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Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life
Posted by randomcfchick
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Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 15, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,629 |
I was talking to someone I knew in her pre-kid days, when we had art and theatre in common. She used to sing, act, and made some extra money as a nude model for life drawing classes sometimes. She appreciated all sorts of visual art, and was an stout advocate for art as expression.
I was telling her about a showing that's coming up in a small local gallery. We live in different states now, so I sent her links to a couple things by the artist so she'd get an idea of his work. The pieces in the showing will be black-and-white photography, mostly nudes. Some have an subtle erotic tone to them, some are matter-of-fact. He's quite good!
I'm used to talking art with her--composition, line, what makes something work (or not work), and so on.
Her comment: "Nice."
When I asked what she thought of a couple of specific pieces, she did comment something about "he knows how to use the page" ...but also that she doesn't "really spend much time on that kind of art, especially with kids around". Can't recall her exact words, but the general message was that, although she doesn't disapprove of nudes, she doesn't really go for that now that she has kids & hasn't discussed it in a while.
Sad. She doesn't even use that part of her brain anymore...and doesn't seem to want to!
I won't bother telling her about any other gallery stuff going on. Or any little photography expeditions I go on. Clearly she doesn't know what to do with grown-up art now. Another one bites the dust.
I was telling her about a showing that's coming up in a small local gallery. We live in different states now, so I sent her links to a couple things by the artist so she'd get an idea of his work. The pieces in the showing will be black-and-white photography, mostly nudes. Some have an subtle erotic tone to them, some are matter-of-fact. He's quite good!
I'm used to talking art with her--composition, line, what makes something work (or not work), and so on.
Her comment: "Nice."
When I asked what she thought of a couple of specific pieces, she did comment something about "he knows how to use the page" ...but also that she doesn't "really spend much time on that kind of art, especially with kids around". Can't recall her exact words, but the general message was that, although she doesn't disapprove of nudes, she doesn't really go for that now that she has kids & hasn't discussed it in a while.
Sad. She doesn't even use that part of her brain anymore...and doesn't seem to want to!
I won't bother telling her about any other gallery stuff going on. Or any little photography expeditions I go on. Clearly she doesn't know what to do with grown-up art now. Another one bites the dust.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 15, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,430 |
it always sucks to see that happen.. I would recommend at least trying to get her back into it and if that doesn't work then I would recommend finding some new company.|
Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 15, 2014 | Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 9,970 |
You'd think with bastards underfoot, a parent would be fuckin' aching to get out and have some adult company, conversation and entertainment rather than a night of screaming, shit and Spongebob. It really is sad when someone who had talent AND taste lets their brains stagnate to the point where they can't see life outside their kids.
I agree with catharsist. See if you can't poke her a little more and get her back into something she used to enjoy. Let her know that just because she's spawned doesn't mean she can't have adult interests too. It doesn't have to be all chicken nuggets and Dora the Explorer. But if she's determined to remain in her current state because spawning has turned her brain to mush, there's not much you can do except find a new friend. Maybe try again when Junior is in college.
I agree with catharsist. See if you can't poke her a little more and get her back into something she used to enjoy. Let her know that just because she's spawned doesn't mean she can't have adult interests too. It doesn't have to be all chicken nuggets and Dora the Explorer. But if she's determined to remain in her current state because spawning has turned her brain to mush, there's not much you can do except find a new friend. Maybe try again when Junior is in college.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 15, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,629 |
Yeah, I should probably give her a chance. From other conversations I can tell that kids have pretty much taken over her life and brain, but maybe some of the "old" gal I knew in school is still there, trying to breathe under a pile of Pampers.
If we were in the same town, I'd be totally trying to drag her out to do arty shit like she did before, but sadly that's not possible. I do know, however, that she regrets giving up theatre and singing. Theatre is tough to fit in around the edges, but I imagine it's simply not possible to work a show AND raise two small kids. Singing, though, seems like it would be more flexible (not a singer myself, so I may be wrong). Maybe I can prod her into that.
If we were in the same town, I'd be totally trying to drag her out to do arty shit like she did before, but sadly that's not possible. I do know, however, that she regrets giving up theatre and singing. Theatre is tough to fit in around the edges, but I imagine it's simply not possible to work a show AND raise two small kids. Singing, though, seems like it would be more flexible (not a singer myself, so I may be wrong). Maybe I can prod her into that.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 935 |
What does "especially with kyds around' mean exactly?
Like the kyds have access to her laptop so they can navigate to her email and this artist's website or whatever it is, and then they would be able to view nude photos? Just put a password on your damn computer. Problem solved.
Your friend/shell of a former friend? sounds like just another sancti-moomy who is now too good for the idea of nude photos or drawings of the body, too above that. Her nose is now in the air and she's just conveniently blacked out that part of her life when she too posed for nude drawings. I know she's your friend and all, so I don't want to be offensive to you, but it was posted here, so....it's just my opinion is what I want to say.
I don't get the sanctimony-after-spawning, either, because it just does not equate that if you pose for nude photos or posed nude for people in drawing classes that this somehow makes you a bad parent. Or that you're somehow exposing your kids to pr0nography.
And we've all seen plenty of attention-whoring cows on Yewwwww-tube who can't wait to get all naked and squirt out kyds in their home birfs for the world to gawk at. And they know damn well that kyds using moo or duh's computer can just click "yes" to 18 (if that even comes up on some of those vids) and then those pweshus chyuldwun can see all their nekkidness in all their birfing glory. So the sanctimony seems a little hypocritical, too.
Like the kyds have access to her laptop so they can navigate to her email and this artist's website or whatever it is, and then they would be able to view nude photos? Just put a password on your damn computer. Problem solved.
Your friend/shell of a former friend? sounds like just another sancti-moomy who is now too good for the idea of nude photos or drawings of the body, too above that. Her nose is now in the air and she's just conveniently blacked out that part of her life when she too posed for nude drawings. I know she's your friend and all, so I don't want to be offensive to you, but it was posted here, so....it's just my opinion is what I want to say.
I don't get the sanctimony-after-spawning, either, because it just does not equate that if you pose for nude photos or posed nude for people in drawing classes that this somehow makes you a bad parent. Or that you're somehow exposing your kids to pr0nography.
And we've all seen plenty of attention-whoring cows on Yewwwww-tube who can't wait to get all naked and squirt out kyds in their home birfs for the world to gawk at. And they know damn well that kyds using moo or duh's computer can just click "yes" to 18 (if that even comes up on some of those vids) and then those pweshus chyuldwun can see all their nekkidness in all their birfing glory. So the sanctimony seems a little hypocritical, too.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 379 |
The really sad thing is that this doesn't have to happen: two friends of mine are creative types (a graphic designer and a musician) with a house full of beautiful minimalist furniture, nice artwork and cool stuff like vintage toy robots, graphic novels, old stereo test demonstration LPs and manga comics. When they had twin boys none of this changed- instead of whacking up some Disney wallpaper they got some nice Ikea and Habitat stuff for their bedrooms and lots of creative toys and more cool robots. The boys got into drawing (and they were very good at it from an early age), reading, building complex giant robots from Lego, and are now learning to play instruments! They've been inspired by all this cool creative stuff around them and have developed a few new interests of their own.
They're actually very nice (and well-behaved) children, interesting to talk to and a real joy to be around, and the parents are still interesting and fun people too- if anything they have more in common with their children than most parents and they all have a lot of fun and get on well.
I wish more parents were like this- when some other friends had two daughters they started off quite funny and lively but now they're a bit older they insist on buying them endless piles of glittery pink princessy crap, they made them up a pink bedroom with pink fairy wallpaper, and now the girls mainly like to play with make-up and pretty dresses, and it's all a bit dull frankly. Also their house looks like it has been taken over by the children and that's never a good look.
I know parents have to make their children their priority but I think many of them take it too far and forget who they are in the process, so all that's left of their identity is "MOO" or "DUH". It's not good for them or for the children really.
They're actually very nice (and well-behaved) children, interesting to talk to and a real joy to be around, and the parents are still interesting and fun people too- if anything they have more in common with their children than most parents and they all have a lot of fun and get on well.
I wish more parents were like this- when some other friends had two daughters they started off quite funny and lively but now they're a bit older they insist on buying them endless piles of glittery pink princessy crap, they made them up a pink bedroom with pink fairy wallpaper, and now the girls mainly like to play with make-up and pretty dresses, and it's all a bit dull frankly. Also their house looks like it has been taken over by the children and that's never a good look.
I know parents have to make their children their priority but I think many of them take it too far and forget who they are in the process, so all that's left of their identity is "MOO" or "DUH". It's not good for them or for the children really.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 263 |
I bet part of it is that, with all the post-baybee changes, she'd never be able to do nude modelling again/doesn't have a body that she's proud of being seen naked, so that's why the touchiness and butthurt radiates out.
Not that you have to be a perfect body to be a nude model by any means -- art classes like interesting folds and stuff I'm sure -- but if she used to be proud of her naked body and now isn't, then that could make a big difference in her attitude about it.
It's just like all the sanctimonious cows who start clutching their pearls when they see magazines with swimsuit/lingerie models on the cover, or when girls at the beach are hotter than them and wear bikinis instead of frumpy one-pieces with the skirt.
Not that you have to be a perfect body to be a nude model by any means -- art classes like interesting folds and stuff I'm sure -- but if she used to be proud of her naked body and now isn't, then that could make a big difference in her attitude about it.
It's just like all the sanctimonious cows who start clutching their pearls when they see magazines with swimsuit/lingerie models on the cover, or when girls at the beach are hotter than them and wear bikinis instead of frumpy one-pieces with the skirt.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 2,212 |
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screaming sausage
The really sad thing is that this doesn't have to happen: two friends of mine are creative types (a graphic designer and a musician) with a house full of beautiful minimalist furniture, nice artwork and cool stuff like vintage toy robots, graphic novels, old stereo test demonstration LPs and manga comics. When they had twin boys none of this changed- instead of whacking up some Disney wallpaper they got some nice Ikea and Habitat stuff for their bedrooms and lots of creative toys and more cool robots. The boys got into drawing (and they were very good at it from an early age), reading, building complex giant robots from Lego, and are now learning to play instruments! They've been inspired by all this cool creative stuff around them and have developed a few new interests of their own.
They're actually very nice (and well-behaved) children, interesting to talk to and a real joy to be around, and the parents are still interesting and fun people too- if anything they have more in common with their children than most parents and they all have a lot of fun and get on well.
I wish more parents were like this- when some other friends had two daughters they started off quite funny and lively but now they're a bit older they insist on buying them endless piles of glittery pink princessy crap, they made them up a pink bedroom with pink fairy wallpaper, and now the girls mainly like to play with make-up and pretty dresses, and it's all a bit dull frankly. Also their house looks like it has been taken over by the children and that's never a good look.
I know parents have to make their children their priority but I think many of them take it too far and forget who they are in the process, so all that's left of their identity is "MOO" or "DUH". It's not good for them or for the children really.
Those friends of yours are likely true Parents... the one in the OP is just another breeder.
_______________________
“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.â€
― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove
lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 379 |
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t.
Those friends of yours are likely true Parents... the one in the OP is just another breeder.
I don't think there is a "true parent" vs "breeder" argument to be made- there are no "right reasons" to breed and having children is always selfish to some extent. I think the real issue is bad parents vs good parents- nobody needs to breed, but if people do insist on becoming parents they should at least make the effort to do it well. My friends didn't need to have children but they've done a good job of it so far and I can see their two boys growing up to become useful members of society.
Believe it or not I'm actually quite good with kids, I get on with them and they get on with me, and they behave when I'm looking after them. People tell me "you're a natural- you should have kids!" but I think this is precisely why most parents annoy me so much- raising children may be hard work but it isn't rocket science and I can't understand how so many parents can get it so wrong. I still don't fancy seeing if I can do better myself, mind you
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,430 |
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thundergirl85
I bet part of it is that, with all the post-baybee changes, she'd never be able to do nude modelling again/doesn't have a body that she's proud of being seen naked, so that's why the touchiness and butthurt radiates out.
Not that you have to be a perfect body to be a nude model by any means -- art classes like interesting folds and stuff I'm sure -- but if she used to be proud of her naked body and now isn't, then that could make a big difference in her attitude about it.
It's just like all the sanctimonious cows who start clutching their pearls when they see magazines with swimsuit/lingerie models on the cover, or when girls at the beach are hotter than them and wear bikinis instead of frumpy one-pieces with the skirt.
I agree here. She may just not be proud of her body anymore. If you TRULY want her back into the scene, you may have to use the good ol' cowtropes of "you earned your STRIPES!" "There is no normal!" "It's allll worth it!" To get her back in. Sometimes you just have to play their way.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 16, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,629 |
She wasn't skinny n perfect before, but life drawing classes tend to want a variety of body types with a variety of lines. It was just a way to make some cash before, nothing big. But yeah, I don't think she'd have the confidence to go back to it.
night owl, she meant that she doesn't have time for arty stuff, I guess. She isn't all OMGNEWDS HIDE TEH CHILDREN. But I think she's just living a different life...a life I'd say is just boring suburban mom. And nah, you didn't offend me. Sanctimony after spawning bugs me, too. I know people who've dropped entire sections of their lives because "parents can't do that" and basically have NO adult activities in their lives--no alcohol, no adult art, no kinky sex, no adult dinner parties or cocktail parties. I'm watching this one to see if she goes that route. I think in her case it's that she's dropped her arty hobbies, and is trying to shove some arty things into parenting, but it's not gonna scratch that itch in the long run. She's already let slip some comments about missing singing, but that there's no time because children. I am hoping it'll be easier for her to carve out time for herself once the kids are past the horrid, savage early years.
night owl, she meant that she doesn't have time for arty stuff, I guess. She isn't all OMGNEWDS HIDE TEH CHILDREN. But I think she's just living a different life...a life I'd say is just boring suburban mom. And nah, you didn't offend me. Sanctimony after spawning bugs me, too. I know people who've dropped entire sections of their lives because "parents can't do that" and basically have NO adult activities in their lives--no alcohol, no adult art, no kinky sex, no adult dinner parties or cocktail parties. I'm watching this one to see if she goes that route. I think in her case it's that she's dropped her arty hobbies, and is trying to shove some arty things into parenting, but it's not gonna scratch that itch in the long run. She's already let slip some comments about missing singing, but that there's no time because children. I am hoping it'll be easier for her to carve out time for herself once the kids are past the horrid, savage early years.
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Re: Another example of the kidded-down, dumbed-down parent life September 17, 2014 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 1,227 |
Sadly, it happens a lot. Most of my children friends, even those I'd say were PNB, have much smaller, narrower lives than they used to.
It's usually the women, too, that have to compromise on their hobbies and interests. Most of the duhs still go to the pub and play sports, but the women usually give up or restrict their lives much more. A woman who objects to her husband going to the game, playing football or going to the pub with the lads is a nag, and the men would say he was pussywhipped if he went home early or missed the game for famblee activity.
I'm pretty sure this is yet another reason I never wanted the childed life. The only cultures I've seen where the whole thing seems to be a bit more equal is the Scandinavian countries and the Netherlands, but no matter how hot the men are, the sight of one wearing a baybee is always going to be a turnoff for me. Still, I'll give them a bit of credit for not, in general, being Og types and actually getting involved in a bit more of the dirty work.
It's usually the women, too, that have to compromise on their hobbies and interests. Most of the duhs still go to the pub and play sports, but the women usually give up or restrict their lives much more. A woman who objects to her husband going to the game, playing football or going to the pub with the lads is a nag, and the men would say he was pussywhipped if he went home early or missed the game for famblee activity.
I'm pretty sure this is yet another reason I never wanted the childed life. The only cultures I've seen where the whole thing seems to be a bit more equal is the Scandinavian countries and the Netherlands, but no matter how hot the men are, the sight of one wearing a baybee is always going to be a turnoff for me. Still, I'll give them a bit of credit for not, in general, being Og types and actually getting involved in a bit more of the dirty work.
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