Sterilization disclosure? :lips

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keeper of traken
As I've stated in my introduction and another thread, I am in the process of trying to get sterilized. My question is this: those of you who have been sterilized, did you tell your friends and family in advance that you're getting sterilized or did you wait until after? Or is this one of those Mileage May Vary situations?

For my part, I'm leaning towards not disclosing it until after it's done, if only to save me from having to put up with all the static that it would generate. I've only told my one CF friend and she's been very supportive of my decision.

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cassia

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keeper of traken
As I've stated in my introduction and another thread, I am in the process of trying to get sterilized. My question is this: those of you who have been sterilized, did you tell your friends and family in advance that you're getting sterilized or did you wait until after? Or is this one of those Mileage May Vary situations?

For my part, I'm leaning towards not disclosing it until after it's done, if only to save me from having to put up with all the static that it would generate. I've only told my one CF friend and she's been very supportive of my decision.

Only you know your own friends and family enough to know whether they are likely to be supportive or negative to your pre-operative sterilization surgery.

That said, the vast majority of people are breeders and will bingo and harass you about this event.

In my opinion, better to garner support from the people who are guaranteed supportive pre-op and decide who you would like to inform post-op.

When it is a 'done deal' you are less likely to be affected by negative commentary.

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randomcfchick
I am a firm believer in running one's parents on a need-to-know basis. My parents knew the spouse and I weren't having children...I didn't see any reason to bombard them with details about our methods of birth control, permanent or otherwise. I don't think they'd misuse the information, or throw it in my face later, or anything. I get along quite well with Mom and Dad.

I know some people who've used the news about the Big Snip to finally shut up persistent bingoers. But with the really obnoxious ones, sometimes that's just trading one set of problems for another. They can go from hand-wringing about "OMG you can't really mean you won't have babbeeeez" to "OMG you had this bizarre and unnatural medical mutiliation done!". Seriously. They'll still have the same mindset, just apply it to the new information.

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MerlynHerne
My wife told her family and didn't hear any bingoes. Of course it was done because of severe endometriosis, though it had the happy side effect that NO KYDS. Yeah, we are a lesbian couple but there is a lot of pressure of lesbian couples to spawn also. I think it may be that my wife has made it clear from childhood she doesn't want children and when we married I made it very clear that I backed her up on this--in fact, when we were still dating, had she said she wanted kids it would have been a deal breaker. So luckily, for the moment, our experience has been positive though I think she did get asked if she regrets not being able to ever spawn. She's made it very clear that she doesn't.

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keeper of traken
Thanks everyone for the replies and the luck! wink

A lot of good points were made. On the one hand I'd like to be open about it, but on the other hand the potential for bingoes could be bad. I have to admit using the Big Snip as a way of shutting down aggressive people sounds deliciously evil

Most of my friends and family know that I don't want kyds, but getting a vasectomy might be a bridge too far for some of them. In any case I will keep you posted on my progress.

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Techie
I did not know you were a guy, but now that I do know that you are a guy, the answer is ABSOLUTE NO! Nobody but you needs to know that you have been fixed. I know a few single guys who have been fixed and the ones that keep it to themselves are doing much better. Here are my personal thoughts and reasons:

1) Anything that you say can be used against you. The less you say, the better off you are.
2) When you are fighting bingos, don't show all of your cards. They less they know about you, the more you can screw with them.
3) People are still not educated enough about what a vasectomy really does. Some women will see a fixed guy as a cripple and will not give you a time of the day because of it, where they would love to date you otherwise. Let them get to know you first and only if things get really serious and you are in it for a long haul, then you can spill the beans.
4) Anytime any of your relationships fail, relatives will blame you because you are fixed and deviated from the norm. Sometimes, people who love you are the ones that will hurt you the most. They WILL side with the wanna breeder if thing go wrong for you.
5) Some people are idiots and will think that the reason you got fixed is because you are a male whore.
6) There are jealous people out there. They think that because you are able to have sex "without consequences", you have one on them. Such people will try to screw with you.
7) Even if you work for a progressive workplace, there will be a few puritans in there who will try to chip away at you. Do you REALLY need that?
8) For your potential dates, simply stating that you don't have and don't want to have kids is enough. Telling her that you are fixed, unless she is from BratFree, it could drive her away - wait a while instead.
9) You could have male friends who have been oopsed and are living with it. Some could get really upset that you took control of your life and they did not.
10) You parents and grandparents are old school and no matter how much they know about you, it is very unlikely that they will understand your reasoning for vasectomy. Even if they don't say much, on the inside, it may be eating away at them.

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KeeperOfTraken
In terms of workplaces, where I work would be problematic post-vasectomy(standing a lot, bending down a lot and heavy-lifting) I'd need to ask for light duties and they'd ask why and then I'd have to spill the beans.