#1 way to f* up your life

Formerly independent female in a long-term relationship moves to Very Expensive City with her SO, has a kid and becomes a SAHM because childcare is "wayyyy too expensive." SO turns into a shitty partner and becomes abusive to both mate and child. SAHM whines about the relationship going to crap and says "I do feel stuck in a way because I don't have help to get out if that's what I decided to do."

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Yeah, well, that can happen when you turn over your power to another person and add another dependent to the mix.

This is the exact thing that happened to my mom. Although my dad was a violent drunk, so her situation is actually better.

Do I detect a possible oopsie and a resentful Dud? They were together for eight years and she says nothing about whether their baybee was planned. It could be that he didn't want to get married and she oopsed him so he's resentfully treating her like a slave and nursemaid while he goes out and parties after work.

No man is "oopsed" unless she punches holes in the condom or the vasectomy is botched. None of this excuses his behavior anyhow but it is high time men took responsibility for their own birth control.

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evilchildlessbitch
No man is "oopsed" unless she punches holes in the condom or the vasectomy is botched. None of this excuses his behavior anyhow but it is high time men took responsibility for their own birth control.

I agree men should take responsibility, but let's face it, they don't have a lot of contraceptive options. The man who never wants children can get a vasectomy, but there are rather limited options for other men (something which should absolutely be dealt with so that men can more easily take responsibility for contraception). Condoms have a fairly high failure rate, and might not be desirable in a long-term relationship.

I'm not offering an apology for the sort of men who don't discuss contraception and how accidental pregnancy would be dealt with with their significant others, but I do think that those who believe they are in relationships with trustworthy people they can honesty communicate with don't deserve to be betrayed over contraception. As far as I'm concerned, that's reproductive abuse, and it's not much different from emotional abuse or physical abuse in that it's the abuser, not the victim, who is at fault.

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I hate where we live and didn't ask to be here, never complain about it, but he's always throwing it in my face that I don't pay rent.

She didn't "ask to be here"; I wonder if he "didn't ask" for a baybee? The best thing that could happen in this situation is that she give the (nine week old) baybee up for adoption, which should be very easy to do at this stage, get out of the relationship and move away. This has potential domestic violence written all over it, and she is being selfish to raise a child in that kind of hostile environment. If he doesn't want the baybee to go up for adoption, she can relinquish her parental rights and HE can raise it.

This totally sounds like an oooops - he probably wouldn't commit to getting married after being together for so many years, so she purposely got knocked up thinking He Would Change (and who wants to bet this act was egged on by breeder friends and even her own relatives?).

People's major attributes and values don't tend to change, even when presented with a major responsibility like parenthood. She admits up-front that he's always been a bit immature and self-absorbed. She was a fool to breed with the guy.

As for "it's so expensive"...friend of mine did that. Moved back to her (very scenic, very laid-back, very privileged) hometown, which has always been known for its sky-high home prices. Then she and her husband proceeded to have a baby, then be shocked at the cost. Then they had another baby at her insistence. She whined on Facebook about how "young famblees are being priced out of the housing market" in that town. They wound up flouncing off to the burbs, where they bought a soulless, nondescript, early 2000s tract home. I have zero sympathy. Find out the cost of shit before having kids.

ETA: just skimmed through the comments, and there's one who compares the OP to a lamprey fish! Nice!

Seriously, I know how much a pram costs. Shit, when I feel broke I go look at the baby shit and go GODDAMN THAT'S EXPENSIVE! Then I feel better about my life. I just don't understand why people can't look into decisions BEFORE they make them. I do more research on what fucking chap stick to buy than what parents do before they squat out loaves.

Oh she did not get the udder rubs she sought so she flounced:

Ok. So I'm going report every single nasty comment that I've read and I will be closing my account with Baby Center. If you read my post, I asked has anyone else gone through this and what did you do. I did not ask for judgment on my "dysfunctional family" as if everyone else's lives and relationships are so perfect here in the Marriage and Relationships board. This is actually bordering harassment. I posted a question looking for advice from people who have had similar experiences, not to see everyone rip other people apart telling them to shut up or harassing other posters about their opinion and spelling. Grow up, seriously.

Then got called out. I like #3 myself....especially when she sees all the reasons NOT to leave, which is the only option after birthing the hand grenade that ruined your relationship.

1) telling people to grow up is a vio.

2) reporting people for saying things you don't like can be, too.

3) enjoy your life. If only you put as much effort into improving your situation that you've put into explaining why you can't do shit but whine about strangers on the Internet, you'd have your own place by now.

4) hope you find a website better suited to your personality and needs.

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From a bottle cap message on a Magic Hat #9 beer: Condoms Prevent Minivans
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I want to pick up a bus full of unruly kids and feed them gummi bears and crack, then turn them loose in Hobby Lobby to ransack the place. They will all be wearing T shirts that say "You Could Have Prevented This."

It doesn't sound like she really wanted advice, she just wanted to bitch and moan about her situation online to get udder-rubs. It's kind of funny how the thread derailed like that! Haha.

I also think this was an oops loaf and the guy is just resentful as Hell about it and taking it out on her and the loaf.

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bell_flower
Do I detect a possible oopsie and a resentful Dud? They were together for eight years and she says nothing about whether their baybee was planned. It could be that he didn't want to get married and she oopsed him so he's resentfully treating her like a slave and nursemaid while he goes out and parties after work.

This!

And if things are bad after only 9 weeks, I cringe at the thought of what it'll be like a year from now.

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Everything about our son has been about him. He has his entire name (first, middle, and last) getting baptized in his religion, was uncircumcised because of his religion and I literally have no say in anything.

Eventually your son will thank his dad for this. Probably some time when he's in the middle of having really great sex, or perhaps when he first reads about all of the nasty complications which can arise from circumcision, like death.

How can people not understand how pricey babies are? And that giving up your indipendence is dangerous?

I agree with giving up the baby and getting out.

_______________________

“I was talking about children that have not been properly house-trained. Left to their own impulses and indulged by doting or careless parents almost all children are yahoos. Loud, selfish, cruel, unaffectionate, jealous, perpetually striving for attention, empty-headed, for ever prating or if words fail them simply bawling, their voices grown huge from daily practice: the very worst company in the world. But what I dislike even more than the natural child is the affected child, the hulking oaf of seven or eight that skips heavily about with her hands dangling in front of her -- a little squirrel or bunny-rabbit -- and prattling away in a baby's voice.”


― Patrick O'Brian, The Truelove


lib'-er-ty: the freedom given to you to make the wrong decision, based on the reasoned belief that you will normally make the right one.

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screaming sausage

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Everything about our son has been about him. He has his entire name (first, middle, and last) getting baptized in his religion, was uncircumcised because of his religion and I literally have no say in anything.

Eventually your son will thank his dad for this. Probably some time when he's in the middle of having really great sex, or perhaps when he first reads about all of the nasty complications which can arise from circumcision, like death.

People are nuts. Most of the world does not circumcise. Men there never have a problem. Why are moos so concerned that all boys must be circumcised? They are ignorant and dumb, but most of us here already know that about moos. The whole "easier to keep it clean" argument is bogus. We live in 21st century - we have access to water.

I notice from a quick skim of the comments that quite a few people are handing Moo's stupid ass to her.

Why the hell she had a kid with this dick is beyond me. I can't understand why women think like this, they want a baybee so bad they will have one with anyone.