Please Help!

Ok, so I know none of you can actually help me with the fact that my boss decided to bring his feral brats to work today, but can anyone explain to me WHY both a 6 year old and an 8 year old would still feel the need to speak with a fucking lisp? Is that at all necessary after, say, age 3?

Just for fun, here's a run down of what they've done so far:
1. Tore through the office 30 or 40 times, screaming
2. Trashed the conference room by tearing books off the shelves and leaving books, trash, and random arts and crafts crap all over the table and scraps of paper on the floor (I'm leaving the mess for my boss to clean up)
3. Made stupid hideous signs to post on people's office doors and posted them without permission
4. Barged into my office every 15 minutes to ask stupid questions like, "can I have some water pwease" when the water cooler is RIGHT THERE outside the door (why are they asking ME anyway?)
5. Barged in again to ask which tap on the cooler was for cold water (SO tempted to tell them "the red one, though maybe you should run your face under it for a few seconds first, just to make sure")
6. Interrupted my phone calls 4 MORE times just to lisp "Hi" at me (I ignored them)
7. Changed the lobby radio station and turned the volume up so loud I couldn't hear the client I was speaking to on the phone (I yelled at them)
8. Dumped an entire glass of water into my trash can because it "didn't taste wight" (yelled at them again)
9. Tried to do it again with a different glass of water (MORE yelling)
10. Interrupted my writing by lisping at me to ask if I could show them how to play their stupid i-pad games, which are designed for 4 year-olds (NO, absolutely fucking NO)
11. Interrupted my writing AGAIN by lisping at me that they need a charger for their stupid mini kydz i-pad (NO- why the fuck would I have that size charger?)
12. Filled 3 more glasses of water and didn't drink them, but left them around the office (at least they didn't dump those in the trash again after I yelled at them the first two times)
13. Just generally constant noise with their stupid loud lisping at each other and playing loud i-pad games (it's no wonder the battery was running low, they had the volume set at 50 decibels)

When my boss left for lunch a few minutes ago with his spawn in tow, he whispered, "sorry, its been a stressful day" and I just replied, "YES, YES IT HAS."

The thing that blows my mind is these cretins aren't even TRYING to be bad. How could anyone put up with this shit all day, every day? Especially if they've got some of the evil-tempered ones?

I know, preaching to the choir, here......

If it happens agin move your desk in front of the door, after you trip the breaker for the office radio.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

We have quite a few around where I live(South Central Kentucky)with the "lisps" you are referring to. Although some of that is just probably habit because parents encourage it because it's kewt, much of it is a hereditary physical speech impediment caused by upper palate malformation caused by inbreeding. There's an entire extended famblee living in these mountains, probably 12-14 of them,(an exact number is difficult because they look so much alike) and they ALL have that same impediment causing them to lisp and talk through their noses, as well as they all have unusually large foreheads and eyes spaced far apart like a rabbit too..

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

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kidlesskim
There's an entire extended famblee living in these mountains, probably 12-14 of them,(an exact number is difficult because they look so much alike) and they ALL have that same impediment causing them to lisp and talk through their noses, as well as they all have unusually large foreheads and eyes spaced far apart like a rabbit too..

Sasquatch and Big Foot do have human relatives - I knew it. LMAO

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kidlesskim
We have quite a few around where I live(South Central Kentucky)with the "lisps" you are referring to. Although some of that is just probably habit because parents encourage it because it's kewt, much of it is a hereditary physical speech impediment caused by upper palate malformation caused by inbreeding. There's an entire extended famblee living in these mountains, probably 12-14 of them,(an exact number is difficult because they look so much alike) and they ALL have that same impediment causing them to lisp and talk through their noses, as well as they all have unusually large foreheads and eyes spaced far apart like a rabbit too..

larious

Their foreheads are pretty large, but their eyes are normally spaced, I think, so its anyone's guess.
I wonder if it would be impolite to ask my boss whether his rodents are inbred? Its hard to believe anyone would encourage this sort of thing. :drool

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Techie

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kidlesskim
There's an entire extended famblee living in these mountains, probably 12-14 of them,(an exact number is difficult because they look so much alike) and they ALL have that same impediment causing them to lisp and talk through their noses, as well as they all have unusually large foreheads and eyes spaced far apart like a rabbit too..

Sasquatch and Big Foot do have human relatives - I knew it. LMAO

They ARE quite large, especially the women. In fact, most all of the women indigenous to this area are BIG women as well as obese. Even when I wear heels most of the women in this area tower over me and I'm dwarfed by their shadows. Although many of the mountain men are big too, just about as many are tiny little men in stature and all of them have paired with and like the bigger women too. They take the phrase, "I like a woman with meat on her bones" quite literally.

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If YOU are the "exception" to what I am saying, then why does my commentary bother you so much?
I don't hate your kids, I HATE YOU!

My sympathies.

Ah, Summer. My experience has been that these situations often arise then, and it sounds like you are stuck in the middle of some gender-fueled fight. Because school is out, Moo is sick of watching her justification to stay home/Little Mystakes and demands that Dud "do his share" by watching the kids so she can have a "mom day" or some crap like that. They are too cheap to hire a sitter, so Dud takes his kids to work, where he can't be arsed to watch them. Workers pay the price.

Kids do not belong in an office where people are trying to work.

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When my boss left for lunch a few minutes ago with his spawn in tow, he whispered, "sorry, its been a stressful day" and I just replied, "YES, YES IT HAS."

Only difference is, Dud gets to go home with them and you don't. :beer

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benry

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kidlesskim
We have quite a few around where I live(South Central Kentucky)with the "lisps" you are referring to. Although some of that is just probably habit because parents encourage it because it's kewt, much of it is a hereditary physical speech impediment caused by upper palate malformation caused by inbreeding. There's an entire extended famblee living in these mountains, probably 12-14 of them,(an exact number is difficult because they look so much alike) and they ALL have that same impediment causing them to lisp and talk through their noses, as well as they all have unusually large foreheads and eyes spaced far apart like a rabbit too..

larious

Their foreheads are pretty large, but their eyes are normally spaced, I think, so its anyone's guess.
I wonder if it would be impolite to ask my boss whether his rodents are inbred? Its hard to believe anyone would encourage this sort of thing. :drool

If you don't really care about working where you are working, by all means, ask. LOL

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thom_c
If it happens agin move your desk in front of the door, after you trip the breaker for the office radio.

Good suggestion. One of 'em just turned the radio back on, but isn't even listening to it because he's back in the conference room doing questionable things with a stapler (I can hear them yelling about it, but have not bothered to check on the carnage).

Them:

Me: wink

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bell_flower


Only difference is, Dud gets to go home with them and you don't. :beer

Good point! smile

And the next time he tells me he will be bringing them I will be sure to bring my "kyds" (two rather untrained and exuberant medium-large dogs) in too.

Poor wittle baybees shouwdn't be lewft at home awl alone eithwer!

What a fucking shit circus. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, benry. Is there any way you can move to a quieter space?

I can't stand children who are "behaving", either. At least if the little fuckers are pitching a tantrum, -most- parents will try to get them to shut the fuck up. WHY breeders think I'll be fine with hearing their little cretins shriek with joy but not with angst is beyond me - it's the same damn eardrum getting pierced!

I had a boss who was obsessed with everyone else's dogs. He loved it when everyone would bring their dogs into work. They would inevitably *shit* on the carpet and I'd have to suffer through the workday breathing in
dogshit fumes. His favorite was a minpin named Lola. He would randomly take off his shoes and socks to let Lola lick his feet.

I think we can all agree that work needs to remain a place for work and the rest of the bullshit needs to stay at home.

How in the hell is this in any way professional? If I came into an office and saw that kind of shit going on I'd be leaving ASAP. Sorry you have had such a day from hell!

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law
What a fucking shit circus. I'm sorry you have to deal with that, benry. Is there any way you can move to a quieter space?

Thanks!

Well, there's always the unemployment line... :chug

Nah, there's probably even more feral screeching loaves over there. :bawl

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stillwaters
I can't stand children who are "behaving", either. At least if the little fuckers are pitching a tantrum, -most- parents will try to get them to shut the fuck up. WHY breeders think I'll be fine with hearing their little cretins shriek with joy but not with angst is beyond me - it's the same damn eardrum getting pierced!

Thank you! I have that same discussion with my mom about her grandbrats all the freakin' time. "Happy noises" is what she calls it. Gag.

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stillwaters
I had a boss who was obsessed with everyone else's dogs. He loved it when everyone would bring their dogs into work. They would inevitably *shit* on the carpet and I'd have to suffer through the workday breathing in
dogshit fumes. His favorite was a minpin named Lola. He would randomly take off his shoes and socks to let Lola lick his feet.

I think we can all agree that work needs to remain a place for work and the rest of the bullshit needs to stay at home.

I am little embarrassed to say I would love that kind of office because I'm obsessed with dogs too. BUT, fantasies about my dog's running wild on those kids aside, since I work in a professional environment, I would NEVER, EVER bring my dogs to work. Even when I worked as a dog groomer years ago at a shop where we were allowed to bring our pets I STILL didn't bring my dogs because I didn't want them bothering anyone while they're trying to work. It just common courtesy.

Urgh, kids do not belong in workplaces. You have my sympathies!

They’re six and eight? At that age I would have been expected to sit there quietly and read a book or something. Even my brother, who was a terror as a kid, would have been told to sit down and shut up. None of this running free range around the office screaming like a retarded banshee and trashing the place.
And ZOMG I hate that fucking lisp! It’s not cute. Not cute at all.

I was warned before the oldest nephew was even out of diapers to never EVER make fun of any speech impediment he or his brother MAY have. Because their dad had one his whole life until a minor surgical correction in his teens fixed something.
I asked if it was the tongue attached too far forward thing, I don't remember what it's called, but my husband doesn't know the details.
Sure enough, eight years down the road, both of these nephews talk like they have a mouthful of rocks. But they appear to be imitating moomy's baby talk more than anything. And I've seen the older one stick out his tongue before so I don't think that's the problem...

Is speech therapy such a blow to self esteem these days? I know the younger one is getting help for the autism he doesn't have, surprisingly there are no kiddy checks being collected and a lot of denial... The older one is on a ton of ADD meds.
I remember getting taken out of class with all the special ed types, speech therapy for most of them, but catch up work for me since I got bumped up to first grade early.
I just wonder WTF they do in school these days...

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benry

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kidlesskim
We have quite a few around where I live(South Central Kentucky)with the "lisps" you are referring to. Although some of that is just probably habit because parents encourage it because it's kewt, much of it is a hereditary physical speech impediment caused by upper palate malformation caused by inbreeding. There's an entire extended famblee living in these mountains, probably 12-14 of them,(an exact number is difficult because they look so much alike) and they ALL have that same impediment causing them to lisp and talk through their noses, as well as they all have unusually large foreheads and eyes spaced far apart like a rabbit too..

larious

Their foreheads are pretty large, but their eyes are normally spaced, I think, so its anyone's guess.
I wonder if it would be impolite to ask my boss whether his rodents are inbred? Its hard to believe anyone would encourage this sort of thing. :drool

Are those the Melonheads I've heard so much about? I know they live in small communities all over the states, one which happens to be my home state of Connecticut.