band-aid on a booboo, managing your WIC bucks/food stamps and making macaroni and cheese are comparable to having a MD, managing multiple corporate accounts, and working as a gourmet chef.

"Hardest job in the world" my ass. Moo-bitch sits at home playing farmville all day, getting mani-pedis and living off the government assistance programs funded by my ass and the ass of other men and women who are out there working jobs that really are difficult (or her wallet duh).

I love how our culture celebrates the mundane. Do something that 6+ billion other people on this planet have done! Don't better yourself! Don't accomplish something! Don't be creative! Don't follow your passion! Just shit a loaf and you're OMG Suuuppper Spesssial - working "The Hardest, Most Important Job IN THE WORLD!". Never mind that there are 6+ billion other people on the planet who are fighting for limited resources. And with 6+ billion other humans, and moo bitch's limited accomplishments - if it went by economic supply and demand, well there is a lot of supply of humans (especially humans that don't do shit and just sit on their ass popping out shitloafs) one unaccomplished moo is worth very little. What has she contributed except another mouth to shove already dwindling resources into.

I'd wager that even my job is harder than a shamooo's. I have to entertain clients on a constant basis, think on my feet and be able to conduct myself in a professional, appropriate manner at all times. I have a boss to answer to, and I have a number of clients who could easily pick up and leave if they find someone they like better than me.

My job can be mentally draining, stressful and it requires a lot of creative thinking. This, just to keep people coming back so I can keep making money to pay my bills.

I can't believe how much tripe comes out just before Moother's Day about how they are CEO's, doctors, chefs, etc. etc. ad nauseum. Anything to make them feel oooh sooo important so that they don't feel as if they've thrown their lives away.

I say, BED MADE LIE bitches! Nobody forced you into sluicing, and it ain't a paying job. Just ask any cockroach who has done it behind a dumpster!

Idiots like this demean people who have REAL tough jobs and especially those who have tough, dangerous jobs.

I put Moo on par with a minimum wage job. It's typically unskilled labor and scut work. There is nothing special about those jobs that makes it so anyone could do it. And I say that as someone who has worked plenty of minimum wage jobs, so I'm certainly not being elitist. A moo's "skills" are equivalent to flipping a burger at McDonalds or running the checkout at Walmart. That's it.

And in that situation, moo is being paid her minimum wage because she has someone else -- Wallet or Taxpayer -- who is providing moo with a roof over her head, food in the fridge, utilities, cell phones, computers, and all of life's amenities. She is being paid, because she's bartering sitting on her ass for having everything in her life paid for by someone else.

So, moos don't deserve a salary whatsoever, because they're already getting a free ride. It's much easier to sit on your ass at home and let someone else pay the bills, than it is to go out and actually earn the money it takes to finance their lifestyle. That's what gets me. They actually think they should be paid.


Haha, this sounds like it could be one of our members:

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Avatar
Heather • 5 minutes ago

• Degrees in medicine, finance and culinary arts necessary
Let's start making these mandatory before people can procreate now.

If Moo fucks up the whole process of raising kyds she may ruin one or two people (okay maybe one or two dozen if we are talking duggars...)

If an engineer fucks up one little detail of a huge project he/she could annihilate whole cities...


Whose job carries more responsibility again...???

A Subway sandwich artist contributes more to my life than any stranger moocow.

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"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny

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A moo's "skills" are equivalent to flipping a burger at McDonalds or running the checkout at Walmart.

Whoa, whoa, let's not get carried away here. Those jobs are too hard and demanding for Moos, they can't stay more than 90 minutes before begging to leave early or take a three hour lunch because Keighliegh or Zakurayus has the sniffles or is 'having a bad day' at school. Yes, I have heard that last one used before.

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Miss_Hannigan
A Subway sandwich artist contributes more to my life than any stranger moocow.

larious

I love how at first the people were all "what kind of shitty ass bullshit job is this?" until they learned it was motherhood and then they broke out into smiles. "Oh right, it's just cunt work. Okee dokee then!"

Guys, if you're trying to sell loaf shitting with this, you're doing it wrong.

Well don't this just make me want to get knocked up immediately; no days off, no pay, requires 3 degrees but the "upside" is I get the occasional hug/card? These Moos are some seriously delusional people if they think that will sell the life script. eyes2

Honestly, one should have a couple of degrees before they're allowed to procreate. That would vastly open up job options and would stop the whole thing of giving parents endless financial aid just because they had kids too early when there are plenty of non-parent students that would benefit from aid.

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"Why children take so long to grow? They eat and drink like pig and give nothing back. Must find way to accelerate process..."
- Dr. Yi Suchong, Bioshock

"Society does not need more children; but it does need more loved children. Quite literally, we cannot afford unloved children - but we pay heavily for them every day. There should not be the slightest communal concern when a woman elects to destroy the life of her thousandth-of-an-ounce embryo. But all society should rise up in alarm when it hears that a baby that is not wanted is about to be born."
- Garrett Hardin

"I feel like there's a message involved here somehow, but then I couldn't stop laughing at all the plotholes, like the part when North Korea has food."
- Youtube commentor referring to a North Korean cartoon.

"Reality is a bitch when it slowly crawls out of your vagina and shits in your lap."
- Reddit comment

"Bitch wants a baby, so we're gonna fuck now. #bareback"
- Cambion

Oh whatever. Abortion doctors are crimestoppers."
- Miss Hannigan

The job description should also include:

Training required: none
Report to: no one
Accountability: none.
QA standards: none