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Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley

Posted by Dorisan 
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Dorisan
Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
Just for grins, but also an intense sense of relief *cough* that it's not a situation I'll ever have to deal with. The only problem around our house is a couple of humping dogs.

Come to think of it, I'll have to ask my sisters, next time I see them, how they dealt with the birds 'n bees and self-pleasure talk. It is something I never honestly considered, I guess because it was never a necessity

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Q. My Son Can’t Keep His Hands Off Himself: I am a single mother with a 14-year-old son. I knew this time was coming but now I fear I am close to my wit’s end. I have seen evidence in his bedroom, the laundry room, and the kitchen. I know this is normal, but how much is too much? Things escalated last week when his hockey coach called me in for a conference. I have noticed my son has been taking a lot of penalties this season. It turns out he has been intentionally going to the penalty box to pleasure himself. I lashed out at him when about this and things have been awkward around the house this weekend. Am I overreacting? I know I have to talk about this with him in a calm setting, but I always find the thought of this type of discussion horrifying. I am losing sleep and I don’t want to succumb to letting his father deal with this, but what should I do?

A: First, watch the coming of age movie, The Squid and the Whale, then read Portnoy’s Complaint for some background on teenage boys wanking their way through these difficult years. The evidence in the sheets and towels is normal, and I don’t want to know what your son is doing to the groceries. Playing sports is tense, but what’s not normal is for him to forfeit the game in order to relieve some of the pressure. It’s also not normal that you are undone at the thought of having a serious talk with your boy, and that there’s something so wrong with your ex (or your son’s relationship with him) that the idea of a father-son talk is worse. Lashing out at a 14-year-old because he’s displaying troubling symptoms does not speak well for you, Mom. You need to apologize to your son, tell him this is a very hard conversation for you two to have, but you are concerned that he is not understanding the boundaries between public and private behavior. Say you know you aren’t good at talking about these things, and neither is his father, so you’re going to find him someone who is. Your son should see a male therapist—he needs intervention with someone who can be a trusted, calm, helpful adult.

ETA: the kitchen. The wretch wanks in the kitchen. OMG
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kman
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
There was a cartoon with the premise of "teen boy wanking everywhere" in Hustler Humor many years ago. The evidence was everywhere in the boy's bedroom, including all over the walls, the furniture, etc., etc. Now jokes meet reality.

What this boy is doing is not normal when it's done to the degree claimed here. Yeah, I was a teen boy once too—but I damned sure wasn't doing all this. I wonder about what we're not being told: relationship problems, the boy being a tard or being on the autism spectrum, who knows? If the boy is special needs in some fashion, then maybe this is his substitute for shit smearing.
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milenascarlet
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
I knew boys do their stuff when they reach 12 and beyond but this seems excessive. Everytime? Everywhere? He has a problem.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Don't you know how to deal with children?!"
"I don't like animals who act on instinct."
I think you're on to something Akihiko.
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randomcfchick
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
The kid clearly has issues about public behavior vs. private behavior.

If the kid is not on the autism spectrum, it might not be too hard to curb the behavior. Depending on the kid's personality and reaction, just sitting down to have a talk with good ol' Mom about masturbation should be embarrassing enough to stop him....it just may result in a 14-year-old-kid -shaped hole in the wall as the kid flees in embarrassment.

If he is on the autism spectrum (or something similar), she needs to consult his therapist/whoever they're working with to find a way to break the behavior.

In terms of how much is too much...hard to say. I am not one to pathologize a high sex drive, and mid-teen boys are infamous masturbators, but damn. Sounds like something is amiss, and I think we're not getting the whole story, not by a long shot. The kid is acting out in a sexually inappropriate way & there's either undisclosed disabilities, emotional problems, trouble at home...something.
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Zzelda
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
I was not a 'horny teen'. Yeah maybe people will say it's because you're a female - but - I did know plenty of girls at the time who were raging horny. Esp. The Catholic School Girls. Which leads me to think that some of this stuff is psychological.

I spent the years of 16 - 21 getting an Engineering degree. That's a load of work and I didn't have much time for 'fun'. But on the other side of the coin I sure did go out enough, and had BFs and everything. We would hang out more in groups. Aren't these Young WhipperSnappers these days interested in drinking and drugs?

Most of my friends of youth were also in school, neither sex nor romance was high on the agenda, 'doing things' also - like road trips to Various Urban Areas to try to get into clubs, the constant quest for dive bars where the underaged could drink - yanno - Cultural Activities such as these grinning smiley

The kids these days. Sigh.
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selidororous
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
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Zzelda
I was not a 'horny teen'. Yeah maybe people will say it's because you're a female - but - I did know plenty of girls at the time who were raging horny. Esp. The Catholic School Girls. Which leads me to think that some of this stuff is psychological.

I spent the years of 16 - 21 getting an Engineering degree. That's a load of work and I didn't have much time for 'fun'. But on the other side of the coin I sure did go out enough, and had BFs and everything. We would hang out more in groups. Aren't these Young WhipperSnappers these days interested in drinking and drugs?

Most of my friends of youth were also in school, neither sex nor romance was high on the agenda, 'doing things' also - like road trips to Various Urban Areas to try to get into clubs, the constant quest for dive bars where the underaged could drink - yanno - Cultural Activities such as these grinning smiley

The kids these days. Sigh.

I was never a horny teen nor boy crazy. Neither were the boys at the schools I attended dating nor marriage material - to this day I am still mystified at stories of how LTR couples met in high school/junior high/grade school.

For the record, my mother never attended school with my father either. She did go to college with his sister though.....
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aliceblue
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
Tell Moo to switch the kid from hockey to boxing. He won't be able to do a thing with those gloves on.
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Anonymous User
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 17, 2014
Wow, he can do this in the penalty box, and presumably more than once? And all the coach does is call the moo? I'd like to think if any of the adult males in my school caught this twenty years ago, they'd have been having a real conversation with the mal-adjusted chyld immediately. This coach is probably afraid to get too close to such a thing with all the lawsuits and criminal charges that are rampant now, so I think the coach should be referring the situation to the school board, child protective, whoever, and getting the system all up in her business. Sure sounds like the moo isn't going to be competent enough to pull it all together on her own.
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mr. neptune
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 18, 2014
But look at it this way: He's not getting girls pregnant and overpopulating the world. Just be sure to stock up on Kleenex!

I am trying to figure out how he faps in the penalty box. I thought hockey players wore jockstraps and how does he do it in the cup?
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Miss_Hannigan
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 18, 2014
Hey, the jerking-off-in-the-penalty-box incident is straight from Paul Newman's hockey movie, "Slap Shot." (One of the funniest films ever, IMHO) Are we sure this isn't a goof letter?

McGrath: Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator, you know, couldn't control himself. Why, he would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't... you know...

--------------------
"[GFG's pregnancy is] kind of like at the stables where that one dumb, ugly-ass mare broke out of her corral one day and got herself screwed by the equally fugly colt that was due to be gelded the same afternoon."- Shiny
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kman
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 18, 2014
Miss_Hannigan said, "Are we sure this isn't a goof letter?"

That's a good point. Maybe Dear Prudence is the victim of a prank letter here. Ann Landers used to get them all the time from Yale students.
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Zzelda
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 18, 2014
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Miss_Hannigan
Hey, the jerking-off-in-the-penalty-box incident is straight from Paul Newman's hockey movie, "Slap Shot." (One of the funniest films ever, IMHO) Are we sure this isn't a goof letter?

McGrath: Reg, Reg, that reminds me. I was coachin' in Omaha in 1948 and Eddie Shore sends me this guy who was a terrible masturbator, you know, couldn't control himself. Why, he would get deliberate penalties so he could get over in the penalty box all by himself and damned if he wouldn't... you know...

So Pru Mu is faking again?

Why am I not surprised?
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some-childfree-guy
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 20, 2014
Sadly, I'm not too sure this is a prank. Moo sounds like one of those fundie "GAWD WILL SEND YOU TO HAY-ULL FOR TOUCHING YOURSELF," types that won't let Fapford have a girlfriend because jeezus hates that or something. But on the other hand, Fapford here is a fucking repressed creep in the making. First it's hockey penalty boxes, next thing you know, he's going all Shinji Ikari over comatose girls.
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bookworm
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
If true, how long before moo posts back the he's been 'magicing the beans' in her underwear drawer?
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blondie
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
Kid needs boundaries. Fappin rules. Weird how little embarrasses them anymore.

Funny, when I was a teen I had no idea all this was going on. I had only grown up with girls and no idea about uber horny fap boys except for their jokes.
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cassia
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
That proud parent needs a bumper sticker on her Moo-van about her kid.

"My child is the best fapper at __________ Middle School."

.
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Presto
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
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some-childfree-guy
Sadly, I'm not too sure this is a prank. Moo sounds like one of those fundie "GAWD WILL SEND YOU TO HAY-ULL FOR TOUCHING YOURSELF," types that won't let Fapford have a girlfriend because jeezus hates that or something. But on the other hand, Fapford here is a fucking repressed creep in the making. First it's hockey penalty boxes, next thing you know, he's going all Shinji Ikari over comatose girls.
Umm... what is he going to do with a girlfriend when he hasn't even got a sense of decency about handling himself yet? I'm glad he hasn't got one.
I agree that religious nut mommies can make the problem worse, but he does not need a girl around that he would more than likely want to treat as a sex toy.
I say this from experience. I came from religious nuts that thought masturbation was the sin next to murder and allowed the bishop to question us, boys and girls alike, about masturbation specifically twice a year.
I got a non religious boyfriend in high school, hoping to somehow figure out "normal" life... little did I know he was fucked up in his own right, thought masturbation was wrong, and insisted on using me for "relief".
So yeah, I take issue with suggesting he needs a girlfriend when he can't even responsibly use a tissue and trash, or socks and laundry.
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Techie
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
I am a guy and I am leaning towards what Zzelda says - I suspect it is a prank letter too.

In my younger days, I have seen some horny bastards - I have never heard or seen anything like this. The other possibility is that the guy has some kind of a disorder and while back in my school days such people were not able to attend school, today, standards are different. Or maybe it is lack of standards.
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Techie
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
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blondie
Kid needs boundaries. Fappin rules. Weird how little embarrasses them anymore.

Funny, when I was a teen I had no idea all this was going on. I had only grown up with girls and no idea about uber horny fap boys except for their jokes.

I was a teen boy once, I was never like that. I too grew up with all female siblings - maybe that's the difference? I have known some boys who were horny bastards, but most were not like the boy blunder mentioned here. Worst they did was pass around porn mags, watch porn and stare at girls. Beating off somewhere in the corner - there was just no way anyone was doing it.

If this stuff is real, the boy could have been exposed to something he should not have been exposed to. Some disorder has developed and I don't even want to think about what moo did to promote this behavior. Such behavior is not natural - it is learned.
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some-childfree-guy
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
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Presto
Umm... what is he going to do with a girlfriend when he hasn't even got a sense of decency about handling himself yet? I'm glad he hasn't got one.
I agree that religious nut mommies can make the problem worse, but he does not need a girl around that he would more than likely want to treat as a sex toy.
I say this from experience. I came from religious nuts that thought masturbation was the sin next to murder and allowed the bishop to question us, boys and girls alike, about masturbation specifically twice a year.
I got a non religious boyfriend in high school, hoping to somehow figure out "normal" life... little did I know he was fucked up in his own right, thought masturbation was wrong, and insisted on using me for "relief".
So yeah, I take issue with suggesting he needs a girlfriend when he can't even responsibly use a tissue and trash, or socks and laundry.

Don't get me wrong, I hope he doesn't have a girlfriend, either. I'm just saying moomie here kinda sounded like one of those self-loathing misogynist fundies that thinks sex is the work of the devil, so she created a sexually repressed creep that will probably end up on the news for rape/murder in the future.
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Dorisan
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 21, 2014
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some-childfree-guy
Fapford

Fap....whaaat?

:::falls sideways in chair and scares dogs:::

waving hellolarious waving hellolarious

Thanks guys. My spouse has had another one of his brainclouds and is spending the night in the hospital. I came home and thought "20 minutes on Bratfree will get my mind off stuff." This site does the trick thumbs upwink

ETA: I used to work with a guy who was in his late 30s who was a chronic masturbator. He didn't take smoke breaks like other people, he took fap breaks. I mean - seriously. About every 2 or 3 hours, more often if we were having a stressful worknight. I didn't make anything of it except to grump one time that he seemed to always skeeve off just when work was getting crazy. That's when another guy working with us *smirked* and said "you don't wanna know what he does on these breaks."

Me: "well, he's always heading off to the john. What, does he have IBS or Crohn's or something?"

Coworker: bigger *smirk* "nuh uh."

Me: not rising to the bait, the guy can be a snot at times. "Whatever. But we have stores dropping on the network, I have to edit a job to get it running again, one of the warehouses is screaming about a printer and that numbnut is off to the toilet. Damn."

Coworker: "heh. NUT would be the key word. He better wash his hands, or have you noticed the keyboards being sticky?"

Me: ".............."

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me: "oh you have got to be KIDDING ME!"

Coworker: :::nods::: "He seems to vary his habit by going out to his car, sometimes. I wonder if he notices the camera out there?"

Me: "oh, jesus sea salt christ. Gross."

Luckily we took on a new supervisor, having been without one for several months. I think the scuttlebutt got around to him and he must have said something to Mr. Masturbator because his trips to the bathroom tapered off to only about one a night. He got to be a real PITA to work with though. Constantly snapping and not noticing when things went wrong on the system. He got fired about a year later.
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Cambion
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 23, 2014
I'd have to put money on one of three possibilities:

1. Some kind of tard
2. Moo never set any sort of boundaries with him
3. Prank letter

If it's not a prank, the kid does have a problem. He could be a tard who has no sense of shame or doesn't know that pulling his pud is something you do behind a closed door. Surely his teammates have noticed him waxing his carrot in the penalty box and have made fun of him?

Of course, it could also be some sort of abuse that's going on or went on in the past. Sounds like the kid's Duh is still a part of his life via visitation. Any chance Duh might currently be diddling the kid, or has done so in the past? Kids who are sexually abused sometimes act out sexually like this. What about the boys in the locker room? Any chance of abuse by his peers, or even staff?

Either way, I get that Moo might be embarrassed, but I'd be taking the kid to a shrink to see if there's a reason the kid is wanking like there's no tomorrow. There could be an underlying problem that he doesn't want to share with her. Who knows. I've seen crazy masturbation stories over on Smothering, so it could be real.

Of course, this could easily be nothing but a bullshit letter because Prudie is a shitty advice columnist and someone is probably just fucking with her.
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twocents
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 23, 2014
randomcfchick

should that, perhaps, be 'pubic' behavior in addition/instead of public??? (eg)

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.
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catharsist
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 23, 2014
okay.. Ill admit it.. I was a horny (as hell) teen. But I knew the meaning of private. Hell! Im a horny as hell ADULT and everyone is none the wiser because my shit is private! I would tell him to separate business from pleasure and move along!
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yummynotmummy
Re: Dear Prudence: Help! My son is an über fapper! openmouthed shock :lips grinning smiley
October 25, 2014
Good Lord saying 'wtf'

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Techie
I don't even want to think about what moo did to promote this behavior

Maybe moo used to "relieve" him when he was a baby and got a boner two faces puking There do appear to be a LOT of moos out there obsessed with their he-loaves' penises.
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