Buying house = starting a fambly...

Heard this remark the other day....."Oh, 'so and so' are buying a house. Guess that means the baaabies are will be on the way soon"

It reminded me of when we bought our first house. It was a small townhouse. We had been married 9 years at the time. My parents were still alive so.... the gossip as on. My parents make the big announcement that Starlady and Hubby are buying a house!!! They got congradulations because all the friends assumed that the loafs would be on the way soon. After all... my poooooor parents had waited NINE LONG YEARS for us to decide to sprog. Now.. with the house.. they would surely be on the way. My parents knew that we did not plan to have any kyds.. yet they were ofthe 'you'll change your mind' or 'it just happens' mentality.

I got comments from my parents friends and they asked how we'd fill up the TWO extra bedrooms. I said we had plans for them. Oh now that brough on ohhhs and ahhhhs and giggles. Then I corredted it by saying... 'NOT WITH KYDS"

We lived in that house for five years. One of my mother's friends came to visit once (with my mother) and I was showing them around the house. One of the bedrooms was set up as my work room for crafts and sewing and things. This womans went into our bedroom and said "THIS should be the workroom...you know. Tell Mr Starlady to get busy"

Okay.. so ... we sell that house and we buy another townhouse that is a bit bigger. (we needed tospread out) My mother was gone but my father was still around. Now my father was jumping for joy because we bought a bigger house and he said "OH..more room for little feet to run"

They just never GOT the CF idea.

My father still insisted that, even after my hysterectomy (which I had about 3 years after moving into the second house) that I could still have a bayyybeee because I still had 'the girls.' Such obsession with a grandsprog.....

My father passed away and we took the $$ from selling HIS house and bought the one we live in now. Wonder what they would have said about FOUR bedrooms, 3 baths, and 2400 square feet worth of house? OMG I guess they would have thought we planned to have a litter. Only addition we made to our fambly when we moved in here was.... another poodle.

But I hear this crap all the time. People decide to buy a house and suddenly they must be planning to sprog. Nevermiind that they have told them over and over that you have no interest in kyds... but you just want to own your own home and have space to enjoy your life. Those one track minds....... ack!

Just something I needed to vent about after hearing that remark the other day.

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Shit, this is so true. My in laws said to us when we struggled to save our deposit "well, if you don't plan on having kids, there's no real rush for you to get a place, is there"

We got fuck all from them, not even a fucking "new home" card or a plant, but the brother who sprogged just got a big cash gift from the inlaws to help them move, because they got made redundant and have to move to a new area for work.

I sympathize with you, starlady. Better Half and I have had two houses, and both were so that we could have more space AND have cats. Most landlords specify "No Pets" in any ad for an apartment, so that makes a house a necessity. Not a problem, really.

It takes a child to raze a village.

I have two houses - what does that make me? One is empty. Oooo a Famblee could be living there! Yeah, I don't want to rent to people with kids (yes, I know, "discrimination"). And I won't be renting it to anyone, anyway, because part of the roof blew off. Storm damage. Hey - it's off the condemned list! It got upgraded to like - uninhabitable or something like that. No I did not bribe the building inspector.

I would be living there too - if not for that.

I got a cheap deal on this place. It's also falling apart. (Not as bad). The (property) taxes here are too high and I am thinking of moving - but I don't know where.

I need some Old People. I'm thinking of how I could work the 'reverse mortgage' angle. All the ideas I'm coming up with are probably some type of fraud.

Discrimination, fraud, shifty biz deals, - See? There are plenty of reasons to buy a house that have *nothing to do with kids*.

My husband and I are living in a smallish townhouse. It is less than a thousand square feet. I guess you could describe it as 'cozy'?

Anyhoo, all of the townhouses are roughly the same size here, yet I see breeders with gaggles of brats crammed into these rather small places. There's barely enough room for hubby, me and the birds here! I couldn't imagine what it would be like to have kyds running around in it, too.

The reason we are staying here is because we want to save up for a house. The rent is quite reasonable, and it is very liveable the way we have it decorated. We had to be quite creative with space, and build shelves in all of the extra closets for extra storage, but it works for now. We both have the feeling we want to 'spread out' more, though. I want a nice yard and a deck, and an extra room for an aviary.

I think breeders are programmed, or rather, brainwashed into believing that any time someone wants to upgrade their living space is purely for the reason of breeding and nothing else. They're like fucking robots when it comes to this concept. They can't even imagine why a childless couple would want or even deserve the extra space, when a fambuly could be ZOMG living there.

Sux to be them, because I'd rather stay in this townhouse forever, living with my husband than move to a bigger house and have loaves. At least MY house is clean, quiet and zen. It is a very peaceful environment for us and the critters, and when we move to our next home, it's going to be the same - only bigger.

Mr. Random and I own a "cozy" little condo (less than 1000 square feet), and some people actually gave us flak for buying a "beginner" home. I say, more space means more cleaning and more crap to put in it. An actual guest room would be nice, as we use the second bedroom as office space. But we don't NEED it. Friends who know our lifestyle and such weren't surprised when we bought a tiny place. The ones who'd hint that we would just need a bigger place in a couple years because BABBIEEEES were, of course, people who didn't know us well at all. I didn't even bother correcting them.They can keep scratching their heads, because I can't be bothered.

I'm an unusual specimen of a female, I moved out soon as I hit 18 rented a place I was doing up, made profit, didn't want to move back home, bought my first house at 19, a two bedroom townhouse, on bathroom and car lock up, lived alone with my cat while I did up the place, sold it at 20, lossing profit because I was stupidly convinced to build a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom 2 car duplex with my perants who owned the other side as it was being built, but sold their side off.

I don't mind this place, its large enough to feel comfterble when I lived here with just my two kitties, I made one of the bedrooms my computer room with all my awesome stuff in it, the other at first I kept as a guest bedroom, but when I changed it to be a personal gym room, my god did my relatives moo on about using my two spare bedrooms as things for personal enjoyment.

In all my homes people kept saying now all you need is a guy, because I was always single by choice, my family kept shipping the possibility of one of my guy friends being more than just that. Several years later im now with Mr exile, so the all you need now is a guy remarks have stopped, but now the 'at least when you have kids' remarks have now started.

I often say I wish I'd stayed at my last home, it was just big enough, I don't use my yard cept for my dog as an outside area/tolite, I use one full room for storage, and this area is full of screaming kids.

But regardless, I know as soon as I get married the new bingos will begin about when are the babies coming along?

As the rhyme go's: first come love, then comes marriage, then comes such n such with a baby carriage.
So I'm sure all the breeders think were currently just In the love stage.

First comes love, then comes the CF discussion, then comes marriage, then comes a vasectomy.
At least that combo worked for me.

First comes love... and love is all you need.

Ya know.. I think all the pressure and comments drove us deeper into CFness. We were 'on the fence' when we got married. When those comments started.. thick and fast almost as soon as we got up the asile... I think we started to rebel. I was one of those kyds who, when told what to do... I did something else. LOL

I think I also got more and more poodles just out of spite. My parents too my first dog from me when I was 10 becauseTHEY didn't want it. Then, when I wanted my first poodle when I was 20.. they pitched a fit and didn't want it in the house. I got it anyway and my parents grew to love him so much that they wouldn't let me take him with me when I got married. So.. I got another one....and another... and one died... and I got another.... and on and on. (Never more than 3 at a time) So I guess I was paying my parents back for taking away 2 of my dogs by not having kyds and just getting more and more poodles. LOL 41 years after I got the first pup... I am still a 'poodle mom' One time I just flat out told my parents... "You have poodles for grandchyldren. Get used to it and be glad you have that" Yep... I was a smart arse kid.. and young adult.

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starlady
Ya know.. I think all the pressure and comments drove us deeper into CFness.

For Dh and I, it was the beginning of having to declare ourselves childfree. Before marriage and home ownership, you don't have to deal with so many ass-umptions. When we bought a house, the first question from women to me was "so, which room is going to be the nursery?" and "oh, this would be the perfect room for a baby! you'll have soooo much fun decorating!"

My expression was probably like a gaping fish: "umm, nursery? no nursery. We aren't having kids. I think Dh wants this room for his trains."

Damn, that brings back bad memories. As an introvert and a bit of a mouse back then, I didn't have the attitude or words to deal with it comfortably. I wish I had possessed my current middle years detachment and 'don't give a fuck' attitude, I might have had more fun with the situation. "Babies? We ain't havin' no stinkin' babies! This will be our toy room. You know, toooyyys?" ::nudge-nudge-wink:::

Crap.. I've had loads of fun decorating all my houses and not one room was a nursery. Oh.. unless you want to count my work room/sewing room in my first house where I built a corner box for one of my poodles to have her puppies. Closest thing to a nursery I ever had. LOL

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starlady
Crap.. I've had loads of fun decorating all my houses and not one room was a nursery. Oh.. unless you want to count my work room/sewing room in my first house where I built a corner box for one of my poodles to have her puppies. Closest thing to a nursery I ever had. LOL

:::: Starlady conducts a tour through her home::::

"So, this is the room where the whelping box will be. I think it will be nice to put it in the corner, the babies will benefit from the southern exposure. I know that sunshine is critical for the health of my future precious ones!"

:::comment is heard from the peanut gallery. Starlady responds::::

"That's right, I said whelping box. Why would I need a crib? That's too high, the babies would hurt themselves jumping out! .... Ohhhh, you mean a baby? A human baby?! Oh goodness, what makes you think I'll be having one of those? Ew. No. I'm talking about my poodle. Only the best for her, you know!::

::: Starlady walks off muttering "a baby? Jeezus Christ in a sidecar. why in the hell would I want a baby? ::::

ROFLMBO !!!

Yep.. I would say that now... Back then (about 30 years ago) I just kind of eyerolled.

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starlady
Ya know.. I think all the pressure and comments drove us deeper into CFness. We were 'on the fence' when we got married. When those comments started.. thick and fast almost as soon as we got up the asile... I think we started to rebel. I was one of those kyds who, when told what to do... I did something else. LOL

I think I also got more and more poodles just out of spite. My parents too my first dog from me when I was 10 becauseTHEY didn't want it. Then, when I wanted my first poodle when I was 20.. they pitched a fit and didn't want it in the house. I got it anyway and my parents grew to love him so much that they wouldn't let me take him with me when I got married. So.. I got another one....and another... and one died... and I got another.... and on and on. (Never more than 3 at a time) So I guess I was paying my parents back for taking away 2 of my dogs by not having kyds and just getting more and more poodles. LOL 41 years after I got the first pup... I am still a 'poodle mom' One time I just flat out told my parents... "You have poodles for grandchyldren. Get used to it and be glad you have that" Yep... I was a smart arse kid.. and young adult.

Sorry, but at 20 you were not a "kid." You were an adult who should have refrained from getting a pet until you had your own place. I am now on my second adult dog. My childhood dog died at almost 18 years old when I was out of college. My parents ended up watching my idiot sibling's dog die of old age. I also ended up with said sibling's second dog that I paid dearly to keep alive the last year of her life.
Long story short, nobody should bring a pet into their home unless they are an independent, self supporting a adult.

I don't think it's even just buying a house, but any major purchase as an adult has to relate back to breeding. "Oh, you can't buy that Mustang because there's not enough room in it for kyds!" or "So you're gonna sell your jet-ski since you won't be using it once you grow up and have kyds, right?" or "Why don't you get a pool instead of a hot tub for when you have kyds?" Just because you want a home with space doesn't mean you want to fill every single fuckin' centimeter of it, and certainly not with brats. It's especially fun when you tell these assbags that you're not breeding and they still bring up "when you have kids" as a reason why you should buy one thing or shouldn't buy another.

Perhaps my input isn't all that meaningful since I'm not a homeowner, nor do I ever intend to become one. Just dealing with all the second-hand bullshit associated with home ownership in my mother's house over the years (including her hoarding) has swayed me toward renting long-term.

There's three bathrooms in my house, and only two of us. LOL
I think we've been lucky, nobody's bingoed us, but we're out about it.

This house is how I get to retire at 45-47. Ain't never throwing money away again! But I'm happy to rent out my other two houses. Please do pay for me to stop working! :cigar

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evilchildlessbitch

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starlady
Ya know.. I think all the pressure and comments drove us deeper into CFness. We were 'on the fence' when we got married. When those comments started.. thick and fast almost as soon as we got up the asile... I think we started to rebel. I was one of those kyds who, when told what to do... I did something else. LOL

I think I also got more and more poodles just out of spite. My parents too my first dog from me when I was 10 becauseTHEY didn't want it. Then, when I wanted my first poodle when I was 20.. they pitched a fit and didn't want it in the house. I got it anyway and my parents grew to love him so much that they wouldn't let me take him with me when I got married. So.. I got another one....and another... and one died... and I got another.... and on and on. (Never more than 3 at a time) So I guess I was paying my parents back for taking away 2 of my dogs by not having kyds and just getting more and more poodles. LOL 41 years after I got the first pup... I am still a 'poodle mom' One time I just flat out told my parents... "You have poodles for grandchyldren. Get used to it and be glad you have that" Yep... I was a smart arse kid.. and young adult.

Sorry, but at 20 you were not a "kid." You were an adult who should have refrained from getting a pet until you had your own place. I am now on my second adult dog. My childhood dog died at almost 18 years old when I was out of college. My parents ended up watching my idiot sibling's dog die of old age. I also ended up with said sibling's second dog that I paid dearly to keep alive the last year of her life.
Long story short, nobody should bring a pet into their home unless they are an independent, self supporting a adult.

Okay... let me calrify a bit here. My parents GOT me the first dog (a golden retriever pup) because my grandmother had been given the dog and she didn't want it. (I was 10)
My first poodle WAS approved by my parents before I got him. I didn't just 'bring him in there with no approval.' Mhy father was just a bit hesitant to welcome another dog in to the house because of the old 'it's too hard when they die' thing. They just fell in love with him on first sight. my grandmother (who was a bit sinile by then) lived with them. She was very attached to the dog. so I left it there when I got married. At 20 I was no where near getting my own place and I hadn't even met my future hubby yet. I was married at 23. So for all intents and purposes after that my first poodle belonged to my parents... except for the day I had to drive him to the vet to be put down. (15 years later) My father never recovered completely from that.
Does that clarify?

Sorry Starlady,
I thought from your post you just showed up with a dog one day. My bad reading skills.
In that case, I'm not sure why they would complain. I think I have just known entirely too many people who stayed at home or boomeranged through their 20's who acquired a pet that got dumped on the parents without notice or just dumped period because they just had to have a dog or other pet when they had no stable home period. These are the same people who also usually boomeranged with spawn later in life though.
Your situation is totally different in that case so I apologize again.

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evilchildlessbitch
Sorry Starlady,
I thought from your post you just showed up with a dog one day. My bad reading skills.
In that case, I'm not sure why they would complain. I think I have just known entirely too many people who stayed at home or boomeranged through their 20's who acquired a pet that got dumped on the parents without notice or just dumped period because they just had to have a dog or other pet when they had no stable home period. These are the same people who also usually boomeranged with spawn later in life though.
Your situation is totally different in that case so I apologize again.

it's okay... I didnt' explain right. My father initially didn't want the dog but we won him over. I didn't have any intention of moving out of their house for a fewyears at that point. I was still in school and working and was jsut not ready to be on my own yet. They knew from the start that they would be feeding and walking a bit and were fine with it. I payed the vet bills. My grandmother got a nice furry companion in her last few years. So he ended up being the family pet and giving him up when I got married wasn't so bad. I just got one that was really MINE.

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Starlady
Crap.. I've had loads of fun decorating all my houses and not one room was a nursery. Oh.. unless you want to count my work room/sewing room in my first house where I built a corner box for one of my poodles to have her puppies. Closest thing to a nursery I ever had. LOL

I am interested in decorating too!

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Presto
This house is how I get to retire at 45-47. Ain't never throwing money away again! But I'm happy to rent out my other two houses. Please do pay for me to stop working!

I want to get more rental houses too! Yes I would like to make money - but a big motivation for me on this is because I am interested in Interior Design. I know nothing about that, nor have any training in that.

It is very intimidating to me, I probably should go to school for it. But I cannot stand any more school and the 'top one' here for that is $$$.
I also know this girl who went to Harvard Design School - and she has more of a biz job. It's a cut throat biz and there are alot of talented people here. But I figure - If I own the thing ~

I do understand the biz / legal / paperwork end of RE. That I can do. I think I have a pretty 'good eye' for things too. No laughing at my IKEA and garage sale furniture! LOL

There is a market for 'other types' of housing also. 'Retirement or Empty Nester Homes' for lack of the proper term. (I do think these are sometimes referred to as Empty Nester homes.) Which would be homes that have bigger LRs and rooms meant to be offices, not so many bedrooms for kids, etc. Yes, this is 'a thing'.

I am also interested in alternative construction and energy systems. I hope to go more into this type of work. It's very complex stuff. I need a book like Slum Lording For Dummies ~

Wait - maybe there is such a book ~

I do want to do things 'the right way' and make it a fair deal for all. I don't need alot of money. I am interested in the doing of these things - and maybe some time down the line I could go into bigger projects. Maybe I will make the CF Colony Anyone want to start a commune?
Probably not because IMO the most attractive area 'around here' is MI and that's to harsh of weather for many people.

It's all mentally engaging stuff. I often wish I'd gone into these things when younger. But - why not now? No kids = do what you want! wink

"Slum Lording For Dummies"

One time when we owned our last house, a 4 bedroom, a relative of my husband's was asking about it at a family get together. She obviously didn't know us very well, because when she learned it had 4 bedrooms, she said "oh, so plenty of room to fill up with kids!" I said, "we're not having kids." Without missing a beat, she responded with, "oh, not yet." Lady, what? Don't presume to speak for me. I of course corrected her.

When we bought our current house, also a 4 bedroom, we didn't get any bingoes. We did, however get some rumblings from both sides about "in law suites" and room for our parents to "take care of them when they get old".

Nope. Not gonna happen. I'm a very private person and an introvert, and peacefully coexisting with my husband is enough for me. The only way I'm living with any more people is if something economically catastrophic happens and we need to take on paying roommates.

I don't know where these people get off. I don't owe them. My mother is deceased (cancer), but she ingrained in me that it would never/should never be my or my siblings responsibility to take care of her if/when she could no longer take care of herself. Indeed, when she got sick, she took care of herself, then my grandparents did, then she went into hospice when it became too much. She wouldn't dream of becoming that kind of imposition.

Meanwhile, my emotionally abusive dad and my clingy MIL think they're going to get "taken care of when they're old" by us? Nuh uh. They can figure that out for themselves, just like we're going to have to.

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gnarler
When we bought our current house, also a 4 bedroom, we didn't get any bingoes. We did, however get some rumblings from both sides about "in law suites" and room for our parents to "take care of them when they get old".

Nope. Not gonna happen. I'm a very private person and an introvert, and peacefully coexisting with my husband is enough for me. The only way I'm living with any more people is if something economically catastrophic happens and we need to take on paying roommates.

I hear what you're saying and these kinds of ideas factor into my plans, too.

The only 'elder' I really have to worry about is my Mom. And we get along ok - as long as there is enough space between us. She is not that old yet and does still work. When she retires -

My idea is to find two houses close to each other, doesn't have to be 'next door' - can be 'down the street' - this would be ideal, I think. And she can be 'my renter'. If I sell what I have and she likewise - there is enough $ to do this. But not huge money and the real difficulty is finding such things in a workable area. And I have expensive taste and she hates everything.

And there is NO WAY we can live in the same house together, not even in any kind of small apt. bldg. There would be enough for one of those too. NO FREAKING WAY. She'd be on my case like flies on shit and I do not need to be pestered and nagged 24/7. I have plenty of fond memories of my childhood, thanks.

I'm trying to work all this out too. Not fun.