Childfree dating and why I hate it

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freya
There are a bazillion women out there who want kids, why push my buttons when he knows I don't want them? My only other thought is that he is talking to so many women that he has completely forgotten I'm not a wanna-be breeder and thinks he is impressing me by interjecting sprogs every chance he gets.

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Cambion
If I had to guess, I'd say he's looking for a woman to bang who hasn't bred yet and he's willing to agree with whatever you say to get a date, and he's hoping to slowly ease you into having kids by "subtly" mentioning them. In other words, he thinks you're desperate for a mate and he just has to change your mind. Or that he thinks his genes/looks/cock are all so magnificent that you'll change your mind about having his babies once you feast your eyes on him and meet him.

I think wanna-breeders see childfree folks as some kind of challenge. You say until you're blue in the face you don't want kids and they think they can change you. Sometimes they let you know right away about their motives, but other times, they lie to your face for years in a committed relationship and you fall for it.

It also shows that you have actual standards, unlike other breeders and wanna-breeders. It might explain why so many breeders and wanna-breeders think they're "entitled" to relationships with childfree people rather than sticking to their own kind. They want to be the first ones to piss in the pool, like it's some kind of accomplishment. It doesn't seem to cross their tiny minds that we sure as fuck don't want their asses if they have kids, want kids or are leaning closer to the breeding side of the fence.

I'd tell this one to fuck off. Maybe he doesn't understand the concept of a woman who doesn't want kids ever, or maybe he doesn't care. You don't have to hate kids to be childfree, but someone who just talks about kids for the sake of talking about kids is someone who wants to breed.

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gnocchi
I hope I don't come off sounding too harsh here-- it's not directed at you:

He's either a piss-poor listener or can't keep you straight among the other ladies he's chatting up (which, for all we know, could total all of 1 besides yourself)... Might want to keep looking.

I hate to even say that sentence, because my guts still clench when I remember singlehood/dating (DH better not die before I do!).

You have a distinct set of values and attributes that a fellow searcher of quality will deeply appreciate. Keep yer pecker up

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Cambion
If I had to guess, I'd say he's looking for a woman to bang who hasn't bred yet and he's willing to agree with whatever you say to get a date, and he's hoping to slowly ease you into having kids by "subtly" mentioning them. In other words, he thinks you're desperate for a mate and he just has to change your mind. Or that he thinks his genes/looks/cock are all so magnificent that you'll change your mind about having his babies once you feast your eyes on him and meet him.

I think wanna-breeders see childfree folks as some kind of challenge. You say until you're blue in the face you don't want kids and they think they can change you. Sometimes they let you know right away about their motives, but other times, they lie to your face for years in a committed relationship and you fall for it.

It also shows that you have actual standards, unlike other breeders and wanna-breeders. It might explain why so many breeders and wanna-breeders think they're "entitled" to relationships with childfree people rather than sticking to their own kind. They want to be the first ones to piss in the pool, like it's some kind of accomplishment. It doesn't seem to cross their tiny minds that we sure as fuck don't want their asses if they have kids, want kids or are leaning closer to the breeding side of the fence.

I'd tell this one to fuck off. Maybe he doesn't understand the concept of a woman who doesn't want kids ever, or maybe he doesn't care. You don't have to hate kids to be childfree, but someone who just talks about kids for the sake of talking about kids is someone who wants to breed.

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Zzelda
I'll agree with all this and add that he might be the type who thinks throwing around the words 'kids' 'famblee' etc - somehow 'scores points' with women.

Who knows? Oh also - if the guy *has kids* - of course he thinks that *his kids* "are different" And of course has Kodak Moments of Famblee dancing in the head - they've already tried to do that, as the kids are proof. So he might just be trying to worm in his kids - he may want more too - as many Single Parents do - to "seal the deal" with the new chump / chumpess.

I'd lose this guy, he sounds like he has issues, and probably has or wants kids.

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videogamesforeverkidsnever
I was once talking to a then-24-year-old (he's probably about 26 now) who loves kids and knew I didn't want them.

He confidently told me via text once that he'll change my mind about kids by showing me how "awesome" they are or something similar.

He has/had a pal who has a 4 to 5-year-old and noted that he referred to himself as "Uncle (insert his name here)".

I think this duh-in-the-making had a subpar childhood and he's damaged by it.

Perhaps he wishes to re-create his subpar upbringing through a kid, like it is a chance to start over? IDK.

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exile
from my online dating experiences, I found that their are a few groups of *don't have/want any/more kids of my own/yours*

1. I don't want kids.. right now, maybe later
2. you were hot, didn't read/cant recall if you were a maybe or not
3. I don't want to breed, but i'll search for anything with opposite genitals and deal with that bridge when it comes along
3. I actually do want to breed, but i'll get more dates from people who think they can change my mind with sex.

if I could recall just how many guys I went out with that were an uncertain through to did not want, on the breeding scale, I couldn't tell you how many were opposed to the idea that I didn't want kids as a female, even as an eventually thing, even though back then as a fence sitter I flipped between listing as uncertain or did not want.

if he's woven a term or situation related to an under 18year old into less than 10 text messages, he's fishing,

if you come on strong that your not interested in kids, he'll either:

1. fake backing off and say that's cool he dosnt want them either, till 2 years into the relationship when he's slandering your name to everyone he knows, because you just wont seem to get pregnant with his DNA already.

2. or openly attack you for your not wanting kids for reals - which really dampens the desire to look for another guy right away.

if you come on too soft about not being interested, he'll see it as a brush off, and that your open to it at another time - as I've learnt from softly rejecting guys I didn't want to date, the breeder ones seem to think I mean not today, try again tomorrow.

if his profile says, I don't have kids, I don't want more of my own, and he wants the same in the other person, it might be time to question why he's bringing up topics surrounding kids?, but if it says what he wants in a partner includes uncertain, it's more likely he's hoping to find someone who will bang him till he "changes his mind".

I mean im not you, if your getting a gut feeling that something's not right, call him out on it, if your seriously just wanting to get in some practice dates, he might me a good target till you find something better worth taking it 100% for.

my brother and I were mainly online daters, he would at least go out and meet anyone who was interested in him, because he didn't believe that looks were bringing in the exact personality he wanted in a partner. I tried to stick more to the values I desired in a guy, but compromised for looks.

results:
he stuck with it and is now married to a brilliant hard working lawyer, she's genuinely pretty but the exact opposite to what he had been dating and failing with. -although they do want kids

me- I gave up on online dating, met my guy in person through freinds, complete opposite appearance/attitude to what I usually find attractive, perfect personality though. - mr exile is quite possibly a fence sitter though, his previous relationship the GF was hounding him to breed and he didn't want to, but thought eventually he'd have no choice, is just now learning about the CF world and forming his own opinion of where he stands on the issue.

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starlady
If I had to start dating at my age... I wouldn't have to worry about some guy wanting 'one of his own' I'd have to worry if he had grandsprogs he was obsessed with.

Like someone else said... My hubby better not die before me...or I'll just be a single widow.

I feel for you CF'ers and your dating woes... I really do. Glad it will never be me again.

Be careful.. is about all I can say.

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freya

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videogamesforeverkidsnever
I was once talking to a then-24-year-old (he's probably about 26 now) who loves kids and knew I didn't want them.

He confidently told me via text once that he'll change my mind about kids by showing me how "awesome" they are or something similar.

He has/had a pal who has a 4 to 5-year-old and noted that he referred to himself as "Uncle (insert his name here)".

I think this duh-in-the-making had a subpar childhood and he's damaged by it.

Perhaps he wishes to re-create his subpar upbringing through a kid, like it is a chance to start over? IDK.

Can he wrangle up a friend's kid and stay with the kid in an isolated environment for at least a week? And be really sad when he has to return the kid? If so, he probably does want kids.

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marco polo
Where are all the women with your attitude? Seriously. Every time I maybe get a date, they want nothing to do with me because I don't want kids. They are appalled that I got sterilized. ("Why would you DO that to yourself???")

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keeper of traken

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marco polo
Where are all the women with your attitude? Seriously. Every time I maybe get a date, they want nothing to do with me because I don't want kids. They are appalled that I got sterilized. ("Why would you DO that to yourself???")

This is one thing I'm apprehensive about. Not knowing how a woman will react that I'm snipped.

The only positive about this is that it weeds out the wannabreeders and the OMG-my-biological-clock-is-ticking whackjobs.