great and terrible news

Catharsist, I'm late to the thread, but I just want to say congrats to you about your fixing and the weight loss! A great achievement! :bal

Congrats on all fronts, OP! Wish I had the courage to "come out" (as lez) to my family, but they definitely know. Still must feel so freeing to actually declare it.

Wish people didn't put so much stake in sex/gender. I get that there's a major adjustment period when someone announces the transition, but it's not like someone murdering your child. Be thankful you have a child who wishes to include you in their journey. Health, safety and happiness is all a parent should want for their kids.

As for the fixin', major props. Party like it's 1999! :partay

Newb stranger talking but I'm happy for your exciting news!!! Sorry about your family problems though, familiy can seriously hurt you. :<

*HUG* But fucking rock on with your sterile strong self.

benevolent Anti-natalist, pro-abortion, pro-smut, anti-sleeze, eat the rich, fuck childbirth. pro-black, lgbtqia? Cool. *thumbs up*

I'm late to this thread too -

And I just 'don't get' Trans people.

I suppose I think - why can't you do what you want - as is?

Gay people I get. Trans people - I am baffled by.

But - I am very 'unisex' or 'androgynous' as is - bod wise - I am taller and muscular, am 'feminine' looking in the face. I can go either way. I am an attractive female that can do the physical work of a man.

I also think social constructs are bull shit and refuse to conform to them.

Maybe this is why I don't 'get it'.

It's an interesting topic though - I do wish to learn more. To understand.

If you have any questions, I am here to answer them. I can only answer them personally speaking since I'm not a figurehead of all trans* people. Lol!

I do agree that social constructs are bullshit. Trans* people and anyone else who is even a smidge different from the status quo are living proof of this fact. The issue is that many trans* people want to be seen AS the construct they believe they fit. I feel that I am male, so I prefer to be seen as male so that my identity is known and validated.

Yes, trans* people were literally born of the constructs that society created years and years ago. If the binary was dropped altogether, I think that Trans* individuals would find life a lot easier and then we could live in a more awesome post-gender society where all are equal regarding gender. But society has less chance of doing that than M. Romney embracing Islam. Indeed, I think it's sortof our purpose in the grand scheme of things, to totally fuck up the bullshit social constructs and eventually dump them.

As for trans* people not being able to do what they please? That's society's fault. A man getting top and bottom surgery to become a woman is JUST NOT RIGHT in society. Neither is a female removing her breasts and getting a phalloplasty. We can't be ourselves because society at large freaks out and grabs at their pearls. This is not to say that all trans* people seek medical intervention, in fact, some don't. But there is a high chance they will find a way to modify their appearance and do it. Making myself an example, I'm losing a fuckton of weight to uncover my mesomorphic shape while also gaining some lean, mean, muscle. I also bind my chest to make my chest seem smaller. But honestly, that's all I'm willing to do. I would be willing to get top surgery to save my bone structure the stress but JAYZUZ dat shit cray expensivo!

And it's perfectly fine to not get it. Being trans* is an extremely intricate identity thing that has literally NOTHING to do with sexuality. Sex is easy to understand, the craziest kinks become understandable or at least definable in a matter of seconds. But personal identity, gender non-conformity AND medical body politics? That's harder. WAY harder. I think it's because there are so many ways it can manifest. No two gender identities are EXACTLY alike, even among cis people, so that's why the word trans* exists as an umbrella term to catch literally everyone who doesn't gender conform. If your body is female/male and your gender identity is female/male (respectively), then you are the norm. Other than that, trans*. Lol! We are the other.

And thanks for the internet love guys! I swear you guys are like my extended family! :emohearthankyou:emoheart

Wayyyy late to this thread - my life has been incredibly hectic for the past two weeks - but I wanted to give a very hearty congratulations and WAY TO GO to you, catharsist, for both getting fixed and the incredible weight loss! I have a lot to lose (more than you have lost so far), and you are inspiring me to get back at it

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde

Catharsist, I am sorry your parents don't accept your being trans.

But congratulations on your upcoming fixing date.

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catharsist
Being trans* is an extremely intricate identity thing that has literally NOTHING to do with sexuality. Sex is easy to understand, the craziest kinks become understandable or at least definable in a matter of seconds. But personal identity, gender non-conformity AND medical body politics? That's harder. WAY harder.

Sigh. I keep thinking that it shouldn't be, though. Sure, people are used to the binary, but people whose body doesn't match their gender ID, or who exist quite happily outside the binary, are NOT some type of threat. I fail at understanding why so many people automatically label a trans person as WRONG.

@randomcfchick: I know, it doesn't make any sense to me either. I was flipped out on because they thought that I was a lesbian (what's wrong with that?) and that I no longer wanted birth control (wtf? UM CF?) it literally made no sense. Indeed, the fact that my gender identity was then linked to sexuality, and then linked to my cf status got me thinking. What if there was a place on the internet for CF LGBT folks specifically? I didn't see any, so I made a place. If you guys want to know what the url is, just PM me and Ill spill the beans. The thing is meant to be anonymous so Im cutting back on info.

@Amethyst114: You can do it! I used a low carb diet myself. However, the best diet/exercise routine is the one you stick with. Consistent persistence in the key!

I"m happy I shared with you guys. You guys have no idea how awesome it feels to not be fucked with over this kind of stuff. You guys inspire me.

Congrats on remodeling (removing) the baby oven. So sorry about the rest; will reserve judgment on the parents until it is determined that they were stunned and will come around, or whether they are first class douchewaffles.

Pughugs.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

I guess my question is:

What is it like to feel gender?

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nightfire
I guess my question is:

What is it like to feel gender?

It's squishy. z

Honestly, gender is like a very important identity organ. You don't notice how important it is or what it feels like, until you realize it's not "in order". I learned what my gender was because I didn't feel comfortable in my body and felt more like a masculine or androgynous individual that certainly didnt like being called "miss", or having breasts, or the ability to birth children. I just didn't fit into reality (that's literally what it felt like, a square peg in a round hole). I thought I was severely mentally disturbed for YEARS because of how absolutely viscerally bothered I was.

It's like living in a costume that SUCKS but you can't take it off and the way society treats you is determined by this shitty constume, as well as the way you should act, the things you should like, your acceptable aspirations, and your destiny as a person, to name just a FEW things. Oh! and these things are policed by the society you live in, have fun! Gender is VITAL to the reality that a person experiences. If you were in a body opposite the one you wear now, your life would have been 100% different. Your genitalia determined every detail of your life since before you were born, and I mean this literally (ahem, gender reveals). Isn't that stupid? It comes at a price for those that are trans*. When that shit doesn't feel right, it really DOESN'T.

Although trans* people pick this up quicker than cis people because the way society sees you and the way you see you can be a stark (and for me disturbing) contrast. For cis individuals, gender simply doesnt compute sometimes, like a fish-in-water effect, it's so *there* and so *natural* you just don't notice it. It's not bad at all, it's just a reality.

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catharsist
Your genitalia determined every detail of your life since before you were born, and I mean this literally (ahem, gender reveals). Isn't that stupid? It comes at a price for those that are trans*. When that shit doesn't feel right, it really DOESN'T.

This is a BIG reason why I think so-called gender reveal parties are ridiculous. Sure, they're attention-whoring in the extreme. They're another chance for a gift grab, etc. But...whatever the parents see on that sonogram, or get via amniocentesis information, doesn't tell SHIT about that kid's gender. At all. Every time I hear about someone having/going to that type of gathering, I think two things: 1. "It's NOT a gender reveal party; you don't know how that kid identifies yet!" and 2. "What if the kid is trans?". Oh, and I have to add: 3. "Way to reinforce gender stereotypes, morons." Because you shouldn't NEED to prepare for a certain gender of child. You should be prepared to love it, teach it, and raise it. Period.

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randomcfchick
Sigh. I keep thinking that it shouldn't be, though. Sure, people are used to the binary, but people whose body doesn't match their gender ID, or who exist quite happily outside the binary, are NOT some type of threat. I fail at understanding why so many people automatically label a trans person as WRONG.

Yeah, I don't get this either. Even if you (general you) think it's "weird" or don't understand it…what fucking difference does it make? It's not a threat to anyone's well-being if someone identifies with a gender different from the one they were assigned at birth. Some people get all butthurt because they think it's "wrong" or "not natcheral" but it doesn't affect them in ANY way whatsoever. (And earth to fundie asshats: There's nothing LESS natural than forcing someone into a gender identity to which they don't belong.)

Catharsist: You lost 90 lbs.? Damn, that's impressive. :beer

Gender really does colour much of how we perceive the world. Consider pronouns and titles, which in most western languages are strictly gendered, even in languages like English which doesn't have gendered nouns. If you've ever tried to write statements in third person singular without reference to gender or using plural pronouns like 'they' it quickly becomes clear just how awkwardly the language supports that.

Our language tells us that the single most important identifying feature a person has is gender. Imagine if, when you wrote a letter, you had to know what colour of eyes that person had, because you would use different forms of address depending on whether they were blue, green, or brown. (In this analogy, the person with hazel eyes is trans.) It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it, to divide people into categories based on eye colour? And yet that is effectively what our language does with gender, it's just hard to see it because we're used to it. (Actually, our language does it with sex, not gender, evidenced by how hard it is for some people to use a pronoun that corresponds with a person's gender but not sex.)

But what's so important about knowing what sexual organs a person has, unless you're trying to figure out if you'd like to have sex with that person? If you believe, as I do, that men and women should be equal, there's no reason for gendered pronouns, it's just a legacy of a sexist time. Knowing that I should use the feminine pronoun to refer to you doesn't tell me anything useful about you. It barely helps me find you in a room ("wearing a green shirt" would probably be a more helpful clue in a group) and it doesn't tell me about you as a person: are you kind, shy, or someone who likes to read?

I appreciate any reduction in gendered expectations; I think this benefits everyone. For starters, I'd love to stop hearing people voice the notion that childfree women aren't real women because they don't want children...

rudeawakening: I most certainly did (I want to marry my diet). And you want to know the shittiest part? I was so gung-ho to start my diet.. I didn't take a before picture. HOW CRAPPY! But yeah, while it's nice to lose weight, it does a number on your back, especially when your lordosis (curving forward of the spine, seen in the obese and pregnant women) is correcting itself. My spine straightened up and now because of my diet, Im even gaining inches on my height (not spine fixing, but actual growing pains in the growth sites of my femurs, yay femurs!)! Im also considered merely overweight by WHO standards and no longer obese! Suck it Doctor Oz!

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yurble
Our language tells us that the single most important identifying feature a person has is gender. Imagine if, when you wrote a letter, you had to know what colour of eyes that person had, because you would use different forms of address depending on whether they were blue, green, or brown. (In this analogy, the person with hazel eyes is trans.) It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it, to divide people into categories based on eye colour? And yet that is effectively what our language does with gender, it's just hard to see it because we're used to it. (Actually, our language does it with sex, not gender, evidenced by how hard it is for some people to use a pronoun that corresponds with a person's gender but not sex.)

But what's so important about knowing what sexual organs a person has, unless you're trying to figure out if you'd like to have sex with that person? If you believe, as I do, that men and women should be equal, there's no reason for gendered pronouns, it's just a legacy of a sexist time. Knowing that I should use the feminine pronoun to refer to you doesn't tell me anything useful about you. It barely helps me find you in a room ("wearing a green shirt" would probably be a more helpful clue in a group) and it doesn't tell me about you as a person: are you kind, shy, or someone who likes to read?

And the worst part? We have been wired to believe that refering to someone's sex organs (as gender) in public is polite. This is where the situation is socially constrained. When you tell someone your pronoun (mine is masc. or neut., both work) and people continue calling you *she*, it's as if your identity as a person is totally dismissed. It IS hurtful, but because of culture, if you express hurt or frustration, you are seen as over-reacting or even whiny.

The worst part is that you don't know the reason why they're doing it: Are they just forgetful and trying to be respectful but are confused? Or are they doing it on purpose, are transphobic and have a real possibility of beating your ass once they get you alone. The law, through its actions, have told me that even threatening the life of a trans* person is NOT a hate crime. Ce Ce McDonald's case was a great example.

Shit, in Cincinnati, over the summer, four trans-women of color were murdered in four months. One a fucking month. I will grant that rascism also plays a role here, and I am not a person of color, but I have been called a "fucking queer" on the streets of, I shit you not, OSU campus. A fucking college campus. So needless to say, after coming out to a few classmates, women's studies student mostly, who GET what trans* means, and to my boss who is a lesbian, I am spooked. But not spooked enough to hide myself totally. I carried a trans* flag yesterday in honor of trans* rememberance day, and garnered a lot of.. stares.. but showing support for human rights is the right thing to do and I'm not going to stop because someone wants to be an asshole.

However, I do keep my mouth shut in mixed company. And I usually don't have the resolve to correct someone when they make a mistake. And for that, I'm not sure If I can respect my motives. Im a HUGE human rights buff, but if I'm still half in the closet, then am I not helping others out of fear? It's a stomach turning thought.

Wow, congrats on your upcoming sterilization!
As for the other news, well, that just makes me angry. Yeah, I know parent is an adult and is free to make their own decision, but disowning their child because they’ve chosen an alternative lifestyle is stupid. So much for there being no greater love than the love between a parent and child. Isn’t that what the breeders always say? They also claim they’ll lurve their chyld no matter what.
Oh yeah, breeders are the biggest bullshitters on the planet. I know it probably hurts, but you can always find a new family. Blood is not thicker than water.

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efsb
Wow, congrats on your upcoming sterilization!
As for the other news, well, that just makes me angry. Yeah, I know parent is an adult and is free to make their own decision, but disowning their child because they’ve chosen an alternative lifestyle is stupid. So much for there being no greater love than the love between a parent and child. Isn’t that what the breeders always say? They also claim they’ll lurve their chyld no matter what.
Oh yeah, breeders are the biggest bullshitters on the planet. I know it probably hurts, but you can always find a new family. Blood is not thicker than water.

The original quote is this: "the blood of the bond is thicker than the waters of the womb". Love is very much a conditional thing anymore. Unfortunately.