MIL update - I am no longer the most ebil person in the universe now SIL's gone back to work!

The visit to MIL went OK - I mostly sidestepped it and left it to OH, but I did the civil/polite greeting stuff.

It appears she has now decided I am not public enemy number one any more, because SIL went back to work this week, leaving 6 m o loaf in daycare. SIL is now the worst Moo in the world because she doesn't want to be a crunchy attachment SHAMOO. First there was the no beefing and now this!

SIL is "bored" at home with the baby because "he doesn't do very much" well duhh, what the fuck did you think babies did apart from eat, sleep and shit? She also said she was missing work and missing her colleagues and adult conversations. This makes her, in MIL's eyes, an abomination. MIL was a SAHM until OH (youngest) was well into primary school.

She started bitching to me about SIL, but I shut her down. I told her straight, I can't really argue with SIL on this one since there's nothing I'd rather do less than be cooped up 24/7 with a small child, hence why I don't have any.

Unsurprisingly, she then turned the conversation back to gardening.

SIL sounds like a potential PNB if she's talking about going back to work, missing adult conversations and not being a SHAMOO. up

Put this one with: "Breeders are never satisfied, Part 387,567."

The MIL is a prime example of this. Her DIL had a child and made her a grandmoo, yet because she won't be a SAHMoo, MIL is on her case and dissing her to whomever will listen.

One of the greatest lies about Moohood is that it's all one big, happy sorority. At least that's what they want you to think. When I was younger, I naively thought that joining the cult of Moohood meant people would stop harassing me to have a kyd. Little did know, it only gets more tricky and complicated after you get in. Ever seen Moos shred each other over breast versus bottle, GD versus CIO, working outside the home versus SAHMOO? It's an ugly sight.

So glad I opted out of that hot mess.

@ bell_flower:
"One of the greatest lies about Moohood is that it's all one big, happy sorority."-> THIS.

I read once a forum, where moos were trashing a moo because she had c-section. They told her
she were no real mother when she didn't have natural birth :-))))
Some of the moos also stated you had to have natural birth without any painkillers, because the pain
is a part of the bonding with the baby :-))))))

@ yummynotmummy: so you are out of the line of fire - for now.

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mrs. chinaski
@ bell_flower:
"One of the greatest lies about Moohood is that it's all one big, happy sorority."-> THIS.

I read once a forum, where moos were trashing a moo because she had c-section. They told her
she were no real mother when she didn't have natural birth :-))))
Some of the moos also stated you had to have natural birth without any painkillers, because the pain
is a part of the bonding with the baby :-))))))

@ yummynotmummy: so you are out of the line of fire - for now.

When was "bonding" invented?

@ khan: I don't know. I googled it but I didn't find much to the concept like f.e. who described it first etc.

However I found this:

Sometimes, the bond is immediate -- parents fall in love the instant they set eyes on their little "bundle of joy." Other times, bonding with the baby takes longer. Studies have found that about 20% of new moms and dads feel no real emotional attachment to their newborn in the hours after delivery. Sometimes, it takes weeks or even months to feel that attachment.

-> can this also mean that 20% parunts NEVER form a bond with their kyd?

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yummynotmummy
She started bitching to me about SIL, but I shut her down. I told her straight, I can't really argue with SIL on this one since there's nothing I'd rather do less than be cooped up 24/7 with a small child, hence why I don't have any.

this is gold, i'll have to remember something along these lines for future conversations with relatives and mr exiles family, im sure something like this will happen as soon as my brother has a child, my mum will be the sort to have wanted a grandchild, then when she gets one, she'll likely not be happy with a lot of how its raised, and complain to me about it, as the only CF person she knows, thinking I wont throw her logic back at her because im CF.

yummy its great to hear you get a win with this MIL, I know you've some annoying encounters in the past, it wont be the end of it, but atleast for now your in a nicer light.

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mrs. chinaski
@ khan: I don't know. I googled it but I didn't find much to the concept like f.e. who described it first etc.

However I found this:

Sometimes, the bond is immediate -- parents fall in love the instant they set eyes on their little "bundle of joy." Other times, bonding with the baby takes longer. Studies have found that about 20% of new moms and dads feel no real emotional attachment to their newborn in the hours after delivery. Sometimes, it takes weeks or even months to feel that attachment.

-> can this also mean that 20% parunts NEVER form a bond with their kyd?

I know my mom admitted to me once that she never "bonded" with either of us until we were over a year old. So, she was one of those 20% who later did 'bond' with us (sort of). But, I do think, like you, that there is a subset of pahrunts that never feel the attachment. I'd probably put it at 10% or so, if that 20% is a real number. I have my doubts about that - I think the real number is higher. I also would love to see a study about how many are STILL 'bonded' after the loaf has hit toadlerhood or older. We all know of breeders who only seem to care about the loaves while they are fresh.

"Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live, it is asking others to live as one wishes to live." - Oscar Wilde

That bond thing does NOT work both ways. Bonding is about the infant, nothing to do with the mother.
Of course crunchy moos are all "my telepathic bond with my crystal/indigo spirit child is soooo deep I know what she's thinking before she says it!"
My moo thought she was one of these.

The "bond" is about the child's need for a home base, the safe people in its life it knows it can rely on to provide food, diapers, comfort, and discipline. Yes, the child is supposed to start pushing against boundaries to see who is in charge. If no one tells it no, it thinks IT rules the world and that is very damaging because it is also aware on some level that it knows very little and shouldn't be the one in charge.
Attachment parenting is a weird perversion of attachment theory. It probably helps a lot of idiots do child attachment better than they would have without hearing about it, but the child literally doesn't care if it is satisfying the parent's needs in the "mutual bond" these retards think happens.
At the age of 5-8, somewhere in there, the child fully integrates the concept that moo and duh are not extensions of itself, other people aren't alter egos but other individuals, and finally begins to care just a little bit about what satisfaction it's parents are deriving from the experience of their relationship, rather than if it will be getting in. trouble or not

Children are natural psychopaths, this is normal. It is parent's job to train it out of them.
There is no two way bonding, no matter how deeeep moo's feeeewings on the matter go.
It is equally psychopathic to think you can birth your own soul mates, and far to late to train this concept out of crunchy parents heads.
Hence the world we live in is what it is.

@ amethyst114: I also believe that the figures are manipulated.
People tend to lie even in anonymous surveys.

Yesterday, I read an article about children abused and even killed by their parents.
There are far too many cases - statistically, there are two abused children / school class
(in the country where I live).

@ Presto: this sounds interesting and true.
Honestly, I don't understand this "bond" concept per definition.
When I lived in an another city, our neighbours had a dog. I spent a lot of time
with their dog, I really liked the dog and he liked me. That's maybe the closest thing
to a "bond" I ever experienced.
Even if I had a kyd, I cannot imagine any "bond" between us.
I cannot imagine that two people can form a "bond" because people are egoists and
everyone follows his interests only.

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keeper of traken
SIL sounds like a potential PNB if she's talking about going back to work, missing adult conversations and not being a SHAMOO. up

SIL is an accountant, and her job is well paid. I don't blame her for not wanting to interrupt her career too much at this time either, there's just been a massive restructure and redundancies where she works (same place as BIL) and she figured extended mooternity wouldn't sit well. Their work head office is also moving, so they will have a house move to contend with at some point, so I guess they don't want a reduced income for that. MIL was trying at one point to get people to contribute to a "moving fund" for them for their wedding "because baybee" - I'm pretty sure she assumed SIL would be staying home at that point, because she was babbling on about how hard it would be for them living in such an expensive part of the country with only one salary. Needless to say, we did not contribute.

This "bonding" malarkey I'm sure is a modern Moocult invention, just like attachment parunting. Not to mention a way to keep women in their place - breeding and feeding. My mum admitted that she didn't like the baybee stage, and didn't really bond with me until I was walking and talking and showing some personality. My mum also went back to work after 6 months, it was my dad that stayed home as he was studying. Back then, it was unheard of, but I liked having a stay at home dad. MIL says it "explains a lot" about my tomboyish ways!

As for a softening of MIL's attitude towards me, well I take that with a bucket of salt. She'll find something else to complain about soon enough. While it's nice to be out of the firing line (and it gives OH a break from the whinging) this does not mean our relationship is repaired - I have not forgotten the mean things she has said the past few months.

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bell_flower
"Breeders are never satisfied, Part 387,567."

Ain't this the truth.