Attention parents: this is why you need childfree friends

"Think very carefully, parents, before dropping your childfree friends because you think you don't have anything in common with them any more. You might just need all that free time and flexibility that the CF have to help you in a time of need. Your CF friend is far more likely to be the one hightailing it across the city to get to you when the shit hits the fan than your parent friend."


this could have been written by a breeder. I don't know about you but I have very little "free time" to help breeders who only contact me when they need something.

m

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myrna minkoff
"Think very carefully, parents, before dropping your childfree friends because you think you don't have anything in common with them any more. You might just need all that free time and flexibility that the CF have to help you in a time of need. Your CF friend is far more likely to be the one hightailing it across the city to get to you when the shit hits the fan than your parent friend."


this could have been written by a breeder. I don't know about you but I have very little "free time" to help breeders who only contact me when they need something.

m

Amen.

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myrna minkoff
"Think very carefully, parents, before dropping your childfree friends because you think you don't have anything in common with them any more. You might just need all that free time and flexibility that the CF have to help you in a time of need. Your CF friend is far more likely to be the one hightailing it across the city to get to you when the shit hits the fan than your parent friend."


this could have been written by a breeder. I don't know about you but I have very little "free time" to help breeders who only contact me when they need something.

m

I know where yummy's coming from, but I also have to agree with myrna. I think breeders know all too well the perks (real or imagined) of having a childfree friend. When they aren't telling us how we'll change our minds or regaling us with tales of heifer woe punctuated by "it's all worth it," they generally see CFers as sources of stuff and service. Since we're not burdened with kids, they think this means we have all this spare time and can drop whatever we're doing to go assist them with anything. Also, since we don't have a herd of arm-flapping anklebiters to wrangle, we obviously have shitloads of extra cash to shower on them and their monsters in the form of birthday gifts, holiday gifts, just-because gifts or kiddy fundraisers.

Some breeders are smart and will hang on to CF friends, but only because CF friends can prove very useful. The thing is, breeders will almost never return the favor or express gratitude when you do something for them, even if it's a huge inconvenience for you. And once you do something for them, they'll come to expect it all the time because you're just there to serve them.

Breeders are not above taking advantage of people's kindness because they're selfish assholes. Funny how she only reached out to you (after not keeping in touch for ages) because she needed help with her brats. Sounds like her cow friends aren't worth talking to either, but all I can say is to not let her take take take now that she knows you're willing to do shit for her. Otherwise, she might decide on a moment's notice to dump her kids on you before taking off on a week-long vacation with no way to contact her.

Wow, so this lady collapses and not one of her "friends" with kids can find the time to check on her? Because they're too busy with their kids? Sure, your friend is having a health crisis and may die, but little Billy's soccer practice is so much more pressing.

These people are not her friends, kids or no. They would leave her to die in a puddle of her own bodily fluids before lifting a finger to help.

When I say free time, I don't have that much of it. But one of the advantages of being CF is that I have a more flexible life than parents do. And I like it that way.

I might choose to use that flexibility to help others, but then, I also might not, if they take advantage, or ASSume that I will pick up any pieces when shit hits the fan in my friends' lives.

Breeders THINK they can trust other breeders. But really, the only thing other breeders are into is their own spawn. And this is the lesson my friend has had to learn. Now, she's home from the hospital, still in pain waiting for her gallbladder to be taken out altogether (they just removed the stone) and she's getting fuck all visits or help from these mummy friends. And her husband has gone on a business trip, leaving her with 3 kids by herself when she's in a ton of pain.She was hinting about me coming over and helping with the kids, but I said to her she needs to tell his useless arse to take some holiday or parental leave or something, because it's not fair to expect her to cope with that or put on her friends to take care of the kids he chose to have and he allowed to live with them full time. Fuck that. It's one thing going to see her in hospital, but another providing childcare for her lazy prick of a husband.

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trance formation usa
Wow, so this lady collapses and not one of her "friends" with kids can find the time to check on her? Because they're too busy with their kids? Sure, your friend is having a health crisis and may die, but little Billy's soccer practice is so much more pressing.

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yummynotmummy
Breeders THINK they can trust other breeders. But really, the only thing other breeders are into is their own spawn. And this is the lesson my friend has had to learn. Now, she's home from the hospital, still in pain waiting for her gallbladder to be taken out altogether (they just removed the stone) and she's getting fuck all visits or help from these mummy friends. And her husband has gone on a business trip, leaving her with 3 kids by herself when she's in a ton of pain.

But... but... I thought PYMABP, and that we're the "selfish" ones!1!! :drool

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yummynotmummy
When I say free time, I don't have that much of it. But one of the advantages of being CF is that I have a more flexible life than parents do. And I like it that way.

I might choose to use that flexibility to help others, but then, I also might not, if they take advantage, or ASSume that I will pick up any pieces when shit hits the fan in my friends' lives.

Breeders THINK they can trust other breeders. But really, the only thing other breeders are into is their own spawn. And this is the lesson my friend has had to learn. Now, she's home from the hospital, still in pain waiting for her gallbladder to be taken out altogether (they just removed the stone) and she's getting fuck all visits or help from these mummy friends. And her husband has gone on a business trip, leaving her with 3 kids by herself when she's in a ton of pain.She was hinting about me coming over and helping with the kids, but I said to her she needs to tell his useless arse to take some holiday or parental leave or something, because it's not fair to expect her to cope with that or put on her friends to take care of the kids he chose to have and he allowed to live with them full time. Fuck that. It's one thing going to see her in hospital, but another providing childcare for her lazy prick of a husband.

What a doucherocket! I have an important health-related appointment coming up at the end of January, and my husband is taking the entire WEEK off to look after me! I wouldn't tolerate that from ANY man, as he'd be out the door pronto.

Her asshat husband can look after their own crotchfruit. It's time you bowed out of this shit before you find yourself being a slave to both of them.

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yummynotmummy
And her husband has gone on a business trip, leaving her with 3 kids by herself when she's in a ton of pain.She was hinting about me coming over and helping with the kids,

lariouslariouslarious

Yummy, I think you have been a good friend to this woman, however, I also think you have done a disservice to the childfree through your post. We may, by and large, be more reliable than the breeders as we don't have the obligations that come along with raising children; however, that does not mean that we have the time and willingness to run to parents' aid when no one else will. You are confirming breeder's long standing sentiment that frustrates many of us here time and time again - that because we don't have kids to attend to, we can drop everything to help them when no one else will. I don't want that kind of pressure. I don't want my time to be portrayed as something to be monopolized at the disposal of others because I choose not to spawn. You are correct that childfreedom allows more flexibility, but I don't think its fair to portray it as something that is positive because it can potentially be of aid to them.

You gave her something and she wants more. What a shocker.

And she has a husband but isn't holding him responsible for doing his share. Double shocker!

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brattymcpants
Yummy, I think you have been a good friend to this woman, however, I also think you have done a disservice to the childfree through your post. We may, by and large, be more reliable than the breeders as we don't have the obligations that come along with raising children; however, that does not mean that we have the time and willingness to run to parents' aid when no one else will. You are confirming breeder's long standing sentiment that frustrates many of us here time and time again - that because we don't have kids to attend to, we can drop everything to help them when no one else will. I don't want that kind of pressure. I don't want my time to be portrayed as something to be monopolized at the disposal of others because I choose not to spawn. You are correct that childfreedom allows more flexibility, but I don't think its fair to portray it as something that is positive because it can potentially be of aid to them.

Sure as hell not something I meant to do and I apologise to anyone who has taken it that way. I meant it in the context of my friend, and how she has behaved - people here have said they might have reacted differently, which is fair enough. I was happy to give my friend a second chance, but she won't get a third one.

In this context, my friend and I have known one another a long time, and she dropped me (and other CF friends) for a new group of yummy mummies once she sprogged. However, the point I was making is that it was not those who were rallying round her when she shit hit the fan. The fact that I did help her was not only because I am CF, but because she is a long standing friend, and I know her very well. I don't particuarly feel sad for her that her new breeder mates dropped her, I think she's learning the hard way that new shiny things aren't always what they appear to be. And I do have my limits - yes. the flexibility in my life means that it's easier for me to come to someone's aid in a crisis (if I am so inclined) but that does not extend to watchng kids in my free time. And if anyone came to expect it, then they would be told very firmly to get stuffed.

I meant this post in the context that my friend has learned a hard lesson about breeders and their priorities, so she might not want to be so quick to decide she doesn't have anything n common with her old friends any more. I am certainly not implying that any of us should be at the service of breeders or even PNBs if that's what they demand, and believe me, there are plently of breeders in my time ncluding those in my own family that I have told to take a hike.

Once again, apologies for any offence - none meant.

No offense taken, at least from my perspective. I could see what you were saying with your original post: that breeders dumping CF friends in favor of other breeder friends might regret doing so when said breeder buddies are too bizzy to help them when they fall on their asses. An unchilded person is much more likely to be a better, more loyal friend because they don't spend all day worshiping their little crotch stains and looking for udder rubs. But it's easy for breeders to see the potential in a friend who has no brat-related obligations and just use said friend for favors and money. They do it all the time, and once you start giving a breeder a little bit, they come to expect your help as much as they expect a faucet to run water or a toilet to flush. They will continue taking advantage of your kindness without so much as entertaining the thought of repaying you or thanking you. Cue histrionics when you refuse to help them.

I'm sure there are a lot of folks here who have made the mistake of aiding a breeder in some way, only to realize that breeders are almost never worth helping. They are selfish gimmie pigs whose only interest is having their own needs met. They will generally not reciprocate; not pay you money owed; won't help you if you fall on hard times; will squat in your home long after they've worn out their welcome, and so forth.

I am not offended. I learned from this in many ways.

1.) Help others
2.) Know when to stop helping others
3.) Be prepared for tragedy or sickness
4.) Don't have three kids so you can respond to said tragedy or sickness.
5.) A person is not immortal and should plan for the future.

All too often we believe that we may never die, as if we are invulnerable to crisis. It's an unwise way to think.

As for the concept of disservice, this is a double edged sword. On one hand, it may lead to exploitation. On the other, it serves as a blaring testament to what we have stated all along, that selfishness is a situational factor and is not inherent in either a CF or a Parent exclusively, but within both as conditions of living get harder. I would, instead of being upset at the inference, rely on the concept of individual difference. Simply because one person does it, does not mean that if we are expected to do something, that we must do it. We are the truly sovereign in this situation and I do not balk at the incident in which I must assert that truth. Indeed, I get a satisfaction of knowing that my life is more free and that I can CHOOSE NOT to help. Although there is a possibility that I would choose to help if not because of my moral code, but I would stop if there was an air of taking advantage.

that was beautifully stated, cathartist.

I am aware of the principle behind our pov. Whether we choose to help someone else out, whomever they may be, should be our decision. There are times where someone can really be behind the 8 ball through no fault of their own.
It is the expectation that we should drop all and help someone else cause we have no balls and chains: that is what chaps our hides.

two cents ¢¢

CERTIFIED HOSEHEAD!!!

people (especially women) do not give ONE DAMN about what they inflict on children and I defy anyone to prove me wrong

Dysfunctional relationships almost always have a child. The more dysfunctional, the more children.

The selfish wants of adults outweigh the needs of the child.

Some mistakes cannot be fixed, but some mistakes can be 'fixed'.

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one. Leo J. Burke

Adoption agencies have strict criteria (usually). Breeders, whose combined IQ's would barely hit triple digits, have none.

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twocents
I am aware of the principle behind our pov. Whether we choose to help someone else out, whomever they may be, should be our decision. There are times where someone can really be behind the 8 ball through no fault of their own.
It is the expectation that we should drop all and help someone else cause we have no balls and chains: that is what chaps our hides.

That is the breeder assumption. They have no idea what kind of obligations or problems we may have and they don't care. Try talking about any issues of ours with a breeder and see how long that lasts.

Expectations are worth nothing if they are not believed by those that they are about. They are then called misguided assumptions. To assume that I would always be at beck and call to drop my life to pander to a self-handicapping fool is beyond my limits as a person, and those who do not believe that are only kidding themselves. Rude awakenings build character, and thus are a service in themselves. The greatest thing we can do for stupidity is to end it. I would rather be countered by an assumption simply so I could have the opportunity to piss ALL over it. But this is just me.

I see no reason for yummynotmummy to apologize.

She made the call to help her breeder friend in trouble even though said friend has been neglecting yummy. Like others have said, this is an instructional situation when dealing with breeders. If breeder returns to past behavior then yummy shouldn't be so quick or eager to help. As others have said, CF people aren't at home twiddling their thumbs waiting for breeders to call when help is needed.

Cambion, love the "gimmie pigs" expression. larious