Mom wants me to be a welfare whore

I had a recent discussion with my mom and I was telling her I got my work contract lengthened for another half a year but after that I’m not sure how things will go. I was expressing general worry about my financial situation. She just started dropping hints about some people she knows who have emigrated to Northern Europe and got help from the state immediately after they crapped few kids. They are making the ends meet, no luxuries but at least you can have kids because states pays and that’s the most important. She told me she cannot understand my worry and refusal to crap out kids invoking financial reasons when I live in a welfare state.

Not long ago she was freaking out that me and my sister have to go to university and have top grades because we must build a future. Now she doesn’t give a crap I’m doing my second MA and got a part-time job in my field (which is very difficult to get), she admitted she would like if I just dropped everything, have a chyyld and live on welfare money plus what DH brings.

I didn’t say anything anymore after that because the more I talk on this subject with her, the more disappointed I get. I knew she is grandbrat rabid but this bad?

Both my parents were very poor and they always fought very bad about money. I had to listen to those fights everyday and feel the consequences of living in a poor family. Going on welfare is just a temporary solution, it won't get you out of poverty and it won't definitely help you in the long run. It seems that my mom's mentality goes along the lines: if you haven't managed in life by 30 then you are a failure unless you have some brats...any effort you do to develop yourself after that is in vain anyways.

Some women's brain seem to go awire then babbies are concerned. Even more so potential grandmoos.

They just go
"BABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBY BABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBY BABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBY BABBY BABBYBABBYBABBY BABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBYBABBY"
Repeat.

My mother had been cured from this when I told her, straight out, that if I would get pregnant I would get an abortion (she is, sadly, pro-liar). She stopped.
Try this with your mother, it may work.

Don't believe it has anything to do with finance though. For this kind of people, EVERY excuse is good to crap kids.
"I have some financial worry"
"Crap a baby! (So you can have welfare money)"

"I have trouble with my partner"
"Crap a baby! (Because babbies bring people together)"

"My life is good right now"
"Crap a baby! (So you will be even happier)"

"I am having health problems"
"Crap a baby! (Or you may not able to in a little while!)"

See the leimotif? It is ALL about crapping babby. That is all.

_______________________

“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.”


― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove


lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.

Yeah...because dropping your education and career, saddling yourself with a totally dependent human and being dependent on a mayun and the taxpayer to pay your way works out really well for people.

Said no sane, sensible woman with a modicum of intelligence, ever.

I blame these outbursts on the environment though...all her friends, neighbours, colleagues have started getting grandbaybees. For some people is hard to be out of the herd and they say things like that. I'm trying to understand still how rabies can blind you so much not to think logically anymore.

I am so sorry you are going through this, blackpearl. I wish there was some advice I could give you that wouldn't involve you cutting your moo off for awhile. She is grandloaf-rabid and it doesn't sound like she's going to change her mind anytime soon. It doesn't sound like she has your best interest at heart, and if I were you, I'd just start distancing myself slowly.

For blackpearl:

Environment or otherwise, please start distancing yourself from her and that craziness...you deserve to live life the way YOU want to.

_________________________________________________________

Why live in a fishbowl, when you could be swimming in the ocean?

"She, and all other rabid breeders, are like crabs in a bucket headed to Red Lobster. When they see a smarter crab escaping, they try to pull it back in." - Miss Hannigan

"Yeah, that's what family is about - guilt tripping people into cleaning up someone else's mess." - mrs. chinaski

(Shameless blog promotion: http://popcornculturejunkie.wordpress.com/)

(Cornucopia of visual rantage: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCD78oSD27mzAlVzsB0q2ibA)

If your in the mood to prank her, get some American Redneck or British Chav type clothes.

Dress it up thick and then go visit. Tell her you're practicing to be a welfare mother and this is how they dress. speak in the appropriate uneducated speech patterns. Go hog wild (so to speak).

See if she gets the joke.

_______________________________________________
“There are three things all wise men fear: the sea in storm, a night with no moon, and the anger of a gentle man.”

Quote
mumofsixbirds
I am so sorry you are going through this, blackpearl. I wish there was some advice I could give you that wouldn't involve you cutting your moo off for awhile. She is grandloaf-rabid and it doesn't sound like she's going to change her mind anytime soon. It doesn't sound like she has your best interest at heart, and if I were you, I'd just start distancing myself slowly.

Agree with all of this. Very sorry, blackpearl.

It takes a child to raze a village.

Thanks you all! It is so good to have such place to come and vent frustrations. It is a breath of fresh air after the whole pressure and guilt I get.

I wouldn’t be so mad on the whole issue but here is the thing. My mom and whole famblee in general didn’t like DH at all when we started dating. We almost broke up two times because of my mom (she was talking only bullshit about DH, read our mail and even deleted some of his messages which were addressed to me, when DH came to visit, mom talked crap about him in her mother tongue so DH wouldn’t understand and generally having some shit to say about him all the time). What is worse…she and her friend (the bingoing woman I mentioned here) tried to hook me up with this woman's youngest son WHILE I was engaged to DH. (!!!)
But she suddenly changes her mind when she comes to visit me and DH…nice welfare country, house, car…ohh yes…now grandbaybees! eyes2

Quote
thom_c
If your in the mood to prank her, get some American Redneck or British Chav type clothes.

Dress it up thick and then go visit. Tell her you're practicing to be a welfare mother and this is how they dress. speak in the appropriate uneducated speech patterns. Go hog wild (so to speak).

See if she gets the joke.

Maybe i should really try that...ohh...and start asking her for money constantly and come here to take care of the kid and pay all the bills...because welfare is not enough Let's see how she would like that.

Your mum sounds very controlling blackpearl. Sounds like she needs to be given some very clear boundaries to adhere to, or the consequence of having you put some distance there if she violates them. Reading your mail?! Wow....

I don't think you have to cut off your mother, but you may have to change the way you talk to her and what you tell her. I have had to do this and some people I know have done it. It is really the only way other than cutting them off, to get peace from controlling family members.

I had to learn to not confide, ask for advice, or really look for support from my mother because she was critical of everything and did not care to listen to my side or understand my concerns. So I told her less and less of the Big stuff, and the conversations became more light and casual. If she started in on some topic that is off limits, I would say I'm all set with that, change the subject or find a reason to leave or hang up the phone with some excuse. These are the boundaries you set, but it starts with leaving the person out of your deeper personal life, your problems. It may feel like a loss, but there is no winning with controlling mothers unless you set those boundaries and keep them up.

Quote
blondie
I don't think you have to cut off your mother, but you may have to change the way you talk to her and what you tell her. I have had to do this and some people I know have done it. It is really the only way other than cutting them off, to get peace from controlling family members.

I had to learn to not confide, ask for advice, or really look for support from my mother because she was critical of everything and did not care to listen to my side or understand my concerns. So I told her less and less of the Big stuff, and the conversations became more light and casual. If she started in on some topic that is off limits, I would say I'm all set with that, change the subject or find a reason to leave or hang up the phone with some excuse. These are the boundaries you set, but it starts with leaving the person out of your deeper personal life, your problems. It may feel like a loss, but there is no winning with controlling mothers unless you set those boundaries and keep them up.

This!

I too had to learn not to seek any advice or support from my own late mother because of her overcritical and judgemental personality.

Set boundaries. If shit really hits the fan, you may have to distance yourself from her for a while.

I'm really sorry you have to go thru this! It must be especially frustrating knowing that it could all be so easy if only your mom wasn't so hell-bent on foisting her desires upon you.
I find it completely insane to tell someone to spawn and live off welfare, that's just not okay. Welfare is meant as that last resort when you're really really desperate.
I have a Chinese friend whose parents still live in China, and while my friend isn't married or coupled up they bingo her all the time because they want a grand-loaf. They even went as far as saying that they'd bring the loaf up and pay for everything. While that's beyond insane too they at least would pay for it. Maybe letting your relationship with your mom cool down for a while would be the best thing.

Quote
blondie
I don't think you have to cut off your mother, but you may have to change the way you talk to her and what you tell her. I have had to do this and some people I know have done it. It is really the only way other than cutting them off, to get peace from controlling family members.

I had to learn to not confide, ask for advice, or really look for support from my mother because she was critical of everything and did not care to listen to my side or understand my concerns. So I told her less and less of the Big stuff, and the conversations became more light and casual. If she started in on some topic that is off limits, I would say I'm all set with that, change the subject or find a reason to leave or hang up the phone with some excuse. These are the boundaries you set, but it starts with leaving the person out of your deeper personal life, your problems. It may feel like a loss, but there is no winning with controlling mothers unless you set those boundaries and keep them up.

This is a good tactic, i mean you can't really reason with a baby rabid person anymore and everything you ask is directed immediately to this subject.

One time my mom said that i should have a kid and give it to her to raise it. Nevermind she is on the brink of losing her job and past 50. Really?!?

I am sorry you are going through this. You are doing the responsible thing and congrats on getting a job in your field. I'm sure it's no small accident; you have the mobility and the time to devote to a job.

Having a child you can't afford is completely irresponsible. No thinking person would advocate such a thing.

Blackpearl:

I'm sorry to hear that but is your mother at all aware that at some point, those Northern European nations WILL run out of money for all those government freebies?

It wasn't too long ago that Sweden made the news about its healthcare funds running out.

If no one is paying into the system the money will dry up at some point. Next thing you know someone is asking for a bailout like Greece did......

Quote
selidororous
It wasn't too long ago that Sweden made the news about its healthcare funds running out.

...And we all know who's NOT going to have to pay more into the system. m
It's going to be us students, working CF or CL people like my boyfriend (who already pays about a third of his income in taxes every month) and the elderly.

I don't have low self-esteem. That's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else.
-Daria