Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything...
Posted by cosmictraveler
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Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything... October 03, 2015 |
https://djndevin.wordpress.com/2015/09/28/6-reasons-my-husband-and-i-probably-wont-make-your-event-and-why-we-dont-want-you-to-take-it-personal/
Blog post with the usual breeder TMI and excuses for skipping out on social events they've already agreed to attend or RSVP'd for because kyyyyyyyyds! No wonder breeders' social lives often go down the toilet. They become the most self absorbed assholes ever.
Another reason once a friend spawns I sort of start just counting them as an aquaintance even if I truly care for them.
Blog post with the usual breeder TMI and excuses for skipping out on social events they've already agreed to attend or RSVP'd for because kyyyyyyyyds! No wonder breeders' social lives often go down the toilet. They become the most self absorbed assholes ever.
Another reason once a friend spawns I sort of start just counting them as an aquaintance even if I truly care for them.
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Re: Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything... October 03, 2015 |
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coco uk
Did you read the "retaliatory" article from a CF/CL person? http://thoughtcatalog.com/stephanie-harris/2015/10/6-reasons-i-probably-wont-make-it-to-your-kids-god-awful-event-and-why-i-dont-want-you-to-take-it-personally/
Nice!
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StudioFiftyFour
My experience has been that unless the event involves a bunch of people bringing a gift for their kydz, breeders seldom want to get together.
Why do you think they've got such a strong sentiment to bring everyone together for the holidays? It has little to do with any religious meaning or sentimental feeling. It's all about a gift/wealth transfer going mostly in their direction.
Yep, pretty much. Me and my better half have been attending extended famblee gatherings for the last few years since we got married because I felt kind of isolated/disconnected from them after some years of being distant and somewhat estranged, and he didn't grow up in a big family and felt like it might be fun to go to a big, raucous family party. It was kind of fun the first year. The second year was cool too. Last year was boring and annoying. We've decided this year after 3 years of attending the Thanksgiving on my dad's side and the Christmas on my mom's side that hell no, we're opting out this year. Too breederific and all about the chyyyyyldrun. The novelty of our "new" marriage wore off and I never shat out a kyd so they're bored with us and we get virtually ignored, and I'm intending to stay sober (and the boredom and free booze will most likely tempt me too much to rationalize getting drunk). I'm looking forward to not hearing any inane brat-related stories and being ignored (at LEAST they don't really bingo us). I'm looking forward to arranging to have a few cool, CF friends over to hang out and have a little dinner party with. We're still going to pop in to the Christmas on my mom's side to keep my mom from whinging too much, just as a little compromise I'm willing to make, to say we "made an appearance", but we're staying 1 hour max, and not participating in the stupid gift exchange. I'll use my sobriety as an excuse, as it is a valid one, although my real reason is not wanting to interract with the breeder cult.
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Re: Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything... October 05, 2015 |
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mrs. chinaski
@ Studio54: Big YES to everything...
I went through some of the comments to the article "6 Reasons I Probably Won’t Make It..".
It's scary how many breeders are patting her on the back for her "thoughts" and "honesty". :-(
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Comment from article...
Budget is blown and can’t afford to go? Although I understand that unexpected things can arise and tap you out financially, Just not showing up because you are broke is not an option. You let your host know and you let them know why (the truth)…You just don’t NOT show up or say anything. Slimy weasels do shit like that, not supposed friends…
Let me also add that I've been told more than once, "Oh don't worry about giving all those gifts and being treated like a human ATM machine. It will all be reciprocated someday!"
WTF?
WHEN???
I'm not having kids, and if I get married it will be by the justice of the peace. I don't give a gift with the expectation of reciprocation. I give it because I want to, and I hope it is appreciated.
I've seriously curtailed attending this famblee nonsense and giving these gifts because they are 1. looked upon as a God-given right and 2. not appreciated.
And as for the "reciprocation" piece...
We're talking about the same people who can't even be bothered to send you a "Happy Birthday" text message. And yet, somehow they are going to "reciprocate" 18 years worth of birthday/Christmas/religious occasion gifts for their kydz, not to mention gifts for their wedding(s) and multiple showers. We're talking a grand total in the thousands-of-dollars.Sorry I'm calling "bullshit" on that reciprocation prediction.
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Re: Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything... October 11, 2015 |
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StudioFiftyFour
As for the extended family... please don't tell me that you "missed me at the holiday party." Huh? Let's be real, okay? You missed getting another gift for the kydz. And that's pretty much it.
There has been a very clear pattern established here. Here's what I am invited to: 1. Christmas, 2. Kydz birthday party, 3. Religious events for the kydz. All of these events come with the expectation of a gift.
Isn't it ironic that none of these folks "missed me" the other 360+ days of the year? Did I get invited over for just an ordinary dinner? No. A few beers and a ballgame on the tube? No. To play a board game? No. To celebrate a holiday like, let's say Independence Day, where gifts would not be expected? No. Do they ever just call or e-mail to say hello? No.
And yet these same people have the balls to say, "We really missed you at the holiday party!" Frankly I find it very insulting.
This is exactly how I feel about nearly all famblee holiday gatherings now and like the idea of reducing my involvement very much. I'll keep you posted!
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Re: Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything... October 11, 2015 |
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cosmictraveler
This is exactly how I feel about nearly all famblee holiday gatherings now and like the idea of reducing my involvement very much. I'll keep you posted!
I applaud you. Draw a line in the sand. Maybe that line is a few hours on Xmas Day, or Thanksgiving, and that's it. No more time. Whatever you are comfortable with.
Please get back to us and let us know how it goes.
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Miss_Hannigan
In my family there's been six babies born in the past 3 years. That's six birthday parties a year for kids of people I don't usually talk to otherwise. Guys, at what level of family do you cut off? I could see attending parties for nieces or nephews because those are kids of immediate family, but the kids of my cousins feel too far removed for me to spend time and money.
For me, I sat down and had a conversation with my SO. We've been together for several years, and now it is pretty serious. We talked about those whom we were close to, and those whom we'd like to remain close to. Those folks we'd continue to give gifts to, stay in contact with, and see regularly. After that we discussed those who we felt didn't give two fucks about us, with the exception of the fact that they somehow think we have "HUMAN ATM" tattooed on our foreheads.
I wouldn't go so far as to say the latter folks are "cut off." We didn't send them a nasty e-mail, didn't confront them, and if we see them in person (usually 2-3 times per year, at most) we are friendly and conversational. What we're not doing is giving them stuff for birthdays, Xmas, and religious occasions. It's important to note: we are never invited to anything except a gathering where a gift would be expected. And that is why we felt this was reasonable and appropriate.
We did not want to set a precedent and be "gift grabbed" for the next 20 years.
I encourage you to sit down and really think about who you are close to, and who you would like to remain close to. If you have a SO, talk it over with them. Put the "Human ATM" descriptor on the shelf for a moment and ask yourself if you are getting anything out of the quasi-relationships you have with your extended family. Do they really care about you? For us the answer was "no," but you will have to answer that question for yourself.
Please report back with any updates!
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Re: Or 6 Reasons I won't invite breeders to anything... October 11, 2015 |
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cosmictraveler
This is exactly how I feel about nearly all famblee holiday gatherings now and like the idea of reducing my involvement very much. I'll keep you posted!
I've experienced the give a gift phenomena even to events I wasn't invited to where some asshat has the nerve to dictate my finances. I realize you weren't invited to baby shower/birthday/wedding/etc. but wouldn't it be a nice gesture to purchase a gift for insert co-worker/acquaintance/distant relative here. No, it would be a foolish gesture on my part to buy a gift for someone merely because we happen to know each other's name.
My personal favorite is what I like to refer to as the "talent tap". This occurs AFTER you've accepted an invite to attend an event you may have marginal interest in, at best. Also, most likely you've purchased a gift even though you'd much rather be doing something else. That is not enough for these people. They somehow think they're having the social event of the year and they are so gracious to invite the weirdoes who don't have kiddzz.
Expand your usage of the term parasite for a minute to include adults, parasite says, "We'd (never I because that is too specific and implies self-interest) really like it if you'd sing/dance/photograph/cater our event." You know the event you've already bought a gift for? Well, that just isn't enough. Now you have to EARN your place at the event by offering free labor in what some may call a bait and switch. I've actually had a former friend state in front of me that they were going to invite me to an event so I could take pictures. Some friend!
It isn't as if any of these people would be there for you when you move, offer their talents at no-cost at your event, or any other time.
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