Home
>
The Living Room
>
Topic
"IVF made us happily child free"
Posted by tiredchicken
|
"IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 88 |
http://www.salon.com/2014/09/29/how_ivf_made_us_happily_child_free/
"Nancy and I were each in our 40s. We worked as freelance writers for television and print, had a nice house, time to exercise regularly and enjoyed our lives immensely, yet were frightened by the prospect of all our reproducing friends leaving us behind. We were swayed by their argument that we’d better try before it was too late."
Ugh! They "put off" having kids - IOW waited until it was pretty much too late - and only then succumbed to the pressure to have chlidren, so much so that they must have paid thousands of dollars going through invasive medical procedures only to produce a short-lived pregnancy that they were relieved ended in miscarriage. Why weren't they just honest with each other before they even started that whole fiasco?
Some jerkwad in the comments actually had the nerve to say that if you don't want children you should keep it to yourself. So apparently you're only allowed to talk if you have or want to have children. People like that would be right at home in a dictatorship, where you're "free" to say whatever you want as long as it toes the party line.
"Nancy and I were each in our 40s. We worked as freelance writers for television and print, had a nice house, time to exercise regularly and enjoyed our lives immensely, yet were frightened by the prospect of all our reproducing friends leaving us behind. We were swayed by their argument that we’d better try before it was too late."
Ugh! They "put off" having kids - IOW waited until it was pretty much too late - and only then succumbed to the pressure to have chlidren, so much so that they must have paid thousands of dollars going through invasive medical procedures only to produce a short-lived pregnancy that they were relieved ended in miscarriage. Why weren't they just honest with each other before they even started that whole fiasco?
Some jerkwad in the comments actually had the nerve to say that if you don't want children you should keep it to yourself. So apparently you're only allowed to talk if you have or want to have children. People like that would be right at home in a dictatorship, where you're "free" to say whatever you want as long as it toes the party line.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 11 years ago Posts: 2,212 |
This is the second time I heard of people who had IVF, it failed and they were HAPPY of it.
I do wonder how widespread this is... I mean, we all know of the Infertile Myrtle who bemoans on the net how their 14th cycle of IVF had only resulted in the 23th (because multiples) "angel baby" (cue to photo of half-baked, gummi-bear looking loaf)... but how many instead are happy and give it up easily?
_______________________
“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.â€
― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove
lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.
I do wonder how widespread this is... I mean, we all know of the Infertile Myrtle who bemoans on the net how their 14th cycle of IVF had only resulted in the 23th (because multiples) "angel baby" (cue to photo of half-baked, gummi-bear looking loaf)... but how many instead are happy and give it up easily?
_______________________
“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.â€
― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove
lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.
Anonymous User
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 |
The one that made me mad was the garbage creature who wrote, "There's a special corner of hell reserved for people like your girlfriend" in response to a poster who wrote that his GF sized down to a smaller house just to avoid having to let her mother move in with her. You know what? If there is a hell (which I highly doubt) , there's a special place reserved for people who torment and abuse their own children when the children are too young and helpless to defend themselves. I think it is quite possible the poster's GF was one of those children, and if so, she has every right to protect herself from emotional distress from being around her tormenter , even if the tormenter can no longer physically abuse her.
I loathe those "But she's yourmuuuuhhhtherrr !" types, in RL and online. People who think "family" trumps everything, regardless of past history, no matter how abusive they were, no matter how much distress it causes to be around them. "Family" as a doormat-creation factory...UGH.
I loathe those "But she's yourmuuuuhhhtherrr !" types, in RL and online. People who think "family" trumps everything, regardless of past history, no matter how abusive they were, no matter how much distress it causes to be around them. "Family" as a doormat-creation factory...UGH.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
I have a friend who failed at IVF and ended up very happy being childless (not CF because they DID want them and tried at one time)
Ofcourse the IVF caused many other health problems for her... hysterectomy, obesity treated with gastric bypass.. and then... breast cancer. bam bam bam.....in the course of the 10 years after she quit the IVF. Had to be the hormones because BC does NOT run in her family at all... and the rest of the family has no fertility problems and they're all skinny. Now her health is skrewed.
If there would ever be a march against IVF I'd be first in line.
Ofcourse the IVF caused many other health problems for her... hysterectomy, obesity treated with gastric bypass.. and then... breast cancer. bam bam bam.....in the course of the 10 years after she quit the IVF. Had to be the hormones because BC does NOT run in her family at all... and the rest of the family has no fertility problems and they're all skinny. Now her health is skrewed.
If there would ever be a march against IVF I'd be first in line.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 88 |
Quote
ex lurker
The one that made me mad was the garbage creature who wrote, "There's a special corner of hell reserved for people like your girlfriend" in response to a poster who wrote that his GF sized down to a smaller house just to avoid having to let her mother move in with her. You know what? If there is a hell (which I highly doubt) , there's a special place reserved for people who torment and abuse their own children when the children are too young and helpless to defend themselves. I think it is quite possible the poster's GF was one of those children, and if so, she has every right to protect herself from emotional distress from being around her tormenter , even if the tormenter can no longer physically abuse her.
I loathe those "But she's yourmuuuuhhhtherrr !" types, in RL and online. People who think "family" trumps everything, regardless of past history, no matter how abusive they were, no matter how much distress it causes to be around them. "Family" as a doormat-creation factory...UGH.
Yuck. I missed that one - probably good for my blood pressure that I did! People who post comments like that are probably the ones who had kids for the goal of having someone to take care of them when they are old. They become angry when they hear about some random adult offspring somewhere refusing to care for his/her elderly parent because it reminds them that they are really not guaranteed such service from their own children.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
I've been called a 'horrible daughter' a few times. My mother was terminaly ill and I didn't sit by her side 24/7. I had a freekin life. I had a ft job and lived an hour away. She had my father and my aunt lived just 5 minutes away. She was not alone. When my father became terminally ill a few years later... his sister was with him. Yes, I did let him live with me for the final month of his life when he was unable to care for himself in the house. But... I am the 'bad seed' of the family and now they've all deserted me. Just as well.
Now.. on the other hand... I have a good friend who has her 93 yo father living with her and her life centers around him. Her days are dr's appointments, lunches at a cheep resturant because 'daddy likes it' and playing cards with him... or hours playing farmville or candy crush just to tune him out. She just turned 65and still able to travel and enjoy her retirement years... and there she is... stuck.
Hate to say it but.... I am sometimes happy my parents died early. Childfree and parentfree in your 60's has tonsof benifits.
Now.. on the other hand... I have a good friend who has her 93 yo father living with her and her life centers around him. Her days are dr's appointments, lunches at a cheep resturant because 'daddy likes it' and playing cards with him... or hours playing farmville or candy crush just to tune him out. She just turned 65and still able to travel and enjoy her retirement years... and there she is... stuck.
Hate to say it but.... I am sometimes happy my parents died early. Childfree and parentfree in your 60's has tonsof benifits.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 10 years ago Posts: 1,227 |
My dad is ill and unlikely to make it to doddering age. My mum is very sensible and plans ahead - she doesn't expect me to take care of her, she hopes to be independent as much as possible and to have a living will to direct what should happen to her if she loses her marbles.
I probably would take care of my mum if she fell seriously ill, but if I knew it was expected I'd be less likely to. I hate the idea that people create kids only to put a shit load of expectations, guilt, and limitations on them. There's a special place in hell reserved for parents who create "donor siblings" to harvest bits of them off to keep a sick one alive, as well as parents who have a normal kid to take care of a disabled one. Nobody should come into the world with a pre-ordained purpose that theywill never be aable to escape.
Good on the IVF couple for seeing the light.
I probably would take care of my mum if she fell seriously ill, but if I knew it was expected I'd be less likely to. I hate the idea that people create kids only to put a shit load of expectations, guilt, and limitations on them. There's a special place in hell reserved for parents who create "donor siblings" to harvest bits of them off to keep a sick one alive, as well as parents who have a normal kid to take care of a disabled one. Nobody should come into the world with a pre-ordained purpose that theywill never be aable to escape.
Good on the IVF couple for seeing the light.
Anonymous User
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 |
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
Quote
starlady
Hate to say it but.... I am sometimes happy my parents died early. Childfree and parentfree in your 60's has tons of benefits.
I'm at the stage (mid-50s) of being sort of horrified at how my parents completely effed up their lives. They weren't good parents; had kids because that's what people born in the 30s were expected to do. My father (deceased) spent a big chunk of his life working to provide for a family that probably brought him little joy, enduring for almost three decades a wife who increasingly became a violent harridan because of mental issues. All that to see us kids flee the coop and put as much distance from both of them because of their crappy parenting. Our mother is still alive, but her death will bring a relief to all of us.
What an awful life for both of them.
I am so glad that I made (or was oriented toward) a path that I clearly knew would be the best kind of life for me.
I don't have much admiration for the couple in the article. Their life circumstances and clear attitude pointed them toward a childfree life, but they still drank the Kool-Aid. What if the fetus hadn't failed? What kind of parents would they have become? Not very good ones, from my speculation. I think luck veered toward the fetus in causing it to fail. It would likely have become a child born to parents who probably would have been hard-pressed to not show resentment toward its existence.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" September 30, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 5,622 |
Well, guess they dodged a bullet.
Lucky for them that the fetus didn't take. I agree with you, t. There must be others out there who were relieved that IVF didn't work, so they could say "we tried all we could" and quietly go have the nice lives they'd really wanted all along? Also, how many couples are there out there who can't admit what this couple did?
Another situation I'm willing to bet is more common than any IVF parent would ever admit: I've come across more than one couple who were going through IVF when one partner really wasn't all that into it. It's always been the male half of a straight couple in my experience. I guess I have a trustworthy face, because the guys have told me that they don't think it's worth the drama and $$$ and time. They can put their foot down at anytime, no one's holding a gun to their heads and saying "Make frankenlitters!". These guys should speak up.
Lucky for them that the fetus didn't take. I agree with you, t. There must be others out there who were relieved that IVF didn't work, so they could say "we tried all we could" and quietly go have the nice lives they'd really wanted all along? Also, how many couples are there out there who can't admit what this couple did?
Another situation I'm willing to bet is more common than any IVF parent would ever admit: I've come across more than one couple who were going through IVF when one partner really wasn't all that into it. It's always been the male half of a straight couple in my experience. I guess I have a trustworthy face, because the guys have told me that they don't think it's worth the drama and $$$ and time. They can put their foot down at anytime, no one's holding a gun to their heads and saying "Make frankenlitters!". These guys should speak up.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" October 01, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 12,432 |
I seem to remember one case where the woman did become pregnant through IVF and decided to get an abortion. While I wouldn't deny her the right to get an abortion, I think cases like that and this demonstrate the need for counseling before IVF (at a minimum, I'd rather see counseling instead of IVF, of course, because people will have other disappointments in life and learning to cope with that is far better in the long-term than getting IVF treatment and then freaking out when the kid turns out to have different goals and interests than you do).
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" October 01, 2014 | Registered: 12 years ago Posts: 2,761 |
I strongly agree that IVF needs to be strictly regulated. Counciling, control over just how many of these 'frankenloaves' they are allowed to carry to term, more information on the complications of shooting yourself up with hormones, whatever it takes... it needs to be regulated. Remember Vegitina? She was their natural loaf.. but that woman had 4 older kids IVF and now a younger set of twins IVF... AND she has 7 more frozen sets of eggs she wants to use up before she's 45. Umm... she's 40 now. A whole frankin fambly going there. Just wrong.
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" October 01, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,735 |
Quote
Dorisan
Quote
starlady
Hate to say it but.... I am sometimes happy my parents died early. Childfree and parentfree in your 60's has tons of benefits.
I'm at the stage (mid-50s) of being sort of horrified at how my parents completely effed up their lives. They weren't good parents; had kids because that's what people born in the 30s were expected to do. My father (deceased) spent a big chunk of his life working to provide for a family that probably brought him little joy, enduring for almost three decades a wife who increasingly became a violent harridan because of mental issues. All that to see us kids flee the coop and put as much distance from both of them because of their crappy parenting. Our mother is still alive, but her death will bring a relief to all of us.
What an awful life for both of them.
I am so glad that I made (or was oriented toward) a path that I clearly knew would be the best kind of life for me.
I don't have much admiration for the couple in the article. Their life circumstances and clear attitude pointed them toward a childfree life, but they still drank the Kool-Aid. What if the fetus hadn't failed? What kind of parents would they have become? Not very good ones, from my speculation. I think luck veered toward the fetus in causing it to fail. It would likely have become a child born to parents who probably would have been hard-pressed to not show resentment toward its existence.
Count me in that category. My parents were born during the 1930's too, lost them in my late 30's - and as much as I hate to say this, I probably would not have been able to accomplish as much with my life if they were still around. The fact I make more money than my father did at my age would NOT have gone over well with them. There's so much more I could tell but I don't wanna write a book here...
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" October 01, 2014 | Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 1,735 |
Quote
starlady
I strongly agree that IVF needs to be strictly regulated. Counciling, control over just how many of these 'frankenloaves' they are allowed to carry to term, more information on the complications of shooting yourself up with hormones, whatever it takes... it needs to be regulated. Remember Vegitina? She was their natural loaf.. but that woman had 4 older kids IVF and now a younger set of twins IVF... AND she has 7 more frozen sets of eggs she wants to use up before she's 45. Umm... she's 40 now. A whole frankin fambly going there. Just wrong.
Your post brings this to mind - it is very difficult to adopt an American child here in the USA. I bet if it were as difficult to get IVF that would eliminate all the WannaMoos and WannaDuhs..........
|
Re: "IVF made us happily child free" October 01, 2014 | Registered: 15 years ago Posts: 6,607 |
Quote
selidororous
Quote
Dorisan
Quote
starlady
Hate to say it but.... I am sometimes happy my parents died early. Childfree and parentfree in your 60's has tons of benefits.
I'm at the stage (mid-50s) of being sort of horrified at how my parents completely effed up their lives. They weren't good parents; had kids because that's what people born in the 30s were expected to do. My father (deceased) spent a big chunk of his life working to provide for a family that probably brought him little joy, enduring for almost three decades a wife who increasingly became a violent harridan because of mental issues. All that to see us kids flee the coop and put as much distance from both of them because of their crappy parenting. Our mother is still alive, but her death will bring a relief to all of us.
What an awful life for both of them.
I am so glad that I made (or was oriented toward) a path that I clearly knew would be the best kind of life for me.
I don't have much admiration for the couple in the article. Their life circumstances and clear attitude pointed them toward a childfree life, but they still drank the Kool-Aid. What if the fetus hadn't failed? What kind of parents would they have become? Not very good ones, from my speculation. I think luck veered toward the fetus in causing it to fail. It would likely have become a child born to parents who probably would have been hard-pressed to not show resentment toward its existence.
Count me in that category. My parents were born during the 1930's too, lost them in my late 30's - and as much as I hate to say this, I probably would not have been able to accomplish as much with my life if they were still around. The fact I make more money than my father did at my age would NOT have gone over well with them. There's so much more I could tell but I don't wanna write a book here...
What gets me is people DO have a choice, these days. Sure, they might catch crap for being CF, but that is such a teeny price to pay to avoid the cataclysmic unhappiness spawned by previous generations who felt that parenthood was a mandatory path.
IMO, if a person or couple has the amount of ambivalence demonstrated by the couple in the original article, that ought to come down as an automatic "no." Those two yammering twits irritated the crap out of me.
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.