I see an oopsie coming...Soon...

I am huge supporter of open communication in all relationships. But, it seems to me that Wendy Will-I-am-an-ass show is not on the same side of that issue. This is exactly why I am a huge supporter of the male birth control:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CNHwhHWPoQ

This is the kind of subject that often grinds my gears. Why is that people like Wendy think it is OK to oops to have a bay-bee?

If the husband mentioned in this video had one kid to Try To Have One and See What Happens (R) and he did not like what has happened, why is he on the hook to have another one? Because he promised? Why can't he not say that he had one and now that he knows how it is, he is not interested in any more?

Unfortunately, for the husband in question, his only way out is OUT. He needs to go. If he stays, whatever is coming to him, he has asked for it.

Every now and then, here on Bratfree, there are questions posted about whether it is OK to get sterilized without the partner knowing. My personal stand on this issue is a big YES. One does what they want with their own body and there is absolutely no need from anybody to be signing a permission slip. I also advocate getting out of ALL relationships that demand breeding - getting fixed should just be a first and foremost step. Living in a pro-natal society that we live in, there is no other way but fight fire with fire. CF person will not get support from pro-breeder surrounding and if fighting dirty is what it takes to stay CF, then I am all for it. This video is just an example of how our society thinks - it is OK to oops! Therefore, it is OK to "oops" and get snipped.

I am a hundred percent for either the man or woman being able to get sterilized without spousal consent or notification. What I can't grasp is why any man or woman with a teeny amount of self respect would want a spouse or even a fuck buddy who cared more about them than an imaginary person. That seems like dysfunction all the way around.

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evilchildlessbitch
I am a hundred percent for either the man or woman being able to get sterilized without spousal consent or notification. What I can't grasp is why any man or woman with a teeny amount of self respect would want a spouse or even a fuck buddy who cared more about them than an imaginary person. That seems like dysfunction all the way around.

100% agree. There are, however, a few instances where such move may be a good way out. In some cases, 2 "CF" people get together and one changes their mind and now wants kids. In other cases, 2 wanna breeds get together and one of them changes their mind and no longer wants to breed. In any case, I think a CF person should have a right to be CF - promises or not - I think anybody who wants to be CF should be allowed to be CF. If sterilization is what is going to insure it, then I am all for it. This may sound mean and unethical, but I side with the CF under most circumstances

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Techie

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evilchildlessbitch
I am a hundred percent for either the man or woman being able to get sterilized without spousal consent or notification. What I can't grasp is why any man or woman with a teeny amount of self respect would want a spouse or even a fuck buddy who cared more about them than an imaginary person. That seems like dysfunction all the way around.

100% agree. There are, however, a few instances where such move may be a good way out. In some cases, 2 "CF" people get together and one changes their mind and now wants kids. In other cases, 2 wanna breeds get together and one of them changes their mind and no longer wants to breed. In any case, I think a CF person should have a right to be CF - promises or not - I think anybody who wants to be CF should be allowed to be CF. If sterilization is what is going to insure it, then I am all for it. This may sound mean and unethical, but I side with the CF under most circumstances

Well yes, of course they have a right to be CF at all costs. I just don't see how they could want to remain in a relationship with a person who only wants to breed. No fault divorce takes care of this. Everybody has a way out. They actually don't need a reason to file.

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evilchildlessbitch
I just don't see how they could want to remain in a relationship with a person who only wants to breed.

I am not able to explain that one. Best advice is to ditch the wanna breeder yesterday. I just look at a simpler side of things. If someone wants to be CF, they must be responsible for their own birth control, under all circumstances. If they must lie to be able to use their own birth control, then be it. Our society offers zero support for the CF people. When a TV show says it is OK to oops, all bets are off. TV shows like that are alarming and a wake up call to those who forgot what real world entails. Anything goes. Just my 2 cents.

I was thinking, what if some dude got up in the middle of that show and said that he is fixed and he is proud to be in control of his own body. I highly doubt that the breeder crowd would be clapping their hands.

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Techie

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evilchildlessbitch
I just don't see how they could want to remain in a relationship with a person who only wants to breed.

I am not able to explain that one. Best advice is to ditch the wanna breeder yesterday. I just look at a simpler side of things. If someone wants to be CF, they must be responsible for their own birth control, under all circumstances. If they must lie to be able to use their own birth control, then be it. Our society offers zero support for the CF people. When a TV show says it is OK to oops, all bets are off. TV shows like that are alarming and a wake up call to those who forgot what real world entails. Anything goes. Just my 2 cents.

I was thinking, what if some dude got up in the middle of that show and said that he is fixed and he is proud to be in control of his own body. I highly doubt that the breeder crowd would be clapping their hands.

Sadly, A lot of idiots (including breeders) do what the media tells them to do. So if a talk show host says to oops a SO, the same idiots will do so. Kind of shows you how breeders don't think outside the box, but we already knew that.

I agree that being CF gets little support. I grew up in the rural south knowing exactly 0 CF people. I am a huge advocate of all people being 100% responsible for their own birth control. I find oppsing repulsive but I also find the reverse repulsive. I was engaged to a wannabreed. Our families were good friends. It was hard to walk out of that relationship with not wanting to breed being a primary reason. I guess I just expect more from a CFer than to be a dishonest whiny baby who can't or won't stand up and be CF to the person they sleep with. Plus, there is the whole factor that this means they are likely having unprotected sex with somebody they think is sleeping around which puts them at risk for disease themselves. I DO understand what you are saying, but I also think CFers are better than this sort of trashy breeder behavior. Unless a man or woman is raped, then they are continuing to fuck a wannabreed and if they are claiming to be OK with making a baby when they aren't they are just liars.

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evilchildlessbitch
I find oppsing repulsive but I also find the reverse repulsive.

Being that oopsing for a baybee is considered OK by the breeder mainstream, I cannot help but promote the opposite. Both are bad, but in the "reverse oopsie", wanna breed can still go out and breed - plenty of breeders - there is no permanent damage. In a forced birthing, lives are ruined forever. Which one is worse? I think forced birthing is.

I agree that CF people should not be having sex with wanna breeds. But CF people don't always know - breeders at times put on a good front and play the game dirty. CF person maybe lied to and they have no clue - it happens. For CF guys, it can be rough - if she gets prego - he may have no way to avoid parenting. You see, if a CF person dates another CF person and that other "CF" person "changes their mind" - oopsie can happen - wanna breed media will approve.

Wanna breeds and breeders get tax breaks, WIC, welfare, mooternity leave, employer perks, so on. I personally do not worry a single bit about what happens to breeders and wanna breeds. They can get butt hurt all they want - that is how I know they did not get a usual freebie.

This is appalling! So instead of talking about it like 2 adults, the wife is just going to make the decision and "oops" him? Fucking disgusting!

In terms of sterilization, I think both men and women should be in control of their bodies and not have to get a permission slip from the OH.

When someone enters a relationship with another person it is implied that the relationship is between TWO people and is sort of like at-will employment in that either party can terminate at any time. Oopsing someone violates that contract by adding another human being AND extending the length of the relationship (or some form of a relationship) to at least 18 years. Actually it extends the length of the relationship with the unwanted 3rd party (child) to a life sentence, which is unforgivable.

What would be comparable on the other side would be if two people got married with the agreement that they would have kids and one of the parties was lying the whole time because they never wanted kids and had already been sterilized. This scenario is particularly comparable if the spouse who really wanted the kids didn't find out for many years and/or was no longer fertile by the time they find out, or never found out. Whether we agree with their mentality or not, that wanna-breed person would consider their life ruined.

Both situations royally suck and I would despise anyone from the depths of my being for even considering either of the above courses of action towards someone they supposedly care about.

Bottom line is that the default social contract for a relationship is NO KIDS and the default social contract for a marriage IS KIDS. If someone wants to do something outside this social norm that is perfectly ok, but they should ASK and reach an AGREEMENT.

All that being said, regardless of what people should do, some people will violate the social norms. But we know this.Therefore, it is clear that we need to do whatever we can to protect ourselves and our lifestyle of choice. If someone is CF- get sterilized or be hyper diligent and proactive about birth control. I don't see any reason to keep sterilization or birth control a secret, though. If you're afraid someone is lying to you about being CF, telling them you're sterilized is one great way to find out in a hurry. There just doesn't seem to be any point in "trapping" a wanna-breed by hiding the truth. What CF person wants to end up with someone who is constantly whining about their childless existence?

Furthermore, if the spouse/partner started off CF and changed their mind, they've made a fundamental change in who they are and it is time to move on. If your spouse came out as gay late in life would you want to stay married and exclusive or would you want both parties to move on and try to find more compatible mates? Yes, it royally sucks when relationships don't work out, but that is life.

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keeper of traken
This is appalling! So instead of talking about it like 2 adults, the wife is just going to make the decision and "oops" him? Fucking disgusting!

In terms of sterilization, I think both men and women should be in control of their bodies and not have to get a permission slip from the OH.

Well, the video is a representation of what an average stay at home mom watches during the day when her husband is out and working.

Video does not encourage any sort of discussion. Video does not address financial challenges that another child would bring. This video actually shows that when it comes to breeding, only breeding matters.

I support an open discussion between partners. However, the world that we live in does not always make it possible. I have heard way too many stories where what started out as a CF marriage ended up a breeding fellowship because of several "accidents".

The husband needs to either get his own place or go live with a relative for a while. There is no need to be putting up with ANY of this. He needs to make it clear to her that there will be NO MORE bay-bees. She needs to learn that if she keeps pressing on, not only will she not get another kid, she will be a proud single mom to the one that she already has. Communication has to be clear and firm. By him moving out will indicate that he means business and that he will stop at nothing. If he wants to get snipped, time is good after he moves out. If she changes her mind and becomes ok with one kid after her husband drops the hammer, he can come back, but he must tell her, there WILL NOT be any surprises.

Getting fixed without her knowing is much like taking a turn down a dead end street. At some point, he will be right where he started. If she keeps pressing on for bay-bee and cannot get knocked up, she will demand a sperm test - truth will then be known. It is much easier and cheaper to grab the bull by its horns NOW and battle it out. If the relationship was to end because of it - fine, it was going to end anyways if she is not flexible with the number of kids.

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Techie

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evilchildlessbitch
I just don't see how they could want to remain in a relationship with a person who only wants to breed.

I am not able to explain that one. Best advice is to ditch the wanna breeder yesterday. I just look at a simpler side of things. If someone wants to be CF, they must be responsible for their own birth control, under all circumstances. If they must lie to be able to use their own birth control, then be it. Our society offers zero support for the CF people. When a TV show says it is OK to oops, all bets are off. TV shows like that are alarming and a wake up call to those who forgot what real world entails. Anything goes. Just my 2 cents.

I was thinking, what if some dude got up in the middle of that show and said that he is fixed and he is proud to be in control of his own body. I highly doubt that the breeder crowd would be clapping their hands.

That is why I did a version of burning my bra *snicker* and let every one in fuck-land know about it. Only difference is the bra is on and the REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM in in the fire in some medical waste disposal. It's just too bad more of us can't do this in mass, it would be a hell of a way to get government and public attention for the CF and the rights of the HUMAN not to be an incubator!

:sam

+++++++++++++

Passive Aggressive
Master Of Anti-brat
Excuses!

@Benry. Very many good points you have mentioned. One of the things that I would like to add to is coming out as gay later in life. I think it relates to "coming out as CF" later in life.

Not all gay people know that they are gay until later. Some suppress their desires because of their upbringing, culture, etc. I think CF people find themselves in a similar situation, but, I think CF people are MORE LIKELY to end up in such situation because there is little to no education about child freedom.

Here is what can happen. A CF person grows up feeling that kids are not for them. CF person is constantly and continuously told that EVERYONE feels this way when they are young, but, EVERYONE changes and wants kids at some point. Well, we, here at Bratfree know that it is the biggest line of bullshit in its miserable existence. A CF person gets married and simply assumes that they too will change because EVERYONE says that they will. CF person later finds out that they do not want to change and they are simply not able to accept the idea of parenting to keep a relationship going. Yes, the marriage started out as a breeder marriage. Yes, it will likely come under fire and battles will have to be fought. But, I see no reason why CF person is at fault. They are a victim of a circumstance. Chances are, CF person wanted no harm for the wanna breeder. If the wanna breeder has wasted their time and possibly lost their fertility, I cannot say that I feel right about that. But at the same time, I really do not think that CF person is to blame here. We have ZERO education about CF. It is very likely that CF person had no idea they were CF and it is very likely that they simply did not look or research because they DID NOT KNOW to look. When all the stuff around us is all about bay-bees and breeding, what would give someone an idea to question that?

Now, if CF person knew they were CF, knew about CF lifestyle and PURPOUSELY got together with a breeder and wanted to change them, CF person only gets what they deserve.

Here is what I struggle with. When a CF relationship begins to come under fire because one of the people in it changed and wants to breed, nobody attacks the wanna breed with a pitch fork and a shovel like they attack CF. Somehow, CF is the bad one. I may sound off as biased in the CF favor and I very much am and I will not hide that. But I have my reasons. If a wanna breed relationship is compromised because one party no longer wants to breed, CF person is a villain. If a CF relationship is compromised because someone wants to breed, CF person is a villain. Somewhere, someplace, somehow, the scale needs to tip the other way or we will continue to get hell. We are not bad people and we should have the same rights that wanna breeders have.

OMG I just watched the video and any woman who cheered that this person should oops her husband (including the host with her huge ass fake tits) needs to be boiled in oil immediately.

The woman was all like, "he promised me we would have two kids." If it's that important to you, divorce him, but don't oops him.

You know if the situation were reversed and the woman had one and didn't want any more--suppose she had a difficult pregnancy--everyone would (rightfully so) be all over the man for wanting to force his wife to have another baby. Where is the outrage?

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bell_flower
OMG I just watched the video and any woman who cheered that this person should oops her husband (including the host with her huge ass fake tits) needs to be boiled in oil immediately.

That would be like 80% or more of the audience. If we simply just told everyone who cheered on to leave the room, there would be no show because there would be hardly anyone remaining.

The scary thing is that people on the show is the representation of what kind of audience watches that kind of shows. Who knows, some of those people may end up on Maury Povich show.

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bell_flower
The woman was all like, "he promised me we would have two kids." If it's that important to you, divorce him, but don't oops him.

You know if the situation were reversed and the woman had one and didn't want any more--suppose she had a difficult pregnancy--everyone would (rightfully so) be all over the man for wanting to force his wife to have another baby. Where is the outrage?

I could see an outrage on some other show, but after seeing this, my opinion about Wendy Williams and her audience, well, it is not very high.

WTF is with that host's facial expressions? Looked like she was squeezing a turd in her dress when the woman asked her about stopping birth control.. I think it is immoral to do that to one's spouse.

I was appalled that so many women in the audience clapped in agreement about tricking the husband. It just goes to show that men HAVE to take control of THEIR own bodies and get the snip if they don't want any (more) kyds. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

The default should ALWAYS be NOT to have kyds if one partner doesn't want it. If a child is born to a parunt who doesn't want it, that child will grow up knowing it. It isn't fair to the partner who was oopsed, and it isn't fair to the kyd, either. Unfortunately, in our society, breeding IS the default. No matter if it's conceived under lying, nefarious circumstances. All that matters is ZOMG Baybeee!!!!!

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Techie
CF person will not get support from pro-breeder surrounding and if fighting dirty is what it takes to stay CF, then I am all for it. This video is just an example of how our society thinks - it is OK to oops! Therefore, it is OK to "oops" and get snipped.

This x1000. Besides, if you really want to split hairs, getting snipped on the d/l is far less treacherous than oopsing someone-- with the ninja-snip, there's no innocent victim or legal issues. All parties can just walk away, no harm done aside from wannabreeder butthurt.

Any lurking fucksticks foaming at the mouth over this thread can go take a bath in lava. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU think "oopsing"-- creating a living, sentient being to use as leverage against someone else, for your own selfish desires-- is okay! That's psychotic, pure and simple. People exterminate animals every day for way less, such as defending themselves.

Stupid humans.

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Techie

Here is what can happen. A CF person grows up feeling that kids are not for them. CF person is constantly and continuously told that EVERYONE feels this way when they are young, but, EVERYONE changes and wants kids at some point. Well, we, here at Bratfree know that it is the biggest line of bullshit in its miserable existence. A CF person gets married and simply assumes that they too will change because EVERYONE says that they will. CF person later finds out that they do not want to change and they are simply not able to accept the idea of parenting to keep a relationship going. Yes, the marriage started out as a breeder marriage. Yes, it will likely come under fire and battles will have to be fought. But, I see no reason why CF person is at fault. They are a victim of a circumstance. Chances are, CF person wanted no harm for the wanna breeder. If the wanna breeder has wasted their time and possibly lost their fertility, I cannot say that I feel right about that. But at the same time, I really do not think that CF person is to blame here. We have ZERO education about CF. It is very likely that CF person had no idea they were CF and it is very likely that they simply did not look or research because they DID NOT KNOW to look. When all the stuff around us is all about bay-bees and breeding, what would give someone an idea to question that?

This scenario is one of many reasons I'm stoked about the existence of this board. I got lucky and figured myself out early without knowing that CF is actually a "thing" and that there are other sane people out there. But someone else who is blindsided due to all of the crazy distractions life has to offer can avoid just this kind of mistake with the visibility and affirmation provided by sites like this one. up

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Techie
I may sound off as biased in the CF favor and I very much am and I will not hide that. But I have my reasons.

What's this, now? I think everyone would be appalled if you DID hide it!

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Techie
If a wanna breed relationship is compromised because one party no longer wants to breed, CF person is a villain. If a CF relationship is compromised because someone wants to breed, CF person is a villain. Somewhere, someplace, somehow, the scale needs to tip the other way or we will continue to get hell. We are not bad people and we should have the same rights that wanna breeders have.

Take heart, it seems like CF is increasing in visibility all the time. Sure there are bitches out there like the ones in the video, but social change, once it starts, can gain momentum fast. Maybe not fast enough to prevent harm that has occurred in our pasts, but hopefully fast enough to prevent bitches like the ones in the video from cluttering up the entirety of all of our futures.